Friday, August 16, 2013

FTSF ... aka The Day From Hell

Welcome to my world!
You're gonna love it here!
Thursday turned out to be 
another day from Hell.  

I don't know why I expected anything different.  Working 11-12 hours a day has kept that streak going for quite some time.  It has taken away much of my writing time, and most of my blog visiting time.  I know you might be one of those that are pissed at me for not visiting as of late.  All I can say is, "Sorry!  Life is a bitch right now."  

But today (Thursday) was going to be a good day.  I was going to get up early, even though I finally got a day off, do a quick change of transmission fluid in my Ridgeline, and head up to Indiana to see my father.  I figured to leave town about 11 a.m., get to Spencer around 2 p.m., spend a couple of hours amusing my stepmother and and annoying my father, leave around 5 p.m., and get back into my home sweet home setting around 8:30.

I had forgotten one factor that could vary the results in every way.

My wife was off work, too!

Now, I do love my wife.  Let's just say that I'm a firm believer of the old expression, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  The more she's absent, the more I love her.

It works in reverse, also!

First thing that happened was she shut off my alarm this morning before it woke me.  So, I awake at 10 a.m.   So much for getting up early.  In addition, she's in the shower, which means it will be at least 2 hours before I'll ever see the place.  With only one bathroom in the house, I grab an empty Coke can and take a leak, hoping that it won't be more than a 12 oz. one.
If ya gotta go, ya gotta go!

11.5 oz. later, I finished, washed my hands in the kitchen sink (knowing I'd create a change in temperature in the shower for my devoted one) and waited ... and waited ... and waited.  One hour and ten minutes later, she emerged.  

Finally, my turn had arrived.  
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!
I've entered saunas that didn't
have as much damn steam!

Entering the 759 degree bathroom filled with hairspray mist and perfume stench (too much of a good thing, you know), I glanced at the fogged up mirror with the streaming waterfall of condensation rolling down to the two inches of water already covering the floor.  

Damn, doesn't she know how to close a shower curtain???

Finishing my cold shower (as she'd used 800 gallons of hot water taking hers, I quickly dried off, dressed, and waded back into the bathroom.  There, I nearly electrocuted myself blow drying my hair while standing in water.  At least it straightened my hair.  No gel needed today.

Could I still get everything done?  

Rushing to the Honda dealership to get some transmission fluid, a little old lady on a cell phone cut across the road in front of me.  It's amazing when you can make ABS brakes lock up!

Have you ever seen 400 cd's leave the car seats, fly through the air 
and scatter on the floorboard of a car?  

After spending an additional 15 minutes picking them up and positioning them in some semblance of order in the boxes, I was able to procure the fluid and return home without additional delay.

That's when the wife struck again!

Not thinking, as usual, an extraordinary blond moment took place within her tainted brain.  As I walked into the house, I find that she had prepared a frozen pizza for lunch.  My little homemaker had struck again!
I must remember, take it to the shop,
you're no good at doing it yourself,
take it to the ship,
you dumbass!

Now, as you may recall, I've made statements in the past about my physical reaction to enriched flour.  In case you don't remember, it causes me to pass out in 30 minutes or less.  I drop off to sleep without even recognizing the slumber coming on.  

To keep from ticking her off and knowing I was pressed for time, I grabbed a quick slice and headed outside.  I got the Ridgeline up on stands, finished the slice, and headed under the truck.  There I situated the drip pan, loosened the bolt, and waited for the fluid to drain.

Have you ever awakened looking up at the bottom of a truck?

I look at my watch.  It's 3:35 p.m. and much too late to make the trip to Indiana.  So, I resign myself to the fact that I can finish with the truck quickly, get another shower, and spend the evening relaxing on the web and catching up on visiting the blogs of others I've neglected.  
Did I mention this was a day from Hell?

There is a bolt that must be removed atop the transmission to put fluid in.  Without this fluid, the transmission will burn up.  

Did I mention I had drained all of the fluid?  

This bolt would not move, regardless of everything I tried.  I'm not going to go into all the efforts made in an attempt to loosen this one damn bolt.  Let me simply say that 7:30 was on the wristwatch, and the bolt was holding steadfast.  

I drove my wife's car to a national auto parts store to ask for assistance.  They had no suggestions.  Finally, I went to Harbor Freight Tools, looked over options, bought a break pipe tool, returned home, and watched magic transpire.

It was about F**kin' Time!!!

By the time all tools were picked up and a shower taken, it was 8:30.  My day from Hell was coming to a close.  Still, I had to remember, Friday is almost here and my obligations to FTSF.   
Damn, what a person will do for attention!

Anyway, here's the JPEG giving you all of the wonderful names of our wonderful hostesses on this wonderful day after my day from Hell.
In case you're not familiar with FTSF, the theme states that we will finish the sentence with wondrous thoughts and experiences from deep within.  

Almost make you think about belching them out, doesn't it?

Anyway, this week's theme is 

"I Used To Love ... "

There's actually many things I used to love.  Here's a short list since the forward was so dreadfully long this time:
  1. Riding around in my car, listening to rock music, while stoned out of my gourd. (And too stoned to realize the cops might be following me.)
  2. Being a radio DJ for an underground station that played music most other stations stayed away from.  (Neville Brothers, Pete Townshend, John Hiatt, Little Feat, Melissa Etheridge, and the Indigo Girls for a few.)
  3. Teasing my daughters to no end.  (I am a mean SOB at times, lol)
  4. Performing stand-up comedy onstage professionally and experiencing the smiles and laughter my jokes brought to others. (And, "No", I never wet my pants.)
  5. Hunting venomous snakes in the wild outdoors where a bite could easily bring death. (That's why guides always lead the way!)
  6. Free falling after jumping out of the plane as long as possible before pulling the ripcord to open the chute. (After some bastard had duct taped the grab handle!)
  7. Sitting back, as a child, listening to my mother read stories of fantasy to me.  (Ah, I remember the tales of Peyton Place and The Valley Of The Dolls so vividly!)
  8. Sitting atop a lifeguard stand looking down the bikini tops of the girls gathered below for my attention (and wondering what I'd do if I had to get off the stand with a woody).
  9. Racing a car around a sports car track at breakneck speed without losing control.  (I may not have loved it as much if I'd have lost control.)
  10. Sitting on the phone for hours, as a teenager, listening to my girlfriend breathe when we'd run out of things to talk about. (No, it wasn't heavy breathing ... I saved that for a certain teacher I had a crush on.)
  11. Watching my oldest daughter lead cheers, her senior year, having failed to make the cheerleader squad previously.  (Kid just wouldn't give up, gotta give her credit, she takes after me ... okay, okay, she takes after her mom!)
  12. Enjoying a dish of vanilla ice cream with pineapple preserves with my grandparents, as a young child, while laughing at the Carol Burnette Show.  (Who wouldn't laugh at that show ... even my wife understood the humor!  Of course, that was before she became a blonde, but still, you gotta love the show!)
  13. Watching the original Star Wars stoned with friends and remembering all of R2D2's lines.  (Deep Beep Doot Bop Beep = You're a dumb ass C3PO!)
  14. Being frightened silly, as a child, by a full TV screen skull accompanied by a piercing scream on Saturday night's Nightmare Theater.
  15. Original McDonald's french fries, Original Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a great barbecued steak before all the changes and steroids were added.  (How come food didn't make us fat until the government made is safer?)
  16. Seeing how far up a girl's leg, as a teenager, I could get my hand before having it pushed away. (Again and again and...)
  17. Feeling the power of God when I was baptized.  (Another teenager moment.)
  18. Visiting museums and historical sites all over Europe (and the hash market in Amsterdam).
  19. Traveling Italy for days with a hooker that was thankful when I'd come to her assistance in Naples in an awkward moment she was experiencing.
  20. Standing at the edge of Mt. Etna and looking over and down at the active lava below (wondering how close I'd have to get to light a cigarette).
So much for the short list!

I think the real statement that needs to be made here is that:

The things we used to love are only that, memories of the past. 
The most important thing that we can love is the next moment.  
Who will join us in the enjoyment it brings!

Will you?
(and if not, do you have a sister?)