Friday, March 8, 2013

FTSF: Wondering About Wonder Woman?

pop culture geek
A couple of weeks ago, I started talking about Superman, his possible late night acts, and his super sperm.  

Actually, I did more than start talking.  I carried the conversation on for quite some time.  Many appreciated it.  Some did not.

I expected that.

I've never been one to shy away from a topic.  That's why, when I started thinking about Wonder Woman, I decided that she might well follow suit.  

In the comic book years, Wonder Woman was one of the hottest heroines gracing the pages of monthly publications.  Her battles with her golden lasso (which could make anyone her slave) and her invisible robot plane were epics.

But, they did start thoughts brewing that never entered my head as a child.  

Never would have guessed that, would you?

What would you do if all you had to do would be to lasso someone and get them to do your bidding?  Would you lasso:
  1. a porn star and have passionate lovemaking episodes and instructional education sessions?
  2. a political figure and have them use their leverage to vote the way you wanted in Congress?
  3. a record company CEO and force them to produce some decent music for a change?
  4. a banker and have them transfer funds from a major business into a cash deposit to your account?
  5. a McDonald's cashier and try to teach them not only how to count change, but to have some manners?
  6. a Walmart employee and see just how low the IQ really is?
  7. a school bus driver and force them to make the kids walk faster than .000045 mph when loading and unloading?
  8. a rap star and find out if they really talk that way, or if they're just ignorant?
  9. a TV infomercial salesperson and force them to use whatever product they're pushing?
  10. a Taco Bell supplier to see just how bad the quality of meat is used in their beef burritos and tacos?
And, when I started debating about why a person would ever want an invisible plane, it suddenly hit me that Wonder Woman came from the land of Amazons.

(No, not those folks working in distribution centers for $12 an hour gathering up your mass quantities of batteries for muscle relaxers and weight reduction devices, but real Amazons!)

Original TV Wonder Woman
Linda Carter
(Photo Public Domain)
Being from the land of only women, there would be no need for the mile high club membership.  Or, would there?  

And, going to the bathroom would definitely be something to remember.  Sitting there, People Magazine in hand, enjoying the warmth of a noonday sun, all the while searching for the invisible toilet paper in desperation.  And, since the plane and toilet would be invisible, what about the waste product?  If another plane came by later, would the radio waves be filled with reports of Wonder Woman being chased by a pile of ... well, you know.  No need to be any more graphic.  

"This is Flight 583, Dallas to Chicago, to the tower.  Hey, did you guys just see what I saw!  There was this great looking babe, flying through the air like she was sitting down, and about twenty feet behind her was this enormous pile of brown ... well brown matter chasing her!  It didn't seem to be gaining, but it was staying right on her ass!"

I guess she could use her bracelets to deflect it.  No, that's a visual I'm going to forget.

Okay, it's FTSF again.  Time to finish the statement provided by the hostesses:

This week's partial sentence (prompt) is:  "I tried to cook...."

I wonder if Wonder Woman cooked, or if she just ate out all the time.  I remember she sometimes went on dates with her military boyfriend, but I don't ever remember her eating anything.  Of course, if she never ate anything, that would take care of the bathroom problem on the invisible plane.  Nothing in ... Nothing out!

Anyway, let's get to finishing the sentence.  I'm afraid if I don't, I'll get kicked out of this blog hop.  

I really look nothing like this.
Or, would I be hopped out of the hop?  

If Wonder Woman saw me hopping, would she say, "Look at that guy hopping."  

Or, would she, being older now and probably needing glasses, say, "Yep, it's almost Easter.  There goes Peter Cottontail ... hopping down the bunny trail ... hippity hoppity Easter's on its way!"

I wonder if Wonder Woman eats Easter eggs?

Enough procrastinating.  Let's finish the sentence!

"I tried to cook from the time I left home and found that it wasn't too difficult!"

What?  Not too difficult!  What type of an ass is this guy?

Actually, it was a matter of survival.  I found out quickly that if the money wasn't there, you had to pay attention to what you were cooking or you were going to eat some really lousy food!  And, since I loved food, it only made sense to do my best to make it taste halfway decent!

Besides barbecuing, my first real attempt at cooking came when I left home and got my own apartment right after high school.  I still remember ... it was Lasagna Hamburger Helper.

Perhaps, having a mother that was a tremendous Italian cook helped me out somewhat.  I'd spent a lot of time with her in the kitchen while growing up.  I still remember eating breakfast while watching her cooking treats such a Veal or Eggplant Parmigiana, huge homemade meatballs and spaghetti sauce for the evening's dinner plate.  

There wasn't anything she couldn't cook.  I'm still hoping to get my hands on her cookbook one day, but for now, my father won't let it out of his possession.  

Anyway, the Lasagna Hamburger Helper came out well.  I ate half of it, and put the pan in the fridge with the rest for the next night.  When the time came, I added a little water, warmed it back up, and enjoyed.
At one time this was "Yum Yum."
My, how times change!

Cooking was never a problem.  It was doing the dishes that came difficult.  

I knew that the leftovers would come out of the pan a little easier if I soaked it.  So, I put some soap liquid in the sink half filled with water, and stuck the pan in.  

That was the plan for over two weeks.  It was then that I had added enough water and soap to have filled up the sink ... oh, and the pans from other meals were just added to the first.

I had good intentions.  I just hated the thought of doing dishes.

Now Marge was a Godsend.   Who was Marge?  Well, she was probably as close to a soul mate as I could've had.  She was absolutely gorgeous in all aspects and had a brain that would put most to shame.  (I guess opposites do attract, lol)  In high school, even though she was a couple of years younger than I, she stood out among those that didn't care about popularity as most did.  She was going to do "her" thing no matter. 

After breaking up with a girl I'd been engaged to marry, I'd decided to give her a call.  She told me later that she'd freaked when I called, as I had been one of the "popular crowd" in high school.  Funny, I'd never even looked at it that way.  I just thought it was the right thing to do to know and talk to everyone, regardless of cliques.

So, Marge decided that for our second date, she was going to fix me a home cooked meal ... at my apartment!  I picked her up, helped load up the bags of food she'd purchased, and drove to my place.  I must admit, there was several types of cooking I was envisioning for the evening's activities.
How did they ever get a picture of my sink in 1973?

Upon opening the door, Marge's face suddenly twisted up.  

"What's that smell?"

I responded with a simple, "What smell?"

She walked over to the sink, used a fork to stir things around, and asked me how long the dishes had been soaking there.

"Only a week or two" was my innocent response.

That was when Marge became the woman of my dreams.

Into the murky depths, she plunged her hand, pulled out the drain plug, and emptied the sink of the water I had shied away from.  She stacked all the dirty dishes on the counter, cleaned the sink with Ajax cleanser, and then proceeded to do my two weeks worth of dishes.


So, her selection wasn't quite
as expected ... she was still hot!
Actually, she looked a lot like her in all regards.  I know it sounds really sexist, but she really looked hot doing those dishes.  

God, I'm starting to sound like Al Bundy!

So ... what did she cook for her home cooked meal?

Beef Stroganoff Hamburger Helper!

And, she actually cooked it too long as it was somewhat dry.  Oh well, she looked good doing it.

Just in case you're wondering, we didn't do anything that evening except for some heavy petting.  Even after inhaling some of the natural herb of the time, she didn't sway from her decision.  Nor, in the months to follow did we do anything besides more of the same.  

Marge was of the belief she was going to save herself for her husband.  Back in the early 70's, some maintained that belief.  Even amidst the era of "free love", there were those with some morals.  This was unfortunate for teenage boys, but accepted if you liked the girl enough.

A few years later, after I had served my country in the military, I returned to find Marge still waiting.  She had truly waited.  It was a tremendous homecoming.

I didn't even need a sink of dirty dishes!

Unfortunately, her and I were like train tracks ... we belonged together, loved being connected side by side, but the times never let us come together to become a "church" married couple.  There always seemed to be complications that kept us apart.  Finally, I took  a job in radio that was 600 miles away ... and she couldn't work things out to move with me.  We were over.

My current wife (and Wonder Woman) of 33 years knows all about her.  I've been honest with her as Marge will always hold a piece of my heart.  I haven't seen her in over 35 years, but I still remember her with the same love I felt all those years ago.

It took one hell of a woman to pull that drain plug the first night.  I hope her husband, whoever he may be, appreciates her the way she deserves.

I know I still do.