Friday, December 26, 2014

A Message For Those Who Didn't Like Last Week's Post, A Cure For Cancer, & TTOT Returns!

See All TTOT Posts Here !!!!!!!!
Well, here we are again!

If you're one of those offended by last week's Nativity satire, I probably should say, "I'm Sorry."

Probably should, but won't. They probably won't be here to read this anyway, even though they might find it somewhat beneficial.

This week, the Pope addressed the ruling body of the Vatican.  In his speech, he basically chewed some ass ... that's needed chewing for quite some time.

His message was very simple.  To sum it up in a few words, he implied the tight asses needed to loosen up and relax, smile, and recognize that God appreciates a sense of humor.  Instead of using religion to feel high and mighty, use it to provide messages that the common man can relate to.  If a smile will get the message across better than attitude, then drop the attitudes!

I feel the same way.

Religion has, and is still being used as an excuse to kill people and start wars.  Mankind has perfected the art of making religion a social grace, instead of what it really is, a personal experience.  By making it conform to certain man imposed standards, he has created what Allan Sherman once called the "A.P.E.", or American Puritan Ethic.  

One facet of the A.P.E. infers you can't laugh in church or at religion.  To do so is to laugh at the leaders and rulers that control the people, and religion is a tool that many utilize to control the masses.  If you'll check your history books, and Bible, you'll find this true.

What if God had said, "Take these tablets down to the
people and give them the wisdom they provide.  Allow
them to choose to follow or go their own way and
seek out their destinies without my love and help.
And remember, only you can
prevent forest fires!"
Somewhere along the way, religion stopped being a personal experience.  Perhaps it started when Moses freaked out over the burning bush and went back to the defiant tribes to gain control once more by hitting them over the head with the stone tablets containing the  Ten Commandments.  It became a way to control personal choice instead.  Isn't that just like man's laws do daily?

Now, as anyone knows, laws can be twisted.  Lawyers do it daily, terrorists read the Koran selectively to validate their atrocities, and church leaders do it to reap donations, which is another way of saying, "The Dow Jones reflects our company's doing well!"  

Religion has become a business.  It's a profit and loss statement that means more building funds, higher salaries and health insurance for church personnel, and  if the church thrives enough, a weekly television show on a local channel to bring in more funds and feed the egos of the performers. Spreading the word of God has made many rich.  To deny that is to ignore the truth.

Holier than thou individuals like Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Jones, and many others have fallen from grace because
"Tammy or Jessica, Jessica or Tammy, Tammy
or Jessica.  Damn, being Jim Baker is such a 
tough job.  Oh, by the way, just like you do for
your child at summer camp, be sure to send money!"
of their greedy efforts to gather more and more .  Power to control allows them to believe they're above the "laws" and they stray various directions.  Greed and lust and such then bring them down and everyone is shocked.  

Why?  Didn't they believe these egoists and shower them with donations at one time so their business would be bigger than the one down the street? 

As P.T. Barnum is often misquoted as saying, "There's a sucker born every minute!"

Let's take the business out of religion.  Let's take man's strict fake facades out of religion.  Let's completely take man's influence out of religion.  

Then, what do you have?

You have the Bible, the Koran, or whatever other item of religious faith you believe in to study and follow.  Suddenly, you begin to read and decipher what it really says, instead of believing what others want you to believe it says.  

I think that's part of what the Pope is trying to get across to his Vatican leaders, and to the world.  Man is so egotistical that he believes he's always right.  If you don't believe that, just ask him!  That may be bringing a frown to the God he supposedly honors.

I once had two church deacons tell me how bad rock music was and how great country music was for church members.  When asked to show me in the Bible where it talked about music genres, they, of course, couldn't.  This is an example of man's rules, not Gods.

So, why am I not going to say "I'm Sorry" for last week's post?  Because, in all my readings of the Bible, in no place does it say not to take a person's mind off of their problems by providing them something to laugh at.  In other words, challenge their faith by presenting them with something so ridiculous they'll either smile and think about God and their internal beliefs, or they'll simply laugh and remove the negatives of the world from their current mental state.  Either way, it does them some good to loosen up and relax!
C'mon Oral, a 700 foot Jesus in the middle of
the desert?  That's one hell of a tall tale.  So, how much
money did you raise with that one?  And, Brother Swag

Man, couldn't you have found a better looking hooker?
Next, make religion a personal experience ... inside of your heart ... and find your faith, or lack of.  Make personal decisions as to which direction you want to travel and decide if your beliefs are strong enough to withstand the attacks of others.  

And, for God's sake, stop judging people.  How do you know that God wasn't sitting on his throne laughing his tail off over my story while you were cringing over it?  If you were truly a follower of his word, instead of the politically correct society in which we unfortunately reside, you'd know better than to judge others.  That's the Big Man's job, not yours.  Unless you're in the mood to attempt to take that control away from him.

And then, that may be where your troubles begin.  Ever hear the expression, "Get off your high horse and stop looking down on people, or one day, they may be looking down from Heaven on you."

Remember this simple truth.  God wouldn't have given man the ability to laugh if he didn't intend on him using it.  Relax, stop being so hung up on being offended by every little thing, and learn how to tolerate.  Stop talking a good game and start practicing it!  You might just find it a whole lot easier to live with yourself and a whole lot more fun.  You can be sure others will.  

And that just might include the man upstairs!

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This has been Christmas week.  As this is the week in which hope is supposed to rule the world and good tidings run supreme, this week's news will be fictional.  Let us hope that some of these become actual headlines in the upcoming year.

This week, we would love to be thankful for:

1)  Common Sense Becomes Common.  In an amazing turn of events, it has been determined that common sense is once again becoming common!  As society becomes weary of being ruled by minority control and members of the Civil Liberties Union, political correctness becomes the thing of the past and cast aside.  Respect, tolerance, personal accountability and the ability to understand what to and what not to say to others is now the new practice.  Although there are a few that insist on the old ways, courts are now tossing out cases in which the majority believe tolerance the better alternative.

In other words, "Get Over It!"  If you don't like it, move somewhere else.  That's the way it is and will be, it's that simple.  Duh!!!!

Ilha da Queimada Grande, located about 90 miles off the
São Paulo coast, seems like another one of those beautiful
places—at first glance. Almost every Brazilian knows about
 the island, but most would never dream of going there.
It's infested with between 2,000 and 4,000 golden lancehead
 vipers, one of the deadliest snakes in the entire world.

Read More Of The Story Here!!!
2)  Terrorism Ends.  As common sense starts to become more common, humans are using their ability to reason  as they've always been meant to use it.  The act of committing an act of terror has been determined to be detrimental to all causes and is forbidden by all governments and revolutionary groups.  Anyone caught considering terrorism as an option to World Peace will be sent to "Snake Island" and given the opportunity to practice their beliefs among the thousands of lancehead vipers that reside there. 

3)  Sunspots Change Skin Color Of  World's Population.  As more and more sunspots become the norm, an interesting change to mankind is taking place.  Human beings of all colors are becoming a golden color.  This change is creating havoc for law and Homeland Security enforcement personnel.  What was once racial profiling has now become impossible.  Individuals are now incarcerated for the crimes they commit by proper enforcement procedures such as fingerprinting, DNA analysis, video examination and independent witnesses.  

In a related story, against the advice of his lawyer, Al Sharpton is suing Mad Magazine for replacing their famous Alfred E. Newman character's face with his own.  The famous "What, Me Worry" slogan Mad used for years has been used by Rev. Sharpton recently when asked about his future employment possibilities now that everyone is the same color and there are no protests to incite.

No more needless destruction.
Breathe In, Breathe Out ...
Breathe In, Breathe Out!
4)  Amazon and World Wild Lands Protected.  In order to protect the human race from committing complete suicide, all the governments of the world have enacted the "We Need To Breathe" act to keep the world's forests free of independent forestry projects.  No longer will the greed of mankind be allowed to cut down a single tree on property not currently owned by individual owners, or within twenty feet of any existing roadway.  This should force paper and construction companies to replant their owned properties faster and allow mankind the ability to breathe freshly produced air for centuries to come.  Grocery stores all over the world are retraining their employees to not say, "Paper or Plastic?"

5)  Independent Farmers Rewarded.  In order to end all current unorthodox practices involved with the production of animals, fruits and vegetables, big business practices of squeezing profits and the existence out of the independent farmers of the world will cease.  All "manufactured" farms and production facilities will be seized and sold to individuals that can prove their ability to run an organic facility without need of steroids or unnecessary chemicals and pesticides.  The size of each, independently owned facility will be controlled by the rules set down by the law to protect the citizens of the world from ever having to worry about monopolies providing cruel and unusual punishment to any livestock, and low caliber food items ever again.  

In a related story, FDA employees are now wondering what they will do with all their free time now that unnecessary preservatives and additives are no longer needed to make substandard foods edible by humans.

What do you mean I don't get a multi million
dollar separation bonus for doing a lousy job?
It was in my Enron contract!  By the way,
what's "Personal Accountability" mean?
6)  Salary Limitations.  A new law has been enacted in order to maintain an affordable society for all.  The salaries of sports figures, entertainers, professional occupations, and big business upper mgt. will now be limited.  Salaries will be determined by their affect upon the consumer pricing.  Should salaries prohibit the average income individual from purchasing, viewing, or being properly provided services, immediate changes to said salary amounts will be mandated.  This will provide proper profit distribution and proper pricing take place for all, and eliminate rewards for failure to produce positive results.

As a result, many of the "one and done" college sports stars are now returning to college and getting an education, instead of depending on catching a ball to provide them gold chains, expensive sports cars, and self help tapes on "How To Pass Drug Tests."

7)  World Legal Department.  With the excess of lawyers now present as extraneous lawsuits are now being cast aside, a World Legal Department (W.L.D.) will be set up to investigate and prosecute politicians found to be representing the desires of special interest groups and big business instead of those they're sworn to serve.  Politicians found guilty of charges may find themselves fined, incarcerated, and/or taken immediately out of political office.  In addition, all income proven during their term(s) in office will be returned to the treasury of the state from which it was collected, and used to decrease individual income taxes. (Federal Office Holders, should impeachment take place, will have their incomes given to the U.S. Treasury and distributed equally to all tax payers.  

The WLD will also be able to block any law which would provide for the legality of any special interest income.  In the words of a once wise man, "Earn your living legally or get your butt out of office!"

Let's see how the oil companies try to claim
all rights to the sun.  With the World Legal
Department created, politicians wouldn't
give them a chance!
8)  Solar Power Perfected.  New developments within the scientific community are reaping huge benefits for the world's population.  Renewable energy technologies have now provided the answer to energy storage, which has been a major problem in the advancement of solar power dependency, until now.  With the new production of the atmospheric recycler chip, solar energy can be drawn for constant power regardless of the location of the sun or sky conditions.  

In a related report, Arab oil production and domestic oil magnates are committing suicide in untold numbers.  In observance of these deaths, radio stations all over the world are playing the 80's hit by the band Berlin called "No More Tears."

If you thought this hurt, just
wait until the "Eye For An Eye"
law goes into affect!

9)  Eye For An Eye Law Mandated.  Those convicted of breaking the law via new, mandated techniques will now be subject to the "eye for an eye" law.  If one is convicted of theft, they will lose an arm.  Conviction of unlawful injury with a dangerous weapon will sustain the same injury by the same weapon they utilized in their crime.  Rapists will lose the part of their body that was used in their assault.  This law is to be enforced within one year of the offense conviction, without any exceptions, and without artificial limbs being supplied by insurance or tax payers.

In a related story, prison choral groups are now finding an overabundance of tenors and sopranos applying.

10)  Cures for Cancer and Diabetes Found.  Two gigantic medical advancements have jolted the lives of cancer victims and diabetes sufferers the world over.  Now, they will be able to free themselves of any additional suffering as treatments for these illnesses are immediately available for human consumption.  And, with the new salary limitations law, these treatments will easily be affordable for members of all income levels.  It is a great day for science, for the medical profession, and for human beings in every country!

Now, let's stop all the El Toro Defecation about second hand smoke!

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In a fake world, there are fake headlines.  In a real world, the headlines are sometimes too real, and sometimes too fake, whichever will best bring in sales and ratings. 

 Wouldn't it be grand to live in a world where the headlines were all like those above?  Wouldn't it be grand to live in a world where madness was replaced with sanity?
 Wouldn't it be grand to live in a world where all men loved each other?
 Wouldn't it be grand if everyone started today to make it that way?

The ball's in our court.  It's up to us.  
Which way will will it roll?
I guess we'll just have to wait and see.