Thursday, September 17, 2015

Naked and Afraid, Wendy's, and Carly and Hillary Jello Fight! Yes, It's Time for Ten Things Of Thankful!!

Just in case you missed it, Amanda Knox has been found innocent.

The highest of the Italian courts declared that her initial trial had basically been a sham and that there was absolutely no proof that she had any part in the killing that took place.

Her fifteen minutes of fame are now over.  She will go back to living a life outside of the spotlight until "Dancing With The Stars", or some other menial television show decides to offer her thousands of dollars to appear as a contestant.

What do you want to guess it's not 

"Naked and Afraid?"

In case you haven't seen "Naked and Afraid", here's the basic premise.  Put a man and a woman in a survival situation with minimal survival chance.  Take away all their clothes, give them one tool each to use (fire starter, machete, etc.) and leave them in the wilderness for 21 days.  If they're still there at the end of that time period, they can proclaim themselves survivalists and be proud that they lost 20-30 pounds each during the event.

No, none of the contestants has ever taken their Richard Simmons calorie cards as a survival tool.  They all complain about the hunger they suffer through as finding food is usually a task few do well at accomplishing.

Can you imagine being Amanda Knox's partner on the show and seeing her pull out a razor sharp machete?  Now, children, can you say, "Deja Vu?"

Remember, no body remains make murder hard to prosecute!  Just hope that she's a vegetarian!

Speaking of food, let's discuss the latest rule practiced by some of our wonderful eating establishments.

The other morning, I traveled the 200+ miles to my father's home in Indiana.  I started the trip at a convenience store where I purchased a large coffee.  I partook of this drink along the route, finding I still had a little left when I pulled into a Wendy's restaurant in Bloomington, Indiana.  I looked for a place to throw my cup but found that Wendy's has removed all outside trash receptacles.  

Ordering a Diet Coke and a chicken wrap, I asked the Keeper of the Drive Up Window if she would mind throwing away my cup to make room for the drink I had purchased.  I was informed that because of "food contamination" rules, they couldn't do that.  

I said, "Oh, you're good enough to allow me to contaminate my car with your cup, but you
can't toss my cup in a trash can?"

"Sorry, sir, rules are rules!"

"I understand.  You're allowed to handle money, which has been proven to be the dirtiest item one can handle, and then handle food, but you can't throw away my cup."

"Sorry, sir, rules are rules!"

So, being the asshole I am, I took my order, proceeded forward one car length, stopped my car, opened the door, and set the cup of coffee on the ground before driving off!

.  I have rules, too!  

Screw with me and I'll screw with you!

I bet they threw it in a trash can when they picked up the lot that day.

Remind me not to stop at Wendy's again.

It's a dangerous game they're playing.  Hell, they don't know that I'm not Amanda Knox in disguise just awaiting the chance to unsheathe my machete!

"HAHAHAHAHAHA .... I've FOUND the BEEF!!!!!!"

Anyway, it's time for

Ten Things Of Thankful!
Join Ten Things Of Thankful HERE!!!
This week, I'm thankful for ...

1)  .... a Chinese surgeon 
"Hell, I think I turned out just fine!"
and an Italian surgeon have confirmed that they will perform the first head transplant surgery at Harbin Medical University in China.  Having never been attempted, they hope for immediate success.  

Or, at least they're hoping that their efforts provide something better than the previous secret attempts that no one would ever take credit for.

Well, at least no one in the Republican Party would ever take credit for.

Or, would they?

2)  ... Consumer Reports has listed the Chrysler 200, the Land Rover Discovery Sport, The Lexus NX Crossover, and the Kia Sedona to be the three worst cars in the market.  

Lexus, Kia, and Land Rover contest this listing, while Chrysler simply states, 
"Hell, at least we're at the top of someone's list!"

3)  ... Donald Trump was blasted by a Latino crowd after a political rally in Dallas, Texas this week.  The disagreement was voiced over his statements concerning the "sending back to Mexico" the illegal aliens, and how drugs, crime, and rapists were much of what was coming into the states.

Let's be real, the Latino vote is a Democratic one, for the most part.  
Obama thrived on it during the last election, and Hillary plans on doing 
the same in the next one.  (She'd email you about it but seems to have 
trouble emailing anything these days.)  Personally, I see the Latinos as
 a hard working group that isn't afraid to get their hands dirty for their pay.  
There are several other groups already in the United States that should take
 lessons from them instead of hanging out at the Post Office awaiting 
government checks every month.

Besides, what American city couldn't use another quality restaurant?

Got any hot sauce?

4)  ... El Nino's possibly going to lead to more snakebites.  Seems that the heat it will bring the serpents closer to humans in search of their prey (rats, mice, etc.).  Thus, more people will get bit.  Some accidentally and some through foolishness.  

Seems like the weather is bringing more than raindrops on the head 
and showers bringing flowers that bloom in May, doesn't it?

5)  ... "Dancing With The Stars" began its 21st season on television Monday Night.


6) ... a Texas teenager that brought a bomb to school ... or so the school officials thought.  Actually, turns out the officials bombed big time as it was only a clock that he had put together.  The police also bombed as they put the 14-year-old in handcuffs and took him to jail.

There are times fear leads people to do things they later regret.  Obviously, it was better for the officials to end up eating crow in the name of safety first, rather than to try validating why hundreds of children were blown up by a bomb.  (And, just this week, an ISIS violence  influenced 15-year-old Danish girl was sentenced as her and her male Iraqi friend, Mohammed Bakhtiar Abdullah, stabbed her mother over 20 times!) 

Still, Obama wants to make it up to this kid and offer him a visit to the White House.  

Sure, let's reward stupidity!

What am I saying?  Let's look even further into this matter.  

Terrorism is everywhere and people are afraid.  We are at war with a Muslim force that wouldn't hesitate one second to send a suicide bomber into a school.  So, if you were a Muslim, wouldn't common sense tell you not to parade around with a "Make Your Own Clock" kit that resembled a bomb?  

That's right, common sense isn't common!

And, now this stupid kid (who should have finished all these "make your own" kits by age 9 or 10) is being rewarded for his inability to exhibit common sense, as many, who also lack the common sense to calculate human reactions, think he was mistreated.  Hell, he's lucky someone didn't shoot his ass thinking he really was a terrorist!  

Someone sit the offended public and the kid down, 
explain the values of common sense and thinking 
about what you're doing before you do it, 
and buy the kid a wristwatch!
(Talk about some Mickey Mouse B.S.     Geeeeesh!)

7)  ... Twinkle, Twinkle, little star, shooting near and farting far ...  

 WHAT???   Yes, shooting stars may not be what you think they are.  NASA scientists have stated that when the astronauts aboard the space station orbiting the Earth take a dump, it's got to go somewhere.  Out the chute with the poop and into space it does fly. If it happens to enter Earth's atmosphere then it's a quick "Flame On, Flame Out" as it burns up.

So, for all you romantic lovers stargazing, remember, wishing upon a star from afar may keep you from feeling the poo from the crew.  Just put the top up in the convertible (or close the moonroof) and you'll be fine... except for maybe taco and burrito night!  

Makes you wonder what urine turns into, doesn't it?

"Did someone say something about 
Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head a little earlier?"

8) ...  the typical American family's income dropped to $53,657 last year.  (I might add that bankruptcies continue to rise as more and more credit card companies find that people cannot pay the 29.99% rate they conveniently charge when family funds are at their lowest.)  This was the fifth year in a row that income levels either dropped or were stagnant.  

This is sure to bring a big laugh at the upcoming Republican and Democrat
 $10,000 a plate campaign dinners.  After all, getting rid of the middle class 
seems to be working quite well for all of them!

9)  ... Carly Fiorina, candidate for president on the Republican ticket, seemed to win a debate among other candidates this week aired on CNN.  (I missed it ... intentionally,  I might add.)

I say let's end all the bull right now, put Hillary and Carly in bikinis and 
have them fight for the presidency in a swimming pool of either Jello or mud. 
 We could do the same thing with Jeb Bush and Donald Trump, but that 
might scare viewers away even faster than Hillary in a bikini!
Actually, I take that back.  Hillary would be scarier!

(Okay, I'm expecting the chauvinistic statements 
on that one so don't hold back!)

10) ... a Florida woman who was arrested this week after attempting to stab a deputy with a sword!  Later, police found several rooms filled with over 3,500 bladed weapons.  This is one time that decorating abilities weren't as sharp as the accessories within!

All we've heard for years is gun control, gun control, gun control.  Here's a 
lady that obviously didn't trust the government from not taking away her guns. 
 So, instead, she has enough knives, swords, spears, machetes, and 
other stabbing weapons to take care of two zombie apocalypses!  

Like I've said for years, it's not the gun that kills, 
it's the person that pulls the trigger,
or, in this case, stabs the hardest!  

Get the point?

11)  ... 15 Presidential candidates, past and present, have admitted to trying marijuana at least once in their lives. These admissions seem to be the thing to do these days as taxes from pot sales in Colorado actually surpassed alcohol taxes this year.

   What I want to know is who still does it, 
where they get their weed from, 
and if any of them have ever had an acid trip flashback!   

That's the one I'm voting for!

I can see it now ... 

"Hey Dude, there's a lot of names and buttons on this machine. 
 I just want to vote for the doper.  
Close the curtain and I'll light one up!   
Wow, dude......"

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Well, that's going to do it for another edition.
Hope you found something above to smile about.
I should've stopped at 10, but I forgot ... wow, man!

My smiles have been deleted this week by some
unprofessional events I've endured, but won't go 
into detail over. Hopefully, your comments will
assist in bringing them back.

Till Next Time ...


Friday, September 4, 2015

Ky Co Clerk, Miley Cyrus VMA's and Peeing in the Pool ... Ya Gotta Luv 'Em, and TTOT!!!

A clerk has refused to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples in Kentucky and the whole world is watching.

Obviously, MTV's Video Music Awards were broadcast on the wrong day!

Some call her a martyr, some a hypocrite, some a tight ass bitch, and so on and so on.

I'm talking about the County Clerk, not Miley Cyrus
 (who hosted the VMA's).

Yet, in consideration of the week and the events we're starting to discuss, 


Yeah, I'm gonna piss some people off with that one!

Seriously, let us look at this scenario.

Miley can wear what she wants, pretty much say what she wants, and dance with anyone she wishes and only suffer minor critique.  Of course, there are those that are making a big thing of the word "mammy" in one of her sketches, but there will always be a few assholes with something to say since the world is now made up of so many "experts" that have never worn the shoes of those they slander.

She's paid to do it and earns her money.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of hers, but I have to admire her tenacity of seeking and reaching the extreme in most she does.

Now, Kim Davis, the Rowen County Clerk in Kentucky, can do pretty much what she wants, as long as she follows the same guidelines as Miley in as that it's in the performance of her job.  She can tell jokes, compare signatures, check identifications to ensure those in front of her are of age, and issue licenses to those the law states are legally able to receive a marriage license.

She's earning her money ($80,000 a year) by doing this.  Trouble is, she suddenly isn't following the laws that have been set down.  So, in reality, she's really not doing her job.

What if different religions only issued licenses to those that were of the same belief structure?  Wouldn't that be a mess?

Jews could turn down Christians who could turn down Muslims who could turn down Buddhists who could turn down Hindus who could turn down Atheists who would turn down everyone!  

No one would ever get married!  Thousands of lawyers would be out of work as with no weddings come no divorces!  And, we just couldn't have that, could we?  Poor, poor divorce attorneys need an income, too!

Now, no one recognizes how wonderful it is to be married until they're married.  

(Of course, it's too late to do anything about it then, but that's another story.)  

So, when can religion prevent a person from doing their job?

Whether you agree or not, it shouldn't.

If your personal beliefs keep you from performing the responsibilities of your position, then you simply need to find another position!

If you're not a prostitute, I wouldn't pay you for sex.  (Maybe that's why I might as well be abstinent.)  If you're not adept in working with snakes, I'm not going to ask you to extract venom from one. (Unless I don't like you.)   If you're a not a proctologist, I'm not going to ask you to put your fingers up my ... well, you know where.  (However, if I'm paying and you're a prostitute...)

What makes it even worse here is that it is a so-called "public servant" that is refusing to do what she took an oath to do.  "Public" is not just those of your personal belief circle, it's everyone.

I really don't care who gets married to each other.  We all deserve our time in Hell and marriage is one sure way to experience it!  If there were two aliens from the planet Humpa Humpa that became legal residents of the area you are sworn to serve, you gotta do it,
 or get the hell out of Dodge!  

Living in Kentucky, I'm not ashamed of this woman standing up for her beliefs any more than I'm upset over what Miley Cyrus said or wore at the VMA's.  Everyone has a right to believe in what they wish.  I am pissed off that she let those beliefs stop her from doing what my tax dollars pay her do, and in this, brought forth unnecessary negative attention to the state whose laws she swore to abide by.

I wish Kim well, as I do Miley.  Both have performed beyond anyone's expectations.  However, it's time to either earn your pay, or pay for what you fail to earn.  

I hope your time in jail is short and that you get a great job with a church, Kim.  It's really where you belong.

And, Miley, remember, it's not always what you show, but what you either have or don't have to show.  Can you say, "Implants?"

Now, let's get on to 


Damn, what am I going to slam this week?  I've already hit on a couple of real winning topics I could have attacked.  (Talk about poor planning.)  So, now I've got to come up with ten more.  Let's give it a shot and see what I can do!

This week I'm Thankful for .....

1)   ... Donald Trump's inability to stay strong and ignore the Republican Party's request for him to sign a statement in which he would not run for public office if he didn't receive the Republican nomination for President.  By indicating that he will sign this, he has proven himself to be a typical snot nosed politician that needs to cuddle up with those that make him as wealthy as he is.

I'm thankful for this because I was almost believing that someone would finally stand up to the two party waltz and show them a thing or two.  This has simply assured me that my feelings that all politicians, regardless of the party, are scum and only looking to improve their own financial position in life.

2)  ... the continued absence of AllLivesMatter from any of the news broadcasts concerning the murder of police officers. 

 Funny how "all lives don't matter" to them, isn't it?

3)  ... CVS Health Corp announcing Thursday that their decision to stop selling tobacco products led to a 1% drop in smoking in some states where they have a sizable presence.

CVS proves its ego!  Cigarette prices were always outrageous at CVS (as are prescription prices), which meant only two groups purchased them there ... those with extra money or the drunks visiting the huge liquor departments the stores present that didn't care how much they were spending, as long as they didn't get stopped by the cops on the way home.  

4)  ... Spotify for naming Major Lazer's "Lean On" the most streamed Global Song of the Summer.

This once again proves that those that listen to today's music have no taste whatsoever!  
(Where's a good Miley Cyrus song when you need it?)

Please, no Miley songs!  Just joking here!!!

5)  ... Kanye West almost acting like a human being after being introduced by a praising Taylor Swift during this week's VMA's.

Of course, this only lasted for a few seconds before his ego got the better of him and he once again became an asshole announcing that he's running for President in 2020.

6)  ... discussions at the end of Summer about peeing in the pool.  After a season spent splashing in the water, Purdue Professor Ernest R. Blatchley III mentions that excessive peeing in the pool can create a chemical agent known as cyanogen chloride which has been used as a chemical warfare agent.

The only recommendation given is that you always take a break and pee where 
you're supposed to, and make sure all those you're with do the same.  

Ex-President Bush proclaimed, 
"I knew we'd find the WMD's one day, damn it, I knew it!"

7)  ... a U.S. District Judge condemning the NFL's suspension of New England's Tom Brady and throwing the "Deflategate" ruling out.

Now, all you have to say is that you didn't have any knowledge of a violation
 taking place and you get a "Get Out Of Jail" card FREE!!!!

8)  ... U.S. Defense Department laboratories sending out anthrax to five unsuspecting labs this last week.

I can see the Generals up in arms now.  "Why send them Anthrax, damn it???"  Hell, just mix some pee with chlorine and you'll get rid of your competitors the easy way!"

9)  ... "Here's a story, about a famous pitch man, he was fat but slimmed down eating smart,
And a story, about one of his friends, who liked sex with kids and liked to be tied up tight!"
It's a story, about how the cops caught them, saving kids and dogs and other animals, too,
Just a story, it'll make you hungry, ..." so go order a damn pizza!

Okay, Jared will be going to jail.  Twenty years ago, it wouldn't have happened.  Why?  Because his friend's texting the wrong person brought the investigation right to his doorstep.  For that, I'm thankful.  No more having to look at size 895 sized blue jeans and wondering how many kids he made wear them.

What scares me is that one of the kids will suffer a trauma 20 years from today and start killing people with footlong meatball sandwiches!  Oh, the heartburn!

10)  ... AOL's headlines "Dangerous Storm Season May Set New Record In 2015".

And, then again, it might not!

That's going to do it for another edition of TTOT!   Hope you enjoyed!  
If you didn't, I'll understand.  After all, not everyone likes Chocolate Ice Cream
 ... wait a minute ... yes they do!!!!   

Please leave your comments below!


Saturday, August 22, 2015

Ten Things Of Thankful and "Cecil ... Bang, Bang, The Dentist Doesn't Use Novacaine!"


A lion is dead.

Cecil is no more.

People are generally afraid of lions as they will attack and eat humans, as well as other animals if the opportunity arises and they're hungry.  You know, top of the food chain stuff!

That's why they have 
the title 
However, our society has now made a martyr of this animal and presented him as if he had been a loving and common housecat.  I'm sure some would even have purchased him a toy mouse if they could've.

We are all crazy as hell these days!

Cecil became accustomed to human beings gawking and taking pictures of him. (He probably didn't like it much, but put up with it to maintain his celebrity status.)  Also, he knew he could easily take one down in a second if they'd have ventured too close.  His fear of man had vanished.

It was his downfall.

The King of the Beasts died over the course of two long and torturous days before being skinned and beheaded at the hands of a bow and arrow /rifle illegally hunting dentist with an obsession to destroy more than the plaque on huge incisors.  
Great White
Root Canal Hunter

Now you know why I've never trusted dentists.

I was always told that people became dentists because they didn't have the intelligence to become true medical doctors.  The idea of a person that can't pass medical school putting their hands in my mouth is not an appealing thought.

Another guy I know that couldn't pass a medical exam works for a company that sets up and takes down portable potties.

I don't want his hands in my mouth either.

Perhaps an older and wiser Cecil would have been familiar with the "Great White Hunter" phrase that filled the world of adventure and hunting television shows in the 1950's and '60's.  We were shown expedition after expedition traveling to Africa in hopes of killing the "wild and dangerous beasts" that resided there.  

But, Cecil was no cowardly lion.

When I was a youngster, I conquered the world of crows with my Daisy BB Gun by shooting down as many as I could.  I never liked crows so I had no regrets.  

Who could like a bird that would caw instead of tweet, and would crap on you any chance they got?  They're like the noisy, diarrhea dropping cockroaches of the sky.

One day, I took on bigger game.  Like Elmer Fudd, I shot a rabbit.

I Finally Find Out What Happened
To My Brother!  You Bastard!
Having been shot with a BB gun by my more than adventurous, and slightly sadistic neighbor's kid, I didn't think that the BB would pierce the skin of the rabbit.  It might leave a welt, but that would be the maximum injury incurred.  

My BB hit the rabbit right behind the ear and entered the skull.  He awkwardly fell to his side and started kicking his rear legs in hopes of escaping his fate.  Sad thing was all his feet found beneath them was air.

Feeling immediate regret for my act, I tried to figure out what I could do to save the rabbit's life.  So, in the thought/ logic pattern of the child I was, I ran to the house, grabbed a huge cardboard box, put the rabbit inside of it, and hurried to the garden to get some lettuce for it to eat. 

Unfortunately, I returned to find the rabbit had hemorrhaged and was dead.

Believe it or not I sat there with tears in my eyes.

It was the last animal I ever shot.

Later in life, when I hunted for venomous snakes, I did so with a grab stick and a snake hook.  I brought them back alive to the venom lab so they could be used to supply venom for scientific research in the stoppage of Alzheimer's disease and skin cancer. 

I wonder how many that protested the killing of Cecil would tell me that they'd
 kill a venomous snake in an instant if they found one in their back yard?  
I guess they can only love something warm and fuzzy. 
(Perhaps it's time they examine their love of animals?)

No, I no longer use a gun to hunt.

Yet, I admit I am a hypocrite as I eat meat and let others do the killing for me.  I will continue to do so because I enjoy the taste and believe it nutritious for my body. I, like most, don't often think about how the animals are terminated or forced to live.  It's not because I don't care.  It is because the "super" livestock houses ran the small farmer out of business and they're all we have left.  If one wishes to continue to eat meat, one has little choice as to how it lives or where it comes from these days.

I won't condone or condemn hunting.  I see the need of hunting for population control at times, otherwise nature would end up in more of a quandary than we've already made it. Also, some places in the world do still hunt to provide food for the table.  

But, for those that would love to contribute thousands of dollars for the thrill of the danger in the hunt, let them do so on an equal level with the beasts they hunt.  In other words, go after them without any weapons.  Put down your damn sniper's rifle and prove how really brave you are!

Or, would you simply prefer doing root canals?

That's what I thought you'd say.

Don't forget to floss!

Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

Yes, I have been absent from posting for quite some time.  Along with some family dramas, I grew tired of each week's post sounding like the prior weeks again and again.  Thus, I took a break from writing for a couple of months.

I've changed my "thankfuls" to being much shorter and to the point.  Humor through sarcasm takes time to develop.  But, since most readers only scan, they miss many of the jokes and points made anyway.

So, here is my newly revamped format for 

Ten Things of Thankful!

This week, I'm thankful for...

1)  ...the #AllLivesMatter movement showing their true colors.  An unarmed, nineteen-year-old white male, Zachary Hammond, was shot and killed by a police officer in South Carolina while he was attempting to purchase a small bag of marijuana from an undercover officer.  Conflicting reports and no coroner's statement, similar in situation to others killed that brought national attention.

So, where are the protesters, the looting and the rioting?  Giving credit where credit is due, #BlackLivesMatter has acknowledged the incident, but no protests were rendered and the crowd inciting press has been noticeably absent.  Why?

Sometimes, no action speaks louder than words.  
Hypocritically sad, isn't it?

Guess #AllLivesMatter should change their name to 

2)  ...Eli Goodrich demonstrating that ultimately it is the man that kills, not the weapon.  Eli got into an argument with his father, grabbed a sword, and fatally stabbed him to death.  As this occurred in Philadelphia, I'm sure guns would have been easy to procure, which would have continued being a newsworthy spur to continue the gun control movement. 

I'm still awaiting opponents to organize legislation to mandate sword laws,
 but so far none have come forward.

I understand the Sword Swallowing Lobby is as big as the NRA!

This news was quickly cast aside as it didn't create the 
big bang of gun related crimes.

3)  ...Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 now is known to have crashed.  For months, it was unknown what happened to this flight as it seemed to have simply vanished.  Now, a wing section has been found and identified.  No longer to we have to wonder if the 239 passengers and crew were captured by aliens or are caught in the Twilight Zone.  

Now, about that creature they'd seen tearing up the plane's wing....
(You gotta be older to understand that one!)

4)  ...Donald Trump emerging as the Republican frontrunner in the race for the presidency, and only trails Hillary Clinton by six points in the latest poll.  This is proof just how fed up the American public has become with all the politicians in Washington, D.C.  

If big business is going to buy and use all the politicians to make huge profits, 
let's just put a snotnosed businessman in office and stop all the charades.

6)  ...Subway's ex-spokesperson, Jared Fogle, has cut a plea deal and admitted that he paid others to solicit minors to have sexual relations with him.  His plea deal included paying $1.4 million and registering as a sex offender.  In addition, his wife has now filed for divorce. 

Guess we've seen the last of the 
$5 footlong and Jared unless they feature him on a
future episode of "Scared Straight."

"Five ... Five ... Five ... Five to Ten ... with good behavior..."

7)  ...hackers of the Ashley Madison website (whose purpose is to set up extra marital affairs) found that the area of the country with the highest amount of usage was the District of Columbia!  Over 15,000 email addresses came from government .gov and .mil servers.

So, the next time you're threatened by an employee of the IRS, just say,
"How would your spouse react if I told her about you and Ashley Madison?"
"It's refund time!!!!!"

8)  ...after twenty seasons as a judge on "Dancing With The Stars", Len Goodman will not be returning to the show.  

After twenty seasons of ignoring this show while my wife watched it,
I really don't give a damn.

9)  ...officials investigating Hillary Clinton's emails through her personal account have found sixty emails containing classified information and flagged over 350 more.  

Good thing she was only Secretary of State
and nothing of any importance was sent.

I'm sure half the emails concern the Scotchgarding of blue dresses.

And this is the leading Democratic Presidential Candidate?
Maybe we can talk Len Goodman into running!

10)  ...the National Safety Council's new report that shows an increase of 15% in the deaths of pedestrians over the last five years.

And, if my truck holds up to the impacts,
 it won't be long before people wise up 
and start jogging and walking on the sidewalks 
instead of in the middle of the damn streets!
Stupid Dumbasses!

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

That's going to do it for this week's posting of TTOT.  
If you enjoyed, or if you didn't, leave a comment 
and let me know about it.


Saturday, July 4, 2015

Happy 4th of July To Our Changed Country

Gays can now marry in all fifty states!

So what?

I've nothing against gays.  But, why the celebration?

I never knew what happiness was until I got married.  Of course, I then discovered that it was too late to do anything about it!

Getting married is no big deal, especially in today's fast moving society.  Marriage is only a temporary state of being for most.  It's a time period that people spend together, acquiring the things they both want, so that they can sell them and split the profits when they file for divorce ... after the lawyers get their share, that is.

A lot of people on Facebook are changing their profile pictures to reflect a multi colored rainbow.  Personally, I'm one of the few people in the world that could care less about promoting Skittles.  Sorry, I'm keeping my picture the way it is.  It's a matter of laziness.  Why go to the trouble of changing it now when the fad will soon wear off and I'll have to go back and change it back?

Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against gays marrying.  I hope they all get married.  Just imagine the divorce courts in about ten years.  They'll be overbooked and locked in stalemate as the system attempts to determine which one should get the house and which one should get the shaft.

New topic ... the Confederate Flag.

An extremist goes into a church and starts shooting an hour later.  Obviously, the sermon didn't impress him enough to change his attitude.

Nine people are dead when it's all over.  

Gun control advocates are going crazy!  

"It was the gun that did it!  Ban all guns!"

I'm scare to death.  All of my guns watched television that day and witnessed what happened.  I'm terrified they'll all be mentally affected and shoot me in my sleep.


Not the guns?  Well then, lets blame it on the Confederate Flag!

Flags are notoriously bad when it comes to killing people.  They whip around in the wind and hypnotize anyone that stares at them for more than two seconds.  This creates a zombie like horror that influences the individual to go out and kill anything and anyone it comes into contact with.

And, of course, we were all taught wrong in school.  See, I learned that the Civil War started over the topic of state's rights, and the desire of several states to secede from the Union.  Slavery only later became a topic of concern, mostly when Lincoln presented his Emancipation Proclamation.  

Damn, so much for being educated.  I sincerely need the dumbasses in the media to sensationalize and teach me the proper history I've been void of understanding.

Today is the 4th of July.  Our forefathers had enough common sense to see the horrors of lies, propaganda and illiteracy.  They wanted to establish a land where education, personal freedoms, and common sense ruled.  You can debate that all you want as it's your right to do so ... thanks to them.

Today, we do our best to limit rights.  Ban this, ban that, I'm offended, don't show that ... all limitations that remove rights and freedoms.  Common sense has been lost.  Ignorance and stupidity thrives.  

Today, let's sit back and really look at what is happening.  Let us ignore excuses and look at what humans have become.  Selfishness and lack of tolerance reigns supreme ... understanding and compassion is in hiding.  People are responsible for their actions, not inanimate objects.  Personal accountability for one's actions needs to be at the forefront of the legal system, not blame shifting.

We are one race, the human race.  Color only brings us variety which should be the spice of life instead of the blinders of racism.  Love is for all, regardless of their preferences.  People are responsible for themselves and the acts they perform.  To say otherwise is to only seek an excuse to hide the truth.

I, and many others, have to work on this holiday while corporate personnel and owners enjoy the holiday.  Still, I wish them no ill will.  I am responsible for my position in life, not them.

I wish you a Happy 4th of July.  

Let's mark today as a day to end the insanity and mark a new beginning.

Let's bring about a return of common sense!

Monday, May 18, 2015

I've been tagged. Another Blog Hop About Me. (What a boring topic!)

Ivy at "Uncharted" tagged me to reveal seven things about myself as a writer.  That is all I know about the hop.  I have no links to the hop or even it's name.  So, if you are in a feeling of loss, simply imagine being me!

As I stated, I have been tagged to reveal seven things about myself as a writer. Strange, as I really don’t consider myself a writer.  I am a teller of tales, a witness to the asinine, and a soothsayer of events (current and future).  Still, let me see what I can relay to satisfy this “tagging process.”

1)  I am a Gemini.  This means that I love starting things but seldom finish.  Writing short stories is a way to keep this from becoming a major factor or hindering my creations from ever being seen.  Besides this, about the only thing I finish is lovemaking, but I find it easy to satisfy myself anyway.

2)  I’ve actually had over 600 pages of a novel done for years, but can’t figure out a way to end it without sounding trite or in a cliche.  I’ve rewritten and attempted different paths to finish this marvelous tale, but may simply end it, “The Story Will Continue In Part II, Soon To Be Published.”  Hopefully, I’ll die before too many people force me to write the conclusion and be remembered as one of the finest writers never to finish the series.

3)  I lean towards dark humor, overstepping boundaries whenever possible and bringing in the extremes few feel comfortable experiencing.  Playing is safe is boring.  You haven’t lived until you’ve told a joke onstage that makes people squirm in their seats at first, and then provide nervous laughter afterward.  That’s when you really know you’ve touched a nerve.  I lean my writing that direction, also.

4)  I actually have written a sales training manual, a customer retention manual, and a telemarketing manual, all of which are still in use at various institutions.  These were done under a corporate name for legal purposes.  Still, when I visit these corporations, it’s amazing how many people come up to me and tell me how much my teachings changed their perspectives and futures.  So, I wonder, “Why the hell am I so broke if they’re all doing so well!”

5)  My first short story ever published was in a science fiction magazine in the 70’s.  It entailed a person born with super hearing and the trials they endured just by living an average life.  I know, I had too much time on my hands.  Yet, they paid me the enormous sum of $75 for it, which was equivalent to $150 today.  Two more stories and I could have afforded to go to Starbucks.

6)  I would prefer to write short stories instead of blog posts, but few will take the time to read a good short story in a blog.  I do a blog hop periodically that allows me to be creative in the opening before getting factual in the second half.  There are times I’ve written shorts for this to simply see if they draw interest.  I’ve learned that blog hop readers don’t appreciate shorts, so most of the time I just find something to bitch about to make them feel as though we’re all going through life together.  Misery loves company!

7)  I have great compassion for the human race and for the people I meet individually, but seldom let that shine through.  In my sarcastic looks at the news”, I do my best to show the idiocy of our government to open the eyes of the reader before it’s too late.  I do my best to instill a spark to keep them from “dumbing down” and to get them thinking in alternatives.  I do my best to get them to add one and one and see that it does equal two, instead of what the propaganda masters of television news sensationalism broadcast.  I figure I’m on my last slide down the mountain, so no big deal if I piss any of them off.  If something I’ve said will just stimulate a person to start thinking then I’ve succeeded as a writer.  

And, as that satisfies the requirements of the hop, I bid you adieu!

Friday, May 15, 2015

TTOT... 100th Edition Post ... Damn, Has It Been That Long?

Follow all the TTOT Posts here!!!

So, this is the 100th edition of 

Ten Things of Thankful.

I congratulate Lizzi and the rest of her coven for being able to keep this going for as long as it has.  What a tremendous milestone!

Not all of us have 
that type of tenacity.

I've been absent for about a month or so.  Not so much "writer's block" as "writer's dissatisfaction."   Frustration that everything I was writing started sounding alike to me.  

Kind of like today's Pop Music.  There may be a decent song here or there, but overall it sucks.  That was exactly the way I was feeling about my writing.

Many of you probably felt the same.  

Even my wife did ... and she's not that smart!  Remember, she's been blonde for 58 years.  The bleach has to have gotten to what little brain she was originally born with by now!

Then, out of the blue, I had a week from Hell.  I sustained a minor heart problem, 80-year-old father going partially blind, lawyers and mental incompetency dealings with a stepmother suffering from Alzheimer's ... and multiple four hundred mile round trips ... all in the week my doctor's told me to "take it easy."

Any easier and I'd have croaked.

By the way, did I mention I'd purchased a new car?
(How's that for a subject changer?)

I can now drive in excess of 80-100 mph with the top down ... increasing my chances of death should an accident occur.  I've found that at 60 mph an interstate circle ramp can be taken, but the slightest bump wants to launch the car from the pavement.  I do love leaving these huge 4WD pickup truck drivers in the dust, especially after they think they're intimidating me by pulling up close to my bumper at stoplights.  

(I'm just waiting to see my wife sitting next to one of those guys given they've much in common to talk about ... I'm sure.  They're probably riding down some dirt road discussing how much everything I've been writing sounds the same.)

Anyway, for this 100th edition of TTOT, the question lies within ... what do I do to devote just honor to the crew?  How can I show my thankfulness without bringing in the doom and despair that my "newscast thankfuls" usually display?  How can I make Lizzi smile without pinching her where she enjoys being ... no, wait a minute ... "How can I make Lizzi smile?"

Let's see if these thankfuls will do the trick:


1)  Death Benefit Relatives.  It never fails.  When the health of the elderly starts to fade, you suddenly get to meet all types of relatives that never made the effort to come by and make themselves known prior.  Of course, the two primary items on their mind is "On a scale of 1-10, how long do you think they've got until they bite the big one", and "Do you think he's got a will made out, and am I in it?"  Funny how people never care until there's the possibility of reaping in some cash.  (By the way, if you have any relatives about ready to kick the bucket let me know.  I'm sure we're related somehow.)

2)  Farmers On Tractors On Highways.  Tis the season for Spring planting of crops.  This means more and more farmers are hitting the road.  Now, tractors are not the fastest means of transportation.  In fact, if you're in a hurry to get somewhere and you happen to find yourself following one, you may experience rising blood pressure, mood swings, and urges to take the pistol from your glove compartment and do a little target shooting.  STOP!!!  Step back, relax, and enjoy watching the fields slowly pass by.  Get in touch with nature.  Enjoy the Earth that God gave us.  (And, when the tractor finally pulls off the road, you'll find you have a much better shot at the bastard than you did before!)

3)  Nature's Fury.  Spring brings us many a shower.  Some may even qualify to be called storms.  Add a tornado or two and you've got yourself an afternoon of excitement that money can't buy!  Ride your John Deere lawn mower into the sky and catch the view only a few have lived to talk about!  Besides, you wanted to get rid of all of your mother-in-law's gifts.  What a better way to do so than with the tornado taking them away and dropping them where they'll all be appreciated ... say a trailer park ... or even Baltimore!    

4)  Road Construction.  So you're driving along the interstate.  It's finally quiet with the exception of the music you're streaming.  The
kids, long bored with their I-Pads, are gently snoring in their booster seats.  Then you see it ... that triangular yellow sign that announces "Road Construction!"  Fear grips you as you recognize what's ahead ... lane shifts, bumpy pavements, reduced speed limits, and the worst torture of them all ... the dreaded "Left Lane Closed Ahead!"

Why people can't gradually merge is beyond me.  The few that try are discouraged from doing so by the assholes that rush ahead in the left lane trying to get in front of everyone else.  They don't care that this action slows the stream of traffic down to a crawl as they find a way to slip into the flow and frustrate those patiently awaiting their turn.  If you're brave (and drive a big enough vehicle) you might try straddling the center line to keep them behind you.  Although you might be a hero to some, remember the farmer and the tractor target shooting.  Courageous Sienna drivers may become the new farmers, if you know what I mean.

5)  Ego Filled Drivers.  Since I began driving a sports car, it's amazing how many people feel as though they have to challenge me passing them on the interstates.  I generally keep it on cruise control at a steady 75 mph.  Coming up on traffic from behind, I hit the turn signal to change lanes and start going around the slower traffic.  That's where the ego game occurs.  

Immediately, these drivers see a smaller car passing them and  the old ego kicks in as they think, "Damn, this is just a small car coming around me!  I can't let that happen!"

So, immediately they decide to start the game.  They speed up substantially, I go back into the slow lane behind them, and then they slow down below where my cruise is set.  Then it all starts all over again and again.  

Finally, I tire of their ego filled reactions and shoot my car around them, leaving them wondering what happened.  Some will give chase for a few minutes, but sooner or later, most will slow down and tire of the game.  There are a few that can't stand it and try for a repeat performance.  

The world is filled with dumbasses!

6)  Turn Signals.  Auto manufacturers install turn signals in their vehicles as a safety item.  They are to be used whenever one changes lanes (as discussed above) or in preparing to turn off the main roadway.

Many Americans are completely unfamiliar with this feature.  In fact, I wonder if they even have a clue as to what the lever on the left side of the steering column is for.  It's like they believe you're supposed to have extra sensory perception and know what the hell they're going to do simply by brain waves.

I even knew a man that I once tried to educate in turn signal usage when he rode with me.  One day, after a discussion on why I used them, he spouted, "It's like I'm asking permission to change lanes.  I don't have to ask anyone's permission to do that!"

Deja vu!  The world is filled with dumbasses!

7)  Road Construction, Part 2.  We all know that subcontractors make up the majority of the idiots assigned with fixing the highways of America.  Yet, one often wonders if they have to go to a school that turns them into idiots prior to taking on the job.  However, there is a reason for everything if you search hard enough.

Have you ever wondered why pylons start being displayed ten miles prior to where the actual construction is actually taking place?  I believe it is to get you frustrated with the reduced speed limit.  Traveling at a much slower rate of speed for no reason becomes frustrating, which then gets you moving at a faster rate, which gets you a ticket at an escalated "Construction Zone" prices, which makes more money for the county that is trying to recoup its costs in the road construction project!  If you think about it, the act makes complete sense!

Ever wonder why so many construction areas are empty when you drive by?  Many areas have started working construction during the cooler night hours instead of the hot, heavy traffic day hours.  That, at least, is what they'd like you to believe.

In fact, empty construction sites give the police assigned to issuing tickets many great places to hide during the day, and makes them difficult to see at night!  Plus, it's extra hard to get your phone camera focused during the night hours to pick up the police beating up those they've pulled over so they can make additional court cost income with charges against the speeders for resisting arrest!    Anything for a dollar!

8)  Impatient Idiots.  You've done well driving along in a lane of traffic and you're in the far right lane getting ready to take the next exit ahead.  There's no one behind you
and everything is going well.  Then the idiot appears!

They pull up beside you at breakneck speed, slam on their brakes, and cut in front of you, causing you to slam on your brakes.  They easily could have slid in behind you without any problem, but the idea of being last in line just creates a panic within them.  If you're lucky you'll be turning the opposite direction at the exit so you can pull up beside them and give them the great American high sign, commonly called the bird.  It's the least you can do.  Of course, they'll be wondering why you did it as they're in a state of denial.

Hell, just shoot them and get the hell out of there.  
The world will be a better place for it!

9)  Fast Food Restaurant Drive-Up Menus.  Have you noticed the recent trend in the drive-up window menus these days?  Instead of having a list of items with the prices next to them, we are greeted with a display of pictures, combo offerings, and an array of opportunties to spend outrageous sums of money without knowing it.  Coffee items are located under fish sandwich and chicken nugget photos, soft drinks at the top (three feet away) on the right side, and value menus seem to move daily!  A sandwich has 4 size offerings, french fries three, and soft drinks four!  And, the drive up window people seem to get offended if you don't take the largest sized combo.  I also wonder why I'm the only one saying "Thank You" most of the time.  Don't these people have any basic manners?  Oh yeah, I forgot, they've chosen a career in fast food service.  What was I thinking?

Sorry, but if you can't even give me the ketchup I ask for, 
you don't deserve $15 an hour!  
Take your $6, ammonia washed piece 
of assembled beef parts and stick them 
where the fries don't roam!

10)  B.B. King.  A great musician died today.  B.B. King, the "King of the Blues" passed away leaving a legacy in Blues Music that will never be duplicated.  I am happy that I grew to love his music years ago, and have been enjoying it ever since.  Thankfully, his music will go forward as his past recordings are played over and over, and discoveries of new music are made (as they are always with artists that leave us).  B.B.'s signature song was "The Thrill Is Gone."  Indeed it is, as is the man that supplied it.  We'll miss you for a while, my friend, until we meet again at that Blues Club in the sky.