To many of us, the end of July and the beginning
of August means
only one thing.
The damn little monsters will be going back to school soon!!!!
Okay, here come the ogre comments! I can already
"Oh, you bastard,
don't you like kids?"
"What's wrong with you? Children are precious!"
"You're just a
grumpy old fart!"
"What an assh*le!"
Blah, blah, blah ...
etc., etc., etc.
I'm only saying what most think, but won't admit to openly.
I love kids, but too much of any good thing is a waste of sanity!
To break, lose, and throw at other happy, little smiling faces on the school bus!
Many parents feel the same as I about being somewhat relieved when school starts up. Here are some of my favorite reasons, and probably some of yours, as to why this relief is so blessed.
|I scream to get what I want |
when I want where I want!
And don't you try to stop me!!
"I want, I want, I want, I want ... Gimme, Gimme, Gimme ... WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(If this ever happened in a gun shop I'm sure the press would be out in droves sensationalizing the results of the event.)
2) Watching the neighborhood bushes to see if one of the little suckers will dart out in front of you while driving will be less stressful during school hours. They should all be tucked away nicely in the classrooms we pay our taxes to cage them in. If there is an escapee, and they happen to run in front of the car, there will be fewer witnesses to the event, making court appearances short and effective.
|Restaurants are cool. Look at all the|
neat stuff we can find to throw!!
4) Mid-day traffic problems will be a thing of the past! How many stoplights will be made because you weren't held up at the last one by a group of teenagers texting each other in the car instead of talking to each other? Not only that, but the thumping $2000 car with the $10,000 stereo system will be parked at the school, instead of next to you at the light. Finally, you'll be able to listen to your music without turning it up to the max. Headache medicine sales will drop because of this, too!
|Give a gift to remember if you|
want an afternoon to remember!
6) Go back to chatting on the web and living dangerously in web hot tubs with unknown companions. Live your fantasies to the fullest and still be safe. Just make sure you wipe the perspiration from your forehead and upper lip before the kids get home and do a search on your site history!
|Look at those buns!!!!|
8) Get off your ass and exercise or dance! No kids will be home to make fun of you. Rise up and get moving! Re-visit the 70's, the 80's, the 90's and dance to your heart's desire. Again, be careful of the time or you may have a whole school bus load of wide eyed loud mouths telling the neighborhood you were practicing your stripper moves!
|I'm watching what you leave in the|
DVD player regardless
of what you say!
9) Put in a movie that you want to watch! Instead of viewing the Littlest Mermaid for the 571st time, put in something you want to see. Sit back and enjoy an afternoon tearjerker, love story, or hot porno if you choose. Do remember that when the kids come home the DVD or BlueRay needs to be put away, not left in the machine for them to ask your spouse what men and women and pigs do without clothes on!
10) Cheat on your diet! F*ck the calories! Dig in and enjoy the chocolate ice cream over the chocolate brownie with chocolate syrup and sprinkles. If you feel guilty, cut up a damn banana and tell yourself you're eating something healthy! Who's to know what you do when the kids are gone? Cheat all you want! Just wash the dishes after you're done or the next time you have a hard time getting into your jeans, some smart ass little mouth is going to say, "If you'd lay off the chocolate ice cream while we're at school, they'd fit!"
So, will I be happy when the kids go back to school?
Let me say that the education of our youth depends on the quality of education they receive. Without proper education, our children will grow up to follow in the footsteps of the leaders of today. If you want your children to be intelligent and have a great future, home school them.
However, if you like the thoughts of enjoying some of the items on the list above ...
Send the little monsters to school!!!!
You'll be happy you did!