Friday, October 25, 2013

TTOT: Brought to you by Windstream Internet Providers (...sometimes)

Ten Things Of Thankful Link-Up
After a week of no Internet service, thanks to the incompetence of certain employees that couldn't recognize a modem was bad even while flashing a red power light, I have returned!  

I know, you're wishing I were as incompetent as the employees, aren't you?  
(Aww, c'mon, you know you missed me!  No?  
Not just a little?)

Anyway, even though Lizzi's whip hasn't been able to find me as of late, I feel somewhat obligated to her to participate once again.  Lizzi really is an angel in disguise.  Unfortunately, the disguise is so good, all you usually see is the disguise!  

See, Lizzi, I did say something nice about you for a change.  I figure the next time that's due is in 2017, so please, put down your whip and breathe normally as holding your breath until that time could be hazardous to your health.

As I look back on the past week, I have to say that I've much to be thankful.  Can't say exactly what it is, but I'm still around to try to find something, so I guess that could count.  There are weeks where you wonder if it wouldn't be better not to be around, but, then again, if you weren't around, you wouldn't be able to wonder.  So, perhaps, wondering is a good thing!  
God, am I rambling today or am I rambling?

Anyway, let's proceed to the Ten Things Of Thankful listing for this week.  Again, I have absolutely no idea where this is going, so let's just give it a shot and see where we end up at!

Please don't look!
I Gotta Do What I Gotta Do!!!
1)  I'm thankful that I have the ability to scratch an itch (or is that itch an itch?).  No, not one particular area, but all over.  When one has an itch, there is nothing better than to be able to scratch it.  You may just need a short brushing type of scratch, or you may need a long, digging deep to the bone type of scratch.  It's just nice to be able to do it as needed.  

In fact, imagine not being able to scratch an itch.  It would have to be the worst thing to experience.  Kind of like when you're in public and one of your private parts starts itching.  You want to scratch it, but you know everyone's watching.  So, you hunt out a clothing store, embed yourself in a rack of clothes, and coyly take care of the itch.  It really feels great, doesn't it?  Just remember, you're on camera and need to leave quickly before security can be summoned!

If You'll Open Just A Little
Wider, You Might Get A
Surprise That Will Light You
Up Like A Firecracker!
2)  I'm thankful that I still have firecrackers left from the 4th of July so that I can shut up the neighbor's barking dog at night.  My neighbors that live behind us have a little rat dog that barks every time they let it outside at night.  I don't think the little sucker ever uses the bathroom as it just yaps and yaps and yaps.  Maybe it's telling the other dogs about the size of it's defecation.  I'm sure the German Shepherd down the street could care less and put it to shame by barking about his size in comparison, but the German Shepherd seems to be satisfied just knowing he's the true winner.  It's kind of like driving a Porsche five mph below the speed limit.  You know you can beat most of the cars passing you, but can be satisfied without having to prove it.  

Anyway, I've continued my efforts to curb this barking by lighting a couple of firecrackers and tossing them in the back of my yard every time the little suckers starts it's off key serenade.  It's amazing how well they work!

3)  I'm thankful that vampires can't fly at 75 mph.  Driving home from visiting my father in Indiana for his 80th birthday, I opened up the moonroof in my Ridgeline and turned on the heater full blast.  I got the fresh air while keeping warm, and was able to enjoy the moon and stars above.  All the way home, I wondered if vampires could fly at 75 mph and sneak in the moonroof opening.  If so, I'd have been in trouble.  Obviously, since I made it home safely, they cannot.  I'm very thankful for that as I've seen enough of Kristen Stewart to last me a lifetime!

This Is Where The Turn Signal Is Located!
Now That You Know, Please Use It!!!
4)  I'm thankful that Mazda, and other automobile manufacturers, have provided their owners with a 3 flash turn signal.  This has a benefit of allowing the driver to hit the turn signal once, causing the turn light to flash three times while changing lanes on the interstates.  I, also, think it extremely thoughtful of them to provide this feature that will be ignored by 90% of the public that doesn't know what the hell a turn signal is to begin with!

5)   I'm thankful for $2000 cars with $10,000 stereo systems.  Car thieves love to find these rust buckets sitting on the side of the road broken down.  Within a short time, thousands of dollars of stereo equipment can be taken and later sold for profit.  This not only helps the economy, as no $10,000 stereo owner can do without their bass banging for long and have to replace it, but takes up the time of the car thieves, making less time available for them to find and steal my car.  (See!  You didn't think they had any benefit, did you?)

6)  I'm thankful for Spider Solitaire.  This is a game that is on most computers.  I became addicted to it many years ago, and wish I could count the number of times I've indulged in it.  Generally, my attentions are diverted to the medium level (so I can win every two or three games out of four), but I do venture into the the realm of the most difficult level when I'm depressed and want to feel sorry for myself.  Losing twenty games in a row helps me cope with this depression, as I suddenly realize that there's a way to succeed, and I go back down to the medium level again.  (Okay, Okay!  I know ... get a life Rich ... get a life!)

It's Gonna Take One Hell Of A Sprinkler System
To Get It Watered Properly!
7)  I'm thankful that it has now been discovered that the Amazon Jungle is drying out!  Since this area of the Earth has provided much of the oxygen needed to support life, its drying out will probably have a major effect on the hot air the politicians spout daily.  Without their ability to talk so freely, perhaps they'll actually stop talking and find ways to accomplish something!  (What a change that would be!)

8)  I'm thankful for the excuses that "mind doctors" have provided the public for years.  For every incident, these masters of the unknown spout their excuses for violent and excessive behavior, eliminating the personal accountability factor.  Why worry about doing something wrong if you can find a viable excuse that will keep you out of prison?  These constant validations allow those considering an act of such to find an excuse to continue through, instead of acknowledging their personal accountability of knowing the difference between right and wrong.  As long as we allow excuses to validate, these acts will continue to be the norm, instead of the exception.  (Makes life exciting, doesn't it?)

What do you mean you're not home?
Do we have to go to the playground to get candy?
9)  I'm thankful that the malls will be open on the night Trick or Treaters go out collecting candy.  Now, I'll have someplace to go instead of hiding in a dark house and acting like I'm not home.  It's not that I don't like Trick or Treaters.  It's simply the fact that as my wife is scheduled to work, I think it somewhat weird for a grown man to be giving young kids candy!  That's the stuff of which playground nightmares are made!  ("Hey kiddies, want some candy? Muhahahaha!")

10)  I'm thankful for all the great readers that left comments the last time I wrote for TToT!  Seriously, everyone that commented actually caught my "Thoughtful" comment about reading instead of skimming.  Great comments were made by just about everyone.  It really makes it much easier to answer these comments when something has been written that makes sense.  I appreciate that tremendously, as any writer does!  To you, I can only say, "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart.

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So that's it!  Another week of TToT all done.  Please visit the other writers in this hop and give them as much attention as you have mine.  We all need your loving!  (After 33 years of marriage, it's about all the loving I get!)