Friday, February 22, 2013

FTSF: Superman, Super Sperm & Advice

Faster than a
 speeding bullet,

more powerful than a locomotive,

able to reap Google views in a single post,

look, up in the blogs,
it's a word, it's insane, 


Finish The Sentence Friday!

Did you ever wonder about Superman?  

Here's a being from a different planet, that had no known fetishes (such as the anal probes of today's aliens).  He didn't drink, do drugs, smoke cigarettes, make love, or do any of the things that make humans human.  Yet, here was a person respected by all except his criminal enemies.

I'd say, "He should have been a priest", but he didn't mess around with little boys, either!

This is a man, pursued by just about every woman on the planet, yet he never messed around with one of them.  

Or, did he?

With his ability of super speed, could Superman have been the mysterious midnight marauder?  The one that caused women to wonder why they awoke in the middle of the night feeling as though the sensual dream they'd just experienced was so real?  

He had the ability to fly, so there' would be no body weight to awaken a sleeping victim.  

And, with his ability to time travel, could he have produced the concept of immaculate conception?

Perhaps, the Superman of comic fame had the last laugh on society.  Sitting high on a cloud, smoking a cigarette, and using his x-ray vision to check out the prospects of the land, he could select his next "Hello/Goodbye", one tenth of a second relationship!  

Superman, the sinister sadist supposing sinning soothed society's searing souls, 
single-handedly superimposing sexual sensations seemingly 
seamlessly and senselessly!

Perhaps, his own joke on the world was the big "S" on his chest, as he internally laughed knowing it stood for "Super Sperm!"  Little white, swimming creatures with a "S" on their chests, pounding through the barriers of a woman's natural defenses against unwanted pregnancies, with more power than a locomotive!  Able to breech all human body protections in a single stroke of their little tail!  Until the egg was reached, they'd form a giant "S" and push forward with powers not known to mortal man!  Then, when their goal was in sight, they'd lie in wait for the most fertile of monthly times before completing their purpose!

Naw, probably never happened.  

Or, did it?

Anyway, this is Finish The Sentence Friday!   

One again, dearly beloved, we have gathered to worship the ground upon which each other does trod.  We are here to finish the sentence provided by our Gods of Sentence Finishing listed with the rules  below:

This week, the task masters (or, task mistresses ... boy, does that sound wrong) have decided that This Week's Prompt will be:

”Speaking from experience, I’m going to give you a little advice on…”

(Makes you wish for a drum roll, doesn't it)

... Giving Advice!

Giving advice can be looked at as either a positive act, or a negative act.  When one gives it, they are feeling as though they are doing a very positive thing.  When one receives it, it is generally taken as a negative thing.  

Positive Outlook  (Giving):
  1. I'm only trying to help.
  2. I've been there, you haven't.  Believe me!
  3. I'm your parent.  When you have kids, then you can tell them.
  4. What's it going to take to get you to understand we love you?
  5. I don't want you to have to experience what I had to, or, I'd prefer you learn through my mistakes instead of your own.
  6. It's the best thing for you.
  7. Time is not on your side.
  8. Confucius say, ".......
  9. If we were perfect, we'd always know just what to do.

Negative Outlook  (Receiving):
  1. Mind your own business!
  2. You're always meddling in my affairs.
  3. Let me live my own life.
  4. Times have changed and you don't know how it is now.
  5. Why won't you quit badgering me?
  6. I need to make my own mistakes and live my own successes.
  7. I know what's best for me, you don't
  8. I can always try other things later if I choose.
  9. Get off my case.
  10. If you knew as much as you thought you did, why are you still so screwed up?
  11. You're not perfect, either!  Shut up!

Here's some rules I've followed in my life:
  • Kids, generally, don't need advice.  They need direction.  If they knew the right thing to do, they wouldn't need you as a parent.  Letting them "choose their own direction" is an excuse for "I'd have to take time to help them and I don't want to miss Honey Boo Boo."  They may ask you for suggestions, but, in essence, they're asking you for direction.  "What college should I attend" is not a request for advice.  They are asking you for a viable way to figure out where they should go.  Show them how to gauge the quality of education in their desired course of study, view graduation rates, consider costs, and check out Playboy's annual rankings for "Party" schools.  Again, show them the way and the advice will not be needed.  (Just remember to provide aspirins, fake I.D.'s, and bail money.)
  • Parents and In-Laws provide advice to young marrieds without consideration, treating those that receive it as still being 10 years old.  If you're asked for advice, give it as if those receiving it are your age, instead of younger.  You'll find it much more appreciated if you do.  (Remember, they're going to get your stuff when you die.  Make them want to keep it instead of planning on how to sell it on Pawn Stars!)
  • When friends ask friends for advice, they're really just asking the friend for support in what they've already decided.  Unless they're really off base, support them.  You might even give them a book on what they've chosen.  If they're really off base, show support, but bring out the negatives that may occur.  Always reinforce that you'll be there for them whatever they decide.  (Then, go home and tell your spouse how stupid your friends are over a glass of wine.)
  • Never give your employers advice.  (If they take it and it screws things up for them, you'll be looking for employment very quickly elsewhere!)
  • Before you give advice, make sure you're living it.  Don't be a hypocrite!  (We have enough elected politicians for that!)
Of course, you could write a blog about giving advice to really screw things up.  Then, everyone will think you're a self proclaimed "Know It All" that is so damn egotistical that you believe everyone else is wrong, and you're the only one that's right!  They'll then stop visiting your blogs, sharing your posts, and talk badly about you in IM's.  

Before you do, 

let me give you some good advice .....