Saturday, November 23, 2013

Ten Things Of Thankful ... Turkeys Are Crying!

Visit All The Rest Of The Hop Posts Here!!!
In considering whether to participate in Ten Things Of Thankful this week, I have to remember that I failed to visit as many blogs as I had wanted last week.

I apologize if I didn't visit yours.

It was actually in my plans to do so, but my body, with the bronchitis it was holding within, simply wouldn't cooperate.  In fact, my wife finally just got pissed off at me and turned off my computer during one of my nod out sessions.

This is where you expect me to call her a "Bitch", isn't it?

I'm going to restrain myself from doing so over that.  She was only thinking of my health, and figured if I awoke to a blank screen that I would get up and go to bed where I belonged.

After 33 years, she still doesn't know me that well.

The fact of the matter is that I didn't get around much.  What I did read I really don't remember much.  So, I guess I seriously was somewhat sicker than even I imagined.  Either that or someone changed out my Marlboros for some Denver brand.  

Rocky Mountain High 100's anyone?

Yesterday, I started feeling a little better.  Today, that continued.  I'm hoping tomorrow does the same.

Just in time for 29 degree weather to arrive.

I really don't mind cold weather.  In fact, I'd rather have it cold than hot.  I recognize that I'm in the minority, but think of it this way.  When you're outrageously hot in the summer, you go inside to the air conditioning and sprawl out, somewhat exhausted, working to bring down your body temperature.  

There are people you really don't want to see sprawled out.  You know who they are!

In the winter, you come inside to get warm, huddle up around the heater or fireplace, get close to each other, and enjoy a nice cup of holiday tea or hot cocoa together.  You're ready to do something to stay warm ... which usually means having fun.  

And what you don't want to see is usually covered up with plenty of clothing!

See, not only is cold weather more refreshing, it's softer on the eyes!  

Moving on, it's once again time for 

Ten Things Of Thankful!!!!!!

All of our wonderful hostesses allow us to spew our words or wisdom and thoughts of tantalizing tidbits of thankful during this time period.  And, I understand this is the 25th Anniversary Edition!!!  

How much longer do these people think we can come up 
with crap to be thankful for, anyway????

I've not been here for all 25 installments.  In fact, I really haven't been here that much.  

No, I'm not going back for an actual count.  Geesh!

So, without further drudgery and disdain, let us begin this week's farce efforts to bring forth the theory of thankful things!

OMG, I'm so thankful for:

1)  Salvation Army Money Collectors.  Don't you just love the ever ringing of undersized piercing metal cowbells every time you get within five miles of a retail establishment.  I saw these guys out this last Wednesday for the first time.  My first thoughts were, "Damn!  These guys beat Wal-Mart to the punch!"  I bet you won't find any of them out on Thanksgiving Day.  

2)  Microwaves of various wattage's.  Nothing like taking 3 minutes to warm up a bowl of microwave Chicken Noodle soup at home, and scalding your hands cleaning up the mess inside the microwave at work when you heat if for the same time period.  Isn't it amazing how hot soup doesn't only help you feel better when you're ill, but also burns off any semblance of fingerprints in less than six seconds?

Make it go around, Rich, make it go around!
3)  Bosses who take time off when they're sick.  Think about it this way, if you get sick about the same time your boss does, they won't notice you're not at work because they're not there either!  Of course, when they return, they may question your production during their absence.  But, what can they say when you change the topic to discussing the comparisons of your illness to their?  Absolutely nothing!  If you're going to get sick, this is definitely the time to do it!

4)  General Tso's Chicken.  I've just found an oriental restaurant that doesn't follow the standard "let's see how sweet we can make this stuff" philosophy.  Instead, they consider it a spicy dish that they can make hot and wonderful.  After a week of not eating solid food, a dish of this is just what you want to remind your stomach that it has more of a purpose than straining noodles and fake chicken morsels.  It's not great unless it "Burns the mouth before heading South!"

5)  Eric Clapton.  Let's face it, Mr. Clapton is well past his prime.  A life of alcohol and drugs takes a toll on the human body ... and mind.  (Hell, I never drank much and look at me!)  This week, Mr. Clapton release his 282nd album. (Not really that many, it only seems like it.)  "Eric Clapton Guitar Festival: Crossroads" is a double CD staring some of the best guitar players in the world.  No, I'm not talking the heavy metal rockers, but the artists that can make it whisper or sing, whichever and whenever they prefer.  I bought my copy at Best Buy for $1.00 less than downloading it would cost on (which is usually cheaper that I-Tunes).  No, Eric doesn't play on every song, but the artists that he assembled is a tribute to the art of quality guitar playing.  Give it a shot if you're a lover of good music.  (Not that manufactured Dance and Rap Crap!) 

6)  55,000 different variations of the Kennedy assassination.  I'm sorry, after 50 years of debate, I've pretty much settled on the fact the assassination was a conspiracy, did include another shooter in the grassy mall, and will never have the truth told about it.  Let's be real.  Kennedy wasn't a favorite of organized labor, big business, or many of his political cohorts.  Big business has always ruled the United States, with the politicians simply being the puppets to calm the people big business screws over.  Go up against them and watch out!  You either die suddenly, disappear, or find yourself supporting a 3rd Avenue building pillar ... from inside.  But, there's no use in arguing about it because the government keeps supporting programs that prove it wasn't a conspiracy.  Let's just move on knowing most big business big wigs are assholes that will do whatever necessary to have their way ... and their money.  
Oh, and enjoy shopping on Thanksgiving!

7)  Hardees / Carl Jr. Restaurants commercials.  Once again, the masters of sex and hamburgers have done it with a new commercial.  No!  This time I am not going out and writing an 1800 word report on the new sandwich.  If you're a hetero female or a homosexual male, please just bypass the video.  If you're a guy, or either a bisexual or homosexual female, I'm sure you'll enjoy this.
Watching more than five times in a row
can cause brain damage!

8)  Oil Companies.  Speaking of big business, let us not forget the oil companies.  With crude oil prices at a ten year low, we still find gas prices increasing at the pumps  (+.35 yesterday).  I recognize that they're doing their best to give all of their stockholders a tremendous profit margin for the fourth quarter.  We all recognize you couldn't live without earning your 33 million dollar per quarter profit cash, especially in the manner in which your country club lifestyle requires.  So, thank you for raising your prices and eliminating the ability to provide the families of normal people with the ability to enjoy the holidays and the joy of giving.  
But then again, you've been giving it to the public for years, haven't you?

9)  All those that bring holiday sweets to the workplace.  Approximately 70% of the nation is watching their weight, either because of voluntary dieting or diabetes.  Let's tempt these individuals and try to throw them into diabetic shock by sticking a mound of fudge, pile of cookies, or containers of candy in front of them.  Hey, ever consider simply making a bunch of mix CD's and handing them out?  Careful, or your cookie decorations will offend one of the politically correct crowd and you'll be sued!

10)  Turkeys.  Every year, thousands of turkeys give their lives to keep a holiday tradition alive.  These brave animals could achieve so much if given the opportunity to live.  However, as tradition demands, they are beheaded, defeathered, gutted, and then broasted or fried for our delight.  Oh, there are some pigs that step up to the plate and provide holiday hams, but the turkey is the creature that most prefer. 

 Enjoy your last days on Earth, my friends.  Gobble on!

And that's it!  I promise I plan on getting around to your blogs over the next few days (I'm in the middle of a 13 day straight working schedule), so please have patience.  

Oh, and have a great Thanksgiving!

The turkeys would want it that way!



  1. Oh Rich, I do love how you do these :D So glad that you keep bringing the snarky Thankfulfest each time you join us. I never fail to laugh :D

    And hey, even if it was a burger, you *almost* joined into the 'naked with cake' theme of the weekend - kudos for that. Was it planned or did it just happen that way?

    Glad you're beginning to feel better. Hope that continues, especially as you have a big work-load on soon :( Nerts to that. Keep going with the soup and the General Tso's Chicken (now you've found a good one) - and never put your cat in a microwave (people have been prosecuted here for nuking their cats to try to warm them up - mostly old dears who didn't understand how a microwave works, but what an AWFUL way to die - I'd rather be a Thanksgiving turkey!.

    Happy Thanksgiving - enjoy your shopping on the day and trampling everyone for bargains the day after :)

    1. Lizzi, Oh, Lizzi ... how art thou in this dreadeth world of wicked witches and mad shopkeepers? I gotta be honest ... like I'm not any other time ... anyway, I almost didn't do it this week. I got home around nine, had to watch an Indiana University basketball game I'd recorded (they lost by one point, damn it) ... and needed to get some rest for work today. Then, I said, "Why Lizzi loves how I do these. She's so glad that I keep bringing the snarky. And, she never fails to laugh! How could I deny her?" :)

      So, I sat down and did this in about 45 minutes. Then, I spent almost as long finding the pictures and videos, lol. All for you, my dear. Ahhhh, the sacrifices one makes to please those he loves!

      I have to say that's not my picture of the kitten in the microwave. (Shhhh, don't tell anyone!) I stole it from a site that had stolen it from a site that had stolen it from another. I figure by the time they get to me, it won't matter if I have to take it off.

      I'm afraid my Christmas shopping may be put on hold for another year or so. Too many bills and not enough cash. C'est le Vie ... it's the American way! Many Thanks!

    2. Awwwwh well I'm SUPER pleased you did :D Thank you. I thoroughly appreciate the effort *HUGS*

      And WOW you had the EXACT SAME THOUGHT AS ME! ZOMG! ;)

      Sorry your team lost by a point. That sucks.

      Glad it's not your pic! I reckon you'd be running far too scared of Gabriela and Faletame to try to stuff them into a microwave!

      Enjoy your weekend, sans shopping, then :) Be more relaxing that way, anyhow.

  2. Glad you're on the road to recovery. I have to agree with your preference for cold weather over hot, though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have said it in quite the same way. So, does your Thanksgiving table hold a Tofurkey? I've put one on the table before (along with turkey) for vegetarians, but personally prefer the real deal.

    1. Kristi - So good to see you again! What? You didn't like my example? lol It's the truth though! How many times have you watched a heavier than normal person sprawl out in the food courts after coming in from the heat. And they definitely need more clothes on ... more times than not! Takes away the appetite, doesn't it? lol

      Actually, I have to admit to being carnivorous. I've often thought about becoming a vegetarian, but then I think, "Would T-Rex give up steak for salads?" Nope! Just can't see it happening for T-Rex or myself. I'm with you on that one! Many Thanks!

  3. Now, don't you roast that kitty and exactly which version of the Kennedy assassination was the real one?

    1. Michelle, my friend, so good to see you! I would never roast a kitty! Gabriella would slice me to pieces in my sleep if I did! lol No, that wasn't my picture, but it was so good I had to borrow it (on a no return basis). :)

      Having lived through those times of the assassination, and having heard so many theories it was ridiculous, I'm not even sure where the blame falls. I'm caught between big business, J. Edgar Hoover, and Southern Racists as the primary planners and shooters. I do believe government was involved, as Lee Harvey Oswald was the perfect patsy. You gotta remember, John wasn't loved by all, unlike what many would love to believe, and his brother Bobby had stepped on many toes in organized labor and even the F.B.I. (including Hoover's authority). Too many witnesses heard shots from various places, also, including the grassy knoll. I wish I had all the answers. But, even if I did, who would believe them? Many Thanks!

  4. We own only two CDs of Eric Clapton, but we know every word to every song. Fantastic music.
    I am going to enjoy every single bite of that Thanksgiving turkey. It's my way of honoring and thanking him for giving his life for us.
    I'm glad you are finally starting to feel better. You bring many good points to the cold vs. hot table. I do like cozying up under a pile of blankets. However, I have to be out of those blankets far more than I get to be in them. I prefer the hot.

    1. Christine - Hello my fellow Hoosier! Are you in mourning as I over their loss last night? :) Eric Clapton ... not bragging, but I have at least 12 of his, if not more. I've been a fan of his ever since his days in Cream. Like me, he's getting up there, but he still is better than most.

      I respect your respect for the respect the Turkeys of America demonstrate for this holiday. Whatta sacrifice they make annually for Thanksgiving, and again for Christmas. Gives new meaning to giving food for the holidays, doesn't it? :)

      Hot? You'e a hot weather girl? OMG, I never would have expected that. Of course, Indiana never has really hot temperatures for any length of time, so, I might be able to see how you'd be that way. Try spending summer after summer along the Gulf Coast in Southern Alabama. You see human bodies that would make the worst nightmares seem like Disney cartoons! lol Many Thanks!

    2. Very true about the heat. I did live in Arkansas for 7 months, but it wasn't a hot year. I would never be able to survive living in those places where 100 is normal. My goal is to be a nomad. Always moving to the area of the country with the most gorgeous weather at the time.
      And no, not a bit sad about IU's loss. We're a Purdue family. Yes, my husband went to IU for law school, but his undergrad is Purdue. For the entire three years of law school, we were made to pay out of state tuition, even though I was working as a teacher in Bloomington. We are bitter. So we root for Purdue.
      And really, when you raise pigs for meat, and have raised chickens for meat in the past, eating a turkey for Thanksgiving just makes me annoyed that I didn't raise it.

    3. OMG! Purdue??? I thought they'd closed down and sent all their students to Butler! lol I can understand your bitterness, though. That's outrageous!

      My grandparents always raised their own food. Beef, pork, and chickens. They did the turkey thing one year, but for some reason wouldn't do it again. I'm not sure why, but they always said they wouldn't do it again. Many Thanks!

  5. I particularly enjoy your satirical posts, they simultaneously make me smile and think. #s 6-8 made me especially smile.
    You're right, you know. About every one of these. And we consumers made big business. Do you think we could unmake them?
    The whole Kennedy thing took place a couple decades...almost...before I was born, but they've talked about it so much I find myself standing along the streets watching the whole event unfold. Sheesh.
    And back to big biz. So...I've often wondered what would happen to the person who organized a nationwide campaign to shop local, don't do big box stores and go handmade. Do you think they'd disappear? I mean I wo----POOF!

    1. Cyndi - Hello my daughter from other parents! lol I always try to include small, everyday tidbits with national news items, be they newsworthy or not. lol There's so much irony in daily life it cannot be ignored, but there's also so much that shouldn't be neglected on the national level. Believe it or not, it's kind of tough putting things together without sounding like I'm preaching from the soap box. If I can plant a seed, hopefully it will be watered when others see these things for themselves.

      Unless a coup takes place, we're stuck. The people of the world would have to rise up against big business, physically remove their current profit and loss concepts, and install safeguards to keep them from ever reoccurring. I don't see it happening. People are too concerned about absorbent tampons and erectile dysfunction to conceive such a plan.

      To answer your question, nothing would happen. Why? Because it would fail. The big box stores would lower their prices so low it would be foolish not to take advantage of the savings. People quickly forget causes when their pocketbooks are involved. If anything were to happen, the person that managed to organize such an even would be rewarded by big business with a CEO position, quickly removed when proven incompetent, and given a multi million dollar exit pay to keep them quiet the rest of their lives. It's all about the green ... money! Many Thanks!

    2. ...too concerned about absorbent tampons and erectile dysfunction? BWHAHAHA. Okay, that's really funny and sadly SO TRUE!
      Me? I personally prefer my big-box Goodwill Store. They're not without their demons. But then I think? Who among us doesn't have a demon lurking in the depths of their souls?
      The Big G. Green. Bought out, sold to the highest bidder.
      In other words, we're going to run things into the ground until they go from Green to Yellow (gold...or pee) to Brown (no leaves, poop).
      One day - not trying to be pessimistic - when all the minerals are mined, the economy has expanded so much the buttons on the proverbial shirt are busting, petrols are gone, fertilizer is used up, GMO foods are rampant, the volcanoes are threatening to fry everything anyways, we will stop and think, Gee. We've really screwed things up, haven't we? By then...there will be no going back. We'll have to get really inventive with the trash heap we created...
      ...and maybe that's not such a bad thing. Nomadic trash tribes? Hmm.

    3. You are only too true in your thoughts. As long as greed rules, man will continue to devour everything in his path. How long have we known about photosynthesis? Yet, we devour the Amazon, which supplies most of our breathable air, for the wealth of the lumber and fossil fuels ... and even some gold! We have even stopped space exploration in order to shift our profits. Space would have been the remaining hope for the handful of survivors after we destroy the planet. Then, we could start the cycle all over on another world, devouring to our heart's content, until that one was like the first. It almost makes one wonder if our civilization didn't start that way, what with all the "mysteries" of the wonders of the world and such. Alas, the preaching of doom only needs one to hold a sign and wear a white robe and sandals. Many Thanks!

  6. At least your sarcasm made me laugh at these things.

    So, I'm curious what you must think of Bob Dylan after dissing Eric Clapton so hard over his years of abusing drugs and alcohol. I imagine you're either like my husband who will excuse Dylan for any of his misbehaviors, his general "I'm better than you" attitude, and his positively worthless singing voice, or you think even less of him than you do EC.

    1. Sarah - Thanks for dropping by again! Me? Dis Eric Clapton? Never! I'm a fan through and through (Hell, I even gave his new album free advertising! lol) But, let's admit it, 60's rock stars are getting way up in age. I remember an interview with Paul McCartney when the Beatles first came out. He was asked, "How long do you think you guys will last?" He replied, "For a while, I hope. But, I'm sure no one will want a singing Beatle when we're 60." Boy, has he proven that wrong.

      I was a fan of Dylan's through his mid 70's releases. After that, his voice finally changed and he sounded like he should have a sinus operation. His stuff to that point was amazing. After that ... well, if I wasn't an obsessive music collector, lets just say my collection wouldn't have grown any. I know folks like your husband who still live on his every word. That's their prerogative. We all have our own paths to follow. I just like a little better singing on mine. :) Many Thanks!

  7. Aw Rich, I wish I was only half as funny as you are! Seriously, I really love your kind of humour and your contributions to the blog hop are always highly appreciated.

    So glad to hear that you are on the upswing.

    When I visited the US for the first time I liked the fast food at Carl's Jr. the most (compared to the other food chains).

    Thanks for linking up with us! :-) I enjoy this a lot!

    1. Joy - I'm happy, happy, happy to see you again! :) Your words are only too kind. I do my best to be blunt and truthful, while presenting the facts in a little different light than most see them. Life is filled with humor. We just have to look around and find it.

      You know, the food is better than many places, especially the chains. It's not always as it's bragged up to be (see my article here: ) but it is better than most. Really am pleased you enjoy these posts! Many Thanks!

    2. I am a very humorous type of person but I completely fail when I have to write anything humorous. That's why I enjoy reading stuff like yours and am totally envious of how you do it.

      Your hubpages post is great! It is really interesting to see the differences in US vs. German advertising. Also, your article reminded me of this picture which I just saw today: It says "If McDonald's was a car manufacturer.... Advertisement vs. reality"

    3. Joy - That was an interesting concept. I tried viewing it on my phone earlier today and had a hard time figuring it out. Then, like a mosquito on a hot summer's evening, it hit me (and left a bite mark ... see ... right there). lol I don't know that I'd give them that much credit though. I think if McDonald's was a car manufacturer, they'd have 226 cup holders and six napkin holders in every car! Oh, and let us not forget extensions on every seat belt! :) Many Thanks!

    4. Actually, I think the picture is really fitting. Because when you look at a burger in an ad it looks delicious, the meat juicy, the cheese melted just right, you see freshly chopped onions, crisp salad and the bun looks fluffy. Then you buy this burger, unwrap it and see that it looks like crap and does not resemble the burger from the ad AT ALL. So the picture is actually pretty precise IMHO. :-)

    5. But I like your point about the cup holders and the seat belt extension *lol*

  8. So glad youre feeling some you sounded drooling sick! Hope you get to mend before you have that ridiculous work week! I love your lists they make me laugh at common everyday favorite kind of humor! Thanks for coming back to the hop!

    1. Zoe - Thank you for your concerns about my health! And, yes, I was pretty bad off. Unfortunately, I've been working through it, which might explain why I'm so wiped out at night. I'll finally get a day off on Thanksgiving, but then it will be another 7 days before the next one. It's crazy!

      I do my best to bring in the common things as well as the not so common. Life is what you make it and the perspective you see it from. Mine may be a little more twisted than most, but what the hell, I'm having fun with it! Glad you enjoy! Many Thanks!

  9. Your turkey piece reminds me of the inappropriate Thanksgiving card the in-laws sent last year ;-) Glad your bronchitis i doing better. It's only going to take another 2 months or so until you're one hundred percent again ;-)

    Have a great weekend, and stay clear of Salvation Army people ;-)

    1. Stephanie - I'm really happy to see you back! I was afraid I'd upset you last week. Okay, rule of the blog here, you can't mentions an inappropriate card without describing it! lol Now, you've got me wondering about drumsticks and batteries! lol

      I am feeling a little better. Not quite 100% (more like 60%), but at least I'm not falling asleep every second my fingers stop typing!

      I know the Salvation Army dude thought I was crazy the other day. I just walked by him mumbling, "It's too damn early, too damn early" over and over again. I hope he got the point! lol Many Thanks!

  10. Thanks for the Snarkfuls. It is like a gratitude coke with a bit of extra rum. Just what I needed to read today.

    1. Rebecca - Really appreciate you stopping by and commenting! When I performed stand-up many years ago, my goal was to get a person smiling and forgetting about their problems at least once during my show (hopefully more, but at least once). If my words have done that for you I have achieved my purpose here. Life is filled with much too much BS to not laugh at it every now and then. I just do it more often than most. Many Thanks!

  11. Well, I value the perceptiveness and insightful written opinions of my esteemed colleagues, but I'm afraid they have, inexplicably totally missed the jewel in this crown of a Post. Two words: Hardees


    see ya on the circuit!

    1. Clark, my friend, your words are so very true! lol Hardees seems to lead all contenders in this category, and doesn't worry about offending the weak at heart. I love them for it! Just in case you're interested, here's one I did many moons ago about their Memphis BBQ burger. Many Thanks!

  12. Glad to hear you're starting to feel better. Loved reading your TToT list - you've got a great writing style :)