Saturday, November 23, 2013

Ten Things Of Thankful ... Turkeys Are Crying!

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In considering whether to participate in Ten Things Of Thankful this week, I have to remember that I failed to visit as many blogs as I had wanted last week.

I apologize if I didn't visit yours.

It was actually in my plans to do so, but my body, with the bronchitis it was holding within, simply wouldn't cooperate.  In fact, my wife finally just got pissed off at me and turned off my computer during one of my nod out sessions.

This is where you expect me to call her a "Bitch", isn't it?

I'm going to restrain myself from doing so over that.  She was only thinking of my health, and figured if I awoke to a blank screen that I would get up and go to bed where I belonged.

After 33 years, she still doesn't know me that well.

The fact of the matter is that I didn't get around much.  What I did read I really don't remember much.  So, I guess I seriously was somewhat sicker than even I imagined.  Either that or someone changed out my Marlboros for some Denver brand.  

Rocky Mountain High 100's anyone?

Yesterday, I started feeling a little better.  Today, that continued.  I'm hoping tomorrow does the same.

Just in time for 29 degree weather to arrive.

I really don't mind cold weather.  In fact, I'd rather have it cold than hot.  I recognize that I'm in the minority, but think of it this way.  When you're outrageously hot in the summer, you go inside to the air conditioning and sprawl out, somewhat exhausted, working to bring down your body temperature.  

There are people you really don't want to see sprawled out.  You know who they are!

In the winter, you come inside to get warm, huddle up around the heater or fireplace, get close to each other, and enjoy a nice cup of holiday tea or hot cocoa together.  You're ready to do something to stay warm ... which usually means having fun.  

And what you don't want to see is usually covered up with plenty of clothing!

See, not only is cold weather more refreshing, it's softer on the eyes!  

Moving on, it's once again time for 

Ten Things Of Thankful!!!!!!

All of our wonderful hostesses allow us to spew our words or wisdom and thoughts of tantalizing tidbits of thankful during this time period.  And, I understand this is the 25th Anniversary Edition!!!  

How much longer do these people think we can come up 
with crap to be thankful for, anyway????

I've not been here for all 25 installments.  In fact, I really haven't been here that much.  

No, I'm not going back for an actual count.  Geesh!

So, without further drudgery and disdain, let us begin this week's farce efforts to bring forth the theory of thankful things!

OMG, I'm so thankful for:

1)  Salvation Army Money Collectors.  Don't you just love the ever ringing of undersized piercing metal cowbells every time you get within five miles of a retail establishment.  I saw these guys out this last Wednesday for the first time.  My first thoughts were, "Damn!  These guys beat Wal-Mart to the punch!"  I bet you won't find any of them out on Thanksgiving Day.  

2)  Microwaves of various wattage's.  Nothing like taking 3 minutes to warm up a bowl of microwave Chicken Noodle soup at home, and scalding your hands cleaning up the mess inside the microwave at work when you heat if for the same time period.  Isn't it amazing how hot soup doesn't only help you feel better when you're ill, but also burns off any semblance of fingerprints in less than six seconds?

Make it go around, Rich, make it go around!
3)  Bosses who take time off when they're sick.  Think about it this way, if you get sick about the same time your boss does, they won't notice you're not at work because they're not there either!  Of course, when they return, they may question your production during their absence.  But, what can they say when you change the topic to discussing the comparisons of your illness to their?  Absolutely nothing!  If you're going to get sick, this is definitely the time to do it!

4)  General Tso's Chicken.  I've just found an oriental restaurant that doesn't follow the standard "let's see how sweet we can make this stuff" philosophy.  Instead, they consider it a spicy dish that they can make hot and wonderful.  After a week of not eating solid food, a dish of this is just what you want to remind your stomach that it has more of a purpose than straining noodles and fake chicken morsels.  It's not great unless it "Burns the mouth before heading South!"

5)  Eric Clapton.  Let's face it, Mr. Clapton is well past his prime.  A life of alcohol and drugs takes a toll on the human body ... and mind.  (Hell, I never drank much and look at me!)  This week, Mr. Clapton release his 282nd album. (Not really that many, it only seems like it.)  "Eric Clapton Guitar Festival: Crossroads" is a double CD staring some of the best guitar players in the world.  No, I'm not talking the heavy metal rockers, but the artists that can make it whisper or sing, whichever and whenever they prefer.  I bought my copy at Best Buy for $1.00 less than downloading it would cost on (which is usually cheaper that I-Tunes).  No, Eric doesn't play on every song, but the artists that he assembled is a tribute to the art of quality guitar playing.  Give it a shot if you're a lover of good music.  (Not that manufactured Dance and Rap Crap!) 

6)  55,000 different variations of the Kennedy assassination.  I'm sorry, after 50 years of debate, I've pretty much settled on the fact the assassination was a conspiracy, did include another shooter in the grassy mall, and will never have the truth told about it.  Let's be real.  Kennedy wasn't a favorite of organized labor, big business, or many of his political cohorts.  Big business has always ruled the United States, with the politicians simply being the puppets to calm the people big business screws over.  Go up against them and watch out!  You either die suddenly, disappear, or find yourself supporting a 3rd Avenue building pillar ... from inside.  But, there's no use in arguing about it because the government keeps supporting programs that prove it wasn't a conspiracy.  Let's just move on knowing most big business big wigs are assholes that will do whatever necessary to have their way ... and their money.  
Oh, and enjoy shopping on Thanksgiving!

7)  Hardees / Carl Jr. Restaurants commercials.  Once again, the masters of sex and hamburgers have done it with a new commercial.  No!  This time I am not going out and writing an 1800 word report on the new sandwich.  If you're a hetero female or a homosexual male, please just bypass the video.  If you're a guy, or either a bisexual or homosexual female, I'm sure you'll enjoy this.
Watching more than five times in a row
can cause brain damage!

8)  Oil Companies.  Speaking of big business, let us not forget the oil companies.  With crude oil prices at a ten year low, we still find gas prices increasing at the pumps  (+.35 yesterday).  I recognize that they're doing their best to give all of their stockholders a tremendous profit margin for the fourth quarter.  We all recognize you couldn't live without earning your 33 million dollar per quarter profit cash, especially in the manner in which your country club lifestyle requires.  So, thank you for raising your prices and eliminating the ability to provide the families of normal people with the ability to enjoy the holidays and the joy of giving.  
But then again, you've been giving it to the public for years, haven't you?

9)  All those that bring holiday sweets to the workplace.  Approximately 70% of the nation is watching their weight, either because of voluntary dieting or diabetes.  Let's tempt these individuals and try to throw them into diabetic shock by sticking a mound of fudge, pile of cookies, or containers of candy in front of them.  Hey, ever consider simply making a bunch of mix CD's and handing them out?  Careful, or your cookie decorations will offend one of the politically correct crowd and you'll be sued!

10)  Turkeys.  Every year, thousands of turkeys give their lives to keep a holiday tradition alive.  These brave animals could achieve so much if given the opportunity to live.  However, as tradition demands, they are beheaded, defeathered, gutted, and then broasted or fried for our delight.  Oh, there are some pigs that step up to the plate and provide holiday hams, but the turkey is the creature that most prefer. 

 Enjoy your last days on Earth, my friends.  Gobble on!

And that's it!  I promise I plan on getting around to your blogs over the next few days (I'm in the middle of a 13 day straight working schedule), so please have patience.  

Oh, and have a great Thanksgiving!

The turkeys would want it that way!