Monday, November 18, 2013

Twisted Mix-Tape Tuesday: Your Cheatin' Heart

who needs 'em?

Most of us do, 
I guess.

There's always good and bad in every relationship.  It's how both parties handle these factors that determines the final outcome.

Obviously, when the bad things out number the good, things generally go sour.  Factors such as incompatibility, excessive drug or alcohol usage, or even physical and/or mental abuse are usually the culprits in times like these.  

However, there are times that everything seems good, and they still go sour.  When that occurs, it's usually because of another person entering the picture.

Today's Twisted Mix-Tape Tuesday is all about that.  
Cheating Songs and such.

Having been married for 33 years, I could pretend difficulty in remembering three decades ago when all was not well in my life in the realm of relationships.  

Like things are perfect now!

But, that's something you never forget.  The act of the heart breaking stays with a person forever (especially if one had devoted themselves fully to making it work).  Sadness is too light a word to describe the devastation and total loss one experiences when it's discovered that they've been cheated on. 

Let's go back in time (Well, at least imagine you can. Geesh!)

Probably, most everyone had grade school sweethearts.  These relationships were more "Puppy Love" than anything else.  We were just finding out that the opposite sex had something of value, besides just being a target to tease.  No, we didn't really have many similar interests, but still, there was an attraction that couldn't be denied.

Later, in high school, some of us found that person we truly felt we wanted to be with the rest of our lives.  I remember mine ... let's just call her Ellen.  Shimmering dark hair of the night, lips so soft you'd swear they were comprised of cotton, a smile to set your soul on fire, and a body so warm and giving that there could never be any other.  Yes, I was in love!
Yeah, this was really me with my
high school love ... way, way back.

(And the shortest my hair would be for years!)
We dated each other exclusively for my last two years of high school, and for about seven months after that.  (I gave her the best years of my life!  lol)   Then, one evening, I felt that something was wrong.  Her kisses and hand holding didn't come as freely and her actions were somewhat mechanical in nature.  

What had I done to deserve this?  

I had been at college and she still in high school.  Yet, we still saw each other weekly.  And, we'd just become engaged two months before!  My fear of losing her was only matched by my curiosity as to what was the reason for her emotional distance.

I was beginning to freak the Hell out!!!

Of course, upon initial questioning, I received the typical response men have gotten for centuries when women don't want their deep, dark secrets to be known.  

"I don't know."

After continued questioning (no, I didn't pull out the rubber hose and spotlight), it finally hit me.  (I know, I'm dense at times, like most men.)

Could there be another?  

That was when I found out that there was!  As mentioned, she was still in high school and she stated that she didn't like walking the halls alone (how lame was that!!!), so she had found the boyfriend of another to walk with her.  I asked myself why this happened.  I knew he had a girlfriend, and my supposed true love had me.  So, they didn't need each other.

My imagination went crazy on me.  I began to envision them having evenings of hot passion together.  As much as I'd deny it, I couldn't get the pictures out of my mind.  The mental games continued and I could hear them talking about the affair to each other!

I was completely lost in a lost world of depression, anger, and emptiness.  My devotion to Ellen had been so strong.  I had completely stayed honest and true to her during what should have been a guy's "fun" years of high school.  I'd even joined her church and attended it twice a week, sitting beside her and her family.  They had trusted me with their daughter and allowed us much freedom as even they'd believed we'd be together forever.  They were as shocked as I.  Why had this guy come between us and how deep were the feelings?

For a few days we were divided.  (This was when I tried pot for the first time in my life!  Maybe I should've thanked her for that!)  Then, after walking on eggs and trying to rekindle the relationship, we tried getting back together for a week.  One might call this "Bombshell Week!"  

She admitted that she missed her friends commenting about the diamond engagement ring I'd bought her and wanted it back.  (You should have seen her face when I told her I'd returned it and got my money back!)  But, something else was amiss. (Besides me no longer having a diamond ring for her.).  In the week we'd been apart, she and I had changed. (In addition to me learning what it was like to get high!)  The solidity of the relationship foundation had crumbled.  We both knew it was over.  Still, that didn't stop the heartbreak I sustained as I realized for the first time in almost three years, I was alone.

And, that was it!  It was over and I had to survive.  For years, I dated one night stands, and even went through a couple of very deep and emotional relationships.  I was amazed at finding how many girls had wanted to date me, but had been quiet in respect for my relationship with Ellen, as well as others I met along the way.

I saw her one more time.  Before going into the military, Ellen's parents thought it a good idea for me to have a going away dinner with their family.  They seemed to really enjoy me being there again, but Ellen and I knew that would be the "last supper" for us.  After dinner, we gathered in the living room, making small talk, and Ellen fell asleep.  I thought it a good time to leave, and did so without allowing her parents to awaken her.  No need for the awkwardness of a final goodbye.  

I had found out that I was a marketable product that had a lot to offer someone, should they be looking.  Most importantly, I found that I didn't immediately need another person in my life to have a good time.  Life was what you made it.  No matter if I was on a date or solo, the fun I had depended strictly on me and my attitude, not some relationship.

Many years later, I met my future wife.  I always knew deep down that when I married, it would be for life.  Oh, there have been reasons for the marriage not to have lasted.  Those will not be discussed here.  (Yeah, gotta save some of the good stuff for another time!)  What is important is that my wife and I made it this far, through good times and bad times, and really have no reason to doubt that things will ever change. 

 Anniversary number 34 will be here in seven months, if we're both still around.  And, as much as I joke about her, I have to say that Gladys Knight and the Pips sing my words to her much better than I ever could.

Still, the act of the heart breaking is a grand part of everyone's history.  I'd love to say I got over Ellen and a few others that entered my inner fortress, but I honestly can't.  There will always be a part of my heart that holds them so near and dear to me.  Hate just isn't a part of my psyche.  But, the loves and heartbreaks I've had will always remain a vital part of my life and never die.  After all, isn't true love forever?

God, what a bunch of mushy crap!  

The bitch will be home shortly so I've got to finish this before she reads it 
and expects me to get all romantic.  

Let's see, what's on Monday Night Football?


*P.S.  A couple of years ago, Ellen found me on Facebook.  We communicated for a week or so.  She's been married three times since our engagement.  Hopefully, this one will work for her.  We caught up on how her family was doing and other nonessential chatter.  She, also, validated my thoughts of how deep our relationship had been, and how she'd made many mistakes.  

I never really looked at it that way.  It was simply a growing up experience.  

I wish her the best.

(And "Yes", my wife completely knows about it and the closure it brought!)

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BTW:  Don't forget to read my music reviews and posts every Wednesday on