Thursday, September 17, 2015

Naked and Afraid, Wendy's, and Carly and Hillary Jello Fight! Yes, It's Time for Ten Things Of Thankful!!

Just in case you missed it, Amanda Knox has been found innocent.

The highest of the Italian courts declared that her initial trial had basically been a sham and that there was absolutely no proof that she had any part in the killing that took place.

Her fifteen minutes of fame are now over.  She will go back to living a life outside of the spotlight until "Dancing With The Stars", or some other menial television show decides to offer her thousands of dollars to appear as a contestant.

What do you want to guess it's not 

"Naked and Afraid?"

In case you haven't seen "Naked and Afraid", here's the basic premise.  Put a man and a woman in a survival situation with minimal survival chance.  Take away all their clothes, give them one tool each to use (fire starter, machete, etc.) and leave them in the wilderness for 21 days.  If they're still there at the end of that time period, they can proclaim themselves survivalists and be proud that they lost 20-30 pounds each during the event.

No, none of the contestants has ever taken their Richard Simmons calorie cards as a survival tool.  They all complain about the hunger they suffer through as finding food is usually a task few do well at accomplishing.

Can you imagine being Amanda Knox's partner on the show and seeing her pull out a razor sharp machete?  Now, children, can you say, "Deja Vu?"

Remember, no body remains make murder hard to prosecute!  Just hope that she's a vegetarian!

Speaking of food, let's discuss the latest rule practiced by some of our wonderful eating establishments.

The other morning, I traveled the 200+ miles to my father's home in Indiana.  I started the trip at a convenience store where I purchased a large coffee.  I partook of this drink along the route, finding I still had a little left when I pulled into a Wendy's restaurant in Bloomington, Indiana.  I looked for a place to throw my cup but found that Wendy's has removed all outside trash receptacles.  

Ordering a Diet Coke and a chicken wrap, I asked the Keeper of the Drive Up Window if she would mind throwing away my cup to make room for the drink I had purchased.  I was informed that because of "food contamination" rules, they couldn't do that.  

I said, "Oh, you're good enough to allow me to contaminate my car with your cup, but you
can't toss my cup in a trash can?"

"Sorry, sir, rules are rules!"

"I understand.  You're allowed to handle money, which has been proven to be the dirtiest item one can handle, and then handle food, but you can't throw away my cup."

"Sorry, sir, rules are rules!"

So, being the asshole I am, I took my order, proceeded forward one car length, stopped my car, opened the door, and set the cup of coffee on the ground before driving off!

.  I have rules, too!  

Screw with me and I'll screw with you!

I bet they threw it in a trash can when they picked up the lot that day.

Remind me not to stop at Wendy's again.

It's a dangerous game they're playing.  Hell, they don't know that I'm not Amanda Knox in disguise just awaiting the chance to unsheathe my machete!

"HAHAHAHAHAHA .... I've FOUND the BEEF!!!!!!"

Anyway, it's time for

Ten Things Of Thankful!
Join Ten Things Of Thankful HERE!!!
This week, I'm thankful for ...

1)  .... a Chinese surgeon 
"Hell, I think I turned out just fine!"
and an Italian surgeon have confirmed that they will perform the first head transplant surgery at Harbin Medical University in China.  Having never been attempted, they hope for immediate success.  

Or, at least they're hoping that their efforts provide something better than the previous secret attempts that no one would ever take credit for.

Well, at least no one in the Republican Party would ever take credit for.

Or, would they?

2)  ... Consumer Reports has listed the Chrysler 200, the Land Rover Discovery Sport, The Lexus NX Crossover, and the Kia Sedona to be the three worst cars in the market.  

Lexus, Kia, and Land Rover contest this listing, while Chrysler simply states, 
"Hell, at least we're at the top of someone's list!"

3)  ... Donald Trump was blasted by a Latino crowd after a political rally in Dallas, Texas this week.  The disagreement was voiced over his statements concerning the "sending back to Mexico" the illegal aliens, and how drugs, crime, and rapists were much of what was coming into the states.

Let's be real, the Latino vote is a Democratic one, for the most part.  
Obama thrived on it during the last election, and Hillary plans on doing 
the same in the next one.  (She'd email you about it but seems to have 
trouble emailing anything these days.)  Personally, I see the Latinos as
 a hard working group that isn't afraid to get their hands dirty for their pay.  
There are several other groups already in the United States that should take
 lessons from them instead of hanging out at the Post Office awaiting 
government checks every month.

Besides, what American city couldn't use another quality restaurant?

Got any hot sauce?

4)  ... El Nino's possibly going to lead to more snakebites.  Seems that the heat it will bring the serpents closer to humans in search of their prey (rats, mice, etc.).  Thus, more people will get bit.  Some accidentally and some through foolishness.  

Seems like the weather is bringing more than raindrops on the head 
and showers bringing flowers that bloom in May, doesn't it?

5)  ... "Dancing With The Stars" began its 21st season on television Monday Night.


6) ... a Texas teenager that brought a bomb to school ... or so the school officials thought.  Actually, turns out the officials bombed big time as it was only a clock that he had put together.  The police also bombed as they put the 14-year-old in handcuffs and took him to jail.

There are times fear leads people to do things they later regret.  Obviously, it was better for the officials to end up eating crow in the name of safety first, rather than to try validating why hundreds of children were blown up by a bomb.  (And, just this week, an ISIS violence  influenced 15-year-old Danish girl was sentenced as her and her male Iraqi friend, Mohammed Bakhtiar Abdullah, stabbed her mother over 20 times!) 

Still, Obama wants to make it up to this kid and offer him a visit to the White House.  

Sure, let's reward stupidity!

What am I saying?  Let's look even further into this matter.  

Terrorism is everywhere and people are afraid.  We are at war with a Muslim force that wouldn't hesitate one second to send a suicide bomber into a school.  So, if you were a Muslim, wouldn't common sense tell you not to parade around with a "Make Your Own Clock" kit that resembled a bomb?  

That's right, common sense isn't common!

And, now this stupid kid (who should have finished all these "make your own" kits by age 9 or 10) is being rewarded for his inability to exhibit common sense, as many, who also lack the common sense to calculate human reactions, think he was mistreated.  Hell, he's lucky someone didn't shoot his ass thinking he really was a terrorist!  

Someone sit the offended public and the kid down, 
explain the values of common sense and thinking 
about what you're doing before you do it, 
and buy the kid a wristwatch!
(Talk about some Mickey Mouse B.S.     Geeeeesh!)

7)  ... Twinkle, Twinkle, little star, shooting near and farting far ...  

 WHAT???   Yes, shooting stars may not be what you think they are.  NASA scientists have stated that when the astronauts aboard the space station orbiting the Earth take a dump, it's got to go somewhere.  Out the chute with the poop and into space it does fly. If it happens to enter Earth's atmosphere then it's a quick "Flame On, Flame Out" as it burns up.

So, for all you romantic lovers stargazing, remember, wishing upon a star from afar may keep you from feeling the poo from the crew.  Just put the top up in the convertible (or close the moonroof) and you'll be fine... except for maybe taco and burrito night!  

Makes you wonder what urine turns into, doesn't it?

"Did someone say something about 
Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head a little earlier?"

8) ...  the typical American family's income dropped to $53,657 last year.  (I might add that bankruptcies continue to rise as more and more credit card companies find that people cannot pay the 29.99% rate they conveniently charge when family funds are at their lowest.)  This was the fifth year in a row that income levels either dropped or were stagnant.  

This is sure to bring a big laugh at the upcoming Republican and Democrat
 $10,000 a plate campaign dinners.  After all, getting rid of the middle class 
seems to be working quite well for all of them!

9)  ... Carly Fiorina, candidate for president on the Republican ticket, seemed to win a debate among other candidates this week aired on CNN.  (I missed it ... intentionally,  I might add.)

I say let's end all the bull right now, put Hillary and Carly in bikinis and 
have them fight for the presidency in a swimming pool of either Jello or mud. 
 We could do the same thing with Jeb Bush and Donald Trump, but that 
might scare viewers away even faster than Hillary in a bikini!
Actually, I take that back.  Hillary would be scarier!

(Okay, I'm expecting the chauvinistic statements 
on that one so don't hold back!)

10) ... a Florida woman who was arrested this week after attempting to stab a deputy with a sword!  Later, police found several rooms filled with over 3,500 bladed weapons.  This is one time that decorating abilities weren't as sharp as the accessories within!

All we've heard for years is gun control, gun control, gun control.  Here's a 
lady that obviously didn't trust the government from not taking away her guns. 
 So, instead, she has enough knives, swords, spears, machetes, and 
other stabbing weapons to take care of two zombie apocalypses!  

Like I've said for years, it's not the gun that kills, 
it's the person that pulls the trigger,
or, in this case, stabs the hardest!  

Get the point?

11)  ... 15 Presidential candidates, past and present, have admitted to trying marijuana at least once in their lives. These admissions seem to be the thing to do these days as taxes from pot sales in Colorado actually surpassed alcohol taxes this year.

   What I want to know is who still does it, 
where they get their weed from, 
and if any of them have ever had an acid trip flashback!   

That's the one I'm voting for!

I can see it now ... 

"Hey Dude, there's a lot of names and buttons on this machine. 
 I just want to vote for the doper.  
Close the curtain and I'll light one up!   
Wow, dude......"

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Well, that's going to do it for another edition.
Hope you found something above to smile about.
I should've stopped at 10, but I forgot ... wow, man!

My smiles have been deleted this week by some
unprofessional events I've endured, but won't go 
into detail over. Hopefully, your comments will
assist in bringing them back.

Till Next Time ...