Friday, January 29, 2016

Depressed? Then Stop By And Cry With Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

Did you ever get so pissed off at the world that you didn't care if you lived or died?

Have you ever felt like God's whipping boy ... continuously taking lashes for every bad thing that ever happened?

Remember the time that no matter how hard you tried to be positive, everything turned out to be a negative that was thrown in your face?

Did you ever find yourself in a losing situation with nowhere to go but deeper and deeper into the mire?

Was there ever a time in your life where the good times out weighed the bad and you thought they'd never end?

When was the last time you were able to take a few minutes to appreciate what you had instead of being pressured for more of what you didn't?

Did you ever gaze into a mirror wondering why some people had all the luck and you had none?

Have you ever wondered how some people constantly hit the winning numbers on scratch off tickets and daily Pick Three lotteries?

What new excuse did you come up with to tell the bill collectors when your car payment was due and your money wasn't enough?

Do you remember what it was to have been a big fish at one time, only to find yourself ashore suffocating without water now?

Did you ever want to spend time with the kids you didn't have time to spend with when they were young ... and still don't?

Sound like the opening to a 
depression medicine commercial?

Sound like an elderly person looking at their life 
and living in regret?

Sound like a television news psychologist making excuses
 for someone going ballistic and using a toy gun 
to fake out police officers in hopes of committing suicide?

Sound like your life?

Let's see if this can take your mind off of things for a while.

 Forget your troubles, grab a cup of tea, and read on to this week's edition of 
This Week, I'm Thankful For ...

1)  ... a Masonic Temple massacre has been averted.  Samy Mohamed Hamzeh was arrested by the FBI this week on illegal weapons charges as a plan to use machine guns to kill at least thirty people in a Milwaukee Masonic Temple was thwarted.  In his report, he stated that his group was Muslim and that it would be an act that if the hit had been executed, it would have been known all over the world.  It was to be in defense of Islam.

I've had many Muslim friends over the years, especially during my time in the 
Middle East.  This is obviously an extremist that is not indicative of those
 I knew, or the millions like them.  However, the ideas expressed by
 this individual included that he, and those like him, 
were fighting on the front lines of a war.  

People, the war has come to America.  Stop being naive and think otherwise.  
For decades, we have watched bombings and daily terrorist activities take
 place overseas.  True, we had our own experience on 9/11 and a few more 
since then.  If you don't believe in a religion or God, you are as much a target
 as the Christians that do.  You are the "devil" in the eyes of an extremist.  

So, if a person comes up to you on the street and asks you where to purchase 
machine guns and bombs, please use discretion in giving them directions.

2) ... Argentina is facing the worst plague of locusts in fifty years.  Over 1.7 million acres in northern Argentina is covered by the insects.  In hopes of stopping the plague, officials are fumigating the young insects.

I guess age does have its benefits!

In a special ad campaign, chocolate covered grasshoppers are now on sale at your favorite specialty store.  However, remember, though the insects can be tasty, chocolate may add inches to your waistline!

3)  ... those that forget the past are doomed to repeat it.  A San Diego Televangelist, Morris Cerullo, wants to build a Christian themed resort in Mission Valley.  Designs for this include over 120 timeshare suites, a biblical museum, a 20 feet high version of the Wailing Wall, a dome theater, and some catacombs.

It's a shame Jim Bakker's Heritage USA has been sold and developed. 
Maybe Cerullo could perform the park's first exorcism on the remaining
property by getting rid of the ghost of Tammy!

4)  ... a new study on coffee, tea and chocolate that proves it safe!  The University of California San Francisco states that heart palpitations, heart fluttering, or other heart maladies.  Researchers say it's time for doctors to "lighten up" on their stand against these drinks.

In a related story, several energy drink companies have fired their 
public relations firms for not foreseeing the coffee findings.  

"Damn" said one CEO, 
"Just as we were replacing java as the morning drink of choice!"

5)  ... Zika Virus may be transmitted by sex!  Yep, here's another virus for you.  The Zika Virus, which can cause brain defects and paralysis in babies, has been shown to have possibly been transmitted by sex.  

Okay, here's the typical joke, 
"Damn, what are babies doing having sex?"

Done laughing, yet?

Okay, so, if it is transmitted that way, I'm safe.  
So is my wife.

That's what 36 years of marriage does for you

Anyone want to add the element of danger to their life?


6)  ... Puerto Rico confirms eighteen new cases of the Zika Virus.

Someone's having sex.

San Juan, here I come!

7)  ... President Obama will be proposing plans to aid (?) Americans in saving for retirement.  These plans include automatically enrolling all workers in I.R.A.'s and making it easier to keep their savings when changing jobs, regardless of their income level.  

Okay, for those of you that love the President, this will make you mad, as
 I simply consider him another politician like all the rest (regardless of party)
 making money for big business.  Think about this ... how much money 
has insurance companies gained in new premiums paid now that 
health insurance is mandatory in the United States.  

So, after filling the pockets of the insurance companies, 
why not do the same for the banks? 

 Automatic means "mandatory" in Washington.  So, regardless of how little 
you're being paid, a chunk of your paycheck will go to the banks, of which 
will be more than happy to take out their maintenance fees.  You may
 not have a home to live in, nor be able to pay either the premiums for
 the health insurance you're required to have (or the fines for not having it), 
but you'll be forced to put money into an I.R.A.

So, if you want something special, you'd better do it now
while you can still afford to do so.

I'm going to San Juan!  

8) .. the snowstorm that covered the Midwest and Eastern United States this last weekend. Snowfall was between 5 to 40 inches in various places, and is basically mostly gone by now.  Ho-hum. 

 Nothing like a little snow to bring families together to drink milk and eat bread.
(If you don't get this you didn't read last week's TTOT post.  Your fault!)

9) ... Whole Foods has recalled 74,000 pounds of store brand frozen pizza.  No, there's no illness to fear.  However, the "uncured beef pepperoni" on the label is really "pork".  Whole foods blamed the mistake on a change of suppliers (that couldn't friggin' read English and tell the difference between "Uncured Beef Pepperoni" and "Pork").

So, if you're a Muslim, or any other group that doesn't eat pork 
(the other white meat), then you'll probably be ticked off.   
Just beware of a man named Samy that is looking to purchase 
machine guns and bombs in front of your local "Whole Foods" grocery.

10)  ... Oregon has been chosen for the third year in a row to be the most popular state in the United States to move to.  South Carolina came in second.  In contrast, New Jersey has had more people move out of the state, followed by New York.  

Okay, since this has happened in Oregon, housing prices have increased
 11% from the same time last year.  Otherwise, I can only guess that the moves 
are an effort to negate the strong conservative vote in South Carolina, and 
other areas of the Deep South by saturating them with the liberals 
from the Northeast.  After all, it is an election year.

But ... I'm still going to San Juan!

See ya next week!


And SMILE!!!!

**Btw, your comments are always appreciated!