Thursday, October 24, 2013

FTSF: Gabriela, The Demon Cat, Returns With A Halloween Story!

Hello Darlings!  I'm Back!!!
I was sitting here trying to come up with a special memory as to today's theme for FTSF.  Oh, I could remember the time that I went out corning cars, but I think I've told that story before.  (If not, ask me about it and I'll try to post it before Halloween.)  

I really didn't do a whole lot of Trick or Treating when I was a kid.  For one thing, I lived in the farmland of Indiana, so houses weren't right next door to each other.  My Halloween Party usually consisted of a 30 minute classroom party at school right before having to get on the bus to ride home.  Of course, this meant wearing whatever costume you'd chosen for that year on the bus, which immediately targeted you for the bullies in the back of the bus.  Since that was the only time I'd be in the costume, it really wasn't a big deal if it got torn or soiled while fighting some of the thugs.  Besides, they were much cheaper back then, anyway.

"BORING!  Why don't you let me tell a story about one of my Halloweens?"

"Gabriela, you've already told me about your past lives in the "Demon Cat" series that I've made a part of this blog on the tabs above.  What more could you tell me?"

"You just might be surprised!  Before getting fat here, because you feed me too much ... and, "No", I'm not complaining, I used to be a sexy mama.  
I always had a date on Halloween!"

"What did you go dressed as ... a black cat?"

"Oh, aren't you the smart ass!  Keep it up and my claws might accidentally find your groin one night when you're sleeping in that damn computer chair!"

"Okay, Okay ... I'll ease up.  So, are you going to tell me a story or not?"

"Why don't you do your standard posting of the FTSF hosts and rules 
and then we can talk?"

So, here we go!  I guess I'm going to have a guest poster today for Finish The Sentence Friday ... my female feline of the furry faction of ferocious facetiousness, Gabriela.  As she requested, let me first post the rules and the listing of the gracious hostesses with the mostesses:

In case you're just stopping in, today's theme is:   "One Halloween, I ... "

And, if you skimmed the first part of this in order to write a quick comment and didn't catch the conversation that took place, Gabriela is returning to the writing world with one of her stories.  So, I'm stepping away and giving the keyboard up to her.  (I know it's dangerous, but what the hell ... it's her reputation, not mine!)

So, I now give you Gabriela!

My Favorite!!
I Love This Stuff!
"Hi y'all!  I'm back.  Geesh, I never thought I'd get a chance to talk to y'all again.  Between Rich being selfish with the computer, his Internet provider being totally incompetent, and my past posts running off some of his conservative readers, he's been going through it!  Sometimes, I even wonder if he still loves me as Faletame seems to get most of his attention!  He does feed me well, though.  A lot better than his wife, Millie.  He always buys Little Friskies for me, which is definitely my favorite.  Millie bought some crap last week that ... well, let me just say I've tasted better kitty litter while cleaning myself!"

"Anyway, it's Halloween story time again.  This is going to be a short one since I don't have much space left.  So, here we go!"

"One of my previous lives owners had this boyfriend that I just couldn't stand.  You know the type, ladies, a real ass!  I swear, he
Don't They Make These
For Cats???
'd bring other girls into the apartment while my owner was away, for one.  And, other times, he'd go to the window and watch the teenage neighbor girl sunbathe in her little bikini. And, you wouldn't believe what he'd do while watching her!  Well, I'm too much of a lady to say, but you know!

He would even smoke that green stuff in those plastic baggies, and upon occasion, would hold me, blow smoke in my face, and laugh when I stumbled off!  Oh, I'd try to pull away, but he'd hold on tight.  What's a girl to do?  I had to breathe!  

Problem was, he'd never get me any food when the munchies set in!  Oh, he'd grab a bag of Ruffles or Fritos for himself, but never got me a thing!  What a selfish bastard!  A girl needs to eat, too!  And, please don't tell me he was helping me to keep my gorgeous figure.  I had my own ways of working it off, especially after I had my tubes tied!"

"Well, this kept up for months.  Drove me crazy, it did.  I just couldn't understand why my owner kept him around.  In fact, the only way I kept my sanity was knowing that I'd get back at him one day in my own special way.  Halloween provided just that opportunity!"

Okay, Okay, so maybe this stuff
wasn't that bad ... but I gotta eat, too!
"My owner was at work, as usual, and he was at home, as usual.  After smoking a couple of those funny smelling cigarettes, he actually stood up and went into the kitchen.  I was surprised, not only that he was standing up instead of lying back in his chair as was his standard habit, but that he didn't immediately come back out of there with a bag of munchies of some sort.  So, I strolled in there to see what he was up to."

Adding my own ingredients
always makes my treats
very special, indeed!

"Would you believe he had this big bag of green stuff, a box of brownie mix, some walnuts, a stick of butter, and an egg out on the counter?  Damn, that was more work than I'd ever seen him do!  Then he picked up the brownie mix, read the back of the box, opened it up, and poured it into a bowl.  Well, the urge to relieve himself must have hit as he stopped  and quickly went to his own kitty litter room.  As I heard the groaning start, a thought suddenly hit me.  Now, it was my chance to get even!"

"You may not like this, but remember, I've always had a little demon in me.  I jumped up on the counter, pawed the brownie mix to one side of the bowl, turned and squated, and let loose with a monster clunker of my own Little Friskies making! When done, I carefully covered up my treat with the brownie mix.  I jumped back down, ran to the living room, took my regular place on the top of the couch, and tried to look normal. (as if I could ever look normal being the gorgeous creature I am!)"

If You Dig Real Deep, You Just Might Find
My Magic Little Friskies Treasure!
"A couple of seconds later, here he stumbles to the kitchen.  He picks up the box and reads it again. (You know, short term memory problems!) Well, he finally sets it down, cracks open the egg and adds the bag of green stuff, the walnuts,  water, and butter.  Then, after smoking another one of those special cigarettes, he mixed up everything while he watched the neighbor girl and friends chat."

"I guess everything mixed up perfectly as he didn't notice anything special while pouring the mixture in the pan.  Into the oven it went.  After about twenty minutes, he took it out, let it cool a few minutes, cut it up into squares, and dug in!"  
Hmmm ... what do you mean they
seem to have a different taste this time?

"I think he first noticed a different taste, but was so stoned he ignored it and grabbed a second one ... and a third ... and kept going until he'd eaten over half of them.  I had to hide my face in my paws to keep him from seeing me laugh!"

"About that time, my owner got home.  Well, Mr. I'm-So-Wonderful-I-Amaze-Myself told her to grab one.  Now, I loved my owner and didn't want her to eat my crap, so I rushed to her and jumped in her lap as she picked one up.  She held it as she pet me, giving it's residual smell a chance to enter her nostrils.  I must say, my owner smiled at me, then looked over at her boyfriend, then looked back at me and smiled again, and set the brownie back on the plate.  And "Yes", by the end of the night, her boyfriend had eaten them all by himself!"

"So, one Halloween, I tricked my owner's boyfriend, and treated my owner to sharing a major laugh with me!  It didn't get much better than that!  Well, except to see him leave for good later in the evening.  Yep, the neighbor girl's mom had been watching as he'd been doing his thing while watching her daughter.  She'd come over, confronted him, and threatened to call the police on him!  My owner had told him to get out, and he left mad, especially when my owner wouldn't kiss him one last time!   I think she said something about how funny his burps were smelling, or something like that!"

"After that, my owner had one of her friends move in to help with the rent, but that's another story.  You might just find it in my "Demon Cat" pages in the title bar if you're interested.  Just remember, I haven't always been as lovable as I am now!"

"I hope that was gentle enough for you.  I really don't want to run off any more of Rich's readers.  Lord knows, he's lost enough on his own.  If you come back, or even just comment today, maybe he'll let me come back and guest post again!  Till then, keep smiling ... and remember, never leave unmixed brownies in the bowl when you go to the bathroom!  Now, what did I do with Faletame?"
Get Me Outta This Litter Box!!!!