Friday, March 25, 2016

Gabriela, No Trump, and back to Sarcasm with a shorter TTOT!

Once again, my Demon Cat, Gabriela, wakes up from her fitful sleep, clears the acrid Satan smoke from around her ears and makes herself known.

"Can I tell another story
 this week?"


"Why not?"

"Because my views were down 50% by putting you in my blog."

"It's because your blog is too long for most to enjoy."

"And your story didn't make it 
any shorter!"

"It's because you've become too preachy 
about all the social problems in the world."

"I agree, but I can stop that just like I can stop you!"

"But, I'm really good looking.  People like good looking cats.  
They don't like fat, old men that do nothing but bitch, bitch, bitch!"

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?  If your whiskers are supposed to tell you how wide of an opening you can get through yours need to grow another three inches on each side."

"But, I don't bitch."

"No, you ARE a bitch."

"I can't argue with that."

"Didn't think you could."

"But, don't you love me anymore?"

"Stop looking like you're gonna cry.  Of course I love you.  You still get your Little Friskies every night and your Cat Chow every morning don't you?"

"You're making me fat so no one will ever love me."

"You don't have to eat it."

"Right.  How do you expect me not to eat when you stick it right
 in front of me.  Plus, I see you eating all the time.  
What an example you set!"

"So, if I stop eating and stop putting out the Cat Chow, you'll stop complaining?"

"Let's not go to extremes, now.  I do like my Cat Chow."

"Prefer me do away with the Little Friskies?"

"Prefer me to use my claws on your crotch?"

"See, you leave me no choice.  I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't."

"Should've known that when you named me a "Demon Cat."

"Do you mind if I get to what the people came to read ... the Ten Things Of Thankful?"

"You should be thankful for me."

"I am."

"Awwww, you do love me."

"Of course I do."

"So, can I tell a story?"

"You just did!  Now it's time for this week's 


"Don't get too preachy!  It turns people off."

"Leave Gabriella."

"You'll miss me when I'm gone."

"Let's try it and see.  I love to experiment."

"But, you love me."

"Yes, I love you ... now go."

"Can I say goodbye to everybody?"

"You just did.  Later, Gator."

"That reminds me of a story."


"I'm gone, I'm gone.  Bye all!"

This week, besides the fact that she's left the room, I'm thankful for ...

Bomb #1 (right top) at Airport and Bomb #2
(bottom left) at Metro Station.
1)  ... European survival.  This past Tuesday, well over thirty people were killed by ISIS in cowardly bombings that took place in Brussels, Belgium.  Civilians, dealing with shock, still maintained their dignity and integrity during the interviews by a blood thirsty press in the aftermath.  You didn't see any whining about it, only stoic attitudes and inner strength.

This is not the first, nor the last bombing that Europe will survive.  As examples set by survivors of the Axis Powers during World War II, Europeans tend to exhibit the intestinal fortitude of their ancestry.  Not to slight the U.S., many here also exhibited this after the Boston Marathon bombings a few years back.

And, I damn every member of ISIS for their cowardly acts of violence.  

However, I would like to initiate a training school for ISIS suicide bombers.  I could show them how to properly attach the explosives, gather themselves together in a freshly dug ditch, and push the "Explode" buttons in their hands.  Then, they could all go to Bomber Nirvana and meet their virgins ... all of whom are blonde ... and resemble Miss Piggy!

2)  ... Lush Massage Bar causes plants to grow in bathtubs and showers!  Okay, so the first round of Lush caused people to turn pink.  Now, because of a bean they use in their massage bar, people are finding plants growing in their bathtubs, showers and drains!

I'm not sure why Lush does this sort of stuff, but I'm thankful they do.  

I get my exercise because of their strange but true additives.  

Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I've got to go get the lawn mower out 
and mow my wife's back!

3)  ... Obama visits Cuba!   Yes, President Obama is the first President to visit Cuba in over half a century.  While there, he made accusations that Cuba wasn't up to par in the realm of human rights.  This, of course, upset Cuban President Castro who later brought up America's own problems with racism, violence, and the prison America keeps at Guantanamo Beach, Cuba which holds and tortures war prisoners without official charges or legal trial.

Too often, we forget that our house is not the cleanest.  Oh, you can sweep most things under the rug for a while, but that doesn't mean the neighbors don't see the dust bunnies under the end table.

Politicians, who are caught in the political El Toro defecation they spout so freely, need a reminder and an awakening that their job is not as a leader, but as a representative of the people they supposedly represent.  Castro basically threw Obama under the bus and said, "When you get your house clean, then you can come back and bitch about mine."  

I would loved to have seen Obama's face when confronted with this.

People who live in glass (or White) houses 
shouldn't throw stones ...
especially if they want a discount on Cuban cigars!

4)  ...  Dancing With The Stars started a new season Monday Night!
Yep, thankful I didn't watch it!

5)  ... a fifteen-year-old West Virginia boy was killed this week playing a dangerous game called "Dodging Arrows".  Sad, but true.  Grief counselors are talking to friends and classmates.  

Old adage say, 
"If you ain't fast, you ain't gonna last!"

Shot in the head, one dead, 
game over!

Cruel, but thankful there's one less person to 
teach the game to other would be victims.

6)  ... Movies that turn ten years old this week.  Here's a list of possibly some of your favorites:  Cars, Happy Feet, Little Miss Sunshine, The Departed, Dreamgirls, The DaVinci Code and Borat.

So, your kids loved Cars and Happy Feet, you loved the DaVinci Code and The Departed, Dreamgirls reminded you of a time when Beyonce still had her head on straight, and Borat was banned from viewing unless the kids were in bed.  So, shoot me if you must, but I'd be a fool to ignore how well Little Miss Sunshine's Abigail Breslin has matured!  
*I know she wasn't in this film, 
but the song fits oh so well!

7)  ... Taco Bell meal breeds violence in Crestview, Florida!  A 51 year old woman threw a Burrito Supreme at her 66 year old husband's face after getting fed up with his drinking.  In retaliation, the husband stabbed his wife in the hand with a fork with which he was using to eat his Mexican Pizza.  Police were called and both ended up in jail for domestic violence.

This all goes to show you, 
Taco Bell doesn't get better with age, but can indeed lead you to Taco Hell!!!

Next week ...
The Walking Dead actor that almost died when zombies
 fed him a Double Decker Taco Supreme!!!
Did the Son of Sam killer go crazy trying to correctly spell "Quesadilla"???

8) ... Jet Blue flight attendant leaves 60 pounds of cocaine in L.A. airport!  A flight attendant was picked by the TSA for a random security check.  On the way to the inspection point, she makes a call, takes off her shoes, and runs for the exit ... leaving her baggage.  With recent bombings the primary concern, security lets her go and turns its attention to checking out the luggage, only to find 60 pounds of cocaine with a street value of over $3 million.

Yep, the attendant was later caught.  Thought she was just doing her part
 to help the airline change its name to 
Before you reach the airport, 
have a line, have a snort,
and you thought free miles were all that mattered!

9)  ... the Indiana University men's basketball team advanced to the Sweet Sixteen in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament!!!  
Having grown up in Indiana's basketball country, and attended IU many decades ago, my love for basketball has never faded.  Although many find my love of the game ridiculous, to me the sound of the ball bouncing on the hardwood, the screams of the fans supporting their team, and the swish of the ball going through the net provide me a rush unlike any other.  

When this post is published, Indiana will be on the court facing the number one seeded University of North Carolina.   The Hoosiers will be taking on the Tar Heels in a game that UNC is highly favored to win.  All I, and all Indiana fans can do, is hope for fair officiating (for a change) and a repeat of the last time these two teams met and Michael Jordan lost his last college ball game to the Cream and Crimson of Indiana.

May the best team win ... and UNC lose!

10) ... Paul Ryan silently campaigns...
"Hey, Hey, Hey, what about me?"

"Hello, Faletame.  Let me finish this and I'll pet you a while ... okay, boy?"

"Well, actually, I'm feeling kind of down.  I was king of the house before you brought that bitch, Gabriela here.  Now, I'm constantly watching out for her claws and temper tantrums.  You've already made me a victim of the vet's planned parenthood program, so I don't have to worry like you do, but still, she could slice off my tail!"

"Feelin' kinda down, Rich,
kinda down."

"So, why the sensitivity talk now?"

"Rich, I used to be your favorite.  But, since she got her stories posted on the web, she's the one that gets all the cat treats in the mail, and all of your attention, too!"

"Okay, sit back and let me take care of that."

10) ... for Faletame, my male cat.  He's outside my door every morning, comes into my room and gives me his love and attention while I get dressed (as well as white hair all over my black socks and slacks), and only asks for a little love and food in return.  He's my best friend, my buddy, and my one and only King of the House.  May he keep his personality, loving attitude, and playfulness forever ... along with his tail.  

"How's that, boy?"

"Pretty cool, Rich, pretty cool."


"Oh Shit!"

Till next week,
Ciao ...
And Friggin' MEOW!