Friday, October 23, 2015

Far Out ... It's Halloween!!! What? It's not? Damn!! Oh well, it's time for TTOT!

I sat down last night and wrote a beautiful post.

It's all about Halloween.

I'd forgotten that Halloween is next week, not this week.

So much for 
the beautiful post.

So, here I am, sitting here wondering what I can write about that will be worth posting.  I ask myself that because for the last several weeks, I've written several posts that I have not published. 

I find myself in a niche that I'm having a hard time exiting.  A niche that continuously attempts to enlighten the masses about the profundity of our political structure, the degradation of common sense, and the ignorance of mankind that surrounds us.

No wonder I'm always in such a great mood.

I could talk about the walk in the park with the one I love.  How gorgeous the trees and flowers and green grass as the butterflies flutter about our heads ... and the gnats occasionally enter our mouths.  The warmth of one hand in the other, as we walk side by side ... being led away by police officers that didn't appreciate our becoming part of nature in the bushes.  Smiles being shared as we gaze ahead at the cameras ... taking our mugshots, before being taken to our cells for another joyous evening ... with our new partners ... or "cell buddies" if you will.

I should, but since it never happened I'd only be making things up.

Or, would I?

I could write about how much I'm looking forward to the Winter ahead.  The brisk breezes chilling you to the bone as your overcoat blows open ... exposing the "Hey, little girl" attire underneath.  Or, we could imagine rolling together down a snow covered hill that seemed never ending ... as the park security stumbled through the drifts chasing us in full determination.  Or, I could describe the brightness and warmth of the room where the camera flashed, taking mugshots ... oh, wait a minute.  We've already been there.  Sorry!

But, I'd be fabricating once again.

Or, would I?

Sitting here, I have the opportunity to reach out to all my friends with open arms and hands ... requesting handouts whenever possible.  A chance to rekindle old friendships in hopes of developing new relationships ... with their wives while they're at work.  A way to ensure new friendships will be forthcoming continually through my life ... after the mugshots are taken and new "cell buddies", oops, sorry.  Another repeat.

The written word is my slave and the page knows only I as its master.  I have the power to create as I will and demand what I must.  I have complete control over this and your television set.  Do not attempt to change the channel.  For the next ten minutes I will control all.  For I reign supreme.  I am in charge!  I am the controller!

Just give me a second.  My wife just asked me to take out the garbage.  I'll be right back.

Or, will I?

Okay, now I'm back.  It's time for


This week, I'm going to lighten things up a little bit as I've found a few of you don't like to think as much as scan.  As I don't want these few to miss something in their quest to finish without understanding, I'll now revert back to my sixth-grade writing level and begin.

This week ... I'm Thankful For:

1)  ... Showers.  Not only do they make you nice and clean, they can save a life.  

This week, my wife lounged around until 1 p.m. before taking a shower on her day off.  When she heard the knock on the door, she wasn't dressed to answer it.  Fifteen minutes later, police sirens were heard.  Within minutes, ambulances arrived at a house three doors down and the police crime scene tape was being strung out.  

Seems a couple of individuals were knocking at doors until they got someone to answer.  Then, they'd force their way into a house and rob the occupants.  At least, that was their plan.  

Unfortunate for them, they forced their way into a home thinking only the lady of the house was present.  Once inside, they found three fully grown men confronting them.  In the scuffle that followed, one of the three innocents was shot in the back, one of the guilty fled the scene, and the other guilty party was held down by the two other innocents until the police arrived.

If it hadn't have been for the shower, my wife could've been the victim.

Keep clean, honey!

2)  ... Crime Free Communities.  When we moved to our neighborhood, 22 years ago, it was known as a "Crime Free" neighborhood.  Since then, I've ran drug pushers off the block by video taping their house 24/7 and letting them know the police had a copy of all the license plates of those that visited them, my neighbor's home was robbed, a mentally ill individual attacked a lady taking her daily walk, my wife was able to scare away a person attempting to kick our back door down, and now, this latest occurrence (described above).

I'm guessing that thieves don't have anything to rob in their own neighborhoods, so they come to ours.

If I'm ever home when it happens, I can only say one thing ...

"I'd like for you to say "Hello" to my little friend and sixteen of his buddies.   
Oops!  i guess they couldn't wait to make your acquaintance.  
Oh, you want gun control?  Watch me control where the gun shoots.
Next time, stay in your own neighborhood!"

Just call me Mr. Rogers as "it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood,
a wonderful day in the neighborhood ... "

3)  ... Religious Cults.  The Word of Life church had a meeting a couple of weeks ago.  During this meeting, two teens were disciplined.  From this "discipline", one died and the other was hospitalized.

Now, to the church, this act was a necessity. The guilty parties state that it was to beat the practice of witchcraft out of them.  It was reported that the teens had been making voodoo dolls and had threatened to make one of their pastor.

The surviving youth denies this.  In fact, police have said it was because of the youths desire to leave the church for good that the incident occurred.

Either way, one is dead and the other is mending his physical wounds.  Who knows how long the mental ones will take.  It is a reminder to all of us that following a religion doesn't mean you have to take abuse by man.  Our judgment lies above, not by a group of idiots that have no other intent but to inflict pain.

But, then again, Jim Jones and David Koresh might disagree.  

Kool Aid, anyone?
4)  ... Russian President Vladimir Putan.  According to opinion polls, the Russian president has an approval rating of 89% among Russian citizens.  Even at worst, considering a maximum error difference of 20%, the man still has an approval rating that makes our last few American Presidents envious, to say the least.

Russians seem to prefer his "take charge" attitude, his "take no crap" mannerisms, and his "I'm President of one of the largest countries in the world and don't you forget it" style.  His domestic and international successes have been scorned by many in the democratic world, yet those that reside in Russia feel as though he's taking care of those at home first and worrying about everyone else second.

Gee, that's the way it was in this country once.  However, for the last two decades, few are pleased with the way things are, presidential approval ratings barely hit 50%, and the populace is always bitching about one thing or another.  How about updating our National Anthem to fit the times?
"O say can you see, 
by the shopping mall's lights,
What so proudly we watch, 
Kardashian's TV.
Tiny seats on our jets, 
squeeze our asses real tight,
No Smoking is the norm, 
so eat more and buy new clothes.
And, McDonald's yellow arch, 
and KFC pails,
Give proof on the scales, 
 heart attacks will prevail.
O' say do those PC'er's 
still bitch about everything,
The land of no middle class, 
and the home of Jared's thing."


5)  ... Immigrant Businesses.  According to a recent study done by Pew Research, 30% of the new businesses created last year were created by immigrants.  These are main street businesses (restaurants, shops and such), and usually maintain a highly visible presence. 

This really puts Americans to shame as only 17% are self-employed.  

I'm guessing it's one of two reasons for this.  1) Many Americans that owned individual businesses have fallen victim to the "Big Box" retailers over the years and grew disgusted fighting a losing battle to stay afloat against the cheap labor rates overseas, or 2) Americans are lazy as hell and want someone else to handle all the legal paperwork, insurance, and managerial duties while they take vacations, sick days, and stretch expense accounts to the max.
See what happens when you grow up playing video games all day!

6)  ... Hurricane Patricia.  The strongest hurricane on record is going to be hitting Mexico this weekend.  Scientists predict catastrophic damage when landfall is reached, stretching into the billions of dollars.

In a related story, Colorado pot retailers are increasing prices of El Primo weed this weekend as shortages are predicted as soon as Mexico takes a hit from Patricia.  Said one retailer, "Wow, man, this is just like oil prices.  Whatta rush!"

7)  ... No Criminal Charges For IRS Officials.  The Department of Justice has decided not to charge any IRS official for targeting specific groups.  

Said one anonymous source, 

"Hell, they screw everyone that can't screw them!"

8)  ... Goran Olsen.  Hiking 150 miles west of Oslo, Norway, Goran found a 1,200 year old Viking sword.  He stated he found it while digging under a pile of rocks.

However, this extraordinary find has its downside.  Seems Goran had forgotten 
where he'd left his Mexican weed and was frantically searching for it in order to take advantage of the price gouging weekend ahead when Hurricane Patricia hits Mexico.  

Flying overhead, the Marvel Avenger, Thor, saw what Goran was doing 
and smashed his skull flatter than your mother's ironed panties as a form 
of punishment.  Goran's family wept.

Okay, okay, I made up the last two paragraphs.  
Had you going though, didn't it?

9)  ... The Plague.  What you learned in school may just be wrong.  Originally thought to have started during the days of the Roman Empire, scientists, in examining teeth and other remains, have decided that the plague may have started at the time of the Bronze Age 5,000 years ago.  In addition, they report that it was transmitted by humans instead of fleas and rats.

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has readied a lawsuit that will be filed as soon as the living relatives of the Pied Piper are found.  Should you have any informations concerning their whereabouts, please notify your local society branch.

10)  ... LaGuardia Airport.  Yes, New York's famous LaGuardia International Airport has been chosen as the worst airport in America.  Surprisingly, Chicago's O'Hare was way down the list at number ten.

Says anyone that's ever flown out of or in to O'Hare ...

Dat's Bull, Dat's Bull, Dat's Bull!!!

And, that's going to do it for another edition of 
Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

Stop in next week for the post that was going to be this week
 until it was discovered this week wasn't next week.

Confused?  Come back next week and it'll all make sense!

Oh, and please leave all comments below!