Friday, April 3, 2015

Questions and Control ... and Ten Things Of Thankful

So, if I was dead, and forty virgins approached me, would the pharmacist be laughing because he was out of Viagra?

Questions ... nonsensical in nature tend to fill my day, especially when nothing is going on and my mind, or what's left of it (after all the drugs my body has enjoyed over the decades) tends to wander.

Which brings up the question, "How does the brain wander when it's inside of an enclosed area atop one's neck?"

Getting older doesn't mean that one has all the answers.  In fact, it just gives a person time to develop more questions.  This is actually quite frustrating as wisdom comes from answers ... or does it?

God, another "chicken or the egg" concept!  "Okay children, what came first, the question or the answer?"

One might argue there would be no question if the answer didn't already exist.  Yet, that would create a debate in the realm of discoveries, and sooner or later someone would bring up scientific discoveries.  Like the "chicken or the egg", I don't think a clear answer exists.

So, what good are questions, anyway?

Well, if you're looking to control a conversation simply ask questions.  You've done it with your kids before, so why not use that principle when dealing with people that are giving you a hard time?  You know the system works.  Right?  So, why would you leave it behind and attempt to create a conflict?  Doesn't make any sense, does it?  Of course not.  And the one thing you pride yourself on is making sense.  Correct?  So, wouldn't utilizing the concept of asking questions to lead the opponent into the corner you wish them to end up (with the answer you wish to receive) make complete sense?

See what I mean?

Instead, people get all uptight and try to play the power game.  Then, someone gets upset and gets defensive.  Next, the other gets upset because of the defensiveness of the other one.  Pretty soon, both are fixed firm and no one gets what they want.  Just like two kids fighting over a video game and getting mad when the parent takes it away to keep them from fighting.  They both lose.

This can be used in all aspects of life.  Whether you're dealing with a spousal disagreement or a raise negotiation, questions can help you achieve your goal.

Try this the next time your spouse wants to do something you'd prefer not to do.

"I completely understand why you'd want to go.  You enjoy events like that, don't you?  Of course, you do.  It gives you a chance to get out and enjoy life a little.  You know I enjoy them, too, don't you?  Of course I do.  And, as long as they're taking place at a time that doesn't inconvenience you or inconvenience me, they're fine.  Right?  Now, you know we've got several things going on over the next few weeks, don't you?  And, you know that if we try to go to all of them, we're going to be tired and edgy.  And, I know I don't like it when you're edgy, and you don't like it when I'm edgy.  Right?  So, let's re-examine our next few weeks, make some tough decisions on what to attend and what to bypass, and spend the rest of the time getting some much needed rest and limit ourselves better so that we don't end up being sorry we pushed ourselves silly?  Fair enough?"

Or, you could simply say this.

"I don't give a damn what you want.  I'm tired and don't feel like going.  You just want to go and talk about everyone that's not there behind their backs anyway.  You always have to have your way, don't you?  Well, damn it, this time we're going to do what I want and stay home.  I don't care if you don't like it or not.  Call your mom if you don't like it.  You tell her every damn thing that goes on here anyway!"

See what I mean?  Divorce anyone?

In closing, I only have one question for you.

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck
 if a woodchuck could chuck wood, or how much
ground could a groundhog grind if a groundhog
could grind ground?"

Anyway, let's move on to Ten Things of Thankful!

This week, I'm thankful for:

1)  Indiana's Brain Dead Legislature.  

How to you become the biggest state screw-up in the United States?  Come out with a "Freedom" bill that limits freedom!

This has been in the news all week, so I'm not going to go into detail about it.  In fact, I'm going to only examine the "whys" involved with coming up with such a bill.

One, many states already have this on the books, as the United States government came out with theirs in the mid-90's.  Indiana just did an extremely lousy job of writing theirs and giving full explanations. Since racism has been at the forefront of television news for the last couple of years, why not add sexual preferences to the fire and get more people involved in the newscasts that sensationalized this?

Let's be real, small town America is pissed off.  Most have very conservative viewpoints that are Christian based.  Between the Supreme Court, the U.S. Congress, and every lawyer with a bill to pay forcing changes down their throats, small town America feels picked on.  It's like their voices don't matter as long as the ACLU or NAACP gets their way.  Some states are beginning to feel the same way.

Is it right?  Of course not.  But, it's their way of life.  They stay in these areas because they find that most have the same values, attend the same churches, have children that attend the same schools, and enjoy the same county fairs.

These people hear about nativity scenes no longer being acceptable.  They have children that have died in a war with extremists, and they can't even wish people "Merry Christmas" and be politically correct.  Their lives are being changed by others and they feel cheated and wronged.

So, this is their way of fighting back.  Fighting for the lives they once had and want to have again.  They see others as uncaring asses that must have things their own way, and see them taking advantage of the Constitution in ways they feel our forefathers would never have imagined.

Wrong ... in the eyes of so many, but so right in their own.

When there is no tolerance, there will always be conflict and hate.  Perhaps, one day, all the haters will have died off and their offspring will look upon them as the last of the narrow-minded.

So much for being the last person on Earth.

2)  Vengeance of the Dead Mother-In-Law

There's nothing like a mother's love, unless it happens to be a mother's revenge.

74-year-old Stephen Woytack was cleaning up the grave of his deceased mother-in-law last week.  One might guess that the spirit over watching the late cleaning of the Christmas flowers and decorations was somewhat upset as the tombstone fell atop Stephen.  His wife ran to get help, but it arrived much too late.  Stephen had fell to her ire.

So, you'd imagine at least there was peace after death.  Right?


Perhaps Stephen's wife was as vindictive as her mother.  Stephen was buried in a grave right next to her.   On a dark night, one might here a faint voice.

"You schmuck, you never were good enough for my daughter!"

3)  Reject Rejects Rejection Of Reject
Girl applies to Duke University for admission.  Duke rejects girl.  Girl decides to write a letter rejecting Duke's rejection.

Ms. O'Dell demonstrated why Duke rejected her by submitting this letter. (Please notice the misuse of possessive pronoun in the first sentence, as well as other errors and omissions throughout.)  Perhaps, Ms. O'Dell would do best to first decide if her name is "Reece" or "Siobhan" before writing her next letter to the next school that rejects her.

What's sad is that the writer of the article this appeared in made no comment as to any screw-ups in Ms. O'Dell's grammar.  In fact, the writer could only discuss what a hit this letter was becoming on the web, and how much "intestinal fortitude" she displayed in doing this.

God, we're doomed to dumbasses bragging about dumbasses!

4)  Eye Doctor Fails Senator
New Jersey Democratic Senator Bob Menendez was charged this week with accepting over a million dollars worth of gifts for an exchange of political favors.

A federal grand jury states that Dr. Salomon Melgen, a wealthy Florida eye doctor, benefited greatly from the favors Menendez provided him.

One might think that an eye doctor would have better vision than to get caught doing this.  Then again, the only thing uncommon about this whole escapade is the fact they got caught.

So much for contacts.

5)  Stern Crapper Rapper
Tom Hanks has a son who believes himself to be a rapper.  So much so that he is living the life of one ... at least, between his meals at Hanks' multi million dollar home.

Howard Stern made some comments about this so called bad boy of rap.  Of course, Chet Hanks didn't like that.  He then utilized Twitter to start an all out attack against Stern.

At first, the tweets looked like this:  "Let me come up on your show b*tch," he wrote. "Come catch this fade ... have me live on the air and we can go pound for pound see who looks like the fool you dried up old c**t."

Then, they grew more threatening.  "Do you have any idea how badly I am going to assault you when I see you... You can't run from me forever knock knees... Listen. One day, maybe tomorrow, maybe 10 years from now, I am going to see you in person, and I am going to hurt you,"
I could go on demonstrating just how far a person can go on Twitter, but I believe you get the point.  Obviously, Chet Hanks is seeking publicity and Tom is allowing him to go after it.  Stern isn't saying much as I'm sure he doesn't wish to assist the wannabe thug in any manner.

Perhaps, Chet just needs direction.  Maybe a strong talking to.  Perhaps, even, a vacation on a quiet island just to think things out.

"Hey Wilson, are you busy?"

6)  Raises Blowing In The Wind(sor)?
Windsor Castle employees are ticked off.  They do all they're asked and barely make enough to live.  The average employee makes around $20,000 U.S. equivalency per year.

Walmart averages about the same pay schedule, and is now the number one employer in the United States.

Who said the Queen never learned anything from her U.S. visits?

7)  Cyber War: The Empire Strikes Back!
President Obama created a sanctions package to fight against cyberhackers this week.  It is designed to attack the hackers where it really hurts, and prevent overseas hackers from China and Russia from profiting from cyber theft.

It might work if our opposition ever stops laughing.

8)  Model Doesn't Have Model Behavior ...
                       Only Model Brains!
My wife is blonde.  She isn't the brightest star in the sky.  She admits this, so I must give her credit for having some intelligence.

Charlotte McKinney is the Hardee's / Carl Jr's model that was in the Superbowl commercial banned by many of the affiliates.  Her assets are her boobs, butt, and legs.  Her face is okay, but her head is somewhat empty.

Probably for exposure, she was chosen to be one of the contestants on the current season of Dancing With The Stars.  She exposed plenty, which probably helped her survive a week or two of eliminations.

However, after a week of ignoring practice and living on her cellphone, she was eliminated.  One of the judges, Bruno Tonioli, stated, You’re never going to win the Nobel Prize for Quantum Physics.”

Charlotte took offense.  
PC advocates took offense.  
Good Morning America took offense.

And all those that knew the truth had been spoken 
laughed their asses off.  

Isn't America Wonderful?

9)  Educating the Educators
Eleven public school educators were convicted this week of cheating on programmed testing and class scores.  They falsified exam scores to inflate test results in order to collect bonuses and keep their positions, which brought forth the racketeering charges against them.  Their sentences carry a penalty of up to twenty years of imprisonment.

It is reported that some mumbling took place as they were led away.

"That God D@#&#$, Mother F$#%$#$ Core Math!"

10)  Comment Leavers
Okay, in all seriousness, I love comments.  Whether they're good or bad, I love to read what you've got to say.  Take a few seconds and write down a few notes below.  All comments are answered as quickly as I can get to them and never ignored.