Saturday, August 22, 2015

Ten Things Of Thankful and "Cecil ... Bang, Bang, The Dentist Doesn't Use Novacaine!"


A lion is dead.

Cecil is no more.

People are generally afraid of lions as they will attack and eat humans, as well as other animals if the opportunity arises and they're hungry.  You know, top of the food chain stuff!

That's why they have 
the title 
However, our society has now made a martyr of this animal and presented him as if he had been a loving and common housecat.  I'm sure some would even have purchased him a toy mouse if they could've.

We are all crazy as hell these days!

Cecil became accustomed to human beings gawking and taking pictures of him. (He probably didn't like it much, but put up with it to maintain his celebrity status.)  Also, he knew he could easily take one down in a second if they'd have ventured too close.  His fear of man had vanished.

It was his downfall.

The King of the Beasts died over the course of two long and torturous days before being skinned and beheaded at the hands of a bow and arrow /rifle illegally hunting dentist with an obsession to destroy more than the plaque on huge incisors.  
Great White
Root Canal Hunter

Now you know why I've never trusted dentists.

I was always told that people became dentists because they didn't have the intelligence to become true medical doctors.  The idea of a person that can't pass medical school putting their hands in my mouth is not an appealing thought.

Another guy I know that couldn't pass a medical exam works for a company that sets up and takes down portable potties.

I don't want his hands in my mouth either.

Perhaps an older and wiser Cecil would have been familiar with the "Great White Hunter" phrase that filled the world of adventure and hunting television shows in the 1950's and '60's.  We were shown expedition after expedition traveling to Africa in hopes of killing the "wild and dangerous beasts" that resided there.  

But, Cecil was no cowardly lion.

When I was a youngster, I conquered the world of crows with my Daisy BB Gun by shooting down as many as I could.  I never liked crows so I had no regrets.  

Who could like a bird that would caw instead of tweet, and would crap on you any chance they got?  They're like the noisy, diarrhea dropping cockroaches of the sky.

One day, I took on bigger game.  Like Elmer Fudd, I shot a rabbit.

I Finally Find Out What Happened
To My Brother!  You Bastard!
Having been shot with a BB gun by my more than adventurous, and slightly sadistic neighbor's kid, I didn't think that the BB would pierce the skin of the rabbit.  It might leave a welt, but that would be the maximum injury incurred.  

My BB hit the rabbit right behind the ear and entered the skull.  He awkwardly fell to his side and started kicking his rear legs in hopes of escaping his fate.  Sad thing was all his feet found beneath them was air.

Feeling immediate regret for my act, I tried to figure out what I could do to save the rabbit's life.  So, in the thought/ logic pattern of the child I was, I ran to the house, grabbed a huge cardboard box, put the rabbit inside of it, and hurried to the garden to get some lettuce for it to eat. 

Unfortunately, I returned to find the rabbit had hemorrhaged and was dead.

Believe it or not I sat there with tears in my eyes.

It was the last animal I ever shot.

Later in life, when I hunted for venomous snakes, I did so with a grab stick and a snake hook.  I brought them back alive to the venom lab so they could be used to supply venom for scientific research in the stoppage of Alzheimer's disease and skin cancer. 

I wonder how many that protested the killing of Cecil would tell me that they'd
 kill a venomous snake in an instant if they found one in their back yard?  
I guess they can only love something warm and fuzzy. 
(Perhaps it's time they examine their love of animals?)

No, I no longer use a gun to hunt.

Yet, I admit I am a hypocrite as I eat meat and let others do the killing for me.  I will continue to do so because I enjoy the taste and believe it nutritious for my body. I, like most, don't often think about how the animals are terminated or forced to live.  It's not because I don't care.  It is because the "super" livestock houses ran the small farmer out of business and they're all we have left.  If one wishes to continue to eat meat, one has little choice as to how it lives or where it comes from these days.

I won't condone or condemn hunting.  I see the need of hunting for population control at times, otherwise nature would end up in more of a quandary than we've already made it. Also, some places in the world do still hunt to provide food for the table.  

But, for those that would love to contribute thousands of dollars for the thrill of the danger in the hunt, let them do so on an equal level with the beasts they hunt.  In other words, go after them without any weapons.  Put down your damn sniper's rifle and prove how really brave you are!

Or, would you simply prefer doing root canals?

That's what I thought you'd say.

Don't forget to floss!

Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

Yes, I have been absent from posting for quite some time.  Along with some family dramas, I grew tired of each week's post sounding like the prior weeks again and again.  Thus, I took a break from writing for a couple of months.

I've changed my "thankfuls" to being much shorter and to the point.  Humor through sarcasm takes time to develop.  But, since most readers only scan, they miss many of the jokes and points made anyway.

So, here is my newly revamped format for 

Ten Things of Thankful!

This week, I'm thankful for...

1)  ...the #AllLivesMatter movement showing their true colors.  An unarmed, nineteen-year-old white male, Zachary Hammond, was shot and killed by a police officer in South Carolina while he was attempting to purchase a small bag of marijuana from an undercover officer.  Conflicting reports and no coroner's statement, similar in situation to others killed that brought national attention.

So, where are the protesters, the looting and the rioting?  Giving credit where credit is due, #BlackLivesMatter has acknowledged the incident, but no protests were rendered and the crowd inciting press has been noticeably absent.  Why?

Sometimes, no action speaks louder than words.  
Hypocritically sad, isn't it?

Guess #AllLivesMatter should change their name to 

2)  ...Eli Goodrich demonstrating that ultimately it is the man that kills, not the weapon.  Eli got into an argument with his father, grabbed a sword, and fatally stabbed him to death.  As this occurred in Philadelphia, I'm sure guns would have been easy to procure, which would have continued being a newsworthy spur to continue the gun control movement. 

I'm still awaiting opponents to organize legislation to mandate sword laws,
 but so far none have come forward.

I understand the Sword Swallowing Lobby is as big as the NRA!

This news was quickly cast aside as it didn't create the 
big bang of gun related crimes.

3)  ...Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 now is known to have crashed.  For months, it was unknown what happened to this flight as it seemed to have simply vanished.  Now, a wing section has been found and identified.  No longer to we have to wonder if the 239 passengers and crew were captured by aliens or are caught in the Twilight Zone.  

Now, about that creature they'd seen tearing up the plane's wing....
(You gotta be older to understand that one!)

4)  ...Donald Trump emerging as the Republican frontrunner in the race for the presidency, and only trails Hillary Clinton by six points in the latest poll.  This is proof just how fed up the American public has become with all the politicians in Washington, D.C.  

If big business is going to buy and use all the politicians to make huge profits, 
let's just put a snotnosed businessman in office and stop all the charades.

6)  ...Subway's ex-spokesperson, Jared Fogle, has cut a plea deal and admitted that he paid others to solicit minors to have sexual relations with him.  His plea deal included paying $1.4 million and registering as a sex offender.  In addition, his wife has now filed for divorce. 

Guess we've seen the last of the 
$5 footlong and Jared unless they feature him on a
future episode of "Scared Straight."

"Five ... Five ... Five ... Five to Ten ... with good behavior..."

7)  ...hackers of the Ashley Madison website (whose purpose is to set up extra marital affairs) found that the area of the country with the highest amount of usage was the District of Columbia!  Over 15,000 email addresses came from government .gov and .mil servers.

So, the next time you're threatened by an employee of the IRS, just say,
"How would your spouse react if I told her about you and Ashley Madison?"
"It's refund time!!!!!"

8)  ...after twenty seasons as a judge on "Dancing With The Stars", Len Goodman will not be returning to the show.  

After twenty seasons of ignoring this show while my wife watched it,
I really don't give a damn.

9)  ...officials investigating Hillary Clinton's emails through her personal account have found sixty emails containing classified information and flagged over 350 more.  

Good thing she was only Secretary of State
and nothing of any importance was sent.

I'm sure half the emails concern the Scotchgarding of blue dresses.

And this is the leading Democratic Presidential Candidate?
Maybe we can talk Len Goodman into running!

10)  ...the National Safety Council's new report that shows an increase of 15% in the deaths of pedestrians over the last five years.

And, if my truck holds up to the impacts,
 it won't be long before people wise up 
and start jogging and walking on the sidewalks 
instead of in the middle of the damn streets!
Stupid Dumbasses!

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

That's going to do it for this week's posting of TTOT.  
If you enjoyed, or if you didn't, leave a comment 
and let me know about it.


Saturday, July 4, 2015

Happy 4th of July To Our Changed Country

Gays can now marry in all fifty states!

So what?

I've nothing against gays.  But, why the celebration?

I never knew what happiness was until I got married.  Of course, I then discovered that it was too late to do anything about it!

Getting married is no big deal, especially in today's fast moving society.  Marriage is only a temporary state of being for most.  It's a time period that people spend together, acquiring the things they both want, so that they can sell them and split the profits when they file for divorce ... after the lawyers get their share, that is.

A lot of people on Facebook are changing their profile pictures to reflect a multi colored rainbow.  Personally, I'm one of the few people in the world that could care less about promoting Skittles.  Sorry, I'm keeping my picture the way it is.  It's a matter of laziness.  Why go to the trouble of changing it now when the fad will soon wear off and I'll have to go back and change it back?

Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against gays marrying.  I hope they all get married.  Just imagine the divorce courts in about ten years.  They'll be overbooked and locked in stalemate as the system attempts to determine which one should get the house and which one should get the shaft.

New topic ... the Confederate Flag.

An extremist goes into a church and starts shooting an hour later.  Obviously, the sermon didn't impress him enough to change his attitude.

Nine people are dead when it's all over.  

Gun control advocates are going crazy!  

"It was the gun that did it!  Ban all guns!"

I'm scare to death.  All of my guns watched television that day and witnessed what happened.  I'm terrified they'll all be mentally affected and shoot me in my sleep.


Not the guns?  Well then, lets blame it on the Confederate Flag!

Flags are notoriously bad when it comes to killing people.  They whip around in the wind and hypnotize anyone that stares at them for more than two seconds.  This creates a zombie like horror that influences the individual to go out and kill anything and anyone it comes into contact with.

And, of course, we were all taught wrong in school.  See, I learned that the Civil War started over the topic of state's rights, and the desire of several states to secede from the Union.  Slavery only later became a topic of concern, mostly when Lincoln presented his Emancipation Proclamation.  

Damn, so much for being educated.  I sincerely need the dumbasses in the media to sensationalize and teach me the proper history I've been void of understanding.

Today is the 4th of July.  Our forefathers had enough common sense to see the horrors of lies, propaganda and illiteracy.  They wanted to establish a land where education, personal freedoms, and common sense ruled.  You can debate that all you want as it's your right to do so ... thanks to them.

Today, we do our best to limit rights.  Ban this, ban that, I'm offended, don't show that ... all limitations that remove rights and freedoms.  Common sense has been lost.  Ignorance and stupidity thrives.  

Today, let's sit back and really look at what is happening.  Let us ignore excuses and look at what humans have become.  Selfishness and lack of tolerance reigns supreme ... understanding and compassion is in hiding.  People are responsible for their actions, not inanimate objects.  Personal accountability for one's actions needs to be at the forefront of the legal system, not blame shifting.

We are one race, the human race.  Color only brings us variety which should be the spice of life instead of the blinders of racism.  Love is for all, regardless of their preferences.  People are responsible for themselves and the acts they perform.  To say otherwise is to only seek an excuse to hide the truth.

I, and many others, have to work on this holiday while corporate personnel and owners enjoy the holiday.  Still, I wish them no ill will.  I am responsible for my position in life, not them.

I wish you a Happy 4th of July.  

Let's mark today as a day to end the insanity and mark a new beginning.

Let's bring about a return of common sense!

Monday, May 18, 2015

I've been tagged. Another Blog Hop About Me. (What a boring topic!)

Ivy at "Uncharted" tagged me to reveal seven things about myself as a writer.  That is all I know about the hop.  I have no links to the hop or even it's name.  So, if you are in a feeling of loss, simply imagine being me!

As I stated, I have been tagged to reveal seven things about myself as a writer. Strange, as I really don’t consider myself a writer.  I am a teller of tales, a witness to the asinine, and a soothsayer of events (current and future).  Still, let me see what I can relay to satisfy this “tagging process.”

1)  I am a Gemini.  This means that I love starting things but seldom finish.  Writing short stories is a way to keep this from becoming a major factor or hindering my creations from ever being seen.  Besides this, about the only thing I finish is lovemaking, but I find it easy to satisfy myself anyway.

2)  I’ve actually had over 600 pages of a novel done for years, but can’t figure out a way to end it without sounding trite or in a cliche.  I’ve rewritten and attempted different paths to finish this marvelous tale, but may simply end it, “The Story Will Continue In Part II, Soon To Be Published.”  Hopefully, I’ll die before too many people force me to write the conclusion and be remembered as one of the finest writers never to finish the series.

3)  I lean towards dark humor, overstepping boundaries whenever possible and bringing in the extremes few feel comfortable experiencing.  Playing is safe is boring.  You haven’t lived until you’ve told a joke onstage that makes people squirm in their seats at first, and then provide nervous laughter afterward.  That’s when you really know you’ve touched a nerve.  I lean my writing that direction, also.

4)  I actually have written a sales training manual, a customer retention manual, and a telemarketing manual, all of which are still in use at various institutions.  These were done under a corporate name for legal purposes.  Still, when I visit these corporations, it’s amazing how many people come up to me and tell me how much my teachings changed their perspectives and futures.  So, I wonder, “Why the hell am I so broke if they’re all doing so well!”

5)  My first short story ever published was in a science fiction magazine in the 70’s.  It entailed a person born with super hearing and the trials they endured just by living an average life.  I know, I had too much time on my hands.  Yet, they paid me the enormous sum of $75 for it, which was equivalent to $150 today.  Two more stories and I could have afforded to go to Starbucks.

6)  I would prefer to write short stories instead of blog posts, but few will take the time to read a good short story in a blog.  I do a blog hop periodically that allows me to be creative in the opening before getting factual in the second half.  There are times I’ve written shorts for this to simply see if they draw interest.  I’ve learned that blog hop readers don’t appreciate shorts, so most of the time I just find something to bitch about to make them feel as though we’re all going through life together.  Misery loves company!

7)  I have great compassion for the human race and for the people I meet individually, but seldom let that shine through.  In my sarcastic looks at the news”, I do my best to show the idiocy of our government to open the eyes of the reader before it’s too late.  I do my best to instill a spark to keep them from “dumbing down” and to get them thinking in alternatives.  I do my best to get them to add one and one and see that it does equal two, instead of what the propaganda masters of television news sensationalism broadcast.  I figure I’m on my last slide down the mountain, so no big deal if I piss any of them off.  If something I’ve said will just stimulate a person to start thinking then I’ve succeeded as a writer.  

And, as that satisfies the requirements of the hop, I bid you adieu!

Friday, May 15, 2015

TTOT... 100th Edition Post ... Damn, Has It Been That Long?

Follow all the TTOT Posts here!!!

So, this is the 100th edition of 

Ten Things of Thankful.

I congratulate Lizzi and the rest of her coven for being able to keep this going for as long as it has.  What a tremendous milestone!

Not all of us have 
that type of tenacity.

I've been absent for about a month or so.  Not so much "writer's block" as "writer's dissatisfaction."   Frustration that everything I was writing started sounding alike to me.  

Kind of like today's Pop Music.  There may be a decent song here or there, but overall it sucks.  That was exactly the way I was feeling about my writing.

Many of you probably felt the same.  

Even my wife did ... and she's not that smart!  Remember, she's been blonde for 58 years.  The bleach has to have gotten to what little brain she was originally born with by now!

Then, out of the blue, I had a week from Hell.  I sustained a minor heart problem, 80-year-old father going partially blind, lawyers and mental incompetency dealings with a stepmother suffering from Alzheimer's ... and multiple four hundred mile round trips ... all in the week my doctor's told me to "take it easy."

Any easier and I'd have croaked.

By the way, did I mention I'd purchased a new car?
(How's that for a subject changer?)

I can now drive in excess of 80-100 mph with the top down ... increasing my chances of death should an accident occur.  I've found that at 60 mph an interstate circle ramp can be taken, but the slightest bump wants to launch the car from the pavement.  I do love leaving these huge 4WD pickup truck drivers in the dust, especially after they think they're intimidating me by pulling up close to my bumper at stoplights.  

(I'm just waiting to see my wife sitting next to one of those guys given they've much in common to talk about ... I'm sure.  They're probably riding down some dirt road discussing how much everything I've been writing sounds the same.)

Anyway, for this 100th edition of TTOT, the question lies within ... what do I do to devote just honor to the crew?  How can I show my thankfulness without bringing in the doom and despair that my "newscast thankfuls" usually display?  How can I make Lizzi smile without pinching her where she enjoys being ... no, wait a minute ... "How can I make Lizzi smile?"

Let's see if these thankfuls will do the trick:


1)  Death Benefit Relatives.  It never fails.  When the health of the elderly starts to fade, you suddenly get to meet all types of relatives that never made the effort to come by and make themselves known prior.  Of course, the two primary items on their mind is "On a scale of 1-10, how long do you think they've got until they bite the big one", and "Do you think he's got a will made out, and am I in it?"  Funny how people never care until there's the possibility of reaping in some cash.  (By the way, if you have any relatives about ready to kick the bucket let me know.  I'm sure we're related somehow.)

2)  Farmers On Tractors On Highways.  Tis the season for Spring planting of crops.  This means more and more farmers are hitting the road.  Now, tractors are not the fastest means of transportation.  In fact, if you're in a hurry to get somewhere and you happen to find yourself following one, you may experience rising blood pressure, mood swings, and urges to take the pistol from your glove compartment and do a little target shooting.  STOP!!!  Step back, relax, and enjoy watching the fields slowly pass by.  Get in touch with nature.  Enjoy the Earth that God gave us.  (And, when the tractor finally pulls off the road, you'll find you have a much better shot at the bastard than you did before!)

3)  Nature's Fury.  Spring brings us many a shower.  Some may even qualify to be called storms.  Add a tornado or two and you've got yourself an afternoon of excitement that money can't buy!  Ride your John Deere lawn mower into the sky and catch the view only a few have lived to talk about!  Besides, you wanted to get rid of all of your mother-in-law's gifts.  What a better way to do so than with the tornado taking them away and dropping them where they'll all be appreciated ... say a trailer park ... or even Baltimore!    

4)  Road Construction.  So you're driving along the interstate.  It's finally quiet with the exception of the music you're streaming.  The
kids, long bored with their I-Pads, are gently snoring in their booster seats.  Then you see it ... that triangular yellow sign that announces "Road Construction!"  Fear grips you as you recognize what's ahead ... lane shifts, bumpy pavements, reduced speed limits, and the worst torture of them all ... the dreaded "Left Lane Closed Ahead!"

Why people can't gradually merge is beyond me.  The few that try are discouraged from doing so by the assholes that rush ahead in the left lane trying to get in front of everyone else.  They don't care that this action slows the stream of traffic down to a crawl as they find a way to slip into the flow and frustrate those patiently awaiting their turn.  If you're brave (and drive a big enough vehicle) you might try straddling the center line to keep them behind you.  Although you might be a hero to some, remember the farmer and the tractor target shooting.  Courageous Sienna drivers may become the new farmers, if you know what I mean.

5)  Ego Filled Drivers.  Since I began driving a sports car, it's amazing how many people feel as though they have to challenge me passing them on the interstates.  I generally keep it on cruise control at a steady 75 mph.  Coming up on traffic from behind, I hit the turn signal to change lanes and start going around the slower traffic.  That's where the ego game occurs.  

Immediately, these drivers see a smaller car passing them and  the old ego kicks in as they think, "Damn, this is just a small car coming around me!  I can't let that happen!"

So, immediately they decide to start the game.  They speed up substantially, I go back into the slow lane behind them, and then they slow down below where my cruise is set.  Then it all starts all over again and again.  

Finally, I tire of their ego filled reactions and shoot my car around them, leaving them wondering what happened.  Some will give chase for a few minutes, but sooner or later, most will slow down and tire of the game.  There are a few that can't stand it and try for a repeat performance.  

The world is filled with dumbasses!

6)  Turn Signals.  Auto manufacturers install turn signals in their vehicles as a safety item.  They are to be used whenever one changes lanes (as discussed above) or in preparing to turn off the main roadway.

Many Americans are completely unfamiliar with this feature.  In fact, I wonder if they even have a clue as to what the lever on the left side of the steering column is for.  It's like they believe you're supposed to have extra sensory perception and know what the hell they're going to do simply by brain waves.

I even knew a man that I once tried to educate in turn signal usage when he rode with me.  One day, after a discussion on why I used them, he spouted, "It's like I'm asking permission to change lanes.  I don't have to ask anyone's permission to do that!"

Deja vu!  The world is filled with dumbasses!

7)  Road Construction, Part 2.  We all know that subcontractors make up the majority of the idiots assigned with fixing the highways of America.  Yet, one often wonders if they have to go to a school that turns them into idiots prior to taking on the job.  However, there is a reason for everything if you search hard enough.

Have you ever wondered why pylons start being displayed ten miles prior to where the actual construction is actually taking place?  I believe it is to get you frustrated with the reduced speed limit.  Traveling at a much slower rate of speed for no reason becomes frustrating, which then gets you moving at a faster rate, which gets you a ticket at an escalated "Construction Zone" prices, which makes more money for the county that is trying to recoup its costs in the road construction project!  If you think about it, the act makes complete sense!

Ever wonder why so many construction areas are empty when you drive by?  Many areas have started working construction during the cooler night hours instead of the hot, heavy traffic day hours.  That, at least, is what they'd like you to believe.

In fact, empty construction sites give the police assigned to issuing tickets many great places to hide during the day, and makes them difficult to see at night!  Plus, it's extra hard to get your phone camera focused during the night hours to pick up the police beating up those they've pulled over so they can make additional court cost income with charges against the speeders for resisting arrest!    Anything for a dollar!

8)  Impatient Idiots.  You've done well driving along in a lane of traffic and you're in the far right lane getting ready to take the next exit ahead.  There's no one behind you
and everything is going well.  Then the idiot appears!

They pull up beside you at breakneck speed, slam on their brakes, and cut in front of you, causing you to slam on your brakes.  They easily could have slid in behind you without any problem, but the idea of being last in line just creates a panic within them.  If you're lucky you'll be turning the opposite direction at the exit so you can pull up beside them and give them the great American high sign, commonly called the bird.  It's the least you can do.  Of course, they'll be wondering why you did it as they're in a state of denial.

Hell, just shoot them and get the hell out of there.  
The world will be a better place for it!

9)  Fast Food Restaurant Drive-Up Menus.  Have you noticed the recent trend in the drive-up window menus these days?  Instead of having a list of items with the prices next to them, we are greeted with a display of pictures, combo offerings, and an array of opportunties to spend outrageous sums of money without knowing it.  Coffee items are located under fish sandwich and chicken nugget photos, soft drinks at the top (three feet away) on the right side, and value menus seem to move daily!  A sandwich has 4 size offerings, french fries three, and soft drinks four!  And, the drive up window people seem to get offended if you don't take the largest sized combo.  I also wonder why I'm the only one saying "Thank You" most of the time.  Don't these people have any basic manners?  Oh yeah, I forgot, they've chosen a career in fast food service.  What was I thinking?

Sorry, but if you can't even give me the ketchup I ask for, 
you don't deserve $15 an hour!  
Take your $6, ammonia washed piece 
of assembled beef parts and stick them 
where the fries don't roam!

10)  B.B. King.  A great musician died today.  B.B. King, the "King of the Blues" passed away leaving a legacy in Blues Music that will never be duplicated.  I am happy that I grew to love his music years ago, and have been enjoying it ever since.  Thankfully, his music will go forward as his past recordings are played over and over, and discoveries of new music are made (as they are always with artists that leave us).  B.B.'s signature song was "The Thrill Is Gone."  Indeed it is, as is the man that supplied it.  We'll miss you for a while, my friend, until we meet again at that Blues Club in the sky.


Friday, April 3, 2015

Questions and Control ... and Ten Things Of Thankful

So, if I was dead, and forty virgins approached me, would the pharmacist be laughing because he was out of Viagra?

Questions ... nonsensical in nature tend to fill my day, especially when nothing is going on and my mind, or what's left of it (after all the drugs my body has enjoyed over the decades) tends to wander.

Which brings up the question, "How does the brain wander when it's inside of an enclosed area atop one's neck?"

Getting older doesn't mean that one has all the answers.  In fact, it just gives a person time to develop more questions.  This is actually quite frustrating as wisdom comes from answers ... or does it?

God, another "chicken or the egg" concept!  "Okay children, what came first, the question or the answer?"

One might argue there would be no question if the answer didn't already exist.  Yet, that would create a debate in the realm of discoveries, and sooner or later someone would bring up scientific discoveries.  Like the "chicken or the egg", I don't think a clear answer exists.

So, what good are questions, anyway?

Well, if you're looking to control a conversation simply ask questions.  You've done it with your kids before, so why not use that principle when dealing with people that are giving you a hard time?  You know the system works.  Right?  So, why would you leave it behind and attempt to create a conflict?  Doesn't make any sense, does it?  Of course not.  And the one thing you pride yourself on is making sense.  Correct?  So, wouldn't utilizing the concept of asking questions to lead the opponent into the corner you wish them to end up (with the answer you wish to receive) make complete sense?

See what I mean?

Instead, people get all uptight and try to play the power game.  Then, someone gets upset and gets defensive.  Next, the other gets upset because of the defensiveness of the other one.  Pretty soon, both are fixed firm and no one gets what they want.  Just like two kids fighting over a video game and getting mad when the parent takes it away to keep them from fighting.  They both lose.

This can be used in all aspects of life.  Whether you're dealing with a spousal disagreement or a raise negotiation, questions can help you achieve your goal.

Try this the next time your spouse wants to do something you'd prefer not to do.

"I completely understand why you'd want to go.  You enjoy events like that, don't you?  Of course, you do.  It gives you a chance to get out and enjoy life a little.  You know I enjoy them, too, don't you?  Of course I do.  And, as long as they're taking place at a time that doesn't inconvenience you or inconvenience me, they're fine.  Right?  Now, you know we've got several things going on over the next few weeks, don't you?  And, you know that if we try to go to all of them, we're going to be tired and edgy.  And, I know I don't like it when you're edgy, and you don't like it when I'm edgy.  Right?  So, let's re-examine our next few weeks, make some tough decisions on what to attend and what to bypass, and spend the rest of the time getting some much needed rest and limit ourselves better so that we don't end up being sorry we pushed ourselves silly?  Fair enough?"

Or, you could simply say this.

"I don't give a damn what you want.  I'm tired and don't feel like going.  You just want to go and talk about everyone that's not there behind their backs anyway.  You always have to have your way, don't you?  Well, damn it, this time we're going to do what I want and stay home.  I don't care if you don't like it or not.  Call your mom if you don't like it.  You tell her every damn thing that goes on here anyway!"

See what I mean?  Divorce anyone?

In closing, I only have one question for you.

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck
 if a woodchuck could chuck wood, or how much
ground could a groundhog grind if a groundhog
could grind ground?"

Anyway, let's move on to Ten Things of Thankful!

This week, I'm thankful for:

1)  Indiana's Brain Dead Legislature.  

How to you become the biggest state screw-up in the United States?  Come out with a "Freedom" bill that limits freedom!

This has been in the news all week, so I'm not going to go into detail about it.  In fact, I'm going to only examine the "whys" involved with coming up with such a bill.

One, many states already have this on the books, as the United States government came out with theirs in the mid-90's.  Indiana just did an extremely lousy job of writing theirs and giving full explanations. Since racism has been at the forefront of television news for the last couple of years, why not add sexual preferences to the fire and get more people involved in the newscasts that sensationalized this?

Let's be real, small town America is pissed off.  Most have very conservative viewpoints that are Christian based.  Between the Supreme Court, the U.S. Congress, and every lawyer with a bill to pay forcing changes down their throats, small town America feels picked on.  It's like their voices don't matter as long as the ACLU or NAACP gets their way.  Some states are beginning to feel the same way.

Is it right?  Of course not.  But, it's their way of life.  They stay in these areas because they find that most have the same values, attend the same churches, have children that attend the same schools, and enjoy the same county fairs.

These people hear about nativity scenes no longer being acceptable.  They have children that have died in a war with extremists, and they can't even wish people "Merry Christmas" and be politically correct.  Their lives are being changed by others and they feel cheated and wronged.

So, this is their way of fighting back.  Fighting for the lives they once had and want to have again.  They see others as uncaring asses that must have things their own way, and see them taking advantage of the Constitution in ways they feel our forefathers would never have imagined.

Wrong ... in the eyes of so many, but so right in their own.

When there is no tolerance, there will always be conflict and hate.  Perhaps, one day, all the haters will have died off and their offspring will look upon them as the last of the narrow-minded.

So much for being the last person on Earth.

2)  Vengeance of the Dead Mother-In-Law

There's nothing like a mother's love, unless it happens to be a mother's revenge.

74-year-old Stephen Woytack was cleaning up the grave of his deceased mother-in-law last week.  One might guess that the spirit over watching the late cleaning of the Christmas flowers and decorations was somewhat upset as the tombstone fell atop Stephen.  His wife ran to get help, but it arrived much too late.  Stephen had fell to her ire.

So, you'd imagine at least there was peace after death.  Right?


Perhaps Stephen's wife was as vindictive as her mother.  Stephen was buried in a grave right next to her.   On a dark night, one might here a faint voice.

"You schmuck, you never were good enough for my daughter!"

3)  Reject Rejects Rejection Of Reject
Girl applies to Duke University for admission.  Duke rejects girl.  Girl decides to write a letter rejecting Duke's rejection.

Ms. O'Dell demonstrated why Duke rejected her by submitting this letter. (Please notice the misuse of possessive pronoun in the first sentence, as well as other errors and omissions throughout.)  Perhaps, Ms. O'Dell would do best to first decide if her name is "Reece" or "Siobhan" before writing her next letter to the next school that rejects her.

What's sad is that the writer of the article this appeared in made no comment as to any screw-ups in Ms. O'Dell's grammar.  In fact, the writer could only discuss what a hit this letter was becoming on the web, and how much "intestinal fortitude" she displayed in doing this.

God, we're doomed to dumbasses bragging about dumbasses!

4)  Eye Doctor Fails Senator
New Jersey Democratic Senator Bob Menendez was charged this week with accepting over a million dollars worth of gifts for an exchange of political favors.

A federal grand jury states that Dr. Salomon Melgen, a wealthy Florida eye doctor, benefited greatly from the favors Menendez provided him.

One might think that an eye doctor would have better vision than to get caught doing this.  Then again, the only thing uncommon about this whole escapade is the fact they got caught.

So much for contacts.

5)  Stern Crapper Rapper
Tom Hanks has a son who believes himself to be a rapper.  So much so that he is living the life of one ... at least, between his meals at Hanks' multi million dollar home.

Howard Stern made some comments about this so called bad boy of rap.  Of course, Chet Hanks didn't like that.  He then utilized Twitter to start an all out attack against Stern.

At first, the tweets looked like this:  "Let me come up on your show b*tch," he wrote. "Come catch this fade ... have me live on the air and we can go pound for pound see who looks like the fool you dried up old c**t."

Then, they grew more threatening.  "Do you have any idea how badly I am going to assault you when I see you... You can't run from me forever knock knees... Listen. One day, maybe tomorrow, maybe 10 years from now, I am going to see you in person, and I am going to hurt you,"
I could go on demonstrating just how far a person can go on Twitter, but I believe you get the point.  Obviously, Chet Hanks is seeking publicity and Tom is allowing him to go after it.  Stern isn't saying much as I'm sure he doesn't wish to assist the wannabe thug in any manner.

Perhaps, Chet just needs direction.  Maybe a strong talking to.  Perhaps, even, a vacation on a quiet island just to think things out.

"Hey Wilson, are you busy?"

6)  Raises Blowing In The Wind(sor)?
Windsor Castle employees are ticked off.  They do all they're asked and barely make enough to live.  The average employee makes around $20,000 U.S. equivalency per year.

Walmart averages about the same pay schedule, and is now the number one employer in the United States.

Who said the Queen never learned anything from her U.S. visits?

7)  Cyber War: The Empire Strikes Back!
President Obama created a sanctions package to fight against cyberhackers this week.  It is designed to attack the hackers where it really hurts, and prevent overseas hackers from China and Russia from profiting from cyber theft.

It might work if our opposition ever stops laughing.

8)  Model Doesn't Have Model Behavior ...
                       Only Model Brains!
My wife is blonde.  She isn't the brightest star in the sky.  She admits this, so I must give her credit for having some intelligence.

Charlotte McKinney is the Hardee's / Carl Jr's model that was in the Superbowl commercial banned by many of the affiliates.  Her assets are her boobs, butt, and legs.  Her face is okay, but her head is somewhat empty.

Probably for exposure, she was chosen to be one of the contestants on the current season of Dancing With The Stars.  She exposed plenty, which probably helped her survive a week or two of eliminations.

However, after a week of ignoring practice and living on her cellphone, she was eliminated.  One of the judges, Bruno Tonioli, stated, You’re never going to win the Nobel Prize for Quantum Physics.”

Charlotte took offense.  
PC advocates took offense.  
Good Morning America took offense.

And all those that knew the truth had been spoken 
laughed their asses off.  

Isn't America Wonderful?

9)  Educating the Educators
Eleven public school educators were convicted this week of cheating on programmed testing and class scores.  They falsified exam scores to inflate test results in order to collect bonuses and keep their positions, which brought forth the racketeering charges against them.  Their sentences carry a penalty of up to twenty years of imprisonment.

It is reported that some mumbling took place as they were led away.

"That God D@#&#$, Mother F$#%$#$ Core Math!"

10)  Comment Leavers
Okay, in all seriousness, I love comments.  Whether they're good or bad, I love to read what you've got to say.  Take a few seconds and write down a few notes below.  All comments are answered as quickly as I can get to them and never ignored.


Friday, March 27, 2015

An Evening With The Felines and TTOT !!!!

I've had two of the worst months in business ever.  I'm frustrated, aggravated, and fighting depression with every step.  My mind is fried.

I have nothing to say.

An inner voice, trained to do battle with the down in the dumps syndrome, says, "Everything will turn around.  It's only a temporary thing.  Put on a smile and stay a while!"

I hate inner voices.

Sit back and envision inner voices coming out of my body, smiling and dancing and saying goofy crap like, "A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.  Think out of the box.  You'll never reach a destination you don't set your sights on.  Walmart is your savings place!"

I Like To Eat Inner Voices!! Bwahahaha!
Then, along, out of nowhere, comes a giant outer voice, grabs them with his long nasty claws and gobbles them up!  

That would teach them.

I didn't stop to purchase anything for dinner.  I should have taken the time to do so, but didn't want to fight the traffic to go to some drive up window and end up getting the wrong order considering my recent run of luck.

There's a frozen pizza in the fridge.  I hate frozen pizzas as they never have enough sauce to get rid of the cardboard taste.  But it's here and I'm here.  Not a lot of choices, unless I develop an urge for canned cat food.

"Yum, Yum, for the tum, tum!"

My wife isn't home.  She left before I got home to spend tonight with my daughter.  That will give me an evening all to myself ... and two cats.  I can imagine the conversation we'll have.

(Faletame)  "Hey, Rich!  What do you say we watch some more college basketball?  That usually perks you up."  

(Me)  "Sounds like a great idea, boy.  I knew I loved you for a reason."  

(Gabriela)  "Well, I don't want to watch anymore basketball.  That's all you've watched as of late.  Basketball, basketball, basketball!  I'd like to take a basketball and jam it up your ... well, a lady doesn't describe such things.  Let's just say it would make hemmoroids seem like sesame seeds."

(Faletame)  "Whatta bitch!"

(Gabriela)  "Yes I am ... or was until I got my tubes tied.  You're the one that got everything cut off, aren't you, Faletame?"

(Faletame)  "Like I said, whatta bitch."

(Me)  "Okay you two, cut it out.  You remind me of the girls when they were young.  Always fighting and such ... enough to drive me crazy at times.  Gabriela, if you're not interested in basketball you can always go into the bedroom and watch Animal Planet."

(Gabriela)  "Sure, get me to leave the room so you two can talk about me behind my tail.  You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

(Me)  "Why are you so paranoid, girl?  You're like a doper at a state police convention.  Haven't I always treated you right?"

(Gabriela)  "Sure you have.  First, you kidnap me and bring me here, against my will, in a cardboard box.  Then, you open the lid and I see this scawny, neutered albino feline trying to block my escape.  And, if that wasn't enough, you start writing about me and naming me "Gabriela, the Demon Cat!"   If you hadn't of stopped writing those stories I'd have shown you just how much of a demon I could be."

(Faletame)  "Whatta bitch!"

(Me)  "Girl, I have no doubt, and I've apologized your previous owner didn't let you know she was sending you away.  She was probably afraid you'd neuter her boyfriend one night while he was sleeping!  Okay, how about I get the portable mini TV and you sit in here watching what you want with the earplugs on?  What'll it be, Puss 'n Boots, again?"

(Gabriela)  "Oh, yeah, like the last time when you fell asleep in your computer chair and I damn near ripped off my ears pulling at those things when I had to go to the litter box.  I should have whizzed right here on the couch or jumped in your lap and let it go so you'd think you wet your pants, but I'm too much of a lady."

(Faletame)  "Whatta bitch!"

(Me)  "Okay, then how about this?  I'll give you a choice of basketball games to choose from right after you two eat.  It's Tuna night!  Yummy, yummy, yummy it's tuna for the tummy!"

(Gabriela)  "Oh God, Faletame, he's talking to us like we're three months old.  I think I'm going to purchase him a Thesaurus for next Christmas just so I don't have to listen to his crap."

(Faletame)  "Whatta bitch!"

... and so the evening will go.  That is ... until Gabriela gets tired of Faletame calling her names and the fight begin!

But, now it's time for 
Ten Things Of Thankful!  

Lizzi and her tribe ... overworked and greatly appreciated ... times ten, or ten times what is appreciated in our lives

Time to get busy!!!

This week I'm thankful for:

1)  Gregg Allman.  
It's not every day you get to see a legend perform.  In fact, the older we get, the fewer there are of them. And, much to the dismay of the audience, there are some that should have quit long ago as their voices have long left the realm of listenable.

Not so with Gregg Allman!

Last Saturday night, at Belterra Casino, Gregg Allman put on one hell of a show.  No, none of the original band members were accompanying him, but the stand in members, or current members of his touring band, if you will, did an excellent job of reminding all of us lucky enough to be present why the Allman Brothers Band is a timeless main act. 

Classic tunes, such as "Statesboro Blues", "Midnight Rider", "Whipping Post", "Melissa and close to a dozen more filled the air for almost two hours.  Yours truly and the rest of the audience was more than thankful for the quality and effort provided.

Thanks, Gregg!  It was a great evening!

2)  Loud Mouth Concert Goers.
Recognizing that concerts are a time to relax and have a good time, one expects to see some that party a little too much at concerts.  That is an expectation that one would be ignorant to deny.

However, I do have a hard time with people that go to concerts to socialize, carrying on long and loud conversations while the act is performing.  I'm thankful that they do it, though, as it proves that some people are far from perfect, courteous, respectful, or even have the common sense to understand that people around them could give a damn about their oh so monumental lives.  

Concerts aren't cheap.  If I wanted to listen to an evening of listening to El Toro Defecation conversation I'd record a week's worth of CSPAN and listen to it all at continuously.  

In other words, if you find yourself being described in the preceding paragraph, the next time you're at a concert and the act is onstage, please "Shut the F**K UP!"

3)  H.J. Heinz & Kraft Foods Merger
Yep, these two food giants are merging this week.  Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Oscar Mayer meats, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and Heinz Ketchup, just to name a few, will all be manufactured under the same corporate title before long.  This merger will create one of the largest food corporations in the world.  Obviously, the merger will also lend itself to new combinations, I'm sure.  Anyone for Kraft Macaroni & Ketchup?

4)  Collapse of the Universe
Scientists have discovered when the collapse of the universe will take place.  (I know, just something else for you to worry about, right?)

"Okay, I bet $50 on May 5th, 55,042.
Any takers?"
Scientists are calling the opposite of the "Big Bang Theory" the "Collapse Theory."  This will be the time that the universe stops expanding and starts to collapse, bringing everything within it together.  

Envision this.  

First, you have two dips of Vanilla Ice Cream in a dish.  Next, add a cut up Banana.  Then, add chocolate syrup, crushed nuts, a cherry and whipped cream.  Now, drop all of that in a blender and turn it on full blast. 

That's what the universe is going to look like when it collapses.

The scientists are saying this will take place in a few tens of billions of years.  So, if you were planning on skipping your house or car payment this month in lieu of this amazing (?) so-called discovery, you might want to think twice about doing so.  Personally, I'm going to start an office pool, just to see if I can get anyone to give me their money.  Like, any of us will be around to collect ... right?

5)  Rich / Poor Gap.

According to a recent survey, the gap between the rich and poor has substantially widened in 21 major American cities between 2007 and 2013.

Here are the Top Ten
of the most unequal
 of all the cities.

1)  Atlanta, Ga.
2)  San Francisco, Ca.
3)  Boston, Ma.
4)  Miami, Fl.
5)  Washington, D.C.
6)  New York, N.Y.
7)  Dallas, Tx.
8)  Chicago, Il.
9)  Los Angeles, Ca.
10)  Minneapolis, Mn.

 This is very indicative of the diminishing middle class.

Someone's making money 
and it's not most of us!

This tends to bring back stories from a time in history.  "It was the best of times and it was the worst of times.  Madame DeFarge ... sitting with her knitting and singing to the up tempo beat of the guillotine was enjoying the sight of the heads of the rich rolling into the straw basket ... one after one ... as the afternoon sun slowly set in the Western Sky.  There were heads of Democrats and Republicans (once leaders in Congress and Government) followed by CEO's, Sole Proprietors, and Wall Street Thieves of the common man.  The crowd's mood was only saddened as they realized festivities would cease upon the final light of the day.  Still, smiles reappeared when they remembered there were plenty of rich bastards left to continue the festivities for weeks to come.  

Life was good ... better than it had been in years ... unless you were one of the rich.  Yes, one of the rich that had taken advantage of their position to make their employees work holidays, labor endlessly for a bare pittance of what it would take to survive, and ignore the promises they'd made time and time again.  Lies and thievery had to have a consequence.  Now, it was time to pay!"

God, I love a good novel!

6)  House For Sale ... Explosive Pricing!
Okay, let's say you're a renter that has a landlord that wants you out so he could sell a house.  First, he tells everyone how bad they are, then goes and dumps some concrete down the drains, and finally calls the police to claim vandalism.  So, you move out to get away from the looney bastard.  Next thing you know, you're hearing a newscaster talk about a home in which a bomb had been found rigged to a bedroom clothes closet.  The house was the one in which you previously lived and you're being blamed.  If you were that renter, how would you feel?

Or, let's say you're landlord that has some renters that you don't agree with.  They're constantly late in paying rent, the house is filthy, and you're getting to the age you just don't want to mess with them anymore.  You tell them you're giving them notice to move and they go ballistic.  First, you find out they're dropping concrete down the drain so you go to the police.  They make the renters move, but then, one day, you discover a bomb set to explode on the next person that turns on the light in the bedroom clothes closet.  If you were that landlord, how would you feel?

This is all currently happening in Milton, Massachusetts. 

 Why do I have the feeling the answer will become part of 
a reality television show in the near future?

7)  Stars Wars Protected.
"Where's those damn 1,500
 National Guard troops at?"
The Empire is attempting to strike Luke Skywalker's home planet.

Devastation is their goal.

However, the Tunisian Government has sworn to protect Luke's homelands from the evil of the dark side, ISIS.  In fact, they have over 1,500 National Guard troops protecting it.

Yeah, I know, who the hell really cares.  Since ISIS attacks in Tunisia have started recently, Star Wars fans are concerned about the movie sets that were left there being demolished.  You don't hear the uproar from fans often these days, but mess with a Star Wars set and the wrath of the Force will damn you to an eternal death of burning hell.

Isn't it amazing how when historical artifacts were being 
destroyed a few weeks ago these fans were quiet?  
R2D2 can't even figure out this one!

8)  Smell like a Whopper!
If the smell of Burger King's flame broiled whoppers absolutely drives you crazy with desire, you need to be in Japan on April 1st.

Yep, Burger King will be releasing its Whopper scented cologne.

Quantities are limited to only 1,000 bottles, so you've got to get there early, even though the breakfast menu might not be your cup of tea.

Admit it ... you want it, so go get yours before it's too late!

And, if you notice 75 homeless men with napkins tied around their necks following you around town,
 just remember, they only want to smell you.  
The Zombie apocalypse has yet to begin!

9)  Nude Sunbathing Charges Dropped.
A 77 year old Utah man has had charges dropped in a lewdness case involving him sunbathing nude in his backyard.  Seems as though he'd been doing it for years without any problems.  Then, new neighbors moved in that had kids that couldn't keep their eyes from roaming.  Although there was a fence, it was only a chain link one that did nothing to stop their viewing him.  So, charges were filed by the parents.

Okay, here's a 77 year old guy that wants to lay in the sun.  He's done it without problems for years.  Then, these pricks move in and declare themselves to be above such behavior, making him change for them.

I think I'd charge them with being peeping toms!  How dare they look at me enjoying nature with nothing more than what God gave me!  What the hell good are they as parents if their kids don't have anything else to do but look at me nude.  Put the little suckers to work making shoes or sewing clothes for Walmart or something!

Anyway, the judge must have agreed with the old man and that his privacy was also being invaded on by the kids.  Finally, he was released with a clean record by agreeing to wear a one piece bathing suit from now on.

If it were me, that one piece might just be a speedo!

Nosey neighbors!

10)  The Hobbit, Part Three.
(a.k.a. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies)
  Alas, almost forty years after I read this novel, I've witnessed Hollywood's final episode.

My tears are flowing.

I'd forgotten all of those that gave their lives for our little hero.  The adventure had to have an end, and I recognize that I could always go back and watch it in order since the Lord of the Rings trilogy has already been released on film.  Still, I'm saddened by the knowledge that Bilbo is no longer looking for an adventure, and my thirst for a tale of fantasy never before expressed so eloquently is still burning in my throat.

Perhaps, just perhaps, I could begin my own quest.  I could fly to the Middle East, skirt dangerous ISIS commandos, survive dying of thirst in the desert, avoid bombings and bullets from unknown pilots above.  I might meet my maiden of passion.  She would be a beautiful dark haired woman of desire and excitement.  Together we could spy and relay our findings to those fighting the evil that is spreading so quickly.  It could be the fitting final chapter of a life already filled with dangerous, adrenaline junkie adventures and events.

And, then again, I could stay home, enjoy my Diet Cokes, cigarettes, and wait on the last installment of the Hunger Games.

But ... 

then again ...

"Why are you still typing when basketball is on?  
Damn, if you're not gonna watch it, change the channel to something good!
I hate basketball!!!"

"Whatta Bitch!"