Saturday, February 27, 2016

The Demon Cat, Donald Trump, Erin Andrews and TTOT!

For those of you that have followed me for years, you'll remember I once did a series of horror/comedy posts following the lives of "Gabriela: The Demon Cat."

They were a break from the humor posts I was writing at the time. (*You can still find many of these either on, or in my other pages here entitled "Previously Published on Hubpages.")  The scrutiny I incurred on Hubpages with these posts, and the restrictions there against creative writers versus encyclopedia copiers, led to my decision to never again publish any of my material there.

However, I miss the ability to make a person smile in one moment, and shirk back in horror the next.  I've considered going back and completely rewriting the "Gabriella" series, expanding each storyline and providing descriptions that Hubpages limited me from doing, and putting it out in book form.

Gabriela loves the idea!  In fact, she's gotten fatter, more loving, and much wiser over the years she's spent with me.  Her once thin and muscular body has grown into a smaller version of my wife ... hourglass figure that allowed the sands of time to gather around the bottom.  Her wit has sharpened, as have her claws.  Combining the two, she has become very dangerous with which to argue.

Why, just the other day, her and I were talking ...

"When you gonna write another story about me?"

"When are you going to give me something worthy to write about?"

"What do you mean?  I gave you the complete stories before.  
Don't you think you could use that head of yours 
for something besides eating?"

"From the looks of your waistline, you've been doing more 
of your share of that than I!"

"Keep that crap up and I'll remind you who has the claws in this family.  
You'll wake up one morning and see me down at your crotch 
asking you if you're gonna enjoy being a eunuch!"

"Who brought out the bitch in you today?"

"I just think it's time you wrote another story about me.  My fan mail 
has slowed down, the samples of kitty snacks have almost stopped 
coming in, and all I see you doing is writing bullshit articles about 
politicians and the end of the good times in America.  You're like 
The Big Bang Theory without the "Big" or the "Bang"
 ... and that's my theory!"

"Babe, it just seems like horror stories are a dime a dozen these days.  
It's all been done before.  You may have been the original, but there's
 been twenty-five thousand pass that way since."

"I can do porn."

"Absolutely not!"

"Make it a love story?"

"Bestiality is not my thing."

"Not that, how about a "Lady and the Tramp" type story only with cats?"

"Why not just do another James Bond story and title it the name of 

the Bond Girl in Goldfinger ... "Pussy(cat) Galore?  With the size 

of your tummy, it would fit perfectly!"

"Your pillow is about to become my litter box ... again!"

"Let me think about things and we'll see.  
In fact, I may ask my readers in my next post what they think."

And that is just what I'm doing now.  

If you'd like to see another Gabriela story, please state so in the comments below.  It will please her, and probably keep my pillow from being used as a litter box ... again!  

Oh, and just in case you've never read one of her stories, look at the top of the page and you'll see the tabs for parts one and two of her series.  Give one a shot (remembering they were edited and shortened for Hubpages) and then make your mind up.  You just may find yourself enjoying them!

And, without further ado, let's go on to this week's 


This Week I'm Thankful For ...

1)  ... our favorite politician wannabe, Donald Trump.  
Well, this week Donald made statement of what he wanted in a running mate for his Vice President.  

"I want someone who could help me with government. So, most likely that would be a political person."

Damn, isn't that what we need for president?

In addition, former Mexican President Vincente Fox as stated that "... he was not going to pay for the f**kin' wall" Trump wants to build along the U.S. / Mexico border.  Of course, Trump took offense to that and demanded an apology.  

It's not clear what the ex president's reply actually was, but it's imagined to have began with an "F", also.

2) ... Republican Party stupidity.  Okay, here's how the story goes ...
A Supreme Court judge dies.  The Republicans say they won't act on any candidate for the job, wanting to ensure one of their own get selected after Obama leaves office.  Obama, holding a strong hand, decides to nominate a Republican Governor, Brian Sandoval, for the job just to call their bluff.  The Republicans, whose stand means more than the idea of getting one of their own on the court, get with Sandoval and he rejects the nomination.  So, even though they were going to achieve their long term goal, they couldn't get over the fact that they had made a statement that was going to make them all look stupid.  

Obama is laughing his ass off right now.

When the Republicans figure out what they did, they'll be crying.

And, these, my friends, are the people you elected to handle your affairs.

I think we should all be crying.

3)  ... Academy Awards Protests.  The Rev. Al Sharpton, called a "civilrights activist" by some and a "race card player and spotlight chaser" by others, will lead protests in Hollywood preceding the Academy Awards.  

The co-sponsor of this protest is MSNBC.  The protests will concern the lack of black actors nominated for awards this year.

Wait a minute, what's going on here.  Since when did affirmative action come to Hollywood?  I've nothing against members of any race being nominated, but let's be real, these awards are not to be given to just anyone because they're of a certain race.  Hell, if that's the case, why not make one award for Blacks, one for Native Americans, one for immigrants of European descent, one for Hispanics, one for Eskimos, and if there's anything left over, give the scraps to a white.  

The 1970's were filled with employers having to fill positions with unqualified employees simply to meet the demands of government percentages.  This did nothing but confirm racist feelings that some races could handle the jobs and others couldn't.  It didn't matter that some groups had been provided training for the positions and others hadn't.  Employers felt forced to hire the unqualified because of the demands of government.  

The animosity it created widened the race gap instead of erasing it.  

When we marched for equality in the 1960's and early '70's, it was to provide equal opportunity in life to all.  This didn't mean you automatically got anything because you were one color or the other.  It meant you did the work and excelled at what you did because you put in the time and effort to do so.

Even the Hollywood branch of the NAACP is against these protests.  They, instead, want to work with the academy to ensure all are given an equal chance that is based on their performances, not color.

Al Sharpton is not a favorite person of mine.  He tends to magnify and instigate in order to promote himself, and then leaves everyone else holding the bag.  MSNBC is in it strictly for the ratings, there is no doubt.  Perhaps they should rename themselves the "Al Sharpton News Network" and be done with it.

I am.

4)  ... Halliburton to cut 5,000 jobs.  Blaming crude oil prices, Dick Cheney's retirement funder, Halliburton, will be cutting about 8% of its workforce.

Okay, let's be real.  Americans losing jobs is not good.  However, 
Halliburton has a history of doing things that make its shareholders 
millions and screwing everyone else.

Remember, Halliburton was Dick Cheney's baby before he left(?) 
to become Bush's Vice President.  

Remember, Halliburton was the company that had a non-compete 
contract with the government to be the only supply source corporation
 for the servicemen and women during the war in the Middle East.  

Remember, Halliburton cost the American taxpayers billions of dollars 
as they took over jobs held by servicemen, who were experts at them,
 and triple charged for the replacements.  This included radiomen, 
cooks, supply specialists, and other ratings.  In addition, Halliburton 
was known for sending $70,000 Escalades to the auto graveyard and
 buying new ones instead of simply repairing the others for simple 
problems such as belts, hoses, and minor engine repairs.  And,
they even overcharged our servicemen there. (i.e. 6-pack of 
Coca Cola for $6.00).

"Halliburton, raping the taxpayers of America one way or another."

I'd like to see the whole damn company go under.

5) ... the Most Interesting Man In The World has legal problems.  The talent agency for the well known beer spokesman are suing him for over $2 million that they say he still owes them for his 2014-2016 earnings.  Jonathan Goldsmith, the Dos Equis character, has filed a countersuit, claiming his manager opened his mouth and ruined his contract.  

So, we have another boring court battle.  That should just about do it for the "Most Interesting Man In The World" commercials.  

I'm awaiting the 
"Most Interesting Woman In The World" series, 
which could be a whole lot juicier!

6)  ... McDonald's makes customers mad.  The promotional "2 for $2" menu has ended at McDonalds.  Now, they've taken a lesson from Arby's and have raised the stakes.  It's now "2 for $5" menu time!  This means customers will have to fork over $3 more at every visit.  

Okay, so, who in their right mind worries about McDonalds?  You know the food's not good for you.  If you eat there more than once a month, you're an addict that needs rehab.  So, why worry about it?

Why?  Because first McDonald's had their "Dollar" menu, then they changed it to their "Dollar and More" menu, then to the promotions mentioned above.  There's no consistency in their pricing and act like they can do whatever they want whenever they want.

Solution:  Don't eat at McDonalds.  
Sooner or later, they'll get the hint.  
Or, didn't you ever see "Supersize Me?"

7)  ... Virginia votes to keep police officers names secret.  Senate Bill 552 classifies the names of police officers as personal information.  It's goal is to protect police officers and their families from the criminal element when the officers are off duty.

This is a smart move by the Senate, but has already drawn the wrath and 
fury of the American Civil Liberties Union.  They feel as though keeping 
the officer's name secret is just another step closer 
to becoming a police state.

They may be right.  I'm wishy washy on this topic.  I've been a badge 
wearer when in the military and recognize what life and death 
situations can take place.  Yet, I've been a victim of bad police 
practices back in the early '70's, and feel like you must have 
some way of controlling the bad police officers that get 
through the system and make it to the streets.

Police have one of the toughest jobs in the world.  Split second 
decisions, violence when you least expect it, and public 
criticism on every phone video.  No career choice has such 
pressure, such a history of substance abuse, 
and such a background of suicides.  

Criminals in the United States have forced the hands of law 
enforcement.  A consistent lack of respect demonstrated by 
today's youth coupled with today's lack of value of human life, 
make enforcing the law tougher than ever before.  

So, with all of this under consideration, should the names 
of police officers be kept secret?

Let's look at one example.  You're a police officer confronting a 
known violent offender.  He puts down his gun, all the time stating 
that he knows your name and will have his "boys" take care of your
 family because you're arresting him.  He has a history of vengeance 
on the street and you know your family will be in danger.  No one 
else is around.  Do you shoot him dead and keep your family safe 
or do you arrest him and put your family in jeopardy?

If he didn't know your name, your family would be safe and 
there'd be no question, would there?

See what I mean?

8) ... Erin Andrews sues Nashville Marriott for $75 Million.  Erin says she suffered severe emotional stress and strain and has to find her smile again.  So, she's suing the Nashville Marriott because one of their employees told a photographer (who just happened to take a nude photo of her through her peephole and post it on the Internet when he couldn't find any buyers for the photo) in which room she was staying several years ago.

Folks, $75 Million for a nude photo is $74 Million more than Penthouse
 Magazine offered Jessica Hahn and dozens of others over the years.  
I have no doubt she suffered a severe degree of stress over it, 
but not $75 Million dollars worth.

Erin is playing the game and hoping to come out a winner.  She switched
 from ESPN to FOX Sports for a higher salary, became part of the 
announcing team on Dancing With The Stars, got the photographer 
put in jail for a couple of years, and now wants more cash ... 
all since the photo hit the web!

Oh, well, I guess she sees that her supposed beauty is dwindling 
at age 37 and needs to cash in on it while she can.

I just need to make a room reservation in Nashville and find a willing 
photographer to go to jail for a couple of years.  When he gets out, 
we'd split the $75 Million and both live like kings
 the rest of our lives.  

Thanks for the idea, Erin!

I just found my smile, too!

9) ... the St Louis Archdiocese has urged Catholics not to support the Girl Scouts.  Supposedly, the Girl Scouts are now associated with homosexuality, abortion, support of contraceptives, and transgenders.  So, the St. Louis archdiocese has urged its members to avoid any type of support ... including the purchase of Girl Scout Cookies.

Okay, before you think I'm going after Catholics two weeks in a row, 
let me clear the air.  I am not doing that at all.  In fact, I'm going to 
side with the archdiocese this time.

Oh, I understand homosexuality, abortion and support of contraceptives. 
 I have no fear of any of those ideas or concepts.

However, I will admit a fault in my being as far as accepting 
the idea of a transgender.

I apologize for that to any transgender.

Perhaps it is my upbringing ... my environmental conditioning ... 
my conditioned response that has been challenged over the years 
to accept this somewhat extreme state of being.  No matter how much 
I know people are different and I should accept them for what they are, 
I admit, transgender behavior tends to be very difficult for me to grasp.

Obviously, the archdiocese feels the same.

The idea of a transgender Girl Scout scares the hell out of me.  
I envision this 6'8", 300 pound, unshaven ex football player coming 
to my door wearing a Girl Scout outfit and asking how many 
boxes of cookies I want to order ... 100 or 200.

I might feel somewhat threatened.  I might wonder, 
"Has anyone ever purchased $9000 worth of Girl Scout Cookies before?"

And, I don't even like chocolate mints.

10) ... over 50,000 child safety seats recalled.  Makers of the Evenflo Transitions 3-In-1 Combination Booster Seat have announced a major recall as it has been found that children can loosen up the harness holding them in if they are used in the forward facing mode.  A simple remedy kit has been offered by the company to avoid this from occurring.

However, the wearing of child sized 
strait jackets has been questioned
 by some parents.

And, that's it for this week's 
Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

Hope you enjoyed!


Friday, February 19, 2016

Mountain Man Cave, the Pope, Donald Trump, Kanye & TTOT

I want to buy a mountain that has an elaborate cave system.

This isn't something that I've thought a lot about.  In fact, the idea just came to me.

Envision entering a cave in this mountain and discovering a sizable combination of underground passages that open up into chamber areas, each of which, could be used as different rooms.  Preferably, a fresh water spring would be found flowing throughout the system, taking care of life's necessities (drinking, cooking, washing, sewage, etc.) Of course, arranging these properly in the right order would be a must.  (Bathrooms would definitely be the closest to the door and the cave's drainage system!)

This could become my Fortress of Mental Solitude.  I'd spend my days reading and writing, exploring the tunnel system, and creating a map of the world inside of the mountain. (Okay, so that's just an excuse to get away from my wife every now and then!  You try staying in a cave with her 24/7 if you think it's so damn easy!)  With the underground temperature always being constant, it would be simple to create a "warm" area with a solar heating system piped in from outside.  

Heating system? 

Of course!  One would just have to be careful not to dry out the dirt holding all the stone in place.  Too dry and the whole thing could tumbling down!  (Think of what that would do to property values!)

I've lived too long with the luxuries of civilization to become some old hermit scrounging through the dirt and living like a caveman.  What better area to have a constant breeze than atop a mountain pass?  (Especially since the Senate Chamber only has stagnant hot air!) This could easily power an electricity generation windmill.  Using storage batteries and generators, standard power could be utilized to provide all the comforts found in more conventional styles of homes.  

Bring in the appliances and wide screen televisions ... satellite dishes are always available for the asking.  (The wife has to have her porn, you know!)

An area could have a pool table, video game area, and bar (just in case I ever decided to take up drinking.)  Another area could be for music enjoyment and mixing. (Imagine the acoustics!)  Still another could house a swimming pool, hot tub and fireplace.  And, if I can locate it in the right state, let's not forget about the marijuana grow room!  (The hell with drinking!  Bring on the smoke and a fifty pound bag of Oreo cookies!)

Of course, security would be a must.  Since I'd probably be too high to make valid decisions, a six inch thick steel door would allow those invited (hookers, mostly) entry while keeping those unwanted pests outside.  This could also come in very handy for eliminating frustrating conversations with salespersons, religious fanatics, and political campaigners.  Perhaps a slot for a machine gun turret would be a viable feature to assist this, especially with the politicians.

Damn, I think I just purchased the Playboy Mansion, 
complete with the grotto and Hugh Hefner!
Naw, I hear it's still haunted by the ghost of Joe DiMaggio!

Of course, affording a purchase of this nature is going to take funding.  So, I'm announcing a non profit organization entitled, "Let's Put Rich In The Ground."  Contributions can be sent to the address below.  And, if you've a solitary heart in your body, how could you refuse to put Rich in the ground?  It just seems like the Christian thing to do!  

So, while I'm awaiting your contributions to start flowing in, let's take a look at why you're really here and go to this week's edition of

This week, I'm Thankful For ...

1) ... Kanye West.  Let's see, he ranted at Saturday Night Live after his special floor couldn't be used because of lighting issues, has recently renewed his attack and made several negative and profane statements about Taylor Swift, and he's also stated that he's broke and needs to borrow a million or so dollars from Mark Zuckerberg.

You gotta give it to him, he sure knows how to prove that America's 
education system is creating the land of the dumb and the home 
of the ridiculous.  But, then again, when you have an internal need to 
prove you're as big as ass as your wife's, you live up to all expectations!

2) ... Pope Francis in announcing that using condoms is "okay" in countries where the Zika virus is spreading.  In looking at abortions as the other alternative, the Pope figured that it would be easier to pass out condoms in Catholic schools than to have the school's buses seen parked outside of abortion clinics.  

Okay, so I was born Catholic, saved by the Baptists, and fine tuned by the Pentecostal Holiness.  It meant I could go out and get totally drunk without feeling guilty about it until the next day when I could repent in a tongue that no one could understand!

Whatever happened to abstinence?  
Didn't the church once preach that? 
 Oh, that's right ... that's one of those forgotten concepts like eating 
fish on Friday, speaking only in Latin, and letting Michael Corleone
 be your sister's godfather.  
My bad!

3) ... Pope Francis calls out Donald Trump's views on immigration as not Christian!  In retaliation, Donald Trump calls the Pope's comments "disgraceful" as far as judging his faith.  In addition, Trump made comments about the Vatican falling to ISIS and then the pope would wish he'd have seen things differently.

Damn, I don't know much about the fighters here, but I do know that 
the pope has a great corner and cut man.  Donald, pretend you're
 not Kanye and shut up and go sit in a corner!

Besides, Donald, if past popes had pushed condom usage decades ago, 
you might not be around!  Hell, neither would Kanye!  

I'm beginning to like this guy!

4) ... The Grammy Awards were held this week.  Mostly, they were ignored by those that still held onto a thread of intelligence.  However, Natalie Cole's family were shocked and are making a public complaint over the fact that Natalie didn't have the tribute given her career that other "passed away" artists did.  

Natalie, being dead, couldn't be reached for comment.

Maybe they should contact Pope Francis to see if she's sent them a message.

5) ... French could become the most commonly spoken language in the world by 2050.  Right now, this is the order of most spoken languages:

  1. Arabic
  2. Hindu
  3. Spanish
  4. English
  5. Mandarin Chinese
  6. French
However, due to a boom in African nations speaking French, it may only be a matter of thirty years or so before it becomes the most common language in the world.

Tell me that's not going to piss off Donald Trump!
By the way, Kanye, can you rap in French?

I think I see the pope laughing right about now.

6) ... film showing Presidential 
hopeful, Senator Bernie Sanders, being arrested.  You can always depend on film makers to help out when it's needed.  Fifty-three years ago, Bernie was arrested protesting for civil rights.  A film of this arrest is making its way around the Internet in hopes of destroying his chances for the campaigned position.

Now, if you're an adult, I'd like to ask you one question.

"Did you ever see something so wrong that
 you'd put yourself in a position of being 
arrested to attempt to change it?"

There were many of us that protested and marched in hopes of righting the wrong of civil rights.  We put ourselves on the front lines to bring about an awareness that things needed to change.  Being arrested was not the worst thing that could happen.  Being murdered by those that opposed civil rights was much worse.

I'm not a "Bernie" fan, nor do I support any politician in office today.  Our system doesn't allow for the "best" to reach public office, only those who find, or are born with silver spoons.  Where it's common knowledge that our last President was somewhat "wild" during his youth, I don't see any disgrace in the "arrest" film of Bernie.  In fact, I think more of the man than I did before knowing that before he was a part of the American political machine, there might actually been a shred of common decency in the man.

And that, for any politician, is one hell of a rare thing!

7) ... Texas approves concealed carry laws for public college campuses.  As of August 1, 2016, anyone enrolled in a public university that is over 21 years of age and has passed all qualifications for a concealed carry permit will be allowed to carry weapons anywhere on campus.  This act is in hopes of stopping acts of violence by providing a known barrier of resistance to anyone considering a heinous act.  

Since parents have constantly failed in their responsibilities to teach, 
or allow their children to be taught right from wrong, we are now reaching the crossroads where laws like this one are beginning to sound like good ideas.  

The premise that criminals always seek the easy target takes public 
universities out of the sights of those wanting to maximize their killing 
efforts and minimize their chances of being blown away by gun toting 
students.  Of course, as colleges lead the way, it won't be long before 
grade schools follow their lead.  And, let us not forget those in 
pre-school institutions.  Why, even day care centers will have 
three-year-olds armed before you know it!

We live in a violent society.  We've made our bed with parental 
permissiveness, political nurturing of pre-teen childbirth, and a removal 
of any type of spiritual guidance or rules to follow.  We have youths 
attacking a military vet at McDonald's this week in the name of 
"Black Lives Matter", ISIS feeding as much propaganda to our 
youth as our government does, and leaders of the land ignore 
the violence and bark like dogs on television.

Perhaps, this is the answer.  Just remind me to stay away from any 
college frat keg parties from now on in the state of Texas.  

It will be a shame when "Remember the Alamo" becomes "Remember Tom, 
or Judy, or Shemika, or ...", or any other college kid that is killed 
by bullets that never should have been fired.

Society needs to seriously take a strong look in the mirror.

8) ... Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center computers taken over by hackers!  No fear, the hospital paid a $17,000 ransom and all was fine.

Let's see, you hack into a hospital computer system, encrypt all records, 
and only ask for $17,000 ransom to make things right again.  Sounds like 
a teenager who needs a car for college to me!

9)  ... Len Goodman will be returning as a judge to Dancing With The Stars.  That means Julianne Hough hits the road and says "Bye-Bye" to her position there.

Sorry, but all I can say is, 



"I wonder how the Pope feels about this?"

10) ... 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time.  The Rolling Stone magazine has put out their latest listing of great guitarists.  Many will debate it, I'm sure, but the top three are as good a picks as any.

#3 - Jimmy Page 
#2 - Eric Clapton 
#1 - Jimi Hendrix

So, until next week, 

Keep On Rocking!!!!!