Thursday, July 25, 2013

Memory Problems, Chain Letter Awards & Memory Problems!! Oh, and Memory Problems!

This has been a really strange week.

What week isn't in my life?

Still, it has been stranger than most in that it's already Friday, and I have no idea to where Sunday thru Thursday disappeared.  It seems as though my Rumpleoneon Calendar (in case you missed it click here) has started ruling my life before I've even drafted the petition.  

The previous five days are a blur.  (No, I'm not doing drugs ... have you got any?)  Between working eleven hour days, writing my personal blogs and a guest blog, and trying to find a night when I can go to bed without having previously passed out in my computer chair for 2-3 hours, I have little recollection of what's transpired.

My wife says, "You're just getting old!"

I say, "I love you, bitch, especially when you bitch!"

My wife replies, "You ass!"

I retort, "Spoken by the Queen of Asses, herself!  Once minor in size, her ass's prolific stature has grown over the years and seeks desperately to stretch down and kiss the freshness of Mother Earth  upon which her bare feet trod upon!"

After a moment of silence, she whispers, "You ass!"

I smile as she leaves the room so I can get back to writing this drivel.  At least now I have some written record of today in case it is forgotten like the rest.  I don't think she'll let me forget this conversation, though.  Her heat flashes seem to help her memory.

I wish I got heat flashes.  
My memory obviously needs help.  
So does this blog posting!

I have over 200 emails awaiting my attention.  I wonder how I ever became so popular with spammers?  I'm desperate to open Debbie's that states, "I've missed you and want you so badly" in the subject line.  (I'm guessing Little Debbie snack cakes are watching their stock fall as I've sworn off of sweets.)  

Actually, most are notifications of blogs that have been written by many of the great writers that I follow because I enjoy reading their work, and because they do comment on my ramblings from time to time.  It would be nice to be able to return the favor, but there is only so much time for me to do so.  Quitting my job would provide the time, but I fear it would be only temporary as my bills went unpaid.   Thus, I have re-entered the Twilight Zone of blogging etiquette.  You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  

I think I need an assistant!  Want to Apply?
Wanted: Someone that has a similar style of humor as my own, (Yes, I've already checked out the local mental institutions!) You will be expected to go to the blogs of others and make sarcastic comments on my behalf, answer all my blogging emails (as well as those to Little Debbie snack cakes), and find all my my pictures and ensure they are legal to use.  This is a voluntary, unpaid position for someone that has no desire to blog themselves, but wants to be known as a part of something below average.  Any with high aspirations need not apply.
 Speaking of those without high aspirations, it's once again time for



It is Friday, right?

This is when our wonderful hostesses (listed in the JPEG below) provide us with a prompt and expect us to bare our souls while we finish it in 753,472 words or less.  Oh, here's the JPEG I told you about:
Today's prompt is another one that took weeks to think up.  It's almost as good as last week's, which we'll ignore for now for sake of word count.  This week's prompt is:

"The best and worst parts of blogging are...."

... winning chain letter awards."

When you receive one of these awards, you have to wonder about the ulterior motives of the provider of that away.
1) Do they truly honor your work?
2)  Are the simply trying to find someone else to stick it to as
their sadistic nature takes control of their conscious state of being?

I was recently bestowed the tremendous honor of being awarded the Leibster/ Versatile Blogger Award for like the third or fourth time, by the illustrious JOY, guaranteed to bring you joy as she is always a joy to read at her joyful blog  I Can Say Mama.

I'm going to guess that JOY does truly honor my work and in good faith say, "Thank You For The Award" over and over until I believe it.  (Naw, she's really a good person, folks!  Not sadistic at all!  Put your whip away, Joy!  I said it already!)

So, now, comes what I hate most about blogging.  When a person wins an award in normal life, it is for efforts already made.  In the Blogmosphere, it entails additional efforts.  (As most of you know, my lazy streak surpasses most other personal traits.)  Some of these are supposedly to help those that are unfamiliar with you a little insight into what you're really like.  This award requires the recipient tell Seven Deep And Dark Secrets about themselves as the first requirement to be able to display the beautiful and artsy button you see above.  So, here are my seven secrets:

1)  I hate anchovies on a pizza.  These are wasted creatures of the sea that have no business swimming amid pepperoni, sausage, onions, green peppers, Canadian Bacon, and pineapple chunks.  You wouldn't take your goldfish out of their bowl and stick them on your ham sandwich would you?  Same principle!  

2)  I hate commercials.  My patience with the moronic value they present is gone the second they start.  Having experience in writing and being the voice talent on many radio and television spots, my insight as to what the business owner is actually trying to achieve.  90% of the time, their attitude is, "Make it as bad as possible so it will get attention!"  Knowing this, and seeing it presented over and over in the broadcast industry today, my opinion isn't likely to change any time soon.  However, there are exceptions to the rule.  Being a hetero male, I do have to say this one does grab my fancy.
(I know, it's sexist and it's Paris Hilton.  Even with those facts being known, 
it does make one curious about the other sandwich configurations they have there.)

3)  I despise the politically correct crowd.  These people have no balls.  They take offense at anything and everything, and try to have it banned for everyone else.  I don't care if you don't believe in God, feel as though you know what happened the night Trayvon Martin died, or feel as though a program you dislike should be taken off the air.  GET OVER IT!!!

No gun ever pulled its own trigger, no movie ever caused a person to go crazy (except, maybe, My Fair Lady), and no chain's attitude towards gays ever pushed a bill through Congress.  It is our responsibility as human beings to raise and support our youth, not the government's.  Their attempts in "No Child Left Behind" has only created a "No Child Gets Ahead."  It's so much easier to stay in power when the people that follow are stupid!

Life is a constant avenue of making choices.  Being a human being, you should relish in your individuality instead of trying to make everyone like yourself.  Take responsibility to teach your children right from wrong so video games and television programming won't be a factor in them committing an act of mass violence.  If you don't like something, tough!  That doesn't make it wrong.  It only makes it offensive to you.  Turn your head, go down a different street, or turn the f**king channel!  Stop concentrating on the bullsh*t and look through it to see what's really being said.  It just may keep you from being herded like cattle in the future.  You have choices.  Stop trying to limit mine!

4)  I am an extremely aggressive driver.  When I get behind the wheel, I do so for a purpose.  "I want to get to where I am going!"  I'm not there to watch you use your I-Phone to text your friend, see you eat your lunch, or browse the shops on the side of the road as I follow you at 25 mph under the speed limit.  Listening to the bass rattle your cheap ass car while you pimp to the chicks on the road side (blocking my efforts to travel the road normally) brings about a rage that has so far been controlled.  Still, remember, today's stress can make a person slip over the edge very easily.  Don't push me!

5)  My colors are backwards.  What?  As I was growing up, blue was always my favorite color.  However, attending Indiana University, red became the color to wear for loyalty.  Now, living in Kentucky, blue is the color found.  Yet, I'm still an Indiana University fan, which means I cannot ever be a Kentucky Wildcat fan.  So, I'm held prisoner in wearing the red of my team while living in a blue world.  The things we do for our Alma mater!

6)  Potato Chips, white enriched flour, and Payday candy bars put me into an immediate sleep.  Since becoming a borderline diabetic, I've found that there are some foods that I cannot eat and continue a normal life.  Any of the above listed food items or ingredients cause my system to drop out of consciousness within 45 minutes of ingestion.  I wake up, usually at the computer, hours later wondering, "What the f**k time is it?"  That means if I wish to stay awake at work, I can only eat a wheat bread sandwich or a salad.  Otherwise, when Pringles put me down, I might find myself unemployed.  Try explaining that at the Employment Office!

7)  I love wearing sweat pants around the house!  There is nothing like a pair of sweats.  They stretch when you need them to stretch, allow you the movement you need to operate without feeling your crotch is being scrunched by brother Levi, and they come off without effort when you're getting ready for bed ... to sleep. (At my age, what else is there?)  I had two pairs (one gray, one black) that I switched out loyally until last night, when a steak slid out of my plate as the plate slid off the keyboard.  (Yes, my eating habits are atrocious.)  Now, the gray ones look as if I had a night time accident of my teenage years in the crotch area, even after washing.  Time to go shopping again!

And that's it!  My usually witty and sarcastic blog has been filled with bullsh*t knowledge about me that no one really cares about.  That is the sin of a chain letter award.  

Now, I'm supposed to put on my evil hat and choose seven others to endure the trials and tribulations I have just suffered.

"Oh, The Humanities!!!!"

So, who do I choose?  Many that I know are just like me and have already been through this a few times.  Some just ignore it, and I even had one decide that she could change the rules and still wear the badge of distinction earlier in the year.  

It is with these thoughts I nominate the following bloggers.  Please forgive me.  Your blogs are worthy.  Let's hope you are still my friends after this.

And here are the official rules for the award to be displayed.

1) Thank and link to the person who gave you the award.
2) Tell seven facts about yourself.
3) Pass it on to seven other bloggers.
4) Link to specific posts on their blogs so they’ll be notified by pingback 

And so my evil deed is done.  I can wear the badge with honor as I run to escape the fury and wrath of those I've hexed.  May the blog force be with you all.

Oh, and unless someone decides to procrastinate, 
I'm going to have a very special guest blogger tomorrow.  
You just might want to stop by.  If nothing else, 
it will be a real change from my B.S. for you!