Monday, January 14, 2013

Reality Television: "This is Reality?"

“Reality Television”

Those two words can spark many emotions in most television viewers.

(Please, if you need to upchuck, feel free to take a break and do it now.  It only gets worse.)

Since "COPS" hit the scene in the early 80's, reality television has blossomed.  There's something about stupid people watching stupid people that appeals to stupid people.  And, for those that don't consider themselves stupid people for watching stupid people, these shows provide a feeling of superiority to stupid people, as they watch these shows religiously.

Stupid people!

I've decided to save you the trouble of rating some of the most popular reality television offerings and provide a small synopsis on several of the most popular, as well as some of the newest offerings.  Many of these shows are geared to guys, or simply called "Guy Shows."  

So, if you're a female reading this, you'll be able to talk to your boyfriend or husband and communicate in a language he'll understand.  (Generally, it's know as "Bubba-eze.")

Ice Road Truckers

This show has been on for several years, and has yet to have one of its participants die or fall through the icy rivers or ocean over which they drive their eighteen wheelers.  

Whatta bummer!

Men love this show and watch it in hopes of seeing someone go through the ice, much in the same way they watch auto racing for the wrecks.  This show is so popular that they've even taken versions of it to Asia and South America to travel other types of "Death Roads."  

Still, no one has been killed!  As long as cameramen ride in the cabs with the truckers they film, chances are slim to none that anyone will be.  So, why watch it?

Gator Boys

This show is just beginning its second season.  Two guys that catch alligators, first in Florida, and now in Mississippi, week after week after week.  Upon occasion, they throw in a capture of a venomous reptile or some type of carnivorous lizard, but mostly it's alligators.

Upon occasion, one of the two will get nipped, but as reality TV series go, still nothing major has happened to either of them.  If you like watching the same thing week after week, then this might be just the show for you.

BBQ Pitmasters

Again, this show has made it into a second season ... somehow.  

Three judges force three to four contestants to barbecue either beef, chicken, or pork selections.  You watch as they prepare, cook, and present their end products to the judges, who mercilessly grade the offerings on appearance, texture, and taste.  In the end, a winner is chosen.


Finding Bigfoot

Four individual travel the United States hunting Bigfoot.

Still haven't found him.  Don't expect them to.  If there were as many Bigfoots as they'd like you to believe, they'd have a representative in Obama's cabinet.

Although in thinking back, Dick Cheney did bear a hearty resemblance to many of the drawings!

U.S. Of Bacon

Fat guy (Todd Fisher) goes around the United States showing you all the bacon specialties that are available for anyone wanting to commit suicide by grease and cholesterol poisoning. 

Host looks as though he could die at any minute as he devours these tasty tidbits that tantalize the taste buds of the soon to be CCU patients.  

I do have to admit, after watching this show one night, my wife and I went through an entire pound of thick sliced Applewood Bacon in making BLT's the next afternoon.  We're still recovering!

Yum! Yum!  
(Yes, Help Alert ... I've got chest pains!)

Duck Dynasty

Redneck family in Louisiana has become millionaires with their duck call business.  

How many people that you know have bought a duck call?  Yep, another fantasy show!

Scripted show takes you through the life of these rednecks as they enjoy the everyday facets of life for those that don’t really have to worry about money, but act like they do.  Oldest son runs the business, middle and youngest sons work there making duck calls with their Vietnam War veteran uncle, as their mother and father deal with the grandkids.  

In the end of each show, they all sit down at the table and eat as the show's family lesson learned is discussed.

Happy, Happy!

Rattlesnake Republic

One of the few shows on television that depict conservation measures as unrealistic.  Groups of “rattlesnake hunters” go out weekly hunting rattlesnakes, that will be killed, skinned, and portrayed as serving no purpose in the ecological chain.  

Australia did this once and found themselves plagued with mice infestations until the snake population recovered.

Oh well, “Mouse Hunters” is on the future schedule anyway!

This is one of the few shows in which a cast member has been seriously injured.  Jackie Bibby (shown at right) was bitten in the leg on September 12, 2012, and unfortunately, had to have it amputated just below the knee as necrosis set in.  



And that is my offering of reality television programming.  I have omitted many, simply because most recognize they have absolutely no value, or because they are rip-offs of previous shows set somewhere else (hence Cops and North Woods Law).  

No, I don't spend my time watching these week after week, for the most part.  However, they do provide noise as I find myself writing hubs or blogs or whatever, and occasionally draw my attention.

It is your choice as to enjoy these programs as you rest any brainwaves that may be seeking exercise, or to ignore them and pick up a good book.

I wonder if “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” is out in paperback version yet?