Sunday, October 14, 2012

What Would You Do If You Were Invisible?

Even In My Earliest Years, I Could Make Myself Invisible,
But I Had A Real Problem Making My Shoes That Way!

"Have you ever wondered, if you had the ability to become invisible, what could you do to really have fun?"

Let's make this even more simple.  

Let's say that not only your body could become invisible, but so could the clothes and jewelry you wore.  In other words, you could be shopping in Walmart and see someone you really didn't want to see you there.  At the flick of an internal switch, "Flick", you're now invisible.

Does that make it simple enough to understand.  I'm really not using big words here, folks.

What would the top twenty things be that you'd do?  

Here's some suggestions.

1.  Visit the Health Spa and play with the speed controls of the treadmills being used.

2.  Enter the kitchen of your favorite restaurant and take a bite out of all the dishes awaiting the waitress to take them to customers.

Steal This While They're Watching
And See What They'll Use Next!!
3.  Go into a public restroom, reach over the stalls, and watch the people freak out as you steal their rolls of toilet tissue.

4.  Go into a church you didn't agree with and whisper demon dialogue from The Exorcist into the ears of the minister as he gave a sermon.

5.  Go to the Post Office and keep saying, "Next" before the slow counter clerk was done with his customers.

6.  Stand behind the cashier at the grocery store that always gives you a hard time and close her cash drawer as soon as it opens.

7.  Run in and out of a TSA metal detector at an airport with change in your pockets!

8.  Drive down the highway at outrageous speeds and look at the expression on the State Trooper that pulls you over and finds no one there.  As he walks away scratching his head, yell, "Why'd you pull me over, dumbass!"

You're Not As Innocent As You Look And You Know It!
Your Time Is Coming Soon!
9.  Wait until your neighbor opens the door to let out their endlessly barking dog and rush at them barking, growling and snarling madly!

10.  Take a shopping cart down the aisles of your favorite grocery stores and bump the 400 lb. ladies, shuffling along in flip flops at .000234 mph.  When they turned around, bump their tails with the cart again and start laughing wildly!   

11.  Go to McDonalds, and every time they flips the burgers, flip them back over. 

12.  Attend a Bingo Parlor game and scream "BINGO" every time a number is read.

Put It Back Now!  You Don't Need To Buy Anything Else!
13.  Attend the funeral of someone you never liked and close the lid of the casket over and over each time they open it.  Then, when they finally give up and decide to keep it closed, open it and growl, "I took all of you out of my will!"

14.  Follow your friends to a department store, and every time they put something in their cart, put it back on the shelf saying, "You know you don't need that.  What's wrong with you!"

15.  Board a jetliner, and every time the attendants try to push the drink cart, push it the other way, saying, "No, I swear they're not thirsty!  Leave Me Alone!"

16.  Drive your car to the convenience store, fill up with gas, grab a Slurpie, and go by the clerk saying, "If you won't take my money, I'll just have to leave."  

Mr. President!  I've Got Your Viagra!
17.  Enter the office of every Congressperson and tell them if they don't do right by the people, you'll be back to painfully castrate them.

18.  Go into Lady GaGa's dressing room and every time she reaches for her costume, jerk it away saying, "No, not until you lose weight!"

19.  Stand by your mailbox and every time the postman tries to put a bill in it, push it back out at him.

20.  Stand outside the President's bedchambers one night, and just as they turn off the light shout, "Mr. President, I've got the Viagra Michelle ordered!"

These are only some random thoughts.  I recognize that some may sound mean to you, but what the hell, you only go around once.  I'm sure you have your own thoughts on this topic.  Feel free to leave them in the comments below.  The area's not invisible yet.  

Boy, I could have fun with that!