Friday, December 12, 2014

Can I Write A Shorter Blog? Hell no I can't! Here's Ten Things Of Thankful ... again!

Lighting up a cigarette, I sit back and contemplate about the kind and generous readers of this blog.

See, someone really does value you as a human being!

Lately, views have been way up, but comments have dropped drastically.  I know I'm strange, but I'd rather have it the other way around!
 So, what's my conclusion?  

I'm either tackling topics that are way too controversial for the average reader and I'm pissing a lot of people off, people are afraid to comment amid controversy, or people have just got better things to do than comment.

Perhaps it's a combination of the things.

I've tried to make my posts interesting, but in doing so, have somewhat narrowed the comedy and sarcasm down to afterthoughts.  Possibly, I've been so concerned about getting a message across that I've lost my sense of sarcastic humor!

The message is the medium is the massage ... 
unless you're in a Sweet Cherry's massage parlor.
(Then, you have Trixie's magic fingers!)
Once she gets out of jail!

No, I'm still the ass I've always been, but I've gotten more real as of late.  Instead of looking at controversy and stupidity and making fun of it, I have been putting on the boxing gloves and attempting to battle it ... and validate my actions while doing so.  My posts have become active instead of passive.  

Put 'em up ... Put 'em up!
For one to comment on an active posting, they generally either agree or disagree strongly.  On a passive posting, they don't have to be worried that their words may be taken out of context and may alienate their friends.  Thus, a silent "Goodbye" is the safest and easiest route to travel.

In addition, my blogs have become novels of sorts, at least for blogs.  The average Internet reader has an interest span of about 5 minutes.  Unless you're a speed reader (as I am) there's no way you've been able to read what I've written in that time allotment.  So, interest flies away, as does your reading, just about the time you get to the good stuff.

I really wanted that good stuff pie, 
but I've already had a piece of cake with strawberries!

So, in addition to shortening my writing, I must step away from the madness of the battle and become an observer once again.  That is, if I hope to ever see people commenting again.  There is reality all around, and many of us grow tired of the same old things being re-hashed day after day.  We see the circles that take place, the ignorance that rules, and desire to turn our backs away as we get to the point of having more than we can swallow.

We can only eat so much at the all you can eat buffet!
(Anyone remember Bromo-Fizzies?  Eurrrp!)

So, in the future, I vow to shortening up the beginning dialogue, keeping it more humorous / sarcastic in nature, and allowing you to finish in hopefully 5 minutes or less.

Do me a favor and take a speed reading course, please!

After all that, it is now time for TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL!!!!!  As we are getting close to Christmas, I may do a TTOT of true gratitude, and break the style I've presented for quite sometime.  I may look at the little things life has to offer and express my inner feelings about them.  Or, I might just surprise everyone and show that being an ass isn't necessarily a 24/7 job.

No one comes to my blog for that stuff.  
Lets get down to the dirt!

This week I'm thankful for:
While you're there, be sure to take a lot of pictures of
the great scenic tour you can take.  You'll spend
hours andhours showing these to your friends
 over and over again!

1)  Queens, New York.  Queens has become the number one vacation destination in the United States.  Queens offers a restored beach, plenty of shopping stops, and all the Greek food you can eat, as well as other types when you tire of Greek.  

I have lived in New York, but never have traveled to Queens.  It just didn't seem to be on the agenda, especially when I discovered Christopher Walken, Nancy Reagan and Howard Stern were from there.  I personally see no way that any major city could be the number one tourist destination, as most of the city dwellers do their best to get out of the city for their vacations!  But, who am I to argue with the Queens Chamber of Commerce?  (Raise too much commotion and we'll all be arrested and sentenced to view endless re-runs of Christopher Walken in Peter Pan!)
Now, tell me you didn't see a bunch of these
fighting the Empire's walkers in the beginning of
Star War's Empire Strikes Back!

2)  Real Life Laser Cannons.  The U.S. Navy, fresh over its negative publicity last week when female officers were filmed taking showers aboard a submarine, decided to blow that report out of the water this week by demonstrating its first laser cannon aboard a U.S. combat vessel.  Concentrated energy bursts cost less than pennies to the dollar in comparison of regular shells and ammunition.  

My God, people!  Instead of Star Wars, we have SEA WARS!!! 
R2D2 is a giant sized can of Starkist Tuna!!!!   

I can see next week's headlines:


(Find a moral in that Mr. Peabody!)

I'll answer all questions as soon as I wake up and
tell you a story about a man name
Rip Van Winkle!
3)  Senator Carl Levin.  A revelation is heard in Washington!  Senator Levin, a Democrat from Michigan, let it be known this week that the nation may have been misled into attacking Iraq by the Bush Administration!  In this statement of delayed intelligence, the senator states that the head of the hijackers may not have met with an Iraqi Intelligence Officer in Europe, as this officer was in the United States at the time.  Of course, this was the incident that the Bush clan based their "let's go to war with Iraq" campaign.

Let's see, none of the hijackers were Iraqi,  Oops!   None had any allegiance with any Iraqi liaison.  Oops!  And, as we all know by now, the chemical weapons were all a hoax presented by the one "inside" man the Bush tribe based everything else on.  Still, it was essential we go to war there.

Nice to see you're finally catching up with everyone else, senator.  
You're only about 11 or 12 years behind!  
See what happens when you fall asleep during a session of Congress 
and no one wakes you up!  

4)  Ebola.  What ever happened to this disease/ virus/ world ending plague?  Wasn't everyone running scared and forecasting thousands of deaths in every country in the world a month or so ago?  Then, Ferguson protests/ riots gained all the attention and Ebola was forgotten about!  

(Damn, the next time the news agencies start broadcasting doom and gloom stories, maybe we should remember every news story has shelf life.  After the expiration date, it will no longer be of any importance!  By the way, isn't it funny how Ferguson has been omitted for newscasts this week?  Guess that one's expired, too!)

If military personnel went to prison because of
this, why aren't politicians and CIA personnel
going to jail for what they've done?
5)  CIA Torture.  Please, don't try to feed us tales that the United States isn't guilty of torture tactics when your own report state otherwise.  Bush knew it was happening, Obama got information about where to find Osama Bin Laden from these tactics, and Congress knew they were paying outside agencies to perform these torture techniques.  We, the American public, are no so dumb as to believe otherwise.  (Well, not all of us anyway.)

Still, Obama tells us that we're not like this.  "Hey, Mr. President, we are exactly like this, as we've proven time and time again."  The only reason we're not being brought to trial by an international tribune is that we've proclaimed terrorists not to be official soldiers of war, so the rules of war don't apply!  Leave it to the land of lawyers to find a loophole.

True, our folks and citizens of our allies are getting their heads chopped off, literally.  But, haven't we always proclaimed that we'd never resort to those tactics as we will not sink to their level?  (Please, boys and girls, don't believe what the government tells you.  They've gotten damn good at lying.  They've had lots and lots of practice, and make enough money they don't have to worry about Santa's list!  BTW, Santa is reported missing as during his last visit to Congress he asked several politicians if they were good or bad this year.  There are some things we can only assume.)

6)  Bobbie Barnett Hancock.  Bobbie will take the award for the greatest procrastinator this week.  (Ah, a woman after my own heart!)  After her mother died in 1994, Bobbie stored the body in a casket in a storage locker facility.  It was her wish to send the body back to be buried in Alabama, but never got around to it.  Of course, this was only discovered when Bobbie put off paying rent at the storage facility and the casket and body were found by it's new owners.  (Can you imagine their faces when they opened the casket and found her?  "Holy shit!  Honey, could this be King Tut's wife Queen Butt?")

How could anyone put this off for as long as Bobbie did?  Damn, someone needs to help her remember "The Hearse Song" and get her to bury her mother.

7)  U.S. Government Budget.  The politicians are at it again!  Cut funding for anything good for the people and allow anything good for big business and Washington politics.  In the $1.1T Bill to be considered are the following idiocies, and a whole lot more.
  1. Under the bill, campaign donors could contribute up to $1.6 million dollars each into political parties.  Currently, the limit is $194,400.  Whoever said politicians weren't in it for the money?  Of course, over a million dollar increase per donor would help the common man's power to get more and more things they needed ... not!   Whatever the donors want, the donors will get and the hell with the common man.  Not really much of a change, is it?
  2. Let's give $21 million dollars to fix the leaky dome of the capitol. Now, my roof didn't cost anywhere that close to fix, did yours?  Since we are allowing all the illegal immigrants a home in our country, why not hire a few of their roofing crews to fix the dome for a small fragment of that and put the rest into school lunch programs.  (Oops, sorry, that would make too much damn sense!  I forgot the roofing crews they hire get the same $324 hammers that the military purchases.)
  3. Did I mention school lunches?  Yeppers, I did.  This bill would ease whole grain requirements and suspend the lower sodium rules.  There's nothing like taking care of our youth in a crappy manner when money is to be made by the manufacturers that supply the lunches, is there?
  4. Allows some pension plans to cut back on the amounts retirees were promised.  Sounds like the government and big business, doesn't it?  Work your ass off for them for a lifetime and then get screwed by them in the end.  Makes one recognize the true meaning of their threat, "We own your ass so you will do what we say!"

Nothing like liars, cheats and thieves to control your future income, is there?  This is your government at work ... to make money and an American Dream for themselves and Big Business.  For you ... well, how well do you take people giving you the bird?
8)  Christmas Scam.  (I actually have gotten these emails a couple of times so be wary.  They are out there!)  If you receive an email inviting you to have your child receive a letter from Santa DON'T DO IT!!!   Turns out not only will you be charged $19.99 for the letter, your credit card info will then be used to tap out your limit!.  Millions of dollars have already been lost, so don't find yourself wondering why you did something so stupid.  

If you want your child to receive a letter from Santa, write a letter, take them to a mall where Santa's at, and when they get off his lap, give them the envelope and tell them that Santa's elves brought it to you while the kids were on his lap!  (However, if you're just dying to have your credit cards drained of all monetary resources, simply send you credit card information to the address of this blog, and I'll be happy to take it.  I've really been wanting the complete Batman Blu-ray television series of the 60's, so I'll be awaiting that info!)

9)  Flu Shots.  Forget 'em this year!  There's a new strain of flu virus that is not at all put off by any of the drugs in the flu shots you'd be getting.  Unless you wish to make the CVS Liquor Stores ... oops, pharmacies, and other drug stores rich, spend your money on orange juice and chicken soup.  They'll do you just as much good.  Or, just get drunk like the rest of us.  You'll never even know you're sick!
I Am Iron Man!!!
Anybody seen a big snake?

10)  Eaten Alive By An Anaconda ... Not!   About a month ago, I wrote a piece on how a man was preparing himself to be eaten alive by an anaconda. I stated that it couldn't be done as the constriction would be too great for him to survive, and how his shoulders would be too wide for the snake to stretch his mouth around.

Well, this was the week that television land presented us with the program.  As predicted, the snake could barely get its mouth around his head, and the constriction strength proved too great for the publicity seeker to withstand.  

For those of you that thought I didn't know (even though I've had 30 years of working with snakes experience) what I was talking about, I forgive you.  Besides, I've probably already given you enough crap about it, so I'll be kind.

(Don't worry, this condition is only temporary.  After Santa decides if I'm a good or bad boy, I'll get back to my sarcastic ass personality.  I'm just waiting to see if he'll really bring me a Lexus or Infinity for Christmas.  That is, if he makes an appearance at all after questioning members of Congress!)

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *

Well, here we are again.  After stating I was going to attempt to write a shorter post, I have to admit I once again failed.  I appreciate your staying power.  Please comment below if you're not too worn out.

Many Thanks!


**One last note.  I know some of you that read these pieces on your phones can't see the videos I put in.  For some reason, that happens on Blogger, or so I've been told.  If I could do something about it I would.  All I can say is, "Sorry!"