Ten Things Of Thankful: Holidays Are Over!

See All The Great Blogs In This Hop HERE!!!!!!!!

The holidays are over 

for another year!  

Hip, Hip, Hooray!

(Now, Wal-Mart shoppers will have to wait another eleven and a half months to rip each others heads off in fits of shopping passion.  One would think we'd have come up with a better form of population control by now, wouldn't one?)

Our excuses to pig out on sweets and fatty foods have worn thin, unlike the waist size increase we exhibit.  Old acquaintances are not forgotten, but only lie in wait to attack us by surprise in the New Year.  And, possibly the most fearful of all, Lizzi and all the other hosts expect us to continue this Ten Things Of Thankful post as if new and wonderful items have appeared under the tree to keep us from looking like the stuttering fools many of us are.

(N-n-n-no pr-problem, Lizzi!  

Virginia got Santa to leave a bunch of new thoughts and delicacies to post ... NOT!)

So, as I end my vacation hiatus and return to the rank and file, let us begin the listing of this week's

TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL!!!

"I'm thankful for ...."

1)  ... the ending of the holiday season, also known as the worst time of the year to be a diabetic.  The endless offerings of fudge, candy, and pastries provide sadists the opportunity to see you squirm with each denial of their so called holiday spirit provisions.  I only gave in one time to a solitary piece of peanut butter fudge, and must admit, didn't find it as tasty as I was promised.  Perhaps my taste buds are simply getting old and finding it harder to enjoy the finer things in life.  (Or, perhaps the maker of the fudge didn't really know what she was doing and sucked at making fudge!)

"Where's My Ear & Nose?!?!?!?"

2)  ... cheaply made cat toys.  Faletame and Gabriela had a complete ball ripping apart the Chinese offerings of fluffy stuffed animals and weird, geometric shaped catnip toys.  It took them all of twenty minutes to waste the ten dollars I spent on providing them with items to claw and shred besides the back of a one year old love seat they've favored as of late.

3)  ... $19 a month.  Recently, I've learned that if I send $19 a month to the ASPCA or to the Wounded Warrior Program, I can either save the life of a pet or help the life of a vet.  I'm still trying to figure out where this money actually goes to, and why both groups came up with the same monetary amount.  Either it doesn't take as much to help vets as our government would want us to believe, or someone feels as though an animal deserves the same treatment as a handicapped hero.  Then, there's always a third option that it's the same group collecting the donations and laughing all the way to the bank as they bilk the public of cash.  (Bernie Madoff is still in jail isn't he?)

4)  ... the right to bear arms.  Okay, I know it’s controversial, but have someone try to kick in your home’s back door and see if you don’t feel a little better knowing you have something with which to defend yourself .  Since our attempted break-in, neither my wife nor I feel completely secure in the house.  There are crazy people in this world who don’t give a damn about people doing their best to earn a living the honest way.  With home invasions on the rise, older folks need some way to even up the odds.  They’re to be used only as a last resort, but better to be around to endure the consequences than to become a cold case statistic.

5)  ... long underwear bottoms.  If it weren’t for them, what else would my wife come up with to buy me for Christmas?  Skittles?

6)  ... Carrie Underwood.  Her performance (though not terrible) in the television version of “The Sound Of Music” reminded me how wonderful Julie Andrews was in the lead role.  Stick to Country Music, Carrie!  (At least they didn’t cast Miley Cyrus in the role.  I just can‘t visualize a foam fingered, twerking nun rollicking with giant Teddy Bears!)

7)  ... television screen weather notifications.  Decades ago, one looked out of the window to see what the weather was doing.  Today, local weather forecasters are so full of themselves that they not only interrupt programming with useless bulletins, they take up the bottom quarter of the screen filled with a rolling warning of what counties will be affected.  Folks, snow is snow.  It’s not the end of the world.  Besides, most all of us have weather alerts programmed into our cell phones, so cease the ridiculous crap!  (Oh, and some of us still look out the window!)

8)  ... Office Depot.  Okay, I know this is the second time I’ve bragged about them, but they deserve it.  Saturday evening, I entered their store to find them out of the 100 pks of CD-R’s they’d advertised at a reduced price.  They ordered them in and delivered them to my house by Tuesday.  If our government was only as efficient as Office Depot, we’d be having our income tax refunds sent back to us by overnight mail!  (Hahahahahahahahaha .... like that would ever happen!) 

9)  ... President Obama.  No, I’m not changing my views about politicians (better known as liars, cheats & thieves).  Seems some 1000+ people voted in a Gallup Poll and are proclaiming Obama to be the Most Admired Man in the World.  Obama came out with 16% of the vote, putting him atop the list.  Of course, that meant that 84% of the people voted for someone else, and he wins by default!  

In my humble opinion, no politician should be the most admired man in the world.  That’s like saying it’s okay to lie, steal and cheat the voters while you cater to the whims of the corporations that contributed to your campaign!  I’d like to know where the Gallup Poll was taken and what were the positions of those voting. 

 
Another scary thing was that George W. Bush came in second.  Are we really that sad a society that we look to scam artists and system abusers to admire?  (On the other hand, A&E reports great ratings on its two night/ two part broadcast of “Bonnie & Clyde!”)

(Okay, before I get to Number 10, let me fill you in on something.  Today, at work, I miraculously won a 60" Samsung LED Smart Television valued at $1799.  And I never win anything!!!!

Until today, I've been fairly down and out for luck at work the last two months.  So much so, Thursday night, when I wrote most of this, my next entry was Number 4 on the list.  However, after today's changing of luck, and, in finding out that I actually did make enough at work last month to pay my bills, I'm wondering how prevalent it really is.  Whether you believe or not, one thing's for sure, the strangest things happen at the strangest times.)

10)  ... my religious upbringing.  Having participated in Catholic, Baptist, Presbyterian, and Pentecostal Holiness churches when I was young, I have to say environmental conditioning has formed a belief in God within my psyche.  Still, as there is no sanity in the trials and tribulations that I and many I know have been dealt over the last few years (decades), I have to either consider God to be on an extended vacation, or just sitting on the golden throne watching Duck Dynasty with a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door.

After today's change of luck, I may have to retract Number 10!

And that’s it!  Another episode of Ten Things Of Thankful complete!  

View a listing of all the other more serious offerings of this hop here!
Okay, Okay, Damn it! Click here instead!

Until next time, 

Ciao!

Blogging 101: It was the best of times, It was ... too long!

I'm going to ease back into this blog posting trap we set for ourselves, much like an exhausted Sasquatch would ease into a leaky roofed barn looking for a nice dry bed of hay to sleep upon.

(Hey, that's as good an opening sentence as I've written, even if the visual tends to be a little on the imaginative side!)

I took a much needed break from the Blogosphere.  Hiding, some might say.  I was drying up and becoming much too cynical in my outlooks on life.  So, I decided to face real life without the obligations of the computer world we find ourselves chained to at times. 

(Bad idea!)

Even though it allowed me the time I needed to scarf up on fifty-four reduced pricing music album downloads Amazon.com offered over the Christmas Season, I was bored (as well as completely obsessed).  There were many writing topics I wished to cover, but I knew I had to start looking at them from a different perspective.  

(Then the bottom caved in.)

This past December was seriously one of the worst I've ever experienced.  Pressure from a day job that had completely turned sour, an attempted home break-in to give the wife and I much to worry about, and a general feeling of "I'm tired of fighting life's daily battles.  Still being used as your whipping boy, huh God?" seemed to be my constant companion.  Actually, even though it sounds as though I was going through a state of depression, I really wasn't.  

(So, the mind doctors have it wrong again, don't they?)

No, I was looking at my immediate life without blogging distractions.  I knew I seriously didn't have the time to go rollicking from blog to blog, and to be frank, I still don't.  The hours I put in one work week are more than most work in two.  Plus, my wife needed some of my attention, as did my cats (at least to hear Faletame and Gabriela state it ... damn, they just won't shut up sometimes), and my sanity believed, it too, wanted the sanctity of hiding in a roaring asteroid silently soaring through infinity (away from the Earth, not towards it).

So, I did what any supposed writer might do.  I took some time and evaluated my writing.  

1. Was it too sarcastic?  
2. Was it too truthful?  
3. Did I touch too many nerves and run some loyal readers off?  
4. Or, was the quality too rushed and content too negative for the reader to view the humor in that manner?

(And, to be blunt, I still haven't figured it out!

You thought there was going to be a divine revelation, didn't you?)

One major point I found when re-reading my posts with a third person point of view was that they were too long.  Longer than most others I've read.  Not quite the "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" product, but more like the rambling of a person unwilling to shut up and get to the point.

(You're wondering why it ever took me so long to figure that one out, aren't you?)

Actually, I've known that.  However, I considered it my style.  The jokes needed set-ups for impact.  Thus, the set-ups had to become a story to draw the reader in.  Still, the Internet doesn't give one much time for that kind of foreplay.  

So, as 2014 arrives, I have to make a decision.  Do I continue along the same route I've traveled and write long posts, or do I cut them up into several and keep things much shorter?

(As if this post was any example into the shortening process.)

So, in seeking answers, I have decided (without the stench of belly button lint permeating the air) to attempt to keep my posts much shorter.  No, I will not revert to using texting language to do so.  Rather, I will simply stop typing when the topic has been covered and there are no more worthy sarcasms present to exhibit.  (As say a teenage boy would do when his hopes and dreams of sex turn into a premature ejaculation catastrophe. It was good while it lasted but now it's time to go practice mind over matter control.)  

Perhaps this will help readership to grow.  I mean, if one writes, they expect it to be read.  If one reads a book, they expect to be entertained in multiple ways.  If one reads a blog, they expect to skim through it, leave a generic comment, and rush to the next one to repeat the process.  Blogs are not books, nor should they be the length of them.  A writer must keep this in mind.  And, of this, I must say I have been guilty.  (The blog ethics violators electric chair awaits me.)

Thank God Charles Dickens isn’t alive today 

to see the blog world in which we live.  

I can see his "A Tale Of Two Cities" transformed.

“Yeah, good times and bad times.  Sh*t, what do you expect.  

Know what I mean?  Peace Out!

France having bad stuff happening.  Hold the fries and sharpen the guillotine!

Old woman scared the crap out of me with those damn knitting needles.  

Let's ban those f**kin' things before the bitch goes crazy and starts jabbing people!  

No such thing as Politically Correct when you're head's in the basket!

The End ??   

(Hell, there’s no damn way!  I gotsta make money off the sequel!)

Tweet that, sucka!”

I was once under the impression that longer was better.  (At least I’ve had some relationships that was based on that concept.)  I was told "shorter is just as good" was only a myth developed for those lacking attributes of length.  Supposedly, shorter, even if one knew how to use it right, was never quite as satisfying.  

I guess that person never blogged.

Be Back Soon!

Ten Things Of Thankful: The Black Friday Edition

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I've been trying to validate the name to the shopping day after Thanksgiving called 
"Black Friday."

No, I'm not going to research it on Wikipedia.

I would tend to believe that it's because of the horrible way many act this day.  Fights, rudeness, and general disregard for one's fellow man tends to make this a "Black" day for mankind each year.

So, the day after we supposedly celebrate a day of thanks, we toss that aside to act like uneducated, wild people in the name of greed ... or, getting what we don't need regardless of the consequences.

Yeah, that makes sense! 

Of course, in reality, what else to we expect to take place?  It's like an annual human shark feeding frenzy that the retailers instigate each year.  "Chomp, Chomp ... bite on this low priced TV!  Chomp, Chomp ... bite on this low priced tablet!  Chomp, Chomp ... bite your neighbor!  It's all in fun!  Right?"

No, I'm not blaming the retailers.  Many of them have already done their best to ruin the concept of family by opening on Thanksgiving.  No longer do families relax and enjoy a complete day of getting together, eating, laughing, and sharing tales of family history.  Now, we simply toss down the food and get out the sale flyers to map out shopping strategies.  "Bye, Bye family ... time to go stand in line with the rest of the herd so we can rush the doors and act like we have no common sense when the retailers doors open!"

If that's not bad enough, the corporate heads are sitting at home with their families while the workers aren't allowed to be with theirs.  "Let the slaves deal with the maddening masses while we sit high in our boxes and let the lions feed on them!"

Isn't it nice that society has advanced so far from the days of the Roman coliseum slaves and gladiators?

I’m sure the crowds Thursday night and Friday didn’t disappoint the observers.  Isn’t it nice to know you satisfied your non-paying audience?  

So, in essence, you really aren’t getting low prices.  You’re simply being paid to perform!  You are the entertainers that put on a show of what greed does to those weak enough to fall prey to it.  You’re being laughed at and rated for your performance as the corporate audience chuckles all the way to the bank.  You are the fools that give them satisfaction.

But, I do hope you got what you wanted.  They did!

Which brings us to this week‘s edition of  

“Ten Things Of Thankful!”

Yeah, I know, what a way to segue into it!

Our wonderful hosts of this event would take a page and a half to list as they have grown in numbers over and over again.  Still, they are worth remembering, so you can find a complete listing of these gracious individuals, as well as more of these “posts of thankfulness” here:     Here ... It's Here!!!! Push the link to get there!!!

Don’t tell me you don’t have time to visit them.  You waited in line how long Friday?

So, let us begin our quest for “Thankfulness.”

This week, I’m thankful for:

No More Whips!
Just Pressure By Compliments!
Meet Madam Lizzi!

1)  Lizzi, better known as “Considerer”, who complimented me in a post this week by stating that I “might be the Big Daddy of blogging.”  I actually had to sit back and contemplate this statement for a few minutes after reading it.  All I’ve ever attempted in my blogs is to observe the idiocy of mankind and provide a somewhat humorous look at what is so readily available to be seen once you step back and actually look at the happenings in front of you.  It is an effort to take the truth, lay it out as it occurs, and let your mind do the thinking.  We do much too little of that these days.  Thought has almost taken a back seat to reacting.  Black Friday is a prime example of this.

If my observations and possible scenarios laced with some semblance of humor bring about a “Big Daddy” status, then I’m exceptionally honored that one so well versed as Lizzi would provide me with such a title.  Perhaps my efforts are not in vain, but instead, a catalyst for thought to begin and grow.  Perhaps the seeds I plant may cause a person to stop, look at what is happening around them, and create an alternate path for them to travel.  If that is the case, I’ve achieved all I ever started out to accomplish.  “Thank you, Lizzi!  It means more than you imagine.  It also puts forth more pressure than ever to perform to meet your standards!  God love you!”

2)  My zombie turkey eating cats.  They saved the day this year!  If you have no idea as to what I’m talking about don’t feel bad.  I’ve learned that the night before Thanksgiving is not the time to publish a post.  If you want to find out more, I’m shamelessly providing a link for you to exactly that!   Zombie Turkey Eating Cats ... Yeah, you missed it!!!!

3)  My wife that forgets Thanksgiving Day leftovers and provides a dish of grocery store frozen food department pasta the day after.  Having had one meal on Thanksgiving, and nothing all day Friday, I was looking forward to eating a plate of leftovers upon my arrival home from work Friday night.  Instead, I find a half filled plate of this inedible dish of rubberized morsels and tasteless sauce awaiting.  Oh well, that’s what Dollar Store peanuts are for, I guess!

4)  Amazon.com for reminding me once again that I must wait until this week next year to download current albums.  Ones that I’ve already downloaded for $6.99 - $9.99 are now on sale for $1.99 - $5.99.  Of course, there are a few artists who consider their music so valuable that they need not participate in these customer friendly savings.  They will continue to find that their music remains on my “not necessary to own” list to this day.  Btw, Jay-Z, I heard your last one sucked anyway!

Load Limit 250 pounds!!!!!

5)  Fat Floaters.  This is what I call the mechanized shopping carts that carry folks too fat to walk around WalMart and other retailers so that their shopping is easier.  Meant to be strictly for handicapped individuals, these are used more and more by those too obese to put one foot in front of the other and get some much needed exercise.  I imagine many were used the last couple of days as battering rams, running over the heels of the innocent few that no longer need to waddle through the aisles.  If a weight limit restriction was posted before the usage of these vehicles, I’m sure many would find themselves losing calories.

6)  Idiotic Traffic Engineers.  These folks have delayed the time it takes to get through intersections in my fair city by separating the turn lane signals.  Instead of operating at the same time, they are now delayed.  In other words, first, one direction has the turn lane, then traffic goes straight, then, the other direction has the turn section.  This not only doubles the turn lane available time, but also doubles the amount of time one has to wait on lights to change for their direction.  I think these individuals are somewhat sadistic in nature, but not intelligent enough to understand that they also fall victim on their route home.  Can we say, “Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, children?”

7)  Turkey Roasts.  As in McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets, I tend to wonder what part of the turkey the roast comes from.  I have cut up many a turkey in my day, and have yet to find this oval ball of meat on any of them.  Could this actually be “processed” meat?  No, they wouldn’t do that to a turkey, would they?  Would they really grind up a turkey, add preservatives and chemical shapers, cover it with a plastic covering and net to hold it together until it’s frozen, and then sell it as a roast?  That wouldn’t happen in America, would it?  (I think I see an audience being laughed at again!)

8)  Family Values.  Hahahahahahahahaha!  You knew I was joking here, didn’t you?  I know, those became extinct a long time ago!  Got you laughing, though, didn’t I?

9)  Dollar Store shoe inserts.  Instead of spending $15 on shoe inserts that make my feet cramp up constantly, I’ve found that the Dollar Store inserts keep the cold floors at work from transferring their temperature to the bottoms of my feet much better, and without the cramping.  If you’ve never felt the stabbing nails enter the top of the middle of your foot as it begins to cramp up, you’re one of the lucky ones.  Be patient, I’m told that it comes with age.  Yeah, if you’re lucky, one day you’ll get old, too!

10)  You, the reader, for having patience with me getting around to read your hop posts.  I attempted to at least get around to all that commented on mine last week, even though it was a few days after the hop.  Working seven days a week (minus Thanksgiving Day, of which I basically tried to catch up on sleeping while my wife worked) does not leave much time for anything else.  I will finally have a day off this coming Thursday from my normal employment.  It will be much welcomed, but unfortunately, there are several things that I have to get done as they have been put off for quite some time.  Still, your understanding and continued reading and commenting are greatly appreciated.

And, that is it!  So, if you survived shopping on Black Friday, and still have some small semblance of humanity left within, I hope I didn’t offend you too much.  Hell, you put on a great show for all those watching!  

Betcha can’t wait for next year, can you?

Ciao!

Twas the Night of the Zombie Thanksgiving Turkey Clones!!!

Revenge Will Be Sweet!!!!!

Twas the night before Thanksgiving

And all through the house,

The cats were being assholes

as they toyed with a mouse.

The snores from my wife's bedroom

rattled the neighbor's windows next door,

Which disturbed her nice income

Rhythm breaking the old whore.

And me in my sweat suit, 

iced Diet Coke in hand,

had just settled down 

to the Homemade Jazz Band.

Suddenly, from the kitchen, there arose such a clatter,

My cats said, "Get your ass up and see what's the matter!"

Grabbing my .9 mm, I entered and hit the light,

I nearly crapped my pants as I saw the strange sight!

How do you kill a dancing, killer
Zombie Turkey???

The thawed out turkey had thrown open the fridge's heavy door,

and was slipping and sliding on the cheaply tiled floor.

"Could I have a Zombie Turkey" thought entered my mind,

as I stood there standing shocked at what I did find.

Could the turkeys of the country have risen up from the grave,

and be planning sweet revenge in making us their mind slave?

Was this happening the world over, 

in everyone's kitchen this night?

And, if so, what could we do,

against them how would we fight?

The cats transformed into Zombie Turkey
Killer Cats!!!!!

No head to shoot off, no heart to shoot out,

just tender meat and hollow bones,

Already dead, we'd been promised,

no killer zombie turkey clones.

Faletame and Gabriela, 

high arching their spines,

ears constantly flinching 

at the turkey's mournful whines.

"Go F-Man, no hesitation,

attack it you see,

Do it G-Girl, slice it to pieces,

Before it kills you and me!

Take Off My Feathers, Freeze Me,
Thaw Me In The Fridge, and then
Bake Me!!!   You'd be pissed, too!!!

Now, it's over, the cats are happy

cleaning whiskers and mouth,

turkey's nothing but bones and gristle

scattered through this kitchen in the South.

What a year, this has been, 

in this country in which we live.

Obamacare, gun control, 

more taxes we must give.

Now, zombie turkeys on Thanksgiving,

Aw, the hell with this ....

Where's my medical marijuana?


Hope you enjoyed, this little tale

of Thanksgiving eve night,

Happy Thanksgiving to all,

And to all a "Good Night!"

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Twisted Mix-Tape Tuesday #35 ... The Behind Bars Edition

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Here we go again ... 

another Twisted Mix-Tape Tuesday!

On this week in which we are to be thankful to our ancestors for fooling the native Americans into thinking we came in peace and were really good folks that believed in sharing, we honor a topic of which the Native Americans know the white man well for ... things that should put us in jail!

When I was young, I used to argue with my history teacher who preached the concept of "Manifest Destiny."  He would stress that the white man felt it their destiny to span across the globe and seek out new lands to nurture.  

Of course, never being one to be quiet and accept El Toro Defecation, I would argue that the white man simply stole old lands from the original inhabitants and continued to steal everything they could get their hands on.

He didn't like me much!

I wish I could tell him today that things haven't changed much.  The only difference is that the color of the skin really doesn't matter anymore as the greedy and wealthy will steal from anyone and everyone they can get away with.  Oh, and that they do it either under the guise of being a "big business" or "politician."

Gee, sounds like "The Establishment" is stronger than ever, doesn't it?

Then, why don't they end up in jail?

You know the answer as well as I do.  The people who rule the legal system are wealthy, too!  It would be a travesty of justice to put one of their own in jail.

Give Martha Stewart an ankle locator and let her stay at home under house arrest, for God's sake!  Why, if you were to put them in jail, they might learn something!  (Or, teach something to those already there!)

Stealing?  Since when would that get you in jail?

And, we all know if one commits murder they'll end up facing life imprisonment 

or the electric chair, right?

Of course, we could possibly declare ourselves legally insane 

and face the woes of an asylum.

Even suicide can get you locked up if you're not careful and fail to complete the job.

But, sometimes you just get totally fed up with the American justice system 

and feel like you've got to do something about it.

So, you can either try to accomplish your act, and possibly go to jail, or, you can say, 

"The Hell With It" and party.  But, be careful how and where you party.

And, if you're not careful, even pleasuring oneself 

can get you in trouble and land you in jail.

Of course, there's always the conventional way of curing your ills 

and having some extra spending cash.

Just remember, guys like this are waiting on you.

So, why not just be good for a change, enjoy a little time with family, 

and have a 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Ciao!!

Ten Things Of Thankful ... Turkeys Are Crying!

Visit All The Rest Of The Hop Posts Here!!!

In considering whether to participate in Ten Things Of Thankful this week, I have to remember that I failed to visit as many blogs as I had wanted last week.

I apologize if I didn't visit yours.

It was actually in my plans to do so, but my body, with the bronchitis it was holding within, simply wouldn't cooperate.  In fact, my wife finally just got pissed off at me and turned off my computer during one of my nod out sessions.

This is where you expect me to call her a "Bitch", isn't it?

I'm going to restrain myself from doing so over that.  She was only thinking of my health, and figured if I awoke to a blank screen that I would get up and go to bed where I belonged.

After 33 years, she still doesn't know me that well.

The fact of the matter is that I didn't get around much.  What I did read I really don't remember much.  So, I guess I seriously was somewhat sicker than even I imagined.  Either that or someone changed out my Marlboros for some Denver brand.  

Rocky Mountain High 100's anyone?

Yesterday, I started feeling a little better.  Today, that continued.  I'm hoping tomorrow does the same.

Just in time for 29 degree weather to arrive.

I really don't mind cold weather.  In fact, I'd rather have it cold than hot.  I recognize that I'm in the minority, but think of it this way.  When you're outrageously hot in the summer, you go inside to the air conditioning and sprawl out, somewhat exhausted, working to bring down your body temperature.  

There are people you really don't want to see sprawled out.  You know who they are!

In the winter, you come inside to get warm, huddle up around the heater or fireplace, get close to each other, and enjoy a nice cup of holiday tea or hot cocoa together.  You're ready to do something to stay warm ... which usually means having fun.  

And what you don't want to see is usually covered up with plenty of clothing!

See, not only is cold weather more refreshing, it's softer on the eyes!  

Moving on, it's once again time for 

Ten Things Of Thankful!!!!!!

All of our wonderful hostesses allow us to spew our words or wisdom and thoughts of tantalizing tidbits of thankful during this time period.  And, I understand this is the 25th Anniversary Edition!!!  

How much longer do these people think we can come up 

with crap to be thankful for, anyway????

I've not been here for all 25 installments.  In fact, I really haven't been here that much.  

No, I'm not going back for an actual count.  Geesh!

So, without further drudgery and disdain, let us begin this week's farce efforts to bring forth the theory of thankful things!

OMG, I'm so thankful for:

1)  Salvation Army Money Collectors.  Don't you just love the ever ringing of undersized piercing metal cowbells every time you get within five miles of a retail establishment.  I saw these guys out this last Wednesday for the first time.  My first thoughts were, "Damn!  These guys beat Wal-Mart to the punch!"  I bet you won't find any of them out on Thanksgiving Day.  

2)  Microwaves of various wattage's.  Nothing like taking 3 minutes to warm up a bowl of microwave Chicken Noodle soup at home, and scalding your hands cleaning up the mess inside the microwave at work when you heat if for the same time period.  Isn't it amazing how hot soup doesn't only help you feel better when you're ill, but also burns off any semblance of fingerprints in less than six seconds?

Make it go around, Rich, make it go around!

3)  Bosses who take time off when they're sick.  Think about it this way, if you get sick about the same time your boss does, they won't notice you're not at work because they're not there either!  Of course, when they return, they may question your production during their absence.  But, what can they say when you change the topic to discussing the comparisons of your illness to their?  Absolutely nothing!  If you're going to get sick, this is definitely the time to do it!

4)  General Tso's Chicken.  I've just found an oriental restaurant that doesn't follow the standard "let's see how sweet we can make this stuff" philosophy.  Instead, they consider it a spicy dish that they can make hot and wonderful.  After a week of not eating solid food, a dish of this is just what you want to remind your stomach that it has more of a purpose than straining noodles and fake chicken morsels.  It's not great unless it "Burns the mouth before heading South!"

5)  Eric Clapton.  Let's face it, Mr. Clapton is well past his prime.  A life of alcohol and drugs takes a toll on the human body ... and mind.  (Hell, I never drank much and look at me!)  This week, Mr. Clapton release his 282nd album. (Not really that many, it only seems like it.)  "Eric Clapton Guitar Festival: Crossroads" is a double CD staring some of the best guitar players in the world.  No, I'm not talking the heavy metal rockers, but the artists that can make it whisper or sing, whichever and whenever they prefer.  I bought my copy at Best Buy for $1.00 less than downloading it would cost on Amazon.com (which is usually cheaper that I-Tunes).  No, Eric doesn't play on every song, but the artists that he assembled is a tribute to the art of quality guitar playing.  Give it a shot if you're a lover of good music.  (Not that manufactured Dance and Rap Crap!) 

6)  55,000 different variations of the Kennedy assassination.  I'm sorry, after 50 years of debate, I've pretty much settled on the fact the assassination was a conspiracy, did include another shooter in the grassy mall, and will never have the truth told about it.  Let's be real.  Kennedy wasn't a favorite of organized labor, big business, or many of his political cohorts.  Big business has always ruled the United States, with the politicians simply being the puppets to calm the people big business screws over.  Go up against them and watch out!  You either die suddenly, disappear, or find yourself supporting a 3rd Avenue building pillar ... from inside.  But, there's no use in arguing about it because the government keeps supporting programs that prove it wasn't a conspiracy.  Let's just move on knowing most big business big wigs are assholes that will do whatever necessary to have their way ... and their money.  

Oh, and enjoy shopping on Thanksgiving!

7)  Hardees / Carl Jr. Restaurants commercials.  Once again, the masters of sex and hamburgers have done it with a new commercial.  No!  This time I am not going out and writing an 1800 word report on the new sandwich.  If you're a hetero female or a homosexual male, please just bypass the video.  If you're a guy, or either a bisexual or homosexual female, I'm sure you'll enjoy this.

Watching more than five times in a row

can cause brain damage!

8)  Oil Companies.  Speaking of big business, let us not forget the oil companies.  With crude oil prices at a ten year low, we still find gas prices increasing at the pumps  (+.35 yesterday).  I recognize that they're doing their best to give all of their stockholders a tremendous profit margin for the fourth quarter.  We all recognize you couldn't live without earning your 33 million dollar per quarter profit cash, especially in the manner in which your country club lifestyle requires.  So, thank you for raising your prices and eliminating the ability to provide the families of normal people with the ability to enjoy the holidays and the joy of giving.  

But then again, you've been giving it to the public for years, haven't you?

9)  All those that bring holiday sweets to the workplace.  Approximately 70% of the nation is watching their weight, either because of voluntary dieting or diabetes.  Let's tempt these individuals and try to throw them into diabetic shock by sticking a mound of fudge, pile of cookies, or containers of candy in front of them.  Hey, ever consider simply making a bunch of mix CD's and handing them out?  Careful, or your cookie decorations will offend one of the politically correct crowd and you'll be sued!

10)  Turkeys.  Every year, thousands of turkeys give their lives to keep a holiday tradition alive.  These brave animals could achieve so much if given the opportunity to live.  However, as tradition demands, they are beheaded, defeathered, gutted, and then broasted or fried for our delight.  Oh, there are some pigs that step up to the plate and provide holiday hams, but the turkey is the creature that most prefer. 

 Enjoy your last days on Earth, my friends.  Gobble on!

And that's it!  I promise I plan on getting around to your blogs over the next few days (I'm in the middle of a 13 day straight working schedule), so please have patience.  

Oh, and have a great Thanksgiving!

The turkeys would want it that way!

CIAO!