Friday, December 18, 2015

LOVE, Christmas And Ten Things Of Thankful Holiday Edition

L-O-V-E …

What is it?

Could it be a blending of various emotions and human characteristics such as desire, obligation, happiness, trust and mankind's need to feel wanted?

For example, a mother needs to feel that her family needs her. That feeling of need brings about happiness within. It also reminds her of her obligation, or responsibilities that must be fulfilled in order for that same family to return that feeling to her. That desire brings about a closeness of the central core group and a reminder of how necessary the family unit is to continue the core successfully as trust, or knowledge of each of the core's members intent provides a security blanket for all.

In simple terms, by doing what a mother is expected to do, love is created. The same applies for a father, grandparents, uncles and aunts, and so on and so on. The circle's strength provides for mistakes to be made and forgiveness to be provided to the “Black Sheep” of the family, or those that recognize too late what family actually means.

We are in the season of the “Family.”

No, I'm not talking Godfather style.
But, stay with me and I'll make you a deal you can't refuse.

Christmas was wonderful when I was young.  Unfortunately, my mother passed when I was thirteen.  Christmas seemed to lose its luster for a few years.  I drifted away from its true meaning, even though my actions were in support of its true meaning.  

Confused?  So was I.

It was a time I rejected my satellite family. I was young and rebellious and knew everything. Being a member of the “Peace, Love, Dove” Generation, I knew that love for all was a false facade only spoken by those naive enough to believe in fairy tales and Gilligan's Island. The military, the loneliness, and some of its required tasks, had removed me from the ranks of the naive. Thus, a bitterness filled the void.

Returning to civilian life, I moved 20 miles away from my core family. Christmas arrived as usual that year and I refused to drive the distance to be with them. It was an act I repeated for two years. Why? Because my family used to taunt each other, flaunt their gifts, and see who out did who in the presents department.  It was pride instead of love, or so it seemed.

I spent those Christmas days alone in my apartment, smoking dope, trying to find something to eat besides a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and feeling sorry for myself.

I was a fool.

If the future could only have been viewed for a split second I would have changed my mind immediately. To know that my grandparents would both be dead within only a few short years, soon followed by an aunt and uncle, would have been reason enough. To recognize that all of us kids were growing up and would never again sit together, as we had, sharing
laughter and tales of Christmas morning would have been helpful, too. And, knowing that never again would the feast that my Grandmother would prepare (turkey, roast, ham, all types of vegetables, oyster bread dressing, dumplings, yeast rolls, and several cakes and pies and cobblers) would never be seen again would have been the final reason to attend.

Yet, in my protest to what I saw as greed weakening the season's main reason for being, the birth of Christ, I missed out. Now, only memories are all I have left to remember those family times.

What I think I seriously ignored was the love that they provided. From the smiles on the faces of those receiving gifts to the laughter the family provided when my Grandmother figured out I'd tied her apron strings to the back of her chair, love was the true feeling in the air. We were as one, enjoying the day and each other as if it would never end. Unfortunately, as sure as the coffee will run out on your day off, each day had its end. Now, the days remembered are only remembered. That time of my life is over.

So, as there are so many that don't believe in Christianity these days, so many that have switched faiths these days, and so many that don't believe in anything except arguing these days, we have forgotten the one thing that we need so desperately to remember.


Don't miss out while you have the chance. Enjoy it! Feast on it! Drink more than your fill of it and don't worry about its hangover! Love will not give you a headache or add to your waste line. No, it will give you an inner warmth that you'll never lose.

This season, as in every season, there will be those on Social Media blasting the day. If they don't like it, I more than welcome them to go to work for regular wage (since it's not a holiday for them) and bitch to those who want to hear it. Let their bitterness be quieted, one day, by a realization that they are not the superior beings. Or, let their screams be heard in the afterlife. We've done all we can.

Don't be selfish with your love. Give to all those you can give. You'll get so much more in return in the memories it provides.

And, if you find you've got some left over, I'll take any handout I can.
(I'm not proud.)

And, with that uncharacteristically sober opening, 
let's get on to the Christmas edition of

This Week I'm Thankful For ...

1)the Winner of The Voice Is Jordan Smith!

Okay, many of you know I don't care for these type of television programs.  Any public "call in" voting can be rigged one direction or the other.  This is one of the few times that the voting was unable to go any other way.  Jordan Smith, the second winner in a row from Kentucky, was so far above all the rest of the entries in the area of true vocal ability that the playing around with the results would have instantly been obvious to a hearing impaired person.  
(Now, let's see what happens next season.  Oh, and remember, previous winners on the show have only had minor success afterwards.  Jordan's goal is to sing the National Anthem at the Superbowl.  Okay, so he's done a song by Sia and one by Beyonce, so I guess he could record it for playback like Whitney Houston did years ago!)
Episode XXVII coming
in 2079!!!!
Buy Your Tickets Now!

2)  … Star Wars “The Force Awakens footage is being leaked online. Okay, dragging out a movie and its sequels for over 40 years is ridiculous. Obviously, some fans think so as well and are leaking footage out online of the new Star Wars film.
(It's subtitled in Indonesian so these are obviously Jar Jar Binks fans who are pissed off over being overlooked in the film. Damn, and I spent my high school years in Latin Class instead of Indonesian. Hindsight is indeed 20/20.)

3)  … J. Birnbach Inc. jewelry store tosses diamonds. When employees are pulled away to do things that are not necessarily their jobs, mistakes generally occur. When employees are told to move boxes (which entails physical labor), they will generally find a way to shorten their efforts. Throwing out three wooden boxes was the decision made by employees of the J. Birnbach Inc. jewelry store. Unfortunately, these boxes contained over $5 million worth of diamonds. Fortunately, a security guard went through the trash and found them. Unfortunately, the only reason he found them was that he always went through the trash since his pay is a joke. Fortunately, the jewelry company didn't lose the diamonds. Unfortunately, they didn't reward the security guard as he was only doing his job. Fortunately, the security guard has lost his honest streak and will not be so quick to return missing items in the future.
(Moral to the story: Screw me and I'll screw you!)

"...and it only cost me twelve gas stations
and three camels!"

4)  … Saudi millionaire gets away with rape! (This happened in a British court, believe it or not, so let us forget about American courts being the only ones that provide stupid verdicts.) Ehsan Abdulaziz met a twenty-four year old and a teenager in a West End club, took them both to his apartment, had relationship with the older of the two, walked out in his living room, tripped, fell atop the teenager with his erect penis sticking out of his underwear, penetrated her vagina, which just happened to be wide open and uncovered, and is declared innocent of rape by a jury.
(Am I missing something here? Oh, yeah, the British court system loves to remind the U.S. about prison overcrowding. When is rape not a rape? I guess when Viagra gives you a four hour erection and you trip atop a teenager and poke her with perfect aim. I know what male enhancement I'm buying next trip to London!)

5)  … Obamacare under attack by Democrats! What? You thought Republicans were the only foes of the program? Not when big business money is involved. Confused? Okay, this is how it lays out. Obamacare depends on constraining the high costs of medical care. The Cadillac Tax, due to go into affect this year, is being fought by Democrats as high up as Hillary Clinton and Harry Reid. Why? Only they know for sure, but most of us are betting it's because of campaign contributions and the favors already promised to the medical side of big business.
(So, let's be real, for anyone that thought politician's really were different and that Hillary and company were the next holy triumvirate to save the United States from utter degradation … SURPRISE!!!!! She's just as dirty as the rest of them. And, it doesn't even take a British Court to await that verdict. )

"And, even though I'm a total dumb ass
that is hoping you get hit on the way back
to the car so I can collect insurance,
will you marry me?"
6)  … Man stops Interstate 45 traffic to propose. Ah, love makes a person do stupid things for sure. Still, stopping three lanes of interstate highway traffic in order to get out of the car and propose to his girl on his knees is something that the grandchildren will one day look back and say, “Damn, we carry his genes?”
(What's really sad is that this couple both exited the car in order to accomplish this. So, it's not a case of one set of bad genes, but two! Looks like a future president in the making!)

7)  … House Bill allows for more foreign “guest workers” to be allowed in U.S. Introduced into a current spending bill by a Democrat and a Republican, this will allow for almost four times the amount of “guest workers” to do the jobs that disabled veterans, single working mothers, and uneducated members of society normally do in the industries of hotel house keeping, truck driving, construction, and food processing.
(So, once again, the people of the United States are given the shaft by their government so that big business can bring in “guest workers” that don't have to have various benefits and taxes, as well as health care benefits paid. Big business profits, more Americans go on the Welfare lists and become dependent on government handouts. It almost makes me wish the military would indulge in a coup d'tat and clean house. “In with the good air out with the bad … in with the good air out with the bad.”)
And, since Christmas will preclude the TTOT next week,
a few personal notes to finish things up.
My buddy, Faletame.  (Gabriela is
camera shy ever since she gained weight.)

8)  ... two wonderful cats that give me joy all year long.  Faletame and Gabriela are the biggest pains in the necks there could be.  Yet, as Gabriela meets me in the hall each morning on my initial trek to the bathroom and begs for attention as I do my thing and smoke the day's first cigarette, and Faletame takes over after my shower and follows me back to the bedroom to get dressed and even rubs up and down my back as I put my socks on, they are as precious to me as any living creature.  

9)  ... a year in which I was able to purchase a new sports car, and when Summer was over, trade it in on a new Mazda CX-3 with All Wheel Drive for Winter driving.  I've had much better years financially, but am lucky in that I'm still not as bad off financially as many others.  

My new car and the one it replaced.  Who knows what next year will bring?
59 and still a blonde ...
how does she do it?
10)...a year in which I was able to: 
a)  leave a job that was starving me out and find another that has many future opportunities,  

b) recognize my love for my wife (pictured falling asleep at my dad's house after we'd stopped 
and brought him barbecue from Kentucky) 
even more than ever before, 
and the same for my family by my side, 

c)  get closer to my father who, though in dwindling health, is still alive and able to maintain the lifestyle he chose many years ago,

 d) finally see my cousins and still living aunt and uncle who have finally become a part of my life 
once more,

e) thank God for the friends that have stuck by me and continue to read my blog even though my ever worsening eyesight prohibits me from returning the favor as much as I'd like, and to Lizzi who tolerates my "sometimes here/sometimes not" behavior,

and finally 

f)  for the sun which always is 
shining whether the clouds are in the way or not.  

I am truly blessed.
I pray you are, too!


Spread the LOVE!!!

Friday, October 30, 2015

Halloween Tales, Ghostly Wails, and Ten Things Of Thankful

**This was actually written prior to last week's post, but not posted as I'd confused Halloween to be last week instead of this.  So, overlook the "haven't posted in three weeks" bit and enjoy the rest ... I hope!"

Over the last three weeks, I've written three separate posts.

I've published none of them.

I thought they were good, but not excellent.  They all made their points, but none of them would have received more than a slight belly chuckle from the reader.

That's not what I'm all about.

It is my goal
 to make people laugh.  

In the past weeks, I've written about gun control, cutbacks in Social Security, and other social topics.  Again, all would have easily have been posted on many sites.  

Just not here.

It gets discouraging at times when you want to make people laugh and nothing funny comes out.  Like a writer's block, it's a comic's block.  You hope that it will soon end, but like constipation, it has its own timetable to let the crap start flowing again.

So, since nothing funny wants to make itself known at this time, let me share with you a few tales of the supernatural ... paranormal if you will.

That's right ... encounters with the other side.

A story of a young fourteen-year-old lad that had been cast into a makeshift household.  This included a stepmother with whom he constantly did battle as her selfishness for her two children created tension and hostility among all that resided there.  That is, until one night when it all came to a head.

The battle was much more fierce than usual.  Profanities were thrown out by both the teenager and the stepmother.  Insults ensued and tempers flared to greater heights.  As usual, the teenager was in the wrong, at least, as far as the stepmother was concerned.  Finding no support in his father, who had turned up the television instead of acting as a mediator, the teenager turned and exited the back door of his home.

Immediately, the freezing night air reminded the teenager that he'd left with only a shirt on to face the elements.  No matter.  He had his anger to keep him warm.

He walked through the harvested corn fields and cow pastures that made up his back yard and his grandparents farm.  Climbing barbed wire fences in the dark was tricky, but he only cut himself a couple of times as his anger kept him pushing forward.

Finally, he reached the woods.  Dark and threatening as they were, he entered without a thought for his safety.  Again, it was a challenge to see the fallen trees, briar patches, and border fences within, but that didn't stop him.  Only his memories of an opening scene from "I Was A Teenage Werewolf" and the similarities in the location site filmed in the movie to his shadow filled surroundings put a slight chill up his spine.

Then, there it was.  Two miles through fields and forest had brought him to the graveyard.  Although not originally his destination, fate had brought him here.  And, right in front of him, gravestone rising in the darkness, was the last resting place of his recently passed mother.

On his knees, he spewed out his anger and frustrations to his mom.  Tales of being cast into a basement room that flooded when it rained, unfair distribution of allowance money and chore responsibilities, and the general hatred he felt to the invaders of his home filled the air. Tears flowed from his eyes and froze upon his chin before having a chance to drip away.  

Finally, there was silence.  He had no more to say.

"Go Home.  Everything will be alright."

He turned to see who was talking to him.  Yet, in the darkness, there was no figure to be seen.  He turned back to his mother's gravestone as if it would offer safety.

"Go Home.  Everything will be alright."

Again, there it was.  A male's voice rang in his ears.  It was so close he could sense the breath upon his neck.  But, when he turned, there was no one there.

"Go Home.  Everything will be alright."

The voice came from all around him this time.  It wasn't an inner voice speaking, but one that filled the air ... like from loudspeakers at a sporting event.  

He rose, said goodbye to his mother, and walked to the highway bordering the graveyard.  Within minutes, a car, driving slowly from the opposite direction, slowed and stopped.  It was his father with all of his makeshift family.  The teenager walked across the road, opened the front door, and got into the car.  Nothing further was ever said about the incident.

Years later, after the military, the young man was no longer a teenager.  As he was going to attend a local university, he found a great bargain on a house to rent.  Four bedrooms upstairs, a huge kitchen, dining room, and living room downstairs, with bathrooms both above and below.  He fell in love with the house.

After a short time, he noticed things would disappear from the living room.  First, it might be a can of Coke or a pack of cigarettes.  Then, it moved on to bags of pot or textbooks.  

He could always find them upstairs on the floor in the center of one of the smaller bedrooms.

The back of the house had a small apartment segregated off.  The girl that moved in there
hated the home.  She always complained about the furnace going out and having to go down and light the pilot light when he was gone.  He'd never had that happen.

One night, coming home from work, he pulled into the driveway to see the girl running out of the basement and throwing herself face first into the snow.  When her boyfriend returned from taking her to the hospital, he stated that they hated the place and the damned furnace that kept going out and were moving out as soon as she recovered from her burns.

It was the first night that the young man heard the baby chuckle.

After the couple had moved, the baby could be heard at night when the evening's lights were turned off.  At times, it would be crying.  However, it didn't take the young man long to realize that if he talked to it that he could stop the crying and get a baby chuckle out of it.  

It worked wonderfully in getting girls to leave after sex instead of having to go through awkward morning after conversations.

The years flew by and the young man had aged, gotten married, and had a family of his own.  He'd had a few experiences out of the normal realm take place over the years, several almost dangerous in nature, but he thought he was over them.

His being promoted to Sales Manager required him to move to the middle of a country.  It was a small town and rentals weren't easy to come by.  One of his employees knew of a house that had just come open.  A quick visit with the landlord, a transfer of funds, and a handshake were all that were needed to seal the deal.

Not wanting to move his family there until the school year would be over in a couple of months, the gentleman moved in by himself.  He knew that with it being an older home that it wouldn't be as bright as some of the newer ones.  He just didn't know the darkness that the home really held within.

His first night there was one filled with fear.  He entered the bedroom to be met with ice cold temperatures.  His breath could easily be seen in the air in front of him, which was extremely rare in the Alabama late spring with only a window unit air conditioner in the room.  In addition, no matter which way he turned he felt as though there was someone there, watching his every move.  He closed the door to the room and wedged a two by four between the dresser and the chest on either side of the door frame.  He didn't sleep well for several days.

However, once he brought his family down that weekend, things seemed to ease up.  The laughter of his two girls and wife filled the home and seemed to meet the approval of whatever had been disapproving of his homesteading until then.  Never again did the home seem to want them gone.

Years later, after moving away and then coming back for a visit with in-laws the next year, they drove by the house.  In one year, the house had aged thirty.  The roof sagged between the support beams and the entire house exuded a look of having the life drained out of it.  It was sad to see it in such a condition.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

I'll never know exactly where the voice in the graveyard came from.  It was too late and too cold for someone to physically be there.  Some say it was a voice from above and others say it was a voice of the dead.  Either way, I know it was truly there.

The house I'd rented while in college had a history that I didn't know about until after having moved in.  Neighbors later told me a man had gone off the deep end (several years before) and shot his entire family there.  The neighbors heard the yelling, the shots, and the baby crying endlessly as windows were open during the Fall in which it had occurred.  Finally, one more shot and the crying stopped.  One final shot and silence prevailed until the sirens arrived.  I might add, I lived in that house alone for almost another year after the couple moved out and the furnace never once went out.  I never had a girl make it through staying an entire night there either!

The home for my family turned out to have had the landlord's wife die with cancer within it.  I understand she'd suffered there for months before finally passing on.  Although I never saw anything or anyone there, my youngest daughter swears to this day that she saw an older woman in the house many times when she was there alone.

So, in closing this part of the post today, I can only say one thing .....

Now, it's time for 
Ten Things Of Thankful!  

This Week I'm Thankful For ...

1)  ... Earthquake in Afghanistan and Pakistan kills over 260 ... and the United States press did its best to minimize this disaster.   For a week, we heard about Hurricane Patricia and how devastating it was going to be.  Then, when it hit, news suddenly disappeared.  Now, an earthquake killing hundreds of people has occurred, and the headlines are once again about the future presidential race.

I guess big business isn't making any money in the hurricane and earthquake hit areas, so why bother reporting on it.  Or, could it be that there were no police abusing their authority and the news agencies couldn't manufacture sensationalism, as they're so good at?  

Funny how they can make such a big deal over one student disobeying a teacher and a police officer (excuse me, one innocent, young, pristine example of fine upbringing), but they have no interest in hundreds getting killed elsewhere.  Don't all lives matter?  Gives them a chance to show their true color, doesn't it?          

$$$$$$ GREEN $$$$$$

2)  ... Khloe Kardashian cut her long locks.   

Anything talking about the Kardashian's 
is a complete whorer 
... oops, horror story.

3) ...  Seven-Year-Old chokes on school lunch and no one helps her.  Noelia Echavarria's family feels as though she may have choked on a sandwich trying to eat it too fast as school employees had hurried her before.  The young lady is now brain dead as she turned blue before paramedics could arrive.  No one attempted to assist her in any way prior to their arrival.

I'm just wondering how many of them had their phones out filming 
the incident to see if they could get a "views" record on YouTube later.
Sad thing is that's probably TRUE!

4)  ... Mike Tyson endorses Donald Trump for President.  Mike feels as though America needs a business minded individual to run it.  So, he's endorsing Donald Trump.
Let's see, Mike's been hit in the head many, many times in the boxing ring in the past?  He's also attempting to become a celebrity again with his Adult Swim show.  Just goes to prove, "Any publicity is good publicity!"

(And then we all woke up out of our nightmare, 
felt to see that we still had both of our ears,
and went back to sleep.)

5) ... Man put in coma after E-Cigarette explodes.  Evan Spahlinger, 21, of Naples, Florida, was put into a medically induced coma after an E-Cigarette exploded once, sent the lithium battery down his throat, and exploded again.  

Now you know why I smoke Pall Mall 100 Lights.  
Screw those exploding suckers!

6)  ... Top Five Halloween Candies.  According to a Yahoo survey, the number 5 favorite Halloween candy are Kit Kats, followed by other chocolate bars, M&M's, and Snickers at number two, just behind Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Oh, those are the favorites to be received by Trick or Treater's.  
My favorites are generic Sweet Tarts, generic Twizzlers, and 
anything else I can find at the Dollar Store that's cheap and will
 keep the little bastards from toilet papering the trees
 in my front yard!

7)  ... Patriotic Shirt banned by California School.  The Yuba Gardens Intermediate School sent an honor student home the other day for wearing a Kohl's T-Shirt bearing the California State Emblem.  Their excuse:  Because it had a red star in the upper corner it was gang related material.

I guess they're right on this one.  It was a gang of white settlers 
that decided to go into the turf of the noble Native Americans, 
steal their land, profit from their natural resources, and 
breed a society that couldn't figure out when 
a t-shirt is gang related or not.

God, what a serious bunch of stupid assholes!
I'm guessing they'll ban the California State Flag next!!!

8)  ... Texting Drivers caught by Homeless Man Police Officer.  Okay, so you're driving along, come to an intersection, and decide to check your texts.  Why?  To keep from looking at the homeless guy with his cardboard sign that you know is probably pulling the scam on you.  Why?  Because many of them are doing just that.

So, you pull away, drive 100 yards, and are pulled over and given a citation for Distracted Driving!  Later, you find out that the homeless man's sign read, "I'm not homeless.  I'm a police officer looking for distracted drivers texting or using cell phones."

Mad?  Damn right!  

That's exactly what happened in Baltimore, Md.  Over 56 drivers were given citations.  Guess the city needed some extra cash and the Annual Policeman's Ball will now be funded.  

I've nothing about police pulling over folks for texting while driving.  You gotta do something to stop these idiots.  However, when one has to look at every supposedly homeless person at every corner and read their signs to find out if they're a police officer or not, there's something wrong.  

Of course, at the price of tickets these days, give me one and I'll be homeless.  

I think I'll put on my sign, 
"For $5, find out the location of the Homeless Man Police Officer Today!"

Sounds like a bargain to me!

9)  ... WHO says you have Herpes ... they really do!  The World Health Organization says that two thirds of the world's population has oral herpes.  You know, cold sores, fever blisters ... stuff like that.  That's like 3.7 billion people!  Scientists are desperately attempting to discover a cure, but to this point, everything they've come up with won't validate the price the drug companies want you to pay.  (Wait a minute, retract that last sentence.)  

So, the next time you get the tingling and the lip starts to swell, don't feel sad.  
Feel like you're part of the group and wear your blister proudly!  
After all, most everyone else will too! 

10)  ... Halloween is a racist holiday!  

I was on Facebook the other day and saw a post stating that Halloween is a racist holiday.  I didn't want to read the post and didn't.  


Because I'm fed up.  I'm fed up because everyone can find something wrong with everything these days and do their best to ruin the fun for the majority.

Taking the costumed young ones out to gather candy, telling ghost stories, watching horror movies ... these are all things that I can't associate to racism.  They are things you do once a year to take the normal, boring life we live to a new level of excitement.  

It's bad enough the world seems to be taking Christ out of Christmas, trying to find fault in Thanksgiving, and getting the ASPCA involved with Groundhog's Day and Easter.  If you don't have enough racism in your life already, how about saving it for another time and let people enjoy this satanic, evil and bloody holiday in their own way.

Life is going to be pretty damn boring when you eliminate all holidays.  Of course, the herd you'll be a part of then will be non-thinking, much like many of those complaining today.  I'll be dead by then, thank goodness, and won't have to see the crappy place you've created in which to reside.

But, maybe, just maybe, I'll come back as a poltergeist and scare 
the hell out of you for your lack of reason, fun, and tolerance.

Hell ... I will come back.  That's a promise!

So, change your ways ... or else!



Friday, October 23, 2015

Far Out ... It's Halloween!!! What? It's not? Damn!! Oh well, it's time for TTOT!

I sat down last night and wrote a beautiful post.

It's all about Halloween.

I'd forgotten that Halloween is next week, not this week.

So much for 
the beautiful post.

So, here I am, sitting here wondering what I can write about that will be worth posting.  I ask myself that because for the last several weeks, I've written several posts that I have not published. 

I find myself in a niche that I'm having a hard time exiting.  A niche that continuously attempts to enlighten the masses about the profundity of our political structure, the degradation of common sense, and the ignorance of mankind that surrounds us.

No wonder I'm always in such a great mood.

I could talk about the walk in the park with the one I love.  How gorgeous the trees and flowers and green grass as the butterflies flutter about our heads ... and the gnats occasionally enter our mouths.  The warmth of one hand in the other, as we walk side by side ... being led away by police officers that didn't appreciate our becoming part of nature in the bushes.  Smiles being shared as we gaze ahead at the cameras ... taking our mugshots, before being taken to our cells for another joyous evening ... with our new partners ... or "cell buddies" if you will.

I should, but since it never happened I'd only be making things up.

Or, would I?

I could write about how much I'm looking forward to the Winter ahead.  The brisk breezes chilling you to the bone as your overcoat blows open ... exposing the "Hey, little girl" attire underneath.  Or, we could imagine rolling together down a snow covered hill that seemed never ending ... as the park security stumbled through the drifts chasing us in full determination.  Or, I could describe the brightness and warmth of the room where the camera flashed, taking mugshots ... oh, wait a minute.  We've already been there.  Sorry!

But, I'd be fabricating once again.

Or, would I?

Sitting here, I have the opportunity to reach out to all my friends with open arms and hands ... requesting handouts whenever possible.  A chance to rekindle old friendships in hopes of developing new relationships ... with their wives while they're at work.  A way to ensure new friendships will be forthcoming continually through my life ... after the mugshots are taken and new "cell buddies", oops, sorry.  Another repeat.

The written word is my slave and the page knows only I as its master.  I have the power to create as I will and demand what I must.  I have complete control over this and your television set.  Do not attempt to change the channel.  For the next ten minutes I will control all.  For I reign supreme.  I am in charge!  I am the controller!

Just give me a second.  My wife just asked me to take out the garbage.  I'll be right back.

Or, will I?

Okay, now I'm back.  It's time for


This week, I'm going to lighten things up a little bit as I've found a few of you don't like to think as much as scan.  As I don't want these few to miss something in their quest to finish without understanding, I'll now revert back to my sixth-grade writing level and begin.

This week ... I'm Thankful For:

1)  ... Showers.  Not only do they make you nice and clean, they can save a life.  

This week, my wife lounged around until 1 p.m. before taking a shower on her day off.  When she heard the knock on the door, she wasn't dressed to answer it.  Fifteen minutes later, police sirens were heard.  Within minutes, ambulances arrived at a house three doors down and the police crime scene tape was being strung out.  

Seems a couple of individuals were knocking at doors until they got someone to answer.  Then, they'd force their way into a house and rob the occupants.  At least, that was their plan.  

Unfortunate for them, they forced their way into a home thinking only the lady of the house was present.  Once inside, they found three fully grown men confronting them.  In the scuffle that followed, one of the three innocents was shot in the back, one of the guilty fled the scene, and the other guilty party was held down by the two other innocents until the police arrived.

If it hadn't have been for the shower, my wife could've been the victim.

Keep clean, honey!

2)  ... Crime Free Communities.  When we moved to our neighborhood, 22 years ago, it was known as a "Crime Free" neighborhood.  Since then, I've ran drug pushers off the block by video taping their house 24/7 and letting them know the police had a copy of all the license plates of those that visited them, my neighbor's home was robbed, a mentally ill individual attacked a lady taking her daily walk, my wife was able to scare away a person attempting to kick our back door down, and now, this latest occurrence (described above).

I'm guessing that thieves don't have anything to rob in their own neighborhoods, so they come to ours.

If I'm ever home when it happens, I can only say one thing ...

"I'd like for you to say "Hello" to my little friend and sixteen of his buddies.   
Oops!  i guess they couldn't wait to make your acquaintance.  
Oh, you want gun control?  Watch me control where the gun shoots.
Next time, stay in your own neighborhood!"

Just call me Mr. Rogers as "it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood,
a wonderful day in the neighborhood ... "

3)  ... Religious Cults.  The Word of Life church had a meeting a couple of weeks ago.  During this meeting, two teens were disciplined.  From this "discipline", one died and the other was hospitalized.

Now, to the church, this act was a necessity. The guilty parties state that it was to beat the practice of witchcraft out of them.  It was reported that the teens had been making voodoo dolls and had threatened to make one of their pastor.

The surviving youth denies this.  In fact, police have said it was because of the youths desire to leave the church for good that the incident occurred.

Either way, one is dead and the other is mending his physical wounds.  Who knows how long the mental ones will take.  It is a reminder to all of us that following a religion doesn't mean you have to take abuse by man.  Our judgment lies above, not by a group of idiots that have no other intent but to inflict pain.

But, then again, Jim Jones and David Koresh might disagree.  

Kool Aid, anyone?
4)  ... Russian President Vladimir Putan.  According to opinion polls, the Russian president has an approval rating of 89% among Russian citizens.  Even at worst, considering a maximum error difference of 20%, the man still has an approval rating that makes our last few American Presidents envious, to say the least.

Russians seem to prefer his "take charge" attitude, his "take no crap" mannerisms, and his "I'm President of one of the largest countries in the world and don't you forget it" style.  His domestic and international successes have been scorned by many in the democratic world, yet those that reside in Russia feel as though he's taking care of those at home first and worrying about everyone else second.

Gee, that's the way it was in this country once.  However, for the last two decades, few are pleased with the way things are, presidential approval ratings barely hit 50%, and the populace is always bitching about one thing or another.  How about updating our National Anthem to fit the times?
"O say can you see, 
by the shopping mall's lights,
What so proudly we watch, 
Kardashian's TV.
Tiny seats on our jets, 
squeeze our asses real tight,
No Smoking is the norm, 
so eat more and buy new clothes.
And, McDonald's yellow arch, 
and KFC pails,
Give proof on the scales, 
 heart attacks will prevail.
O' say do those PC'er's 
still bitch about everything,
The land of no middle class, 
and the home of Jared's thing."


5)  ... Immigrant Businesses.  According to a recent study done by Pew Research, 30% of the new businesses created last year were created by immigrants.  These are main street businesses (restaurants, shops and such), and usually maintain a highly visible presence. 

This really puts Americans to shame as only 17% are self-employed.  

I'm guessing it's one of two reasons for this.  1) Many Americans that owned individual businesses have fallen victim to the "Big Box" retailers over the years and grew disgusted fighting a losing battle to stay afloat against the cheap labor rates overseas, or 2) Americans are lazy as hell and want someone else to handle all the legal paperwork, insurance, and managerial duties while they take vacations, sick days, and stretch expense accounts to the max.
See what happens when you grow up playing video games all day!

6)  ... Hurricane Patricia.  The strongest hurricane on record is going to be hitting Mexico this weekend.  Scientists predict catastrophic damage when landfall is reached, stretching into the billions of dollars.

In a related story, Colorado pot retailers are increasing prices of El Primo weed this weekend as shortages are predicted as soon as Mexico takes a hit from Patricia.  Said one retailer, "Wow, man, this is just like oil prices.  Whatta rush!"

7)  ... No Criminal Charges For IRS Officials.  The Department of Justice has decided not to charge any IRS official for targeting specific groups.  

Said one anonymous source, 

"Hell, they screw everyone that can't screw them!"

8)  ... Goran Olsen.  Hiking 150 miles west of Oslo, Norway, Goran found a 1,200 year old Viking sword.  He stated he found it while digging under a pile of rocks.

However, this extraordinary find has its downside.  Seems Goran had forgotten 
where he'd left his Mexican weed and was frantically searching for it in order to take advantage of the price gouging weekend ahead when Hurricane Patricia hits Mexico.  

Flying overhead, the Marvel Avenger, Thor, saw what Goran was doing 
and smashed his skull flatter than your mother's ironed panties as a form 
of punishment.  Goran's family wept.

Okay, okay, I made up the last two paragraphs.  
Had you going though, didn't it?

9)  ... The Plague.  What you learned in school may just be wrong.  Originally thought to have started during the days of the Roman Empire, scientists, in examining teeth and other remains, have decided that the plague may have started at the time of the Bronze Age 5,000 years ago.  In addition, they report that it was transmitted by humans instead of fleas and rats.

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has readied a lawsuit that will be filed as soon as the living relatives of the Pied Piper are found.  Should you have any informations concerning their whereabouts, please notify your local society branch.

10)  ... LaGuardia Airport.  Yes, New York's famous LaGuardia International Airport has been chosen as the worst airport in America.  Surprisingly, Chicago's O'Hare was way down the list at number ten.

Says anyone that's ever flown out of or in to O'Hare ...

Dat's Bull, Dat's Bull, Dat's Bull!!!

And, that's going to do it for another edition of 
Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

Stop in next week for the post that was going to be this week
 until it was discovered this week wasn't next week.

Confused?  Come back next week and it'll all make sense!

Oh, and please leave all comments below!