Friday, October 3, 2014

Ebola, Beheadings, and Toys R Us ... Damn, I'm Thankful!

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A woman has been beheaded in the United States.

It wasn't done with a sword.  Instead, a knife was used.  Obviously, it wasn't done in one swift chop.  Unless, of course, it came from a set of Ginsu Knives from television advertising past.

This event wasn't televised.  Nor, was it an example of Isis terrorist activity.

It was one disgruntled employee with a knife that  ... well, who knows what he was thinking!  Some say it was racially motivated.  Others believe it was a retaliation for religious comments made.  

This might be carrying political correctness a bit too far!

The alleged murderer (like the event wasn't witnessed) is a recently switched over Muslim.  The French were mostly Catholics during the guillotine beheadings during the French Revolution, so I really don't believe religion has much to do with it.  

Neither did Madame DeFarge. 

 (That one is lost on you if you never read "A Tale Of Two Cities.")

The alleged murderer's mother states that her son is a good boy, not prone to violent behavior.  He, of course, has a history of criminal activity, including assaulting a police officer, but I guess she doesn't believe that is violent.

One wonders where her relevance guidelines are.

They might be the same as the Ebola safety guidelines the Center for Disease Control is utilizing to keep Ebola out of the United States.

Oops!  Guess they didn't work either.

We now have Ebola in Texas.  People in Texas like to say they have everything.  Now, they do!

Perhaps the Ebola will spread to those that believe they are above all others.  
"I come from Africa ...
you suckas gonna die!!

Too bad it wasn't discovered in Washington, D.C.  

If you are sick and wondering if you've picked up the Ebola virus, you probably have.  Don't worry about the symptoms as you'll be dead soon.  

Nice thought, isn't it?

Luckily this virus isn't transported by airborne germs and such.  The Gulf Breezes would spread it across the United States without delay.  

It does make going to sporting events a risk, though.  Seriously, think about the ass that sat behind you last time, screaming his lungs out at the officials.  The back of your hair and neck were recipients of his excess spitting while yelling mode.  If that contains the Ebola virus, you may not score so big next time.

Nothing like spreading a little fear, is there?

Now that I've done my good deed for the day, let's get back to the basics of this post.


As I was simply too busy with end of the month obligations last week at work, and didn't post, I know you've been going through the DT's just anticipating today's entry.

About as much as your desire for Ebola, huh?

Anyway, the Lovable Lizzi and her cohorts are once again providing a forum for our wonderful thankfulness to shine.  

Nice of them to do so before we're all dying of Ebola or beheading, isn't it?

Anyway, let's proceed with what we're all here for!

This Week, I'm Thankful For:

"Oh yeah, We bad, We bad.  What?  Whadaya 
mean passing a joint around can give us Ebola?
1)  Teenage Punks.  Without teenage punks, how would we know the feeling of thankfulness when the law finally does their job and captures these denizens of the crevices of society?  

Yes, the punk that attacked my wife and another employee at the pharmacy at which they work was captured last week.  A mug shot was provided and immediately selected by both victims, to be followed with, "Well, he's in jail now.  Don't feel bad, he's robbed other places and beat up other people, including a bunch of kids.  He'll be put away for a long time."  Since he's fifteen, I imagine he'll be released upon his eighteenth birthday, which means he'll only have served a little over two years for his crimes.  

Shame, I'd have given him the death penalty, or at least provided him with the same beatings he gave others.  I know, "he's had a bad childhood and society's to blame."  Sorry, but a person has to take accountability for their actions, regardless of whatever excuse you'd like to provide them.  Perhaps he'll fall in love with his cell partner, have a sex change operation, and be a loving mother the rest of his life to some street punk that needs to have his ass beat.  Okay, damn it, one can dream can't he!

2)  A.I.D.S.   The origin of A.I.D.S. has been traced to it's source.  Kinshasa, in the Democratic Republic of Congo, is the city that the epidemic started.  Now, all they have to do is to figure out which monkey clan was selling itself out as hookers and the real source will finally be found.  On a related note, gay citizens of San Francisco have been seen wiping their brows in relief and saying, "At least they can't blame it on us anymore!"

"What do you mean if I don't get this shot
I might die of Ebola?  I thought it was a flu shot!"
3)  Flu Shots.  The Center For Disease Control has issued a stern warning about getting flu shots this year.  They're stating that everyone needs to get their annual shot as the flu virus is just waiting to strike as the months start to chill down.  With such a sincere effort to make sure all of us get them, one might tend to wonder about Ebola more and more.  Of course, since we'll all soon be dead from the virus anyway, why worry?

4)  Hong Kong Protestors.  These protestors have cut off talks with the Hong Kong government officials, better know as Chinese Mafia Crime Lords, as the discussions were far from reaching a democratic solution.  Of course, this is somewhat hypocritical considering that democracy is what is at question, but who am I to doubt the sincerity of the talks.  After all, I reside in a country that only allows you to pick its leaders from two like individuals that have the same agendas in providing everything for big business and the rich and eliminating the middle class.  Wouldn't a true democracy be nice?

"Mommy, I Gotta Go
To The Woods!"
5)  Eric Frein.  This is the individual that killed one state trooper and wounded another in an attack on their barracks three weeks ago.  With all the equipment the police and FBI have, he has eluded capture by hiding in a forest land.  The police have consistently stated they are getting closer and closer to finding him, yet he remains at large.  Recently, police have been getting DNA samples from some diapers found in the woods.  It's my guess they're trying to determine if they belong to Frein, or if bears have gotten more sophisticated over the years and really do shit in the woods (in diapers).

6)  Alzheimer's Disease.  Swiss and American researchers have determined that certain characteristic traits may increase a person's chances of contracting Alzheimer's Disease.  These traits show up particularly during the person's 30's and 40's.  High emotional stress and the feeling of being unsociable were two of the primary traits stated that women need be aware.  Or, as one might say, "Stop being a bitch and chill out!!!"

7)   Toys R Us.  A New Jersey mother has filed an 80 million dollar lawsuit against Toys R Us over a toy watch that she says leaked corrosive liquid and burned her child's arm.  The toy was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle wristwatch that was purchased last Easter.

"What do you mean volcanoes?  I always
thought I looked like Rob Lowe!"
Look, nothing against the kid, but he probably never took the watch off.  Digital batteries are known for leaking after being submerged in liquid repeatedly.  We just got done with Summer, which means swimming, hosing, sweating, and plenty of baths and showers.  Why in the world don't you take the damn thing off the kid every once in a while and check it.  Isn't that what a parent should do, or at least one that is accountable for the safety of her child?  Or, would that be too much damn work?  Oh, yeah, I know, you're in your 30's and suffering from emotional stress and unsociable feelings.  You forgot!  C'mon, damn it, admit it, you screwed up!  Geeeesh!!!  Whatta Bitch!!!

8)  The Man In The Moon.  Researchers from MIT are stating that the Man In The Moon is not an actual man's face at all.  Rather, the patterns were formed by volcanic eruptions during the moon's ancient past.  Says the cow, "Damn, you mean I've been jumping over that S.O.B. for years and it's just volcano's?"

9)  The Baltimore Orioles and the Detroit Tigers.  This week, the Detroit Tigers were beaten by the Baltimore Orioles in the American League Division Playoffs.  Said one fan, "Who cares?  We're all gonna catch Ebola and die before the World Series is ever played anyway!"

10)  Driver in Clown Mask Hits Cyclist.  This week, a pick-up truck driver in a clown mask intentionally hit a cyclist.  The driver later claimed it was a case of mistaken identity.

Damn it, I told him to hit the ass on the red bike that intentionally rides his bike in the center of the lane, doing 20 mph in a 45 mph zone.  That sucker has made me late for work six times in the last month as he peddles along, in his cute little yellow and green cycling outfit, thinking he owns the damn road.  I just wasted $50 on this idiot that turned out to be colorblind and couldn't tell yellow and green from purple and red.  What an idiot I hired.  Next time, I'll do it myself.  Damn!

Oh, sorry about that .....

And that's another edition of Ten Things Of Thankful.  Hope you enjoyed!  If so, please feel free to leave wonderful comments below telling everyone how great you now feel since you've indulged your dark side once again.

Till next time ...