Tuesday, July 16, 2013

My Take On Rare Vintage Photos

Survivors from the Titanic being taken aboard the Carpathia
after the fatal sinking.  Cries were heard of,
"God, not another ship!
Where's the damn Boeing 747 when you need it?"
It is often said, 

"Those who fail
 to remember the past 
are doomed to
repeat it!"

In other words,

"Man is so stupid he will do dumb stuff over 
and over,
given the chance!"

We continually prove it! 

It's almost like all of mankind is smoking pot and is having a hard time with short term memory.  

"Wow, man!  Did I eat that whole 50 lb. bag of Oreos?"

I recently received an email that contained a batch of supposed rare vintage photos.  They didn't have any tag lines, nor copyrights included.  So, somebody either found that they were declared as "Creative Commons" due to their age and needed no author/copyright lines, or they simply stole them.

I feel it is my duty to exhibit these photos so the owners can make claim.  I, out of the goodness of my heart, will then add the proper attribution and post it so they may get their just rewards.

And, "NO", Bubba, you've only been around for a few years, so don't say you were there taking these photos with your new digital camera.  

In addition, I'm going to provide my take on the historic photo and the story surrounding it.  
I have gone into absolutely no research in doing so.  This will soon be evident.

If not, please let me introduce you to a great investment counselor, Bernie Madoff!

The famous Anastasia sharing a smoke with her father
Tsar Nicholas II two years before their assassination in 1916.
The above photo is evidence that the Russian Cancer Society was almost as vicious as our American Cancer Society.  After this photo was released to the press in 1916, the RCS decided that it was promotional material for tobacco manufacturers, and not fit to be seen.  So, instead of being assholes and raising a big stink over it, they took their time concocting a plan to get back at the Tsar.  So comes the saying,
"Smoking can be hazardous to your health!"
Amelia Earhart gets her last haircut in 1937.
Amelia wanted to look really good for all the photo sessions that preceded her attempt to fly around the world.  When the results were in, Amelia was heartbroken.  So much so, that when the opportunity presented itself, Amelia crashed her plane and waited upon a South Sea island for her hair to grow out.  Unfortunately, she was found prematurely by a hysterically laughing Japanese Army, and died of embarrassment.  
Children for sale in Chicago in 1948 as poverty stricken families
would rather sell their kids than see them starve.
In 1948, World War II had ended and so had many of the wartime jobs.  Without work, children born during the war (when the fathers were off fighting, hmmmm) found themselves being sold.  Kids had to eat, and parents quickly found out that the expression, "They'll eat you out of house and home" held true.  Parents, instead of seeing their kids starve, sold their kids to the highest bidder.  Hollywood quickly came to the rescue by creating jobs for all the kids in the short features, better known as "The Little Rascals."  This also worked well for want-a-be parents who couldn't stand the thought of changing dirty diapers filled with Gerber Strained Spinach sh*t!
Soldiers comfort each other in the 1950's during the Korean War.
After this photo hit the news stands, it was quickly banned.  Homosexual activity was a no-no during the 1950's, and the U.S. Army was embarrassed beyond belief.  Whenever generals were questioned about it, they'd respond, "Don't ask us and we won't tell you!"  This was picked up by future administrations and shortened to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" philosophy.
Ham the chimp returns from a 16 minute space flight in 1961.
Promised to him as a "brilliant" career move, Ham the chimp volunteered to be the first monkey to travel into space.  Although a dangerous venture, Ham envisioned years of fortune and fame to follow upon his return to Earth.  When his sixteen minute flight ended, Ham found that attention quickly turned to human astronauts, and his efforts were forgotten.  Thusly, the phrase, "15 minutes of fame" was born after some idiot rounded his time to the nearest five minute mark.
The Golden Gate Bridge around 1935
In 1935, marijuana usage ran rampant in the United States.  Although many considered it odd (since Jimi Hendrix and Led Zeppelin wouldn't become popular until the late 1960's) the U.S. Army once again found itself in the middle of controversy.  In charge of building the Golden Gate Bridge, Army Engineers, under the influence of the terrible drug, forgot to build the roadway on which traffic could travel.  When the bridge, promoted as a real treat to those living on the other side of the bay, opened, 752 cars and trucks drove into San Francisco Bay.  Desperate to make San Francisco known for something besides this debacle, Rice-A-Roni was quickly marketed as the new 
"San Francisco Treat!"
Governor George Wallace hosts future presidents George Bush and Bill Clinton
at a barbeque in 1983.
Last, but not least, George Wallace hosted future presidents at a good old Southern Barbeque in 1983, in which variations of Columbian Gold, Panama Red, and Mexican Ragweed marijuana was the prime attraction.  In this photo, Republican George Bush is congratulating Democrat Gov. Wallace on the quality of smoke he presented, while Democrat Bill Clinton, sporting and open mouth and sh*t eating grin, could do nothing more than stare in amazement at the size of Barbara Bush's boobs.  
(Notice Bill has a Diet Pepsi in his hand, obviously empty as the can is partially crushed.  Bush also has a Mountain Dew placed in front of him.  Not quite hidden is the cup of beer, fresh from the tap, that had been pushed away in order to take an alcohol free picture.  Still it made the photograph.  It's my guess the photographer had been sampling the available weed, too!!)

It has been said that a picture speaks a thousand words.  These pictures have spoken to me.  I, in turn, have spoken to you.  I'm not saying my descriptions were accurate, but that is what they said to me.  

You don't think they were pulling my leg, do you?