Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday: Not My Regular Listening Material

Join the hop at  http://jenkehl.com/

I must remember that this is Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday in this post.

Why?

Because, today, I dealt with an idiot to the greatest degree!

I won't turn this into a political posting.  Still, to listen to a loud mouthed, ignorant ass make numerous false accusations to many people, basically because of their race, was an unbelievable experience.  

This person, obviously one who feels yelling is the only way to get his point across, and that interrupting and insulting others is proving his intelligence, is a sad example of the way America has become.  

I won't bore you with the details, but let me just say his last comment, "I'm not stupid, I can read", was met with my reply, "You might want to start doing that then."  

I walked away to more ignorant insults from one who really doesn't have a clue about human communication, debate, or interaction.  Possibly, turning my back was an ultimate insult to him.  If so, I achieved what I intended.  If not, I kept from kicking his ass and losing my job.

Sometimes I hate my logic!

Perhaps dealing with intelligent people (for the most part) in the blogging world has made me somewhat blind to those that exist in a world of ignorance.  I deal with people every day in my position.  Still, this person was one character that rarely professionals rarely come into contact.  

He is a solid argument for eliminating all abortion laws.

Now, that being out of my system, and this being a music blog, we are supposed to bring about five songs outside of our normal listening genre that we love.  

This is a really tough one for me, as I'm all over the board with my listening habits!  It's like asking an M&M addict to pick out five M&M's that he loves, but doesn't eat often!  

Does that make sense?

Anyway, what I'm going to do is to list some songs that I love, but don't really want to listen the rest of the album.  Not necessarily "One Hit Wonders", but songs that stood out so much from the rest that after hearing them, there's no reason to listen to the others.

Does that make sense?

Okay, here's a song that I love, but I must say, I wasn't a fan of the rest of the album.  It came from a long running Broadway show that drew audiences in the millions. (All who will probably hate me for not loving the rest of the album.)  The song, "Memory" from the show CATS done so perfectly by Elaine Paige.

Who dares not to love that song?

Another song that I loved (at the time) but really had no desire to listen to the rest of the album came from some lovable creations of Jim Henson.  In the early 80's, I was a radio DJ, and sometimes would turn the mic on and horribly sing the last few lines of this song over the air.  (Screeching was more like it.)  Why?  I was a "wild and crazy guy", or DJ as some would acknowledge.  Plus, it kept the audience awake and wondering what in the Hell I'd do next!  From Jim Henson's muppets, it's "The Rainbow Connection."

Did you hear me?  Yep, I just can't resist still letting loose during the last few lines!  

(Consider yourself lucky I'm not still on the air!)

Let's take a trip into the land of Frank Sinatra for a second.  No, you won't hear me listening to Old Blue Eyes as I drive down the road.  In fact, I don't even want to imagine the stares and looks I'd get at stoplights by those with $2000 cars and $10,000 stereo boombox cars!  Still, Frank had some great songs, you must agree.  One that came out when I was young, and has now come to bring about new meaning as I grow old, er ... older, is this one.  It's the Mafia hitman's favorite, "It Was A Very Good Year."

How that song brings back memories of an ancient world and the journey to today.

Another one of the songs in this topic group today, one that I really do melt every time I hear it, was by an Australian beauty.  I'll never admit to listening to her, as will no man, but the way she melted us with her words and breathless voice has no comparison.  She's a remarkable woman, as you'll understand as soon as I say her name, having gone through several of the most ego challenging operations a woman can endure.  No doubt you know who it is by now.  Olivia Newton John and "I Honestly Love You."

 Please, give me a moment to compose myself and reform the ooze 

I melted into during that song.

Okay, I think I'm better now, although a great part of me is wanting to go back and listen to that one again and again.  See, there was this girl back then that .... naw, you don't want to hear about that.  Let's move on!

Now, people that know me understand that I'm a child of Rock 'n' Roll.  BeBop music was a little before my time.  However, I still remember watching many of the older movies on a Black & White TV on rainy Saturday afternoons.  It was during one of those that I discovered this gentleman.  I was amazed.  His energy was astounding!  Plus, he really looked like he was having a great time performing the song!  And, it was a whole movie about him!  The name of the movie, who knows!  I was a young kid and my memory doesn't go back to details like that.  I do remember watching him and Keely Smith do this song, though, and will never forget the way it made me feel.  It proved to me then that music was a factor in life that no one could live without.  Here's Louis Prima and Keely Smith doing "That Old Black Magic!"

Now, wasn't that a lot of fun?  

C'mon, you know you enjoyed it, even if it wasn't guitars and drums!

I guess along this vein of music is one artist that I truly was affected by.  Why?  Well, I'm Italian and so was he!  Besides that, he always ended up with the beautiful women, could sing better than most of his crooner friends, and got away with a sense of humor that others couldn't pull off.  He acted drunk 90% of the time on his television show, even though it was mostly an act. (Hey, if it works, go for it!)  Later, when he became the notorious spy, Matt Helm, he provided a comical look upon the spy movie genre that others had made so serious.  Here's Dean Martin with his signature song.

Wouldn't it be nice if everybody loved everybody all the time?

(Okay, my wife just gave me a dirty look after that comment. "What, honey? You want to see my phone call history?  You're just joking, right?  Please say you're just joking!")

Okay, you know I can't stop at five.  I've saved the best for last, at least in my mind it is. 

 (Damn, I wished I'd have planned this post better.  

Then I'd know what I was going to come up with next!)

I first heard this song when I was in grade school.  We used to sing it in chorus (before the days when music class was deemed unnecessary to the growth of youth by those without brains) and then would sing it with Janie during the Popeye Cartoon Show after school.  I know, it's kind of silly when you think of it, but are we really thinking of it when we sing it?  I mean, even though the political system and the caste system (oops, that slipped) in the United States is totally screwed up, and we have many ignorant asses (like the one I first described above) we can still travel around this country of ours (when the parks are open) and see wondrous beauty of Nature's efforts.  

I've lived in Europe and marveled to the beauty of the Emerald Isle, the Bavarian Woods, the flower fields of the Netherlands, and the magnificent Alps.  The poppy fields in Turkey are something to see, as are the wonders of South Africa, and everything in between.  Yet, in the United States, we have mountains, deserts, long rolling plains, and canyons beyond belief.  If man would only stop messing up what Nature has provided us, before it's too late, perhaps our great grandchildren will have an opportunity to enjoy this beauty as we have done.  Here's a Woody Guthrie song done by the original, "This Land Is Your Land."

Let us stop dreaming and start living the dream.  Isn't it time?

Does that make sense?

Ciao!

Ten... No, Eleven Reasons I'm Not Going To FlogHer ... Er ... BlogHer

Most serious bloggers are taking their tails to BlogHer this week.

That should explain why 

I'm not going.

Plus, I still don't know if guys can go to BlogHer 
or not.

Is there such a thing as BlogHim?

Who knows?
Who cares?

Blog is complete.

Topic over.

Time for a nap.

Goodbye!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What, you want ten reasons?  You've got to be kidding!  Okay, well let's get this over with and give the real Ten reasons that I'm not attending this highlight event of the blogging world.

Support my tons and warm my buns,
you'll always be my tail's delight!

1)  I love my computer chair.  When I learned that the airlines wouldn't allow me to carry it aboard with me, my heart was crushed.  How could I leave my chair, my fall asleep while writing bed, my molded to butt cheeks ass warmer that holds me so close and dear?  What if I returned with all my new found knowledge and someone had broken into my house and stole my precious home of glut solitude?  No, I just couldn't take the chance.

2)  I wanted to save my wife embarrassment.  If I would have attended, my wife would have accompanied me (as supervisor of the ankle bracelet the authorities attached during the early 70's and never removed).  My wife knows nothing about computers.  She can't even get online by herself.  She would have suffered unbound embarrassment listening to speaker after speaker give discussions on subjects she couldn't understand.  Loving her as I do, I couldn't subject her to that kind of experience so late in her life.  "Damn It!  What do you mean you forgot to bring me my Diet Coke?"  

Just remember, you neutered me first!
 I can always return the favor!

3)  My cats threatened me with castration should I leave them for a week.  As I am the one to feed them nightly, they know how important I am to their lives.  To lose me to a possible plane crash or even a BlogHer/Him maniac with a loaded keyboard, would be a terrible loss for them to endure. 

 So, instead of taking a chance, they both approached me last week and made me a promise.  "No matter what you would gain by going, it won't compare to what you'd lose if you don't stay home."  As they've been sharpening their claws and staring at my crotch daily, I've followed their lead and recognized the importance of keeping a family together.  Besides, the real jewels are always kept at home, right?

4)  My guns need cleaning.  Who knows when the country will break out in a civil war, or wild gangs will run wild in the streets.  A person has got to be able to be prepared for the extremes.  So, every now and then I have to take out all my guns and give them a thorough cleaning, just in case the drones and helicopters start flying overhead, again.  Besides, the medicinal crops in the hydroponic grow units in the basement are almost ready to harvest.  A man's gotta protect his investments!

Hope you're not eating right now!
No, they're not mine ... but close!

5)  I have to cut my toenails.  Occasionally, it comes down to either purchasing new socks or cutting toenails.  Having gone a little too long between cuttings, the purchasing of new socks has depleted the funds that were being earmarked for air fare, hotel, and food expenses.  So, I've sharpened the axes, fine tuned the steel files, and rented a jackhammer to attack the masses of toe jam and protein that have built up over the past decade.  It's a rough job, but someone's got to do it.

6)  My wife wants me home to protect her from her own emotions during America's Got Talent.  Howie, Howard, Heidi & Mel are just too much for her to handle by herself as they crush the dreams of contestants vying for the coveted spot of Finalist.  Her tears, smiles, tension filled moments, and relief during the voting moments will have to be supervised by me to protect the neighbors from harm. (Especially with the clean guns now fully ready for action in the house.)

Nothin' like enjoying the wide open spaces!!!

7)  The outhouse needs cleaning.  Damn neighbors had a party the other night and I let three of their family members sleep in it to get outta the rain.  Hell, even made it tough to take a morning leak the next day when I was gettin' ready for work. Damn people didn't clean up after themselves at all, and even let their dogs in to use the facilities.  Unfortunately, none were trained to hit the holes.  Now, every time the wife or I have to go do as nature demands, we're steppin' in dog sh*t.  I'd hoped it would get hard and be easy to sweep out if I let it go a couple of days.  Gonna have to check it out soon and make sure the wife isn't overcome by the smell in the heat of the day.

8)   I have a driving need to watch Titanic for the 30th time.  There's something about seeing a long ship plug deeply and sink straight into a big ocean, right after watching a nude scene with a beautiful woman wearing a solitary jewel, that's kind of sensual.  Now that it's on my mind, I feel a stirring in my soul, as well as my underwear.  "Got the outhouse clean yet, honey?"

9)  I have too many blogs to write!  It's a shame when you can't do something because you're busy doing the same thing that you could be learning about.  But, isn't learning doing?  If you're not doing, then why worry about learning?  But, if you're not learning, could your doing be wrong?  How could doing be wrong if you're learning by doing?  (God, I'm getting dizzy)  I don't because I did, but I don't because I do!  (Scary ...that almost makes sense even to me, lol.)

10)  And, the final reason I'm not going this week is that my belly button needs vacuuming.  There's nothing like a Hoover roaring in the evening as the hose attaches itself to your belly button and draws out the masses of lint that have accumulated over the decades.  You stand there, enjoying the light of day, engrossed in the ecstasy, feeling the vibration of the Hoover suck free the globs of oil soaked threads from your stomach  crater.  And, when you're done, it is truly amazing how many others do the same as soon as they, too, finish washing their cars!

So, if I could go to BlogHer, these would be the reasons that I couldn't go.  And, if BlogHer is strictly for the female gender, then none of these reasons would matter unless I had a sex change operation.  This could also limit my available funding, so I probably wouldn't be able to attend anyway.  Then, I'd be a male in a female body.

Hmmmm, sounds like a winning blog to me!!!

I could entitle it, "A Man In She!"

No, that sounds too much like porn.

Okay, how about, "Rich is Inside"?

No, still porn sounding.

I know, "That's Life ... Sometimes!!!"

(Rich, you shameless self promoting fool! You're a genius!)

Oh, and before I forget ... here's reason eleven!!!!

I have to celebrate 
the birth of the new PRINCE!!!!!!!

Hail to the Prince!
Long Live the Queen!

Finish The Sentence Friday ... Cats, Red Beans and Rice, and a Lamborghini

Faletame

My cats have been acting up.

You can tell my life is interesting, huh?

I was chatting with my cousin a few minutes ago, and she stated that she doesn't care for cats.  Her words were that she was never at home and was allergic to them.

You should have seen my cats shaking as they read her words.

Faletame said, "So, she runs around all the time and has the audacity to say she's allergic!  How does she know if she's always running around somewhere?"

Of course, Gabriela had to add, "Sounds like she's out running the streets like I used to ... before I settled down and became a wonderful example to cathood families everywhere!"

"Now, both of you hush!  That's my cousin you're talking about!"

"But we live with you!  That should mean something!  Or, are we just furry friends when you want us around?  Oh yeah, "Here kitty" when you want some loving and "Shut the hell up" when we simply state the truth!  And you know she runs around ... she told you so!" added Gabriela.

They had a point!

Thus, I'm in a fix.  I really do care a lot for my cousin.  She's had a tough life, and needs a friend (as we all do) every now and then.  But, on the other side, my cats are like my kids.

"Like you had anything to do with me being born!"

"Hush, Faletame!  

Quit reading over my shoulder.  You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, you're just scared now!  You remember sending me to the vet's planned parenthood program.  You know one night, you might wake up to find me down around your crotch ... claws sharpened and ready for action!  You think it's fun being a eunuch, do you?"

He had another point.

Still, I find myself slightly in a fix.  I’m not going to cast away my cousin.  She’s really a very respected person and a great friend to boot.  And my cats, well, my cats are my cats!  They’ll always be a part of my life.

Gabriela

“You’re saying that so you can sleep at night, aren’t you?”

“No, Gabriela, I’m saying it because it’s true.  Even though you’re both pains in the butts at times, get your stray fur all around the keyboard as you practice your typing, and leave giant mounds of crap in the litter box for Millie to clean up, 

I love you both."

"So, you love us both?"

"Yes, I love you both."

"So, do you love Faletame 

more than me, or me 

more than Faletame?"

God, I think I feel an allergy coming on!

Anyway, it's time for:

"Finish The Sentence Friday!!!!"

Whoopee!  Whoopee!  Whoopee!

This is the time of the week that I now place an image that shows the rules and gracious hostesses of this spectacular weekly event.

So, great image, isn't it?

Anyway, this week's prompt to finish is:

"A typical day in my life looks like ... "

The real question is, "Should I divulge the secret lifestyle I cherish?"

Actually, it's pretty boring.  See if you don't agree.

I arise to a beautiful blue sky each and every morning.  (I painted a beautiful blue sky on my bedroom ceiling just so I could arise that way.  I was going to paint a beautiful night sky, which I really prefer, but I figured I'd think it still night time and go back to sleep until it actually was night time, when I could really get up to the sky I preferred.)   (If you followed that you're better than most.)

I do the typical bathroom stuff and come out feeling completely awake and refreshed.  Smelling of Royal Copenhagen cologne (no longer being produced), I enter into my breakfast nook to a light meal of pancakes with strawberry syrup, three eggs, six pieces of bacon, wheat toast with real butter, orange juice, and black coffee.   (Okay, so I imagined everything but the coffee, let a guy live his dream for a while.)

I then enter my Lamborghini and race down the two mile driveway to the main road.  Passing police officers at speeds in excess of 180 mph, I wave as I know I’ve still plenty of money lying in wait of the tickets they’ll write while laughing at how funny it was for them to be left behind in a cloud of dust.  (Yeah, Yeah, so I bounce out of the driveway onto the street in my Honda Ridgeline, and creep by the cop cars in hopes that they don’t notice my seat belt no longer works properly.)

Arriving at work, the valet takes my car and gently parks it by the front door.  I enter the building and am greeted with complete respect by my underlings that believe brown nosing the boss means an employment future.  I ride my private elevator to the 737th floor, walk into my office in the clouds, and peruse my computer for items requiring my expertise.  (Yep, you guessed it.  I park six blocks from work in a free parking zone, am ignored by all except the receptionist who immediately reminds me I’m late, walk down three flights of stairs to my office next to the cardboard incinerator and sewer hook-ups, and check my email for any spam that looks like it means I’ve won money from a past dictator from Africa.)

Diligently I work on matters of world importance until time for lunch.  I then enjoy a Continental Offering of Italian, Swiss, and American delicacies.   (So I search the web to act like I’m busy, until it’s time to eat my Dollar Tree salami and cheese on wheat bread sandwich for lunch.)

The afternoon passes quickly as my technical skills are called into use many times.  Finally, as the work day ends, I don my exercise gear, get my body in shape to it’s six pack image, jump in my Lamborghini and head back home to my mansion on the hill.  (You guessed it.  After making 117 field goals while playing with rubber bands and paperclips, I walk the six blocks back to my truck, beer gut heaving as I try to catch my wind, crawl up into my truck, and drive home to the shack behind the radio tower.)

After indulging in another evening delicacy from New Orleans, I head back to my computer and answer the millions of fan letters I have waiting from all of those that love my writing and can’t wait until the next installment.  (Okay, so it’s Zatarain’s Red Beans & Rice frozen TV dinner, emails from Direct TV and Bluegrass Energy telling me my credit card was rejected and that the bills were due two days ago, and a few drunken acquaintances that wonder if I’m ever going to go back to Hubpages and start writing for real again.)

After an evening of expressive entertainment, I snack on Idaho’s finest treats, brush my teeth, and head off into a dreamland in my King Size bed.  (Or, after suffering through my wife’s watching of The Voice, Dancing With The Stars, or Duck Dynasty, I grab a bag of potato chips, inhale them all within seconds, and hit the waterbed for four hours of sleep before having to get up and do it all over again the next day!)

Now, aren’t you glad you asked?

“So, do you love Faletame more than me, or me more than Faletame?  You still haven’t answered me!”

Oh, God ... why me?

Gabriela's "Mommy Blog Monday"

Hi y'all!   It's me again!

Hello! Hello!

The girl of girls, 

the furry fan 

 of fabulous friends,

the magical mommy 

of mommies,

the demonic cat 

of Kentucky Flatt,

yes, ladies,

I have returned!!!

Gabriela's In The House!!!

(Boom Shaka Laka,  Boom Shaka Laka!)

I knew I'd get my way and get my own day to blog if I created a big enough fit over it!  Rich has agreed to let me have my day!  

Of course, I had to threaten him a little.  

We argued about it some, but he finally saw my side of the story when I asked him (while I was sharpening my claws) if he'd like to wake up one morning with the same abilities to please a woman that Faletame has!   

I said, 

"Richiepoo, I ain't no vet, 

but I can say I surely bet, 

my claws can make a difference, in the way you set ... down!"   

Girls, he quickly saw it my way!  lol  Just remember, to properly inspire, you gotta show some fire!

So, now I got my day to blog.  I just gotta figure out something to talk about!  Like that's ever been a problem for me.

Being a mommy, I guess I can talk about mommies.  I can hear y'all's knees knockin' now!  

"Oh, Gabriela ... be gentle!  You know we love our kids and husband with all our lives!  We'd do anything to make them happy!  We always try to show love and affection!"

Who do you think y'all are talkin' to, girls?  Y'all just like me ... as long as you're in control, you're the baddest bitch on the block!  Then, when something goes too far, you just say, "What have I got myself into", start blamin' someone else, say the hell with the diet, eat a half gallon of Cookies 'N Cream ice cream, and then call your cryin' buddy and let out all your guilty feelin's about how you should be appreciated more!

Ladies, that's what we do!  Be loud and be proud!

I remember my six kids!  In fact, I think of them all the time ... and am happy to have them out of my life!  Oh chill now, I'm just jokin'!  I loved them, for about five minutes after they was born.  Then, girls, they started feedin' on me.  

OH....MY....GOD...!!!!      The little suckers had teeth!!!

Y'all's kids don't get teeth till they're done feedin' on you.  Mine were born with them!  Big long fangs that would dig way down to your back bone and scrap the fleas off the vertebrae!  

You know how it feels when your boyfriend,  oops, hubby are in that sexy lovin' mood and he starts goin' a little crazy on you and bites down when he shouldn't???  (Yeah, we know where to get them back for that ... don't we girls?)

But, imagine, six of those darling dears bitin' you at once!    I swear, I just about decided immediately that all of them were gonna go on a starvation diet right out of the pod!  

But, it's all about a mother's love.  I laid there, day after day, as my six little, lovin' babies sucked in their breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Six furry frocks of feedin' frenzy ... just going to town on all I had to offer.

I'd always heard that a mother's love was unconditional.  If I'd have known about the bitin' condition, I might have thought twice about gettin' conditionally pregnant!  

However, as a lovin' mother, I had just one thought, 

"When the hell y'all gonna start eatin' solid food?"

Well, they got older real fast.  And before you know it, they're gone!  I really miss them sometimes.  They don't even write!  It's kind of like, "Gee Mom, thanks for the food.  Gotta go!  Maybe see you around!"

Ain't that the fate we have, ladies?  We're used by men, used by kids, and then expected to be the lovin', sweet, devoted creatures we portray ourselves to be.  

Gets cha all mushy inside.  Kind of makes you want to start drinkin'... again!   Least, that's my excuse!  lol

Anyway, I guess the moral of this blog is, 

"Love and enjoy y'all's kids and husband as long as they're around.  

Almost nothin' lasts forever, and along with the good, comes some pain!  

Plus, there's always wine for the whine!  

So, open that sucker up!"

          *          *          *          *          *          *           *           *          *          *          *

***If  y'all want, I'll be back next Monday.  I'm thinkin' about talkin' about the subject "Men-O-Pause!"  Remember, Rich will only let me come back if you comment favorably!  Let him know what you think below!

Later!

Now, if you don't mind, I've gotta get my beauty sleep!
Writing a blog is a lot of work!