Saturday, September 13, 2014

Ten Things Of Thankful ... or, "How To Get Your Neighbor To Go To Walmart For You"

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Have you ever watched the movie The African Queen?

No, it's not about the guy and monkey that started Aids a few decades ago.

The African Queen is a tale of a couple that face tragedy, survive a long and hazardous journey, and find love and devotion to each other.  It stars Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn as a couple that face swarming mosquitoes, numerous wild animals, and a rive filled with dangerous rapids.  

Okay, so why the movie review?  

The African Queen has reminded me how similar the roads are that we travel during our daily lives, unless, of course, you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth.  First, there's going to be decisions to make and adversity to face.  Next, the road to recovery or better living must be traveled.  Finally, you can sit back and relax while enjoying the fruits of your labor.

Almost sounds like a morning dump, doesn't it?  You strain like crazy, make a decision as to when your body says, "All done", and then get on with the rest of the morning. (Unless you've eaten something that totally disagrees with you the night before and then there's many return journeys.  lol)

Maybe, just maybe, you'd like to consider it more like picking the kids up at school.  You fight traffic to get there, wait in what seems to be an endless line of minivans and SUV's, and finally get to scream at the kids to hurry up and close the damn door before the rain soaks the seats.  Ahhh, the enjoyment of being a parent!

It could even be like the physical act of lovemaking to a partner with whom you're stuck with for decades. The only difference here is that the decision is mostly made out of obligation, the road traveled doesn't bring new experiences, and the cigarettes taste the same as they would if you'd never embarked upon the excursion to begin with.  (That make you want to get old, doesn't it?)

I could describe one more comparison with masturbation, but I think you get the point!

See ... "Trial ... Effort ... Success!"  "Beginning ... Middle ... End!"

Or, one might even consider reading this as the same.  You've just endured the beginning.  Now, the middle is coming up.  Some of it will be easy.  Some of it won't be easy.

This has been the toughest part for me.  Of course, I haven't written the rest yet, so who really knows what the toughest part will end up being.  As in life, we can only judge the degree of the difficulty from those we've already experienced.  That's why perceptions can be so deceiving and completely screw up endings.

Perhaps discussing masturbation would be more fun.   Hmmm ...

Yet, if a person was bold enough to write a Ten Things Of Thankful post about the experience of masturbation, they might either be asked to never come back, or, perhaps, to lead an instructional course on the topic.  
That could be the start!  The middle could be what you make it!  And, the end, well, the end could be messy.  

So, let me swallow my pride and continue onward to the middle, better known as:

"Today, I'm Thankful For These Ten Things ..."

1)  CVS Pharmacy.  This pharmacy chain is making a big deal about doing away with cigarettes in their inventory.  In their recent television commercial blitz, they state they're doing it for health reasons.  What a bunch of El Toro defecation!!!  Let's tell it like it is.  CVS found that with their high costs for tobacco products, people were buying them elsewhere.  Of course, that's not surprising as CVS is one of the most expensive pharmacy chains in the United States today.  If this chain was so health conscious, they'd stop increasing the size of their liquor department (which is responsible for more "Caused and related deaths" than tobacco annually), provide proper security for their store employees (since they're dealing with more and more robberies ... common to liquor stores), and stop making claims that only show them for the liars they are.  In fact, they even keep the stores open after the pharmacy closes just to dip deeper into the alcohol sales market.  Sorry, CVS, you're not even good at covering up.  Time to hire a new marketing department!  Oh, that's right, they now work for Cosco, don't they?

2)  Ray Rice & wife, Janay.  Baltimore Ravens running back, Ray Rice, was shown in a video (released this week) practicing his boxing skills on his wife's chin.  Bad thing was they weren't in a boxing ring.  Instead, this took place in an elevator that just happened to have a security camera filming the incident.  

The NFL immediately suspended Rice indefinitely because of this.  

Now, his wife is condemning the NFL's actions and saying that the press was the reason for everything happening.  Let's see, a couple of good punches, a knockout, and a count beyond ten was all the fault of the press.  C'mon, folks, you can do better than that!  Sounds like she was more than happy to divorce his ass as long as he was working and could supply a huge meal ticket. However, since there's no longer any money coming in, she's coming to her "non-senses" and talking about what a beautiful relationship they have.  

So, shed the "Professional Football Player and wife" category and enter 
the "Wife Beater and Money Grubbing Bitch" spotlight!!!  

Isn't love beautiful?
"And for my next song, here's
one I wrote last night."
"You're not much, Bubba, but
you're better than batteries!"

3)  Taylor Swift.  Would you believe that Taylor Swift hasn't dated in over a year?  Perhaps it's because everyone's she's ever dated and broke up with has had a nasty song written about them and no one else wants to make the TS Asshole List.  Sounds like she's getting ready to write some new songs based on her recent, multi platinum, one night stands, though. I hear the album title is tottering between "How Swift Is Swift" or ""Nail Taylor Again."  

4)  President O-Bam-Bam-A.  As you know, I don't like politicians, regardless of the party.  But, what makes me sick is when a politician parades around on television like he's the one that thought of everything, when we all know any central political figure is surrounded by many just as politically tainted and common sense ignorant as he.  Anyway, a major element in war is the element of surprise.  Don't let your opponent know what you're going to do and you keep them wondering.  

So, what does our wonderful President do?  Of course, he get's on TV and broadcasts a major statement as to what our plans are (and will be) against Isis!   What does this guy think, that the television broadcast won't be seen or heard by any of the enemy???  No, he didn't give any definitive dates or times, but he did give them a much broader understanding as to what paths we may be traveling.  One might say enough time to develop obstacles for us to have to overcome and cost American fighting men and women their lives.  

Thanks, O-Bam-Bam-A!  Whose side did you say you were on?  Oh yeah, you got that
 procedure out of the "How to Fight a War and Make Corporations Rich" written by our last president, George "When's My Next Vacation" Tush.  'Nuff Said!!!

"Here's my South African
justice, baby!"

5)  South African Justice.  Oscar Pistorius was proclaimed innocent of murder this week, proving once again that if you want to end a relationship without having to deal with a money grubbing gold digger, the easiest way to do so is with a pistol. At least, that's the way he tells it.  Of course, one must be an international figure and have millions of dollars in the bank, but the gifted life can be yours if you so desire.  Funny ... I didn't see any rioting there after the decision was read.  Oh yeah, that only happens in countries where the populace is primarily supported by government assistance and doesn't have to go to work to earn a living.  

6)  Olive Garden Restaurants.  The chain's loss of profits seem to have investor's so worried, they hired an efficiency group to come in and make recommendations.  One of these brilliant observers states that there are too many wasted breadsticks.  The chain's official policy is to only bring out one breadstick at a time, but many of the servers brought more.  With this landmark observation, the firm will be able to save enough to pay the cost of the efficiency group's services by the year 2059.

"There's no damn way I'm going
to lick your face, Rich!"
7)  Dogs That Lick Your Face.  Professor Alexandra Horowitz has proclaimed that the reason dogs lick your face leads back to their "wolf" ancestry.  Seems that wolves lick the faces of other wolves to get them to regurgitate food for the rest of the pack.  So, on that note, one could logically assume that if a dog doesn't lick your face after you eat, you may want to consider what you've been consuming!  "No, honey, I'm not knocking how bad you cook again ... the dogs are!"

8)  Dr. Lawrence Cohen.  Joan River's specialist is no longer performing operations or is the director of the medical facility where she had her final operation.  Seems he had another doctor in the operating room who was not authorized by the facility to be present.  Dr. Cohen was last observed running wild from the facility, with his hands clasped firmly over his ears, as reporters bombarded him with, "Can we talk ... really ... can we talk just a minute?"

9)  The Death Trilogy Hex.  As comedians and singers usually seem to die in groups of three, comedy clubs throughout the country are finding it hard to find comedians willing to claim the title of comedian for fear of being the remaining member of the "Robin Williams / Joan Rivers / ?" grouping.  In a related story, Saturday Night Live will be broadcast at its regular time this weekend, as none of those working there have anything to fear from the hex.

"Welcome to Walmart!  
10)  New Walmart Dress Code.  Employees, at the store no one admits to shopping in, Walmart, are once again having to take much of their earned income to purchase new clothes to conform with the new dress code their corporate headquarters has decided to impose upon them.  Since stores in the United States are only required to pay for uniforms, but not clothes that could be worn elsewhere, Employees are complaining that they would never wear a white or blue polo shirt, or khaki or black slacks anywhere else, and that it should be considered a uniform.  Judging from the usual clothing worn by most Walmart employees, the case is under consideration.  

That's going to do it for another Ten Things of Thankful!  

You've now traveled upon today's version of the African Queen.  As Bogey once said,

"Here's looking at you, kid!"


*** BTW ... Many "Serious" Thanks to all of you that have written me about how my wife is doing.  It's been a couple of weeks now and even though the physical hurts have mended, the mental still remain somewhat.  It will be a long road, I'm afraid, until all is once again, if ever, well.  Still, there are times I wonder if it didn't affect me just as greatly as vengeance is still a constant mind companion.  She, and I, do appreciate your concerns, well wishes, and prayers.  Again, Many Thanks!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Just Once ... Let There Be One Night Of Legal Purging! Vengeance Is Thine! (Or how to cut the balls off a thug and ruin his prison sex life)

As many of you know, my wife and a co-worker of hers were the victims of a senseless attack last Saturday night.

That's the reason the comments many of you were so kind to leave on last week's post are still unanswered.

Physically, my wife is okay.  Mentally, the questions still remain.

That's beyond her standard mental deficiencies of course! 
 (Okay, so I had to make one joke.  
I can't help myself at times.)

The attack came after a shoplifter, after wandering around the pharmacy several times, had picked up a bottle of vodka and put it in his pocket.  The co-worker then asked to see his I.D., since he seemed to look way too young to legally purchase the item.  He slammed the bottle on the counter and started in with the screaming accusation crap that so many uneducated people partake of when they're caught in the act of a wrong doing.

My wife told him, "You just need to leave."

The 15-16 year old punk lashed out at her face with a fist, knocking off her glasses and grazing her nose.  He struck a second time and hit her hard in the right clavicle, knocking her backwards into the counter racks behind the register.  

It was at that point the co-worker started out from behind the counter and the punk strutted out the exit.  Unfortunately, the co-worker was unaware that the punk was standing just outside the door.  A bottle of Nyquill was smashed into the co-worker's face, breaking his glasses and sending glass into both the skin surrounding the eye and the eye as well.  The punk then took off in the company of two girls, one wearing a pink top (according to on scene witnesses)

A description of the youth:  young, black male, 15-16 years old in appearance, head bandana, black tank top and baggy and ripped black jeans.  Sad that it sounds, so stereotypical, isn't it?

When my wife told me about the occurrence she was still in shock.  A shock that allowed for her to create a denial.  However, as the days have passed, that denial has been replaced with anger and rage.  She'll heal ... slowly.  

I just don't know if I will, or even want to!

Immediately after being told of the event, my mind went to all the training I had in the military.  There are multiple ways to kill a person.  Believe me, there were very few that haven't passed through my mind since that night.

No, I'm not going to describe them.  I don't want to gross you out.  Let's just say that there are those that deserve to live and those that don't.  A man that uses brute force on an innocent woman only deserves to get what he demonstrates ... no mercy.

I really don't care if this thug had a messed up childhood.  Nor, do I care if he had parents that needed anger management classes and he's only exhibiting what he experienced at home.  I don't even care if he just lost his dog.

No, this is a person that society has honed.  He's selfish, thinks only of himself, respects the rights of no other human being, and believes that anything is okay as long as he gets away with it.  He believes he's tougher than anyone else and is dying to prove it.

I'm ready to give him his chance.

Should I be thankful to this person for any reason?  I've been told to be thankful that he didn't use a knife or gun that night.  I've also been told to be thankful that we have a police department that will get him in the end.  I don't believe that as they've proven themselves totally ineffective in a couple of other situations we've experienced over the years.

I guess I should be thankful that I wasn't present the other night.  It probably stopped some ignorant mother from pleading with authorities how her son didn't deserve to die and how he'd always been such an angel.  It probably stopped all of the minority leaders from having to visit our fair city and preach about how terrible it is that a fine young man's future is no longer a possibility as he was unfairly taken early in life.  It may have even stopped some riots from occurring.

But, in analyzing myself, I don't hate this individual because of his color.  In fact, color has nothing to do with it.  If it did, there would be no way I could talk to many of my co-workers, receive their empathy and understanding, and remain good friends.  This was a thug ... a dumb punk that picked on a 58 year old woman that needed to have his ass kicked regardless of his color because of his actions.  It's called attitude readjustment time ... when my attitude gets better by readjusting his face and body bone structure.  Its a time when the beast within me arises and slashes out to end the possibilities of future victims going through what my wife is going through.  It's a time for justice to forget the courts and the leniency they provide and do what seems to be most effective ... give a permanent lesson!

No, I will probably never get the chance to do as I wish with this person.  I would run for the chance, but I might be running forever.  However, sooner or later, if this person continues in the manner they've shown, someone will demonstrate what being a punk thug is all about ... dying.

It will be one funeral I won't cry at.  

Purge ... anyone?

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Ten Things of Thankful ... The PG Edition (Okay, So I Gotta Do It Every Now And Then Before I Lose Those That Don't Like R Rated Material. Get Over It!)

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Funny how things always seem to go in cycles.

No, I'm not talking about the monthly curse that women have suffered since the beginning of time.  (Although I remember several times during my youth that I was exceptionally happy to hear that my girlfriend's had started.)

I'm talking about society for the most part.  

OMG, he's going to start another rant!

No, not this time.  I've let my viewpoints speak out many times.  I know that people don't like being called stupid (even though many are).  I'm also aware that people don't always like to look at the negatives that surround them everyday (even though they, too, love to bitch about them).  So, for now, I'm going to leave those topics alone and try to find humor in the world in which we reside (like we really have many other options to choose from).

I read this week that Global Warming was making a comeback tour. Global warming was a big thing for several years.  Then, after everyone blasted Al Gore's preachings, it seemed to leave us for a while. Then, some claimed it was all a hoax and a plan to get over on the public. But, now it's making a tremendous comeback!  

You never doubted it, did you?

It does seem true that there are an abundance of earthquakes these days. In addition, more and more serious storms, tornadoes and hurricanes, these days, and more temperature extremes seem to be a common news thread.  Just look at what the West Coast recently experienced!!!
There are even those that are predicting the end of days (I was always confused ... does the day end at 12:01 a.m., or does it have to be daylight before morning actually takes place?)  We all expect the giant pimple of lava underneath Yellowstone National Park to pop at any time, giving new purpose to Old Faithful as a new way to cook bear.  
So, what we were told existed, and then told never existed, is existing once more.  I figure this will last until at least the next elections.  Then, the incoming politicians can deny it happening ... again ... so we can get back to ignoring it while playing the role of plausible deniability.  

Of course, by then, we'll have the Giant Easter Bunny to deal with!!!!!

But, of course, the cycles continue!

Just like the Friday cycle of Ten Things of Thankful.  Lovely Lizzi and her tribe of thankful followers present this week's version right here _____.

Or, I should say here since you're already here and not there, until after you leave here, of course .. that is if you decide to go there, or not!  And, a horse is a horse, of course, or course ..

"Nuff said!"  Without further ado, let us venture into the deep dark recesses of my mind and get started with this week's offerings!

This week I'm thankful for:

1)  Tony Soprano.  Seven years after the final show, people are still debating what happened to the lead character after the screen left family sitting in the restaurant.  Did the stranger coming out of the bathroom kill all of them?  Did the family finish their meal and continue life in the same fashion they'd done for years?  Did a spaceship come out of the heavens, beam them up, and created a society based on "Family" concepts?   WHO CARES???

Folks, it's a television show.  It had enjoyed great ratings for many years, but they'd slumped due to a lousy dream sequence while Tony was recovering from a bullet wound.  So, decisions were made to end it.  It's time to get a life and move on to the next program.  There's hundred to choose from ... don't be picky!  By the way ... the actor who played Tony is dead ... dead!!!   For God's sake, let it end!  There won't be a follow up movie or a revival of cast members.  Eat your canola and shut up!

2)  True Blood finalie.  OMG!!!!!  Whatever are we going to do???  True Blood just showed its final episode this last Sunday night.  Talk about the suspense ... the irony ... the depression!!!  How will we be able to survive now that this stalwart of HBO programming will be no more??  And, how will we ever find out who Sookie married?  And, will her baby have fairy powers, too, or simply be a fairy?  

Hey ... Yeah, You ... Get A Life!

3)  Robin Williams.  How can I joke about the world's favorite funny man?  I want to, but nothing seems to come to mind.  Nor can I say anything that hasn't already been said, whether it was someone else or me.  I understand why he ended his life the way he did, I'm just extremely sorry he did it.  C'est le Vie, my friend!  You may be gone, but you'll never be forgotten.

4)  Syria.  Here's a country that supplied most of the 9/11 hijackers and has been a constant source of refuge for terrorists.  Now, terrorists are taking it over and doing to the populace what they've done all over the world for years!  Seems almost justified, doesn't it?

I hope that Isis and all other terror groups find a home there.  Gather them all together, send in the booze, get them drunk, and then blow the hell out of them with a deluge of well placed bombs.  And, please, don't tell me to forgive them for what they do.  Lining up unarmed individuals and shooting them from behind is a coward's act if I ever saw one.  It's kind of like those folks that like to talk big on the web, but when you confront them in real life, they back down so quick you can hardly see the blur.  Cowards!

Tell you what, Isis terrorists.  I know several folks here in Kentucky that would love to give you a fair and fighting chance.  Send us your top three leaders, arm them with a single pistol each, and meet these guys in the forests of Eastern Kentucky.  They'll be armed the same way.  After 48 hours, let's see who's still making moonshine and visiting real life virgins (Even if they are family members!).  

5)  Ice Bucket Challenge Participants.  I wish this craze would catch on with today's youth.  From the snipets I've witnessed so far, most of them don't remember to hold on to the bucket and drop it on the head of an unsuspecting youngster.  If this keeps up, some parent will be offended when their child sustains a neck injury, file legal suit against this practice, and make this completely illegal.  When this happens, the pages of Facebook and such will once again fill up with half clothed women and scare pranks, instead of the same old thing over and over again.  Btw, has anyone ever heard of donating via the United Way?
6)  Ever order multiple items on separate orders, pay for various shipping rates, and watch everything be packaged up and sent together?  Try it sometime.  When your "Two Day Shipping" doesn't arrive in two days because there's also the free shipping item contained in the shipment, call Amazon and bitch like crazy!  If you're a good enough actor, you might just find your next couple of shipments come to you much faster as you're credited with free, but 1 or 2 day, delivery!

7)  Wing Zone.  If this fast food delivery hasn't hit your area yet, you don't know what you're missing!  They have one of the best salads under the sun, as well as decent wings.  I always get the chicken tender salad with Thai Chicken hot sauce and add Blue Cheese dressing to it.  The Blue Cheese cools the heat, but it is simply smoldering under the creamy white topping.  For $7.29, you won't find a better salad.  Be careful, though.  I recently found myself shelling out $52 for my wife and I one night.  We had leftovers, but really, use restraint.  (But don't forget the damn salad!!!!!!!!)

8)  Tom Petty, Dave Mason, Jim Messina, and other music artists of decades ago.  Yep, these guys are still producing albums.  Some are decent and some are ... well, let's just say voices generally sound better earlier in life.  Be wary, you can find yourself getting hung up on downloading these artists, and going back and downloading their older albums that you never purchased with they were originally released.  Then, try explaining the $387 charges on your credit card to your spouse one evening.  "But honey, they were on sale.  Just look at all the money I saved!"   (Yeah, ladies, tell me you've never used that one before!)

9)  The Emmy Awards.  Gave me a reason to shut off regular TV and finally watch the Blu-Ray of "The Amazing Spiderman 2" while eating Wing Zone food.  If my wife had been out visiting my daughter, it would have been the perfect evening!

10)  Back To School Season.
"Yea, Yea, the kids are gone, 
the streets are clear the lines aren't long,  
Yea, Yea the bratty kids are gone." 
(Sung to "Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead")

I love kids, especially when I can't see them.  Behind locked doors of the schools is the best place for them.  They can finally absorb the low quality education that our government has decided they learn to ensure no child gets ahead.  Now, adults can go to Best Buy and look at the newest video games without being under the scrutiny of these underage seekers of superiority looking for easy prey to defeat online.  "Back, Back to your studies and sexting scandals.  Leave us adults alone!!!!"

That's going to do it for this week's Ten Things Of Thankful.  I did my best to stay away from politics and the world at war, only slipping up once or twice.  (Damn, I'm glad that's over!)  Check out my next posting (Who the hell knows when that will be.), and be sure to visit all the rest of the Ten Things Of Thankful posts for some real thankfulness.


Friday, August 15, 2014

Racism ... It Goes Both Ways

I’m confused.  
New York Post Photo

In the 60’s, I marched with many for civil rights.  Yes, I’m white, but I felt it my duty as a human being to march.  We didn’t riot, destroy property, or give the small minded asses that spat on us and called out slanderous remarks a reason to get violent.  We wanted to create a peaceful assembly and demonstrate that hatred between the races was a thing of the past.  And, yes, there were times we ran away at the end to avoid major confrontation and jail.  It was called, “Surviving to protest again!”

That was half a century ago.

Now, I get to witness news showing rioting.  A riot that is validated because a white police officer shot down an unarmed black individual.  A riot in the black neighborhood, destroying black property owners inventories, injuring innocent black bystanders, and stealing various items of value from black shop owners.

I don’t get it.

Why would you destroy, injure and loot from your own race when you’re protesting a shooting?  I don’t like the answers I come up with.

1)  Too lazy to catch a ride downtown to protest and riot at City Hall.
2)  Too far to outrun the authorities when they start to chase you down.
3)  Too many chances of being caught on camera and being charged later.
4)  Too hard to carry stolen merchandise home.
5)  Too hard to blame it on the police shooting and not just a chance to steal.

To protest the act of another, hurt your own, and then proclaim justice is needed is so damn hypocritical it’s beyond comprehension.  Once again, stupidity rears its ugly head in today's society.

Don’t get me wrong.  No, in no way, shape or form am I saying that the officer is innocent of anything.  If the sucker did as reported then he needs to pay the penalty for doing so.  Us old time protesters never stated justice wasn’t a need.  In fact, we wanted justice back then, the same as many do today.  We just didn’t let a few outlaws, that didn’t give a hoot about the cause, ruin everything we worked to achieve.

Still, we’re supposed to learn from our mistakes.  In the late 60’s, the rioting in Watts and areas of the East Coast showed that rioting only hurt those in the riot zones … no one else.  

So, why have a riot in your own neighborhood?  Are you really that stupid?  Has the “No Child Gets Ahead” school agenda really worked that well?  

Out of the five reasons I listed above, I’m going to stick my neck out and proclaim number four to be the reason.  Rioters and looters need a quick route home.  Most could care less about the cause and more about the profit.  While the preachers for profit go on about justice and civil liberties, the looters are grabbing the items they normally don’t have money to afford.  The closer the store to the home, the more merchandise they can get, and return to get even more.  It’s simple logistics!

Please, if you care enough about a cause to protest, take it to the man.  Don’t expect the man to feel sorry for you when you’re destroying your own neighborhood.  He’s sitting downtown at City Hall in his big office and overstuffed chair laughing his ass off at you … just like the looters are laughing their asses off at you.  

Take it to the man.  Wipe the smile off his face and demand change.  Demand that the police serve the public instead of ruling them military style.  When he doesn’t listen do what it takes to get national attention.  Sway public opinion your direction.

Believe me, the rioting only makes you look like a bunch of uneducated thieves using racism as an excuse for violence.  

Oh, one last thing.  Is it really a race problem?  Ask yourself, “If the police officer had been black, would this last week have happened.”  

If you answer, “No”, then maybe you’re part of the problem.  

Racism … it goes both ways.  

Maybe we all need to take 
a second look in the mirror.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Ten Things Of Thankful ... Like A Poltergeist, I'm Back!!!

I’m really shocked by our news providers in the United States.

I guess I should be thankful that we have them at all, but, then again, one has to question the news they choose to provide.  

It’s kind of like saying, 
“Hey, there’s a new restaurant going up on the corner … 
oh, it’s a McDonalds.  Bleck!”

For example, take early this week.  There were multiple disasters on which to report.  The Gaza Strip War continued, Hurricane Bertha hit the Bahamas, two hurricanes were aimed at Hawaii, mudslides in the San Bernadina Valley in California stranded thousands, a Chinese earthquake and mudslide killed more than 300, a tornado hit the major metro area of Istanbul, Turkey, and a Bangladesh ferry collapsed with more than 200 on board (over 100 remain missing).  You might think those would be the top stories that the news agencies would cover.

Then again, you must remember the mentality of the modern day newscaster in the states.  

Instead, these were some of the top stories being covered:

1)  Guess what America’s top ten party schools are
     (if you’re sober enough to guess, you’re not attending one),  
2)  Sandra Bullock is Hollywood’s highest paid actress
    (at least outside of the porn industry),
3)  Rare lobster rescued from grocery store
    (get ready for another “hero” story to arrive soon),
4)  Joan Rivers shows her softer side
     (no, she didn’t bare her butt),
    … and who could forget the most important story of the week …
5)  51% of Americans don’t like their Congressmen
    (this is new news???).

This goes along with my philosophy that we are raising future generations of stupid people in the United States through environmental conditioning. Since most educated people are waiting until later in life to have children, the uneducated are the ones creating a major population boom. Soon, they'll all be looking to the educated saying, "How the hell do we feed all these kids we have?" And, when the educated look at them and say, "You should have thought of that when you were pumping like rabbits", the uneducated will retaliate with violence and kill them. We will have come full circle and return to the days of the cavemen!

Like I said, “Stupid people!”

But, most of them can play video games like they’re going out of style!!!
(And, I’m not talking Pac Man or Donkey Kong!)
Perhaps, one day, the world’s future will be decided by kids playing video games.  There’s already been a movie somewhat based on that concept called “Ender’s Game.”  A group of selected youth play a game that ends up almost completely disposing of another world’s population.  Harrison Ford portrays a character that could just about be classified as a bad guy.  
Damn, there went my respect for Hans Solo!

Could this be a near future scenario?  Could we use kids as warriors and push the adults into the background?  Could video game processes and operation be a college degree area in the years ahead?

Or, could there just be an exceptional number of teenage carpel tunnel patients awaiting free medical assistance from the O-Bam-Bama's of the future?

If the doctors treating it are as educated as their patients, we might as well pull out the old “Operation” game of the 60’s, 70's and 80’s and hope we don’t touch the edge of the incisions with the metal tweezers!  ZZZZZZZZZZZZap!!!!!!"
If you remember this game, you are definitely
over the hill ... get used to it!
Anyway, I’ve been away from Ten Things of Thankful for a while.  In other words, I’ve been too damn busy at work to take the time to write.  (Shame when that happens, isn’t it?)  But, in complete disregard of popular opinion, I’m making my return here today.  

My sis, Lizzi, has been very understanding of my absence (she doesn’t read my stuff either, so don’t feel bad) and has not been whipping me with the cat ‘o nine tails as often as she once did.  (Guess she’s getting to old and the arthritis is affecting her swing.)  It’s been nice, but every once in a while, I have to return just to pester everyone with my version of being thankful.
So, without further ado, let the pestering begin!!!

“Hell, I guess I’m gonna have to be thankful for…”

I like that young stuff ... well, I used to
like that young stuff ... well I kind of
remember liking that young stuff ...
damn, too many drugs!
1)  Charles Manson.  Since the late 60’s, Charlie has been a constant reminder about the end of the Peace, Love, Dove Generation.  After manipulating others through drugs and mind control techniques, he persuaded several members of “The Family” to go on a two night killing spree that left seven dead.  We have seen movies, read books, and seen interviews for over 40 years concerning the events and trial.  One would think that enough would be enough.

Fooled you!  Charlie again enters the news again as he’s found true love.  A 25 year old young lady has fallen for the 79 year old prisoner.  Fallen, so hard, that there is talk of wedding bells in the air.  However, let us not be whisked away by a tale of romance just yet.

Let’s think about this.  
  1. There are no conjugal visits in California prisons for convicted murderers, so she never has to worry about his saggy ass pumping her, if he could even get it up!  
  2. Manson’s name and trademark are worth millions.  Even though he hasn’t been able to capitalize on it while in jail, there’s no reason why she couldn’t after the old bastard kicks the bucket!  Do we see Cupid’s arrows being replaced with dollars signs in the eyes of the beloved?  
  3. Sounds like a reality show in the making.  “How my heart was broken by a man I could never touch.”  I think it’s got the Jersey bunch shaking with fear as they worry about the ratings war!

So, thank you, Charlie!  Thank you for being the one asshole in the world that every stupid person can look up to and say, “See mom, if I don’t go to school, treat people like dirt and manipulate everyone I can, and get people to kill for me, I could be just like him!”

And Charlie, stay away from Honey Boo Boo!!!

2)  Ice Cream Bars.  Don’t ask me why.  Just open the package on one and go to town on it.  You’ll soon understand.  (Just stay away from Walmart’s Ice Cream Sandwiches.  They’re known to survive the fires of Hell without melting, which really makes one wonder if we’re talking Ice Cream or asbestos here!)

3)  The movie “Noah.”  I never knew there were giant stone creatures in the tale of Noah’s ark.  “God, please, tell me what else was left out of the Bible before Hollywood 
surprises me again!”

4)  The Ebola Disease.  We need a 
killer virus to kill off half the stupid people in the world.  This may just be it!

Ebola Virions ... looks kind of like the
inside of the Aliens pod hive, doesn't it?
Where's Sigourney Weaver anyway?
Now, the story goes that Ebola was confined to a small space in West Africa.  People that caught it were dying without fail.  So, what does the State Department decide to allow?  Of course, let’s bring this Ebola to the United States and treat infected personnel here!  We can’t keep individuals from stealing jets and crashing into skyscrapers, but we can easily contain germs we cannot see!  Duhhhhhhh!   (I seriously hope the decision makers in this are the first to go!)

I would love to see all of our beloved (?) politicians make personal appearances with those that are infected.  Why, they can even pledge their life insurance money to furthering the research of a cure for this dreaded alien Ebola.  And, let’s not forget allowing all CEO’s that have multi-million dollar buy-outs in their contracts an opportunity to take every infected individual a sample of their products and personally explain how they can benefit by them.

Making the world a better place is really easy, isn’t it?

6)  Diet A&W Cream Soda. Again, “I don’t know why I love you like I do, I don’t know why I just do….”    
(Excuse me while I belch.)

5)  NFL Preseason Games.  No one cares who wins since the results don’t count on the official record.  So, how dare they call them games!  All they’re actually doing is practicing against someone they don’t see every day so when the coaches get ready to fire a bunch of these guys they’ll have an excuse to do it.  However, the common male viewer also benefits as he has a chance to practice his “Yes, Dears” while perfecting his wife ignoring skills before the real season starts!  (Now that's a REAL Game!!!!)

7)  Papa John’s Pulled Pork Barbecue Pizza.  Add onions to the regular toppings and you’ve got a constipation creator for days!!!  (Hell, if you’re lactose intolerant, go to Subway and tell them, “No Cheese, Please!”)

This was taken during my fat
and stupid years.  Guess What?
I'm no longer fat!!
8)  Britney Spears.  Recently, Britney released a photo of her abs supposedly erasing the last ten years of her life.  Damn, she’s still a stupid bitch!  Abs do not erase marrying a loser, ignoring her kids, forgetting her panties for the press shots, slandering other performers, and just doing stupid thing after stupid thing.  (Maybe we can get her to next do a personal performance for the Ebola infected!)   

9)  Good friends with computer repair skills.  Okay, so I did the stupid thing and bought a new PC a couple of weeks ago after having used a laptop with two multi input USB input hubs for months.  And, “Yes”, I hate Windows 8.  
(Just for the record.)

However, I did find a friend that diagnosed and fixed my old computer for a very minimal fee.  Now I have three laptops and two PC’s to rely on.  All I need to do is grow a few more sets of hands and eyes and I’ll be able to visit and comment on blogs the way I used to do before the 70 hour work weeks became the norm.  (“Yes, dear, I’m happy I have a job.  Yes, dear, it’s bringing in money.  Yes, dear, football is on right now.”)

10)  Tattoos.  Some people love ‘em, some people hate ‘em, and some of us could care less about them.  There’s a new report stating that in addition to the usual infections and problems they can create (Hepatitis, staph infections, and the super bug known as MRSA), some of the ink now being used can carry extreme bacterial infections.
Eye Candy For The Ladies!
So, if you enjoy fevers, shaking chills and sweats, and possible circulatory and heart problems, go ahead and get that flaming Satan devil inside of the blooming, burning flower being held in Garfield’s groin, tramp stamp tattoo.  You’re supporting the tattoo industry, as well as the medical industry at the same time, and they thank you for it! Cha-Ching!!!
Eye Candy For The Guys!

* * * * * * * * *

That wraps up another edition of my version of Ten Things Of Thankful.  If you enjoyed this, I thank you and hope that you’ll take a few minutes to leave a glowing and wondrous comment.  If you felt this uncalled for, well, just wait until my next installment.  I tend to grow more sarcastic with age!