Friday, January 22, 2016

Blizzard Panic, Pimento Loaf and Ten Things of Thankful!!!

The warnings are being blared from every local television and radio.  We are in for it!  

(Ever wonder what "it" actually is?  Patience.  I'll tell you in a second or so.)  

People are freaking out!  They run around like crazed animals, grasping every possible container and package they can wrap their sweaty palms around.  The frenzy presents itself regardless of the words of caution being broadcast over the store's speakers.

The panic is there, whether you want to admit it or not.  You attempt to stay far away from the madness but it's contagious.  Slowly it sinks into your psyche, as painlessly as a tick sinking its jaws into your flesh.  And, as statistics rise, it proves that you, too, can be infected by the malady that appears too many times in too many cities in too many countries this time of the year.

A snowstorm has been forecast!!!!!

What is it that makes a person lose their sanity whenever the threat of snow comes around?  You'd think that the Walking Dead television series had come to life and we were all looking at the last supplies that would ever be manufactured.  A family that normally eats a loaf of bread a week purchases 4 loaves as the terror of being without takes over.  The same occurs with milk, bottled water, lunch meats ... even potato chips!  

Have they forgotten last year ... the year before ... and the year before that?  Most had passages cleared within a matter of a couple of days.  Electrical power stayed on, gas lines still supplied heating fuel, and Pay Per View ordering exceeded all expectations!

And, when all was said and done, two loaves of bread sported a green fungus, a gallon of milk (partially solid with age), and three packages of Pimento Loaf (proving no one would eat it even in case of an emergency) were tossed in the trash as a Large Pepperoni Pizza was delivered by Pizza Hut.

Are weathermen paid by grocery stores to create this type of panic so the stores can minimize their losses by cleaning their shelves out once a year?  If so, why has the public been so dense in catching on to the ploy?  

I think it is actually the sole purpose of the Boy Scouts Of America.  As a Boy Scout, one is taught to always "Be Prepared."  This puts a subconscious order in our brains for future use.  The order is later triggered by a weatherman saying, "There's a threat of snow."  KaBANG!!!  The order explodes in our brains, our eyes develop a silver glaze, and off to the grocery store we go.

What?  Not everyone is a Boy Scout?

Of course not!  I know that.  However, with today's politically correct society and its "herd" mentality, all it takes is a few upstanding citizens (of course, former Boy Scouts) to lead the charge.  Before you know it a stampede is taking place and the cash registers are chinging and changing and buzzing at full speed.

And that, boys and girls, is how first quarter profits are made.  

Now, how about a glass of milk and a Pimento Loaf sandwich?

And now, tighten up your pajamas and put on your spec's as it's time for this week's 



This Week I'm Thankful For ...

1)  ... Sarah Palin for dooming Donald Trump's run for the office of President of the United States by becoming a supporter of his.  Sometimes, the most simple of things can have the greatest importance.

(All she needs to do now is go home to Alaska, 
try to see Russia from her bedroom window, 
and dream of Pimento Loaf sandwiches.)

2)  ... a teenage boy being taken by the police from high school after substituting "ISIS" for "The United States Of America" during the Pledge of Allegiance.  

However, this isn't as simple as it just sounded.

The youth was witnessed doing this in October of last year.  It went before the school board before being handed over to the police.  Then, the police handed it over to the Department of Homeland Security.  Now, it seems as though the police are involved again as they just picked up the boy this week.

Nothing like speed and diligence during the holiday season.

So, where is the boy now?  Back at school!  The Ansonia, Ct. police have decided that the youth poses no threat at this time.  

Why do I see a headline in the future over this?  

3) ... TSA for confiscating 2,653 guns last year in airport luggage.  Of that number, over 80% were loaded.  Needless to say it was a record year.

A record year?  Yep, for dumb asses!

People, TSA has been checking bags for over a decade.  It's there jobs to find anything that even remotely resembles a gun, bomb, or flammable liquid.  Even an idiot, which many of the TSA employees may be, can get good at their jobs if they do it long enough.  A decade is definitely long enough!  

So, why in the hell are you still trying to carry guns onboard the plane?  
You don't really think you'll get away with it, do you?

Or, do you?

Dumb ass!

4)  ...United States Marines for not letting a young man join the Corps because of a "Southern Pride" tattoo he had on is waist.  Supposedly, it's offensive to sport a Confederate Flag tattoo now in the USMC.  The young man said it was to show that he wasn't a racist and didn't know what to do now as he'd planned only on the military for his future.

Okay, before this blows out of proportion and I'm accused of not supporting the military, let me say I was in the military and gave them four years of my life in return for an honorable discharge.  

Now, the good stuff.  Marines are known to be America's "Toughest Fighting Force", if by no one else but Marines.  (Navy Seals will debate that any time of the day.)  Their primary job is to kill before being killed.  Of course, there are purposes and stuff that validate what they do, but in essence, they're known in our world as those that kill.

So, if you're going to kill, be it by knife, grenade, rifle, pistol, bazooka, rocket launcher, or other elements of destruction, why is a tattoo, which will be hidden beneath the uniform, reason enough to keep a person out of the Marines?

This is kind of an Alice's Restaurant type of thing where Arlo Guthrie was asked if he'd rehabilitated himself after being fined for littering and creating a nuisance.  Watch the video and you'll see what I mean.
"You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant"

5) ... Ronda Rousey has guaranteed a rematch with Holly Holm in 2016.  No date has been set, but we're are assured that it will be after her date as host on Saturday Night Live.

Got her butt kicked once, gonna happen again.  
As Forrest says, "Stupid Is As Stupid Does."

6) ,,, Glenn Frey of the Eagles passed on this week.  He will be soundly missed by anyone that enjoyed growing up with him, Don Henley, Don Felder, Randy Meisner, Timothy B. Schmidt, Joe Walsh and others during the '70's.

Gonna be one hell of a rock concert in Heaven real soon.

7)  ... St. Georges School in Middletown, R.I. for successfully hiding four decades of reported campus rapes and other sexual molestations.  The campus of the Bushes, Vanderbilts, Astors, and other higher echelon members of the elite society has finally lost control of the situation and the floodgates are bursting open with stories of illicit activity.  These acts were carried out by students, members of the faculty, and other boarding school employees.  When asked why it took so long to get this out to the public, school officials felt it had been swept under the rug so long that a bevy of lawsuits would bankrupt the school.

Here come the lawyers.
See their smiles.
See their lawsuits.
See the school's reputation go down the sink.
See a new piece of real estate go on the market.
Anyone looking for a new place to locate another shopping mall?

8)  .. Chipotle Restaurant chain has been hit with a lawsuit concerning the norovirus incident that took place last year.  Between the norovirus and other illnesses sustained by the public in the last few years, officials felt it had been swept under the rug so long that a bevy of lawsuits would bankrupt the chain.

Damn, I guess we know where the members of the Board of Directors
 went to boarding school at, don't we!

9) ... a teenager that was huffing gasoline in his garage.  The Missouri youth was caught doing it by his mother, walked away from the gas can, lit a cigarette (which ignited the gas fumes), and ended up with burns over 90% of his body.

Did I say something above about, "Stupid is as stupid does"?

10)  ... Oscars, Oscars, let's boycott the Oscars!  

It's real simple, if you don't wanna go, don't go!  Not every great actor gets nominated for an Academy Award.  Sometimes, I think the winners truly suck.  But, you're not gonna get nominated for playing a thug, just like Clint Eastwood never got nominated for playing a cop.  I don't know who should have been nominated as I don't go to the movies.  I wait until they come out on Blu-Ray and then watch them at home ... and don't have to worry about assholes like you complaining about everything, including the smoke from my cigarette!   But, please, will someone stop this crap about everything in the world being about racism.  Hell, I used to get pissed because it seemed that all the English actors were coming to the states to take home Oscar.  Get over it, grow up, and quit being racist about racism.  Damn, I'm Italian.  How would you like to hear, "Oh, I make you a deal you can't refuse" every time you tell somebody that?  Like I said, "Get over it!"

Until next time ...