Ten Things Of Thankful: Purgatory, Justin Bieber and Get Over It

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I have to be blunt.

(Like you'd expect anything 

else from me.)

I don't have any idea as to what I'm going to write about tonight.

(Like I ever do.)

But this is worse than usual.  

I think I'm brain dead. 

(I know, you're thinking, 

"What else is new?")

There are times one probably should just push the keyboard away and say, "The Hell with it!"

(This may be one of those times.)

I worked with a Methodist Pastor today.  He told me a few things about his denomination.  It started me thinking.

(OMG, that could be dangerous!)

I started coming up with all sorts of ridiculous questions and puns while dealing with him.  I wasn't being evil, but something inside of me just started up.  

I wondered:

1. When a Pastor converts followers, is it call pastorizing?
2. When a Methodist Pastor puts on his robe, does he still have clothes on underneath?  Or, does he just wear Jesus boxer shorts?
3. If being a Methodist is similar to being a Catholic (except for being married), are our kids safer there than with a Priest that isn't supposed to have sex, but does?

... just to name a few.

For some reason, I also started thinking about Purgatory.  I've never really thought about it before.  I have always known that it's there for those not ready to go up, but not bad enough to go down, but I never really considered what it would be like to be in Purgatory.

Then, I remembered twenty-three hours I spent in the Atlanta airport many years ago.  I'd missed flights thanks to engine problems in Orlando, and it was the day before Christmas.  (If you've never flown in stand-by status the day before Christmas, you've never experienced life.)  

"Welcome to Purgatory International,
your home until decisions are made!

Then it hit me, Purgatory would be like that airport on that day ... only longer!  Everyone would be pissed off that they'd missed connections and couldn't go anywhere.  People would scream and shout at the mindless clerks behind the ticket counters that could only repeat, "There'll be another flight before New Years, just keep your eyes on the connecting screens."  An exhausted wannabe flyer would fall asleep next to you and droop over on your shoulder, drooling.  The plastic waiting chairs would become chairs of torture as your tail sought solace in a cushion, so rarely found.  The sandwich stands, with their green ham and cheese would overcharge you without mercy and taunt you with pictures of food that was actually edible, but not found anywhere.  And, the endless numbers of parents, walking endlessly throughout the airport, seeking enough seats for all to sit, were numb to the screams of weariness and frustration of their spouses.  

God would be up above gauging how each person reacted to each situation.  He'd be checking his list like Santa Claus, finding out who is naughty and nice, and calculating vacancies in Heaven's low rent housing district.  He would supply an open seat every once in a while for a worthy traveler to finally arrive at their sought out destination.  And, for those unworthy, constant rows of toilets missing any semblance of toilet tissue.  Oh, I might add, for those thinking themselves crafty, God was one step ahead by ensuring the airport to run out of makeshift toilet tissue in the form of napkins at the food stands hours before.

Something tells me I need to clean up my act if I don't want to spend much time there.

(Either that, or stock up on toilet paper!)

So, today we get together and spread thanks ... that we're not in Purgatory ... yet!

Ten Things of Thankful again hits the streets running.  

"See Lizzi Run!  See Lizzi Run!  

See Spot chase Lizzi!  See Spot chase Lizzi!  

See the dog catcher chase Spot!  See the dog catcher chase Spot!  

Welcome to a new form of Purgatory!"

I'm Thankful For:

"And they even got me a red
jumpsuit because they said
it was my color!"

1)  ... Justin Bieber.  I've never been a fan of Justa Beaver, but his actions this week in Florida had be roaring with laughter.  First, he gets taken for $75,000 at a strip club, and then he gets arrested for resisting arrest, speeding, and D.U.I.   He's still being sued by his California neighbor for damages ensued by an egging that took place from Beaver's estate, and his former girlfriend is now telling everyone he has a drug problem.  

Sorry, no mercy for the Beaver!  Here's a kid that was lucky enough to get discovered, but has decided to make his own path by hanging out with rappers with criminal records.  What's the old expression?  Oh yeah, "You can tell a lot about a person by who they hang out with."  His "crowd" is obviously milking the Beav for as much cash as they can (since most of them are fairly unknown) and he's letting them do it!  "Sorry, Beav, it's time to grow up, find some new friends, and get yourself straight.  Otherwise, we'll see your picture soon on the Grammy's as an artist "no longer with us."   By the way, the Cleavers disowned you!

"See, even as a President's wife, I'm
much funnier than you ever were!"

2)  ... Jay Leno.  For years, I watched Johnny Carson religiously.  Night after night I laughed and cried with the man.  Then, Jay Leno took over the Tonight Show.  

For twenty years, I've avoided the Tonight Show.  Yes, I tried watching the man who couldn't tell a joke right a few times, but my patience grew weary very quickly.  Movies, sporting events, and recently, all 43 episodes of the Walking Dead have sufficed to sate my night time viewing needs.  Now, I understand Jay is leaving.  

"Jay, you've given so much to the Tonight Show.  Kind of like an epidemic of bad jokes, unconcerned conversations, and painful hugs to members of rock groups you couldn't stand to listen to.  Jay, please, don't let the door hit you on the way out!  It's the only thing you haven't ruined during your stay there!"  (Yeah, my heart is breaking, can't you tell?)

"Eenie, Meanie, Minie, Moe .... "

3)  ... Pain pills!  There are many types to choose from, but unlike a Colorado pot customer, I let my doctor do the choosing for me.  If something is not strong enough, I ask her for something that will really knock me on my butt.  Best of all, they're legal!!!  Combine them with a muscle relaxer or two and you've got yourself an evening of pure, mellow enjoyment.  Of course, I really do have pains to deal with in my neck and shoulder area, but I will admit to taking them once or twice because they really do make you feel so much better.  Of course, if you have some in the house you must be sure to keep them away from the kids.  (Let them get a pain and get their own!  There's only so much sacrificing a parent can do!)

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to a
concoction that has all the abilities of a
modern laxative without having to be
purchased in a pharmacy!"

4)  ... Chili!  Is there anything any better than a hot, steaming bowl of chili on a cold Winter's day?  Absolutely not!   Hamburger, beans, elbow macaroni, onions, peppers, corn (Southwestern style), combined with all the right spices and a roll of Ritz Crackers, and you've got a meal fit for a King!  Cut up some Jalapeno peppers and hot onions, mix them together with a hair of water, and let them set in the fridge for two or three hours, and you’ve got the perfect mixture to add to the chili to get it to the temperature your stomach can handle without making you pay the next day!  (If you do overdo it, just make sure you’re not in Purgatory and have plenty of toilet tissue on hand!)

5)  ... Shoes.   It’s the ice and snow of Winter that really makes a person love shoes.  No, I’m not talking the “I’m gonna collect all the new styles” type of love, but simply the “Damn I’m glad I don’t have to go barefoot in that crap” type!

I know there are people who swear that they can walk on fire without hurting their feet.  “More power to them!”  My feet don’t like sand that's been sitting in the burning sun for hours, nor snow and ice, that’s sitting there just daring you to jump in barefoot!  Have you ever heard of someone sitting on the snow running their toes through it to cool them off?  HELL NO, YOU HAVEN’T!!!!  Even my wife, whose soles resemble Fred Flintstones’, wears something on her hooves feet in the Winter.  Sometimes, my feet get so cold I wish I had two pairs of shoes on!  That’s usually when I lay next to my wife and slowly put them on her backside.   (Gotta give it to her, even at her age, she’s still got some speed!)

6)  ... Basketball.  I know, you’re tired of hearing about how I love college basketball.  I’m afraid I have something to admit, it’s starting to get boring.  The kids are growing so big anymore that they fill up the court and don’t leave any room for maneuvering the ball.  So, to make the game more interesting, I recommend making the basketball twelve sided instead of round!  Think of how much fun dribbling would be.  One bounce and it’s a guessing game which direction it’s going!  They’d have to pass it so much more just to get it down the court to score, jump on it to stop it from going off in weird directions, and start wearing a little more padding to keep from getting all battered and bruised when they dived for it.  Wait a minute ... sounds kind of like football, doesn’t it?  Oh well, scratch number 6.

7)  ... Football.  (In particular, the Superbowl!)  So much hype over games that usually don’t live up to the praise and advertising they get.  It’s an excuse to get together with friends and enjoy a full day of hearing the same things said over and over, until the game starts and you get to see the same thing over and over.  Yeah, I’ll probably watch it just like you will.  If I didn’t, how else could I talk the next day about all the weird commercials that air?  (I’m wondering who what Go Daddy’s gonna show naked advertise this year?)

"I hate the way your perfume smells, too!
I just don't make you go outside
because I'm an adult and can adjust!"

8)  ... Outside Smoking Areas.  I’d like to personally thank all the politicians and bosses in the world that have decided smoker’s have to be put in the windiest and wettest places on Earth to smoke a cigarette.  OMG, to be seen smoking a cigarette would put such a stigma on an industry that they’d never recover!

Look, I understand that non smokers don’t want to smell our smoke.  So, here’s an option, I don’t blow my smoke in your face and you don’t blow your B.S. in mine!  Believe it or not, you’re not a superior creature because you don’t smoke, nor am I because I do.  Just remember, we’re all people in this world and you can’t be the only ones to have your way over and over again.  And, come up to me and tell me how dangerous smoking is to one’s health, and I’m likely to show you how dangerous degrading a smoker can be to yours!  

I don’t drink, but I don’t come up to you and tell you how bad your vomit smells when you do!  Nor do I complain about you always coming to work with a hangover.  Nor do I care about you wasting money drinking something you’re only going to throw up later!  In other words, “Get over it and shut the hell up!”  I promise, if you do that, I won’t flip a hot ash on the back of your sweater when you walk by!  

"Get Over It and Get A Life!!!"

9)  ... Offending People.  If I offended you in number 8, good.  What?  Yep, it’s good for you!  People are so uptight about being offended these days they’re pinching their ass cheeks so tight they’re gonna explode if they eat any chili!  Damn, people, it’s good to be offended!  It shows you have some personal feelings that don’t equal those of others.  It shows you still have some semblance of individual thought.  It shows you still have the guts to stand up for what you believe in even though everyone else may be against you!  It shows you’re not a damn cow that likes being herded like the rest of the politically correct crowd!

If we let the politically correct society rule us, we’ll all have scripts that have been okayed by the masses that we can speak to each other, and only the scripts.  We’ll all be wearing the same uniforms and walk or march in unison with each other so being out of step doesn’t offend anyone.  We’ll only have one television channel to view as we can only think one way and react only as society approves.

It’s time to stand up and quit being worried about being offended and toughen up your skin a little.  Grow some balls and remember you are important, too!  Don’t follow the herd. Think for yourself!

And, let’s get me a smoking area someplace where the chill factor isn’t 20 degrees below zero!

10)  ... Long Underwear.    Hey, you put me where it’s 20 below and what do you expect?  Sure, I look like I gained 15 lbs.  But, come outside and stand for ten minutes with me one day and we’ll see who’s the smart one!   Besides, it keeps one’s socks up amazingly well!


And, that’s it.  I had no idea where this was going an hour ago when I started it, and really don't see where it went once I did.  But, I have participated once again.  Lizzi is so happy.  She’s smiling!  Look, she’s coming to hug me for being a part of this once again!

See Lizzi Run!  See Lizzi Run!

Damn, I am in Purgatory!

Ciao!

Twisted Mix-Tape Tuesday: Dance Away ... Far Away ... No, Further!

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I make no secret about it.  

For the most part, 

I don't like dance music. 

Oh, I can dance.  In fact, I've surprised many people with my ability.  In fact, many have commented about my ability to keep rhythm and such.  (Having been a drummer, keeping rhythm was my bag, so I've never considered it a big deal.)  So, I've been out on the dance floor, doing the whatever dance of the times, and having all conversation stifled by a beat so loud it makes no sense to anyone halfway intelligent.  

But, it's not something I enjoy doing. 

However, this is not about me.  No, this week's blog is dedicated to someone very special.  A young lady by the name of Kirsten Anne Kovaleski Piccini has just lost her brother.  He was a huge Dance music fan and even DJ'd some.  So, instead of concentrating on my likes and dislikes, I'm going to "suck it up" and use what knowledge I have to hopefully get his toes tapping on the clouds above.

The Disco Craze Years hit hard in the 70's, during the heyday of cocaine.  Please don't tell me you never knew that.  Coke freaks had to do something since they couldn't sleep, so discos held the crowds most of the night.  Here's a few of the biggies during those years.

One of the special ones used to entice guys to dance was this one.  Ladies would act it out like if the guy would dance with them, there might be a little something more for them as the evening progressed, along with their chances of a hot evening.  

It's the Andrea True Connection!

The Commodores were one of the big bands back then.  Here's one of their biggest dance hits, along with Lionel Richie in one hell of an Afro, "Brick House."

Mixing Classical Music with Dance Music didn't seem to make it most of the time, but Walter Murphy scored a real winner with this one, "A Fifth Of Beethoven."

Okay, so terrorism hadn't hit the U.S. back then.  If you were to bring this up in a club today, you'd have the CIA, FBI, NSA, and George Zimmerman coming after you.  Who can ignore the Gap Band and "You Dropped A Bomb On Me"?

And who could ever forget this one:

And, there was only one sickness you could admit to.  

At least only one when the Sylvers took the stage.

A one hit wonder of the day (or the predecessor to Dance Aerobics), The Silver Convention!

Studio 54 came and went, but Dance Music continued (as did coke freaks).  

In 1986, Cameo came out with "Word Up", and started everyone saying, "Word."  

Made no sense, but everyone did it.

And of course, there's always David Bowie!

Well, that's my journey into the land of dance.  I hope it makes you happy.  

I'm off to make a wish to return to my homeland.

Ciao!

Ten Things Of Thankful : Yep, It's That Time Again!

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There's a child screaming outside.  No, they're not screams of pain or anguish, they're screams of entertaining oneself.  

I wonder if I haven't missed out on something by not screaming over the years?

Kids don't mind screaming.  In fact, they enjoy it.  Check them out in the supermarket sometime.  There are screams of boredom, screams of frustration, screams filled with anger, and screams of hurt because they're not getting what they thought their screams would get them.

There are times these screams get to me.  In fact, most of the time I would prefer no screaming at all.  No eardrum piercing, shrieking, sonic rattling screams would be a Godsend for me.  Of course, for that to happen, children may have to disappear.  

"I Want I Want I Want I Want I Want I Want..."

No, I'm not talking about doing anything bad to kids.  

(Although, now that I think about it ...)

Can you imagine if all the children of the world suddenly disappeared for a week?  Let's say that an alien spaceship was to appear overhead.  Telepathically, they communicate to each person on Earth that the children will disappear from our world for a one week period, after which they will be returned completely unhurt or unaware that they were even gone.  These aliens are hypnotic in their message, so no parent or person seems concerned about the kids disappearing for a week.

What would you do that one week if worry and fear were completely alleviated from your psyche?

I am curious as to this answer.  Would the military take advantage of not having to worry about child deaths and attack the enemies without mercy striving to gain a battlefield superiority?  Would the government stop subsidizing the school lunch programs?  Would your favorite daycare still charge you even though none of the children could attend?

Or, would you simply party your ass off?

Would this be a week that you could let loose and get drunk each day since no one had to pick up the little bastards after piano/basketball/soccer/dance/gymnastics practice?  Would it be a week that couples wanting to initiate an affair do so without fear of the little tykes wandering in and catching them in the act?  Or, would it escalate more changes to McDonald's Happy Meal menu?

"Gee, Aliens write in English, too!"

What I really question is how the adults will react after when the children return?  Will there be guilt to deal with that will be taken out on the children, since nothing would happened if they’d never left in the first place?  Will the adults look at the kids in a new light as becoming unwanted obligations instead of family responsibilities?  Or, will everyone simply going back to their same old boring life, picking up, washing, feeding, and harboring nonsensical question after nonsensical question?  

I wonder if some would even realize they were gone, or that they’d come back home?

By the way, did you see the spaceship flying in the sky above you today?

Anyway, this is another edition of Ten Things of Thankful.  This is where we all tell you the things that made us thankful (as if you couldn't derive that from the title) over the last week or so.  Most of the entries in this hop are filled with joy and compassion.

You're in the wrong place for that here!  Still, news wise, it's been a tough week.  Not a lot happening.  But, not one to give up, let's see what we can do.

So, without further ado, let's get this thing moving!

I'm thankful for:

"Let's screw them all over
and make some big money
... as your next President,
that is!"

1)  ... greedy lawyers.  There is a case in Southern California that is beginning to make national news.  Seems a Little League Baseball coach is suing one of his players for $500,000 for throwing his helmet.  Seems this helmet came down on his leg and tore his Achilles Tendon.  He was only going to sue for damages, which would be $20,000, but his lawyer put down $500,000 on the paperwork.  

Now, since most Little League participants sign paperwork relinquishing liability for flying balls, bats, etc., the case really doesn't have much to stand on.  Here's a kid that crosses home base to win the game that tosses his helmet in the air.  Now, unless the helmet weighed 50 lbs, the chance of it injuring an adults Achilles Tendon is slim.  (I'd say the adult coach injured it jumping up and down in elation after his player won the game!)  

But, here is this greedy, money grubbing, sleazeball lawyer who wants to hit his own home run in the courts and files for 25 times the amount the idiot coach originally asked for!  If the case was settled for half that amount, the lawyer just made $50,000 at a 20% contingency fee basis, and all of our insurance costs rise!  (Careful folks, sounds like the next Presidential Candidate in the making!)

2)  ... Russian computer virus developers.  It's been discovered that the virus that compromised personal and confidential information on credit and debit cards at Target, Neiman Marcus and four other retailers was developed by a seventeen year old Russian that then sold it to hackers.  Millions now have their information floating around in the hands of these identity theft and bank account robbing hackers.  

"Take the Olympic Credit Card Cash And
Let's Go To Vegas!!"

In a month, the Olympics will be held in Russia.  I'm betting that if you watch the events, you're going to see ads from Visa, MasterCard, Discover and many more credit card companies.  Also, there will be people from all over the world using credit cards there.  Makes one wonder how safe these folks are going to be if that seventeen year old had any friends like himself, doesn't it?  ("What do you mean I spent $8300 on Russian porn sites????   I was there and none of the girls were worth looking at!!!)

3)  ... Hiroo Onoda.  This was the Japanese soldier that stayed in the jungle for almost 30 years after World War II because he didn't know that the world was over.  He died this week at 89 years of age.  I imagine when he finally came out and discovered the war was over, he was asked multiple times why he didn't come out earlier.  I suspect it might have been, "I knew if I waited long enough my mother-in-law would be dead!"   (You have to be a guy to love that one!)

4)  ... Michelle Obama.  The First Lady turned 50 years of age on Friday.  Said her husband, "She doesn't look a day over 50."  It's suspected that the Vice President will be sworn in as President as soon as the courts decide to turn off the artificial life support systems.

5)  ... Ohio's new execution drug.  This week found Ohio experimenting with a new drug to execute those on Death Row.  Dennis McGuire, convicted for raping and murdering by stabbing a newlywed, Joy Stewart, took over 25 minutes to die once injected with the drug combination.  Although some proclaim this to be cruel and inhumane punishment, supporters of the death penalty see this as a way to proclaim "Overtime" and sell more tickets since the show will now last a little longer.  (Yeah, like I'm gonna feel sorry for a rapist and a murderer who had no mercy on his victim!  C'mon folks, you know me better than that!)

"Whose damn cats are laughing?"

6)  ... Westminster Dog Show.  After 138 years, the show is finally going to allow mixed breeds into the competition.  None will be allowed for the Best Of Show title, but they will be used in the new agility trials at the next show.  The German Shepherd/ Pug mix will compete against the Dachshund/ Pit bull mix in the "Let's see who can make it over Niagara Falls on a wire" event, and the Collie/ Terrier mix will compete against the Russian Wolf Hound/ Beagle mix in the "So, you think you can ride the electric bull" event!"  All survivors will be awarded a bowl of Purina Dog Chow and a vasectomy.  (My cats are laughing their asses off at that one!)

7)  ... Apple and Samsung.  Without these two companies, neither the I-Phone or the Android would exist.  Where would we be if we had to stick our heads outside to see what the weather was doing, calculate math problems longhand, or actually put on a CD to listen to music?  In a study this week, it was revealed that these two companies are leaving all others in the dust with their advanced technology and have combined 68% of the market.  I'd be happy to continue this information for you, but I lost service on my I-Phone just as it was getting good.  Seems they've just built another tower close to where I live, but the signal is too high to connect to with my phone.  (Guess I'm going to have to go out and buy a 2,000 foot ladder to order a pizza!)

"Okay, you distract him with the veggies, and I'll
screw him out of his change, and we'll split
the profits!  It's called the Subway Tango!"

8)  ... Subway.  Nearly two weeks ago, I was double teamed by their cashier and sandwich maker and cheated out of $5 change.  I waited a week for the owner to call me, and never heard a thing.  So, this week, I visited their corporate site and filed a complaint.  Granted, it's only been five days, but I still haven't heard a thing.  So, unlike many of their competitors, Subway has basically told me that customers don't matter.  In turn, I'm telling them, by writing here for them and all others to read, that they don't matter to me.  I hope they take that $5 and jam it up Jared's sandwich release tube as there are many other places to eat that don't screw over customers.  (Gee, I feel much better now!  Anyone for tacos?)

"Rich, I know you're one
hot man, but I'm married!"

9)  ... Jennifer Nettles.  Why?  Because regardless of the fact you may not like Country Music, and regardless of the fact she just released an album after just having a baby, you have to admit she's still one hot lady!  Of course, we're all betting she's been around the block a few times, but that's to be expected of an entertainer.  (I remember when I was on the road doing stand-up comedy and ... oops, almost told on myself!)

10)  ... Good Web Friends.  I do my best to visit blogs, especially in hops.  I usually do this when at work on my I-Phone, and since I hate fumble typing on the damn thing, seldom leave comments.  My views and comments on this blog continue to rise because of good people like you, the reader, that understand I work over 70 hours a week and have extremely blurry vision by the end of the day, making it hard to go back and comment.  I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you that take the time to read and comment here.  It means much more than you realize.  You're the reason I still do this stuff.  (That and Lizzie with her damn cat 'o nine tails!)  Sincerely, Many Thanks!

*************************************************

Yeah, I saved the mushy stuff for last.  Not really my cup of tea, but then I drink coffee or Diet Coke for the most part.  Tea is too gentle on the stomach.  I need something that eats away kidney stones!  Diet Coke has never let me down!

Ciao!

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday: New To Me In 2013

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I had just settled down for a short Winter's nap when I heard such a clatter, I picked up my I-Phone to see what was the matter.  

I'd forgotten about a Mix-Tape hop again, but was reminded by a Tweet that Jen did send.  

Twas to be about something new that hit my music senses in 2013, but, it didn't have to be a new artist, or even someone like Keane.  

Just something I'd discovered, something new just to me, "Yes" I said to myself, something to share with all of thee.  

So, here we go children, it's music knowledge to the test, some new things I enjoyed last year the best.

January was light in my collecting scheme then. My album downloads only totaled ten.  Choosing one from this group to share with a snort, came the "Edge of the City", by the Kinsey Report!

February's snows were beautiful, that we all seen, my album downloads only totaled fifteen.  Several compilations included, I've gone for the power, some kick ass rockin' from a group known as Stone Sour.

March hit us hard, right between the eyes.  Rain, rain, and more rain, and too old for mud pies.  Twenty-nine album downloads, yep, I went crazy as crazy goes, still, here's a nice jazz selection from Marion Meadows.

April, this was the month showers were supposed to fall, but winds blew hard and tornadoes did call.  Thought last month was bad, album downloads totaled fifty-three.  My wife thought my obsession was sick, until she heard the fantastic blues artist Ana Popovic!

May, good weather, business picked up every day.  My time, so precious, spread thin in every way.  Still, music album downloads did matter, again, totaled fifty-two.  Caught up on some oldies, but a new group of rockin' gliders, made up of Thin Lizzy refugees, called the Black Star Riders.

June, I feel guilty, no tan for Summer pic's, my music album downloads totaled this month seventy-six.  While others were swimming and eating Summer feeds, I recorded a couple of albums from Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

July, air conditioning running, like the sweat off of me.  Damn, album downloads this month dropped down to sixty-three.  Lot of oldies on sale for downloads, and some new ones there, too.  One for sure will make you sick, heard a million times, "Blurred Lines", from Robin Thicke.  (Unrated Video Version)

August, more heat, one wonders when will Summer ever end.  Trees are wilting, leaves are drying, branches do bend.  Days are becoming such a bore, still album downloads held steady numbering a new sixty-four.  Secretly waiting and quietly hoping for a much needed Fall, still music included a new album from KT Tunstall.

September, kids are going back to school, adults can enjoy and act the fool.  Now is time to have some fun, so why do album downloads total eighty-one?  Yet, kind of quiet and kind of funny, without kids we can play Cyril Neville's "Magic Honey".

October, back to a routine, life's kind of fine.  Relax on music album downloads, total only forty-nine.  Life at work is slow, sales pressure swirlin'.  Still, what else to do but sit back and rock to Anberlin.

November, weather's changing, no slushes sold at Seven Eleven, music album downloads dropped all the way down to twenty-seven.  One of my old favorites returns with a new set, who can refuse the 90's band, Toad The Wet Sprocket?

December,  holiday seasons have smacked us in the butt without pity, my music album downloads are back up to sixty.  All in-laws have left, coming back, we hope never.  So we sit back and relax to Lissie's "Back To Forever".

2013 was a hell of a year for my collection.  I started the year with over 6,500 albums, and counting the cd's I bought at stores, my download/ purchase count took me up way over 7,000  (exact count still withstanding).  

And, not once did I spend $15.99 for a cd.  (So take that Jay-Z and Beyonce!)  No, normally, I bought many on sale for anywhere from $2.99 up to $9.99.  Trouble is, 1) where to store them since my stereo room is filled to the ceiling, and 2) when in the hell will I ever get a chance to listen to them all!

OCD ... it's not for everyone!

Ciao!

(By the way, all music album downloads came from Amazon.com and were legally purchased.  In no way do I believe in illegal downloading.  
It's a crime so, seriously, Don't Do It!)

Ten Things Of Thankful: Yeah, I'm Back To Normal!

Get Off Your Butt and Visit All The Other
GREAT Blogs in this Hop!!!

"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, fasten your seat belts and put on your helmets.  We're about to enter into the Ten Things Of Thank You Zone.  Please put your hands together in a warm welcome for our star attraction and host, the one and only, a tremendously great person, and a sister of mine from another set of parents, our primary hostess, LIZZI!!!!"
(and 57 other hosts too numerous to mention)

Okay, is that enough glut kissing 

for this week?

Last week, several of you mentioned that you thought the holidays had "softened" me up a little.  Actually, I was doing my best to not be as cynical and sarcastic as usual.  I thought it might be a way to draw in a new group of readers that would think me kind and gentle in nature.  A group that would appreciate the rantings of an old man that had been around the block once or twice.  A group that would lie waiting the following week for more of the same as they find in other "Thankful" hop offerings.

And, once the trap is set, the boom is lowered!

Yeah, I'm going back to the ass that has been my signature trademark over the last couple of years.  Like it or not, it's me, and I'd be a fool to change it.  

Does a leopard change its spots.  

Does a zebra change its stripes?  

Does a release of body gas change its odor?

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

Anyway, it's back to sarcasm, cynicsm, and analytical observation.  Call me the Andy Rooney of the web if you'd like, or, simply call me an ass.  Either way, the shoe would possibly fit my mouth.

So, let us begin our weekly trek into the strange and the unknown.  It ought to be interesting since I've been sick with some sort of flu bug for three days and haven't given this any thought whatsoever.  

Yeah, Lizzi's sitting on the edge of her seat right now, wondering how far this will go.  Just for you, my dear, I'll try to keep it respectful.

And, yes dear, the moon is made of green cheese.  I ate some earlier.  

You read the gas statement above ... right?

So, again, it's now time for Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

I'm thankful for ...

"Driving?  Oh, you mean I'm supposed
to be driving?  Who knew?"

1)  ... slow drivers in fast lanes.  What a boring place the world would be without some moron driving 20 mph below the speed limit in the fast lane.  It's so exciting to watch brake lights flash and vehicle nose dive as they come up quickly on the tail end of these wonderful individuals.  Whatever possesses them to live in the realm of excitement and danger is beyond me.  Most tend to be more concerned with texting or talking to someone else to realize the position in which they've put themselves.  (Still, you have to admire the fact that they display their stupidity with courage!)

Bad? Sure,but guess what,
I'm not as bad as some others!

2)  ... McDonalds fans.  Recently, there have been a hoard of articles condemning food from restaurants other than McDonalds.  A Philadelphia group conducted a survey to prove that restaurant food in places other than chains like Mickey D's had just as many, if not more, calories, as well as more sodium and other nasty chemicals.  So, it's not a matter that Mickey D's is bad for you, they've now taken the fun out of going to any restaurant and enjoying a meal.  In other words, stay at home and have a salad filled with chemically tainted lettuce and tomatoes.  Amazing, it's not how bad food can be, it's simply a matter of finding some that's worse to make yours seem better!   (I guess these guys HAVE been taking lessons from politicians!   Duhhhhhhhhhh!)

"Yeah, I was in that movie, too!  I bet you'd
have seen me there if I was taller!"

3)  ... Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.  I re-watched this film this week (When you're sick what else is there to do?) and saw an old friend.  During the pod race, there, sitting next to the future Darth Vader's owner, was the little person that held the starring role in Willow!!!   I guess he found a friend in George Lucas and took advantage of that relationship to stay working.  Of course, he couldn't have ever have become a big star, at least not literally.  Not at under four feet tall.   (Hey, damn it, at least I didn't use the old descriptive phrase "midget"!)

What?  You expected ice to talk?

4)  ... ice.   Yes, I said ice!  Not necessarily the ice and snow type, but the type you have in the freezer of your refrigerator if it's working properly!  Think of how lousy some drinks would be if you didn't have ice.  I mean, Starbucks alone would lose thousands of dollars a week if people didn't drink their iced coffee variations.  Of course, these people are idiots as they could simply save the coffee from breakfast and use it later in the day with some ice and flavoring, but what the hell, idiots are idiots.  Without ice, the phrase, "...on the rocks" would either become a thing of the past, or be a phrase for those that wished to moisten their kidney stones!  Slushes would become only syrup and water!  And, much to the dismay of kids of all ages, ice cream would become only cream!  Thus, a Coke Float would become ... well, crap!  (Never thought of ice that way, did you?  Must be suffering from "brain freeze", huh?)

Child services in France has denounced
the following as role models ...

5)  ... Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears.  These two have recently had their newest videos pulled from daytime television in France because they are considered too racy.  In other words, if you want the smut, you have to stay up after 10 p.m. to see it in France.  When I was growing up, France was the leader in racy material.  Any movie made in France was to be viewed late at night.  Isn't it nice to see that America has lowered its standards and become the new world leader in smut?  Kind of warms the heart, doesn't it?  (Excuse me, I forgot it's time for your nightly visit a Russian porn site.  "Nyet?")

"We'll always get more than we
give, of that, you can be sure!
You think we're crazy!"

6)  ... Jay-Z and Beyonce.  Both of these artists love to proclaim themselves generous to and loving of their fans.  I guess that's because both of them have decided to become the leaders in raising the prices one pays for a cd these days.  Both have come out with new music in the last few months at a price tag of $15.99.  Now, I really don't care if you think you're God's gift to mankind, I'm not going to pay that for a single cd.  In fact, I may never again buy one of their cd's.  My life is going along fine without them as I've found no shakes or late night sweating attacks without purchasing their latest attempts to bilk the American public.   After amassing a collection of close to 7.000 cd's and over 127,000 songs, these two may have just helped me start the break the OCD.  (Damn, can't let these greedy bastards hear that, they'll try to find a way to sue for psychiatric fees!)

"I did not have relations with ...
oops, wrong speech!"

7)  ... New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.  Finally, an honest politician ... of sorts!  No hidden backstabbing for Christie.  No, just good old "You F**k with me and I'll F**k with you" in the open!  Trouble is, he's now trying to cover this up by blaming it on others.  Story goes that since Ft. Lee Mayor Mark Skolich (a Democrat) refused to endorse Christie (a Republican) for governor last November, Christie said "Take this" and closed the interstate off ramp to Ft. Lee for four days last September.  If Christie would only man up and take responsibility, I'm sure he'd gather more votes for being a man than his opponents could ever gain for being backstabbing asses pretending to be holier than thou saints.  Alas, I'm afraid it was just too good to be true.  (Once an lying politician, always a lying politician!)

"Is that your mom over there sleeping
on the picnic table?  Oh, it's MS
prevention week!

8)  ... drinking alcohol.  No, I never thought it would be happening, but a Swedish study has proven that women who drink cut down the risk of developing Multiple Sclerosis 50%.  That's right!  You cut down your chances of getting MS 50% if you drink more that 4 ounces of either wine or spirits per week.  Of course, your kids may go hungry and your husband may look for a woman whose body odor doesn't always remind him of his college room mate after a wild weekend, but you'll reduce your chances of getting MS.  So, drink yourself into a frenzy and enjoy life without MS or a driver's license!  (At least that way you won't have to worry about picking the kids up from soccer practice!)

"How much they paying you to pose?"
"I don't know.  How much are they
paying you to pose?"

9)  ... Pawnation.  This website has just published an article about how to keep cats warm in winter.  It discusses an creating an outside shelter, making sure a water bowl doesn't freeze, putting anti-freeze in a place cats can't get to it, and then, of all things, it comes up with a sure fire way to make sure your cats don't get cold ... "Keep them inside."   What a revelation!!!  Why didn't I think of that???  The answer is so simple yet so complex.  Who would ever have thought of keeping a house cat inside in the winter?  Just because we keep them inside in the Summer, I'm sure we all thought of letting them run free in the freezing Winter.  Why, of course we're all idiots without a brain.  That's why we all go around singing, "If I only had a brain" from the Wizard of Oz!!!  (Sometimes, you just gotta wonder who approves stuff like this to be published on a corporate website!  Remind me to never visit their sponsor!)

"So, what does this tell you?  That's
right, I'm hungry and munching on a
f**king cookie.  God, you're a genius!"

10)  ... body language experts.  Speaking of Governor Christie, it has now been expressed by body language experts that the governor was lying when he stated he knew nothing of the exit closure.  I've read several books on body language, and most conflict with each other.  Eyes looking the wrong direction, arms clenched, leaning forward to emphasize a point, etc. ... seem to mean different things to different experts.  Of course, this goes along with many of my other philosophies concerning experts in the topic in which I minored in college ... psychology.  To me, psychologists are just like meteorologists.  "If you get it right, you look like God.  If you get it wrong, blame it on God!"  (What was the Beatles song, "I say Yes, you say No, I say Why, you say I don't know"?  Yep, it's all just like that!)

And, as a famous pig would say, 

"That's All Folks!"

Another week, another thankful post.  At least, and you gotta admit,

 it's a little different than the rest!

Ciao!