Friday, October 11, 2013

TTOT: I Thought We Won The War?

Lizzi has been with me this week.

Well, not in a physical sense, but in a omnipotent sort of way.

When I awake in the morning, I hear, 


"YOU WILL PARTICIPTE IN TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL THIS WEEK!"

When I'm at work,


"CAN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?  YOU WILL PARTICIPATE IN 
TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL THIS WEEK!!"

Before I fall asleep at the keyboard each evening, 


"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?  DON'T YOU GET IT?  YOU WILL PARTICIPATE IN TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL THIS WEEK!!!"

Even when I'm cutting my toenails, 


"YOU CAN DO THAT LATER!  WELL, NOT MUCH LATER ... GOD, THEY'RE GROSS!  WHEN YOU FINISH THEM REMEMBER YOU WILL DO TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL THIS WEEK ... AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR TEN UGLY TOES!!!!"

So, here I am ... I've worked five thirteen hour days this week, written five blog posts, and am completely exhausted.  However, my back is sliced to pieces by the whip that cracks against it from across the big pond.  


I thought the United States 
won that damn war!

Coming up with Ten Things of Thankful may be more that I can muster this week.


"DAMN IT!  I SAID YOU WILL DO TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL THIS WEEK! 
 GET TO IT!!!"


She's such a ... well, wonderful lady (with a damn whip!).

So, here we go, Ten Things Of Thankful is underway!


I'm Thankful For:

1)  Ignorance without guilt.  The United States Government is still shut down, displaying the fact that none of them truly have no idea what the hell they're doing.  Both sides need to sit in a corner wearing a Dunce Hat, after writing 100 times on the chalkboard, "I'm stupid and I know it, I'm ridiculous and I show it, so, you'll think the next time you vote for me, won't you?"

2)  Pandora Radio.  Finally, a radio network made for my taste in music.  Stick in an artist's name and out comes songs that make me listen to the radio for a change.  Damn!  I wonder if Pandora Congress is on the horizon?

3)  Faletame and Gabriela, my two cats.  Every morning they meet me at my bedroom door wanting to give me love (although lately they've been run off by some booming English voice screaming about writing).  I used to look at it as they just wanted me to pet them.  Then, like a lightening flash, it hit me!  Why, they're coming to me to give me their loving!  They must really care about me to arise up from their slumber and have only me on their minds first thing in the morning!  Of course, after feeding them, they're back to sleep, but it's a nice thought anyway!

4)  My wife's retail schedule.  I love my wife, but I love her working a couple of hours later than me even more.  It gives me a little bit of "me" time.  A time to relax.  A time to get the work out of my mind.  A time to write!  A time to go to porn educational sites and learn new positions mind expansion subjects.

5)  Dancing With The Stars.  Thank goodness for this television program.  I can't stand it, but my wife loves it.  So, I now have her DVR'ing it in her bedroom.  That gives me another couple of hours a week of "me" time while she leaves me alone and goes to watch it there!  (Now if I can just get her to record, "Gray's Anatomy" in there ...)

6)  Music Downloading.  Yikes, you mean in the last month I've purchased 34 albums from Amazon.com?!?!?  Holy Toledo!  Oh well, I am officially a music reviewer now, so maybe I can claim them as a business expense on my taxes.  Wait a minute, if the Federal Government is shut down, why am I still paying taxes?!?!?   Who's getting my money if most everyone is furloughed?  I'll be damned, the senators and representatives are still getting paid!  Those bastards!!!!  

7)  Real Readers.  No, not those that simply scan a blog, but those that actually read the blog.  They're the ones that recognize the underlying themes and jokes that are thrown in time to time.  They get to see the wonder of not only what I attempt to write, but what others struggle to perfect.  They are the few, the proud, the intelligent, that are more concerned about content than making a comment that makes no sense whatsoever.  They are treasured to anyone that pounds the keyboard seeking to please others.  (Let's see how many caught this one by the comments they leave, lol.)

8)  The planet Earth.  It's a beautiful place if you only take the time to view it.  From a single droplet of morning dew to the magnificence of the French Alps to the irony of Ayers Rock to the humor of a Colorado Medicinal Marijuana Clinic, the planet is filled with surprises, natural wonders, and life giving properties.  And, just think, if it wasn't here, we'd all be floating around wildly in space!

9)  Payday miniatures.  You know, Payday candy bars in bite size.  Nuts upon nuts upon a creamy caramel inside.  Cause, sometimes you feel like a nut, and that's when Payday pays off!  It's a diabetic's nightmare food and so freaking fantastic!  Plus, the nuts and caramel stay in your teeth for hours so you can enjoy them all evening long!  I imagine, if you didn't brush your teeth, you could probably even enjoy them at breakfast with your pancakes!  Yum Yum!

10)  Friends.  Yeah, friends like Lizzi and Kristi and Terrye and Kerri and Michael and so many of you that I could get a name book and copy it from A to Z.  Friends that give advice, take time to help you learn, come to your rescue when you're down and no one is commenting on your current posting.  Friends that will send you every dollar in their bank account just because they like you.  Well, a guy can dream, can't he?


* * * * * * * *
And that, my pennyless friends, is my posting for Ten Things of Thankful.  Don't blame me if you didn't like it.  I was forced into it by ... well, you know who.  If you really hated it, contact me and I'll give you her physical address.  Just remember, you've got a long way to row!
Okay, Lizzi, just joking!

Ciao!