Sunday, July 21, 2013

The New Calendar ... minus Mondays!

**Recently, I was approached to participate in this hop by one so innocent.

"Forgive them Father, 
they know not what they do!"

 I will not mention  publicly, for fear of vicious retaliation to her by those who have read my stuff and know better.

So, being one to always demonstrate my ability to ignore Political Correctness and shall we say, "Shake the tree" a little, I'm going to add my two cents to this hop today.

"I'll try to be gentle!" 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 Whoopee ... 
Golly Gee ... 
I'm So Excited, I Just Can't Hide It ...

It's MONDAY again!


Attempting not to be too 
extraneous with vocabulary, let 
me simply say,


No, I'm not being facetious.  I 
really could care less if I ever 
experienced another Monday.

(That is, as long as the some of the other days of the week were still around!  Damn sure don't want to be totally absent!  I'd probably be put in the ground if that would happen.  You know ... passed on ... traveling to that big comedy club in the sky ... playing the hot club circuit in Hell ... a "previous" friend to all, lover of some, and foe of the Politically Correct ... 
Dead, Damn It, Dead!)

So, if you're like me, and despise the first day of the week, here's my plan.  Mind you, it may not be perfect in the eyes of the upper crust income slurpers that depend on syphoning funds from  the "little people" to allow them to afford their $3,000 a night hotel stays in Vegas, but I think most will be fairly satisfied with it. 

For sake of bloated ego, I call it the "Rumpleoneon Calendar!"

(That's pronounced, "Rumple-O-Knee-Un", just in case you were struggling with it.)
Wasted Monday!
Who even wants to work on that day?
First off, we eliminate Monday from the calendar.  Very few normal people can actually say they love that day so let's have the majority rule and simple get rid of it!

It's gone!

Now, Tuesdays really aren't much better than Mondays.  The only good things about them is that they're not Mondays and are one day closer to the weekend.  Since Mondays are no longer on the calendar, there's really not much reason to keep Tuesdays around.  So, away they go!

Tuesdays are gone!  (Just like Lynyrd Skynrd sang).

But I gotta have a day to hump!!!

Now, Wednesdays are known as "Hump Day" and supposed to be the top of the heap that starts the slide into the weekends.  However, since Mondays and Tuesdays no longer exist, there is no need for a hump day!  (Sorry all you horny assed camels, you'll have to find another day to hump!)  

Oops, there go the Wednesdays!

Gotta make it to Friday!
Gotta make it to Friday!

I've never understood Thursdays.  It's the day that government employees work the hardest (which means they actually answer the phone once an hour), so they can take off half a day on Friday.  Besides that, everyone else is tired from working all week and can't wait until the weekend start.  All you hear all day is, "God, only one more day after today until the weekend.  I can't wait!"   So, again, since popularity demands and majority rules, away with Thursdays!

No more Thursdays!

So, we are now at Fridays.  Fridays are cool!  No one hates Fridays, besides bosses that are looking for fools to work the weekend for slave wages.  Since Friday seems to be the most popular work day of the week, and since we all have to work to earn an income, let's earn a week's worth of income by working Fridays!  

So, this is how the new Rumpleoneon calendar will line up.  Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays have been eliminated.  We are left with Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  This will leave us with approximately ten paydays per month, or ten weeks worth of income every 30 days.  That means, for a person currently earning $40,000 per year, their household income would increase to $93,307 per year.  

Wall Street is freaking out about now!

In addition, you would have two thirds of the year to either enjoy the family, work on hobbies, masturbate, watch an escalated schedule of professional ball games (so the high paid athletes would finally earn some of the money they squander), or just screw off at your favorite porn site.  It would also provide bloggers with much more free time to write, instead of having to balance work, blogging and personal obligations and responsibilities!  And, perhaps the best thing about this would be that the scummy, stinking, sweaty, grody, lice infested Bubba standing in the Wal-Mart line in front of you (that you've volunteered three times to buy deodorant for, would have a much shorter time between Saturday night baths!!!

So, if you're in agreement with the Rumpleoneon calendar, let's get a petition up and start getting signatures.  It should be easy, especially now that you have all that free time!

But somewhere, there's a forgotten voice crying out, 

"I like Mondays!"

There's always an assh*** in every crowd!

SERIOUS SUNDAY: Will be back next Sunday

Okay, not much to say today.  I've been working on another topic for Serious Sunday, but got derailed from finishing it by the sexy (okay, I'm being nice) Kristi Campbell at

who asked me to be a guest blogger on her

 blog post today.  Check it out (Damn it, I've already given you the links.) and get on her "Follow" list so you don't miss out on any of this hilarious, crazy and brave woman's future postings

Serious Sunday Will Return In Full Next Week.

Oh, and it's been discovered that I'm currently having RSS problems.  Being as stupid as a frog in a whore house during a police raid when it comes to this topic, I ask you please hang in there and follow me on Facebook, Google, Twitter, or any of the other 150 million social sites my stuff is posted on.  I'll fix it as soon as I can figure it out.

Oh, and just for shameless self promotion, I will be participating in the "I Hate Monday" blog hop tomorrow.  Check it out if you get a chance!

See You Then!