Friday, August 2, 2013

10 Things of Thankful Blog Hop

I'm all alone this week.  
As some of you are familiar with, two weeks ago I guest hosted Finding Ninee for Kristi Campbell.  Last we, she returned the favor by guest hosting on this blog.  So much for the history lesson.  This week, we're going to try it on our own blogs.  Or, I should say, "I think we're going to try it on our own blogs."  Kristi and I have both been so busy with work and other projects that we really haven't communicated much of late.  (Too much of a good thing, you know!)  So, you might say I'm guessing.

Typical male, huh?  

Actually, I'm excited (well, let's not get carried away) pleased to be doing this one on my own.   Having done only one other comedy blog this week and having 11 straight days of no less than 10 hours each at my day job, my brain is to the state of, "The hell with you, I'm going on vacation."  If I don't awaken the creative juices somewhat, it just may very well go to La-La Land without me.  (That may be where Kristi is at!  Trying to find ... no ... I won't stoop that low ... or, will I?)

Anyway, we are all grateful for something, I suppose.  Our hosts for this hop, 

seem to have done an excellent job of bringing about a feeling of joy, love, gratitude, and harmony though out this series again.  It is up to me to destroy that!

So, without further ado, here is my contribution to this week's


10 Things Of Thankful
No, you don't own the damn
thing!  Get it back
to the lobby!

1)  I'm thankful to those considerate individuals that keep hotel baggage carts in their rooms as if they were their personal belongings.  I always enjoy arriving at the hotel to find the cart area empty.  This allows me to get my much needed exercise by carrying a week's worth of luggage from my car to my third story room.  It improves my balance, strength, and endurance.  This act also provides me the opportunity to envision new forms of torture for these asses before I drop off to sleep.  (Tying them onto these carts and pushing them down the emergency stairwells for the best time is only one of the things that come to mind.)

2)  I'm thankful for All-You-Can-Eat Buffets that charge to go orders by weight.  I still can't figure out why you can sit there and eat like a pig, but if you get a To-Go box, you're expected to pay three times as much for the same food.  Next time I go to one of these exquisite dining facilities, I'm saying, "F*ck you, I'm pulling a chair up to the serving area and not moving till I'm done! If you don't like it, I'll pay the regular cost for a To-Go box.  It's your choice!  And, yes, I do want some fwuking fwied wice with that!"

3)  I'm thankful for joggers that think the street is for running and the sidewalks are to be ignored.  These dumb asses are so stupid, they even run on the side of the street that traffic is flowing.  By doing so, they don't damage the front of my truck as badly when I knock their butts back to the sidewalk where they belong!

4)  I'm thankful for the Pizza Price Wars that seem to be going on between Pizza Hut, Dominos, and Papa Johns.  Early week specials, mid week specials, and 50% off specials seem to be the norm in this conflict of the top three companies.  They are single-handily making it easy for Americans to go off their diets and gorge themselves silly with hand tossed dough, Sicilian pie crusts, and extra sauces and cheeses.  Soon, Americans won't be able to get through the doors of their homes to go to work because of the extra weight they've gained.  Wobble Wobble!

5)  I'm thankful for people who say "Thank You" when you hold open the door for them.  For those that don't, I always volunteer a hearty, "You're Welcome" as they walk by.  When confronted for saying that a couple of times, I either reply, "Oh, I thought you thanked me for holding open the door like someone that was raised with manners", or, "If you can't say thank you as a polite person would do, how about a f*cking tip!"  If their parents didn't teach them, I take it upon myself to do so ... the asses!


Maybe Subway should be teaching our kids 
mathematics instead of the government!!!
6)  I'm thankful for thumping stereos and 780 watt bass woofers in cars.  I know that one day the drivers will all be deaf and employed teaching kids the dangers of driving with thumping stereos and 780 watt bass woofers in cars.  Maybe then we'll have some damn peace and quiet!

7)  I'm thankful for restaurants (like Subway) that teach our children the benefits of learning basic mathematics.  If you add up the individual sandwich, chip and drink price on a Subway combo, you'll find out that it comes up to exactly the same amount as their combos!  This ploy only tends to work on those taking the "No Child Gets Ahead" curriculum required by the government, illegal aliens, and stoners who don't give a damn as long as the munchies are coming immediately!

8)  I'm thankful for Wal-Mart for giving the ridiculous looking and dressing people of the world a place to go.  As long as they're going there, I'm going elsewhere.  At least that way I don't have to look at them!  

9)  I'm thankful that there is still a restaurant chain like Hardee's that believes sex sells, regardless if it's politically correct or not.  Just look below.  Nuff said!


For the guys:

And, for the ladies:
Now, aren't you thankful, too!

10)  Lastly, I'm thankful that there are men and women, instead of some amoebic cell splitting creature that is self satisfying.  Let's face it, men love to make fun of women and women love to make fun of men.  Men are stupid, women are dumb, men are slobs, women are lazy, men are assh**es, women are bit*hes ... if you don't believe it, ask the opposite gender.  Still, all in all, we tend to get along and enjoy each other's company.  As long as we don't take ourselves too seriously, we can make it if we try.  Of course, I'm just a stupid male, so what the hell do I know!

And those are just a few of the things to which I'm thankful.  I know Lizzi is having a fit now trying to figure out how she's going to explain this list to her friends, but damn it, you're the one that invited me a couple of weeks ago.  

If I can get the button to work this week (which hasn't happened too often in the past), be sure to join the hop with an entry of your own!  And, if you're too lazy to write one, well, go to the hop and read a few anyway.  Who knows?  You just may find something to be thankful of, too!   

That is, unless you're just a 
real assh**e or a real bit*h, 
that is!


51 comments:

  1. Lol! Oh these are definitely the most comical ten thankful things...

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    1. HP - As you've seen before, I don't hold back ... much! lol Actually, I'm just really thankful that I can provide a smile for the reader. If I can have anything to do with taking a little stress of the reader's shoulders for a few seconds, I feel as though I've helped out their day a little. I do hope people don't think I'm making fun of this hop, as that is not the case at all. It's just my take on some of the more extreme outlooks of thankfulness that many hesitate to bring to the forefront. Then again, I have no pride. lol Many Thanks!

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  2. Well Rich, you certainly bring an air of sophistication that this hop was lacking. :)

    While all are funny, I think your closing comments to/about Lizzi are the funniest. She had to know what she was asking when she asked you to join.

    And hell yes to the Thank you! Is it really so hard to acknowledge the nice things people do?

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    1. Christine - So very, very good to see you here again! I don't know about sophistication, but I do try to bring about air. lol There are times I don't know if Lizzi is well. Perhaps, she was going thru one of those phases when she invited me to participate. lol Still, if I can bring a smile, my quest has been met. Many Thanks!

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  3. *dances* YESSS! You're here. I am still genuinely LOLing at your list (apart from that last vid...for the ladies? Really? You are SO going to have to do better than that! Look at what you gave the boys! Ouf!)

    I love your list. You are a complete tonic to read and totally inspirational that you have the gumption (or have sufficiently run out of fucks to give) to 'yell' at impolite people. And knock joggers over. And push people downstairs (...no, wait, you didn't do *that* yet, didja?)

    The 'wobble' video's hilarious. I reckon the pizza places are all ganging up on the US to finally make everyone roly-poly enough to suggest the world's largest fat-people-twerking flashmob (probably to that track) and sink whichever state has currently fallen from favour. Though sorry, Rich, when you get there, you WILL be in line with *so* many of the people from Wal-Mart...

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    1. Lizzi - My dear, how are you on this fine sunshiny day? You seem somewhat ... shall we say ... excited. lol I thought you'd enjoy the video. I even made sure it had the same music as the guy's one. Oh well, I tried. :) I've stopped worrying about upsetting people in my comments to them. I figure if they're going to be rude, I can return the favor. What's good for the goose ... well, you know. Now, now, you know there are things that can't be told (just in case police investigations are continuing). lol I limit myself to my pizza binges, as well as other foods. I have no desire to increase my weight, again, in my life. It's a battle I tend to continually battle ... much like most. Still, just remembering a slice of pizza has approximately 400 calories tends to make one hold back on the gluttony factor somewhat. And alas, I do go to Wal-Mart for printer cartridges as they are the least expensive there. I must say, when I look at the others in line, I feel somewhat pleased with my appearance. Who would ever think "The Savings Place" would be my ego booster? lol Many Thanks!

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    2. Oh gosh! I've done that in our local branch of Sainsbury's at times. It's a ridiculous, narcissistic ego trip to look around and think (with conviction) "I do NOT belong here". Shameful, really - we all people!

      Pizza is one of the WORST for that! And so moreish! I'm going homemade tonight in a bid to avoid over calorifying the matter. So the vid was you, pre-weight loss? :p Well done on getting the music right.

      I'm always excited. Except when I'm not, and today is a beach day and a Ten Things day and a day of YIPPEEE and cartwheels and stuff...

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    3. Lizzi - I agree that we're all people. Still, there are some that barely classify as that according to the norms set down by society! lol I'm reminded of my daughter's in-laws here. They are simple, down to Earth country people that enjoy the little things in life. Yet, they feel as uncomfortable with me as I with them. It's not a matter of being superior, just a matter of being able to communicate on a like level. They're more concerned about their neighbors and what they're doing in the backyard, than the things that I tend to be into. Thus, common ground in conversation is a tough road to travel. Ah, the vid was not me, I know, much to your dismay. I always looked like a skinny guy that had gained weight instead of one that belonged looking overweight. lol Have a great day at the beach and enjoy the energy level you're at! Btw, what kind of pills are they, anyway? :) Many Thanks!

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    4. Tough to have a conversation when there's no common ground. Ah well, these things happen and I guess there's no getting around it sometimes.

      Shucks, wasn't it? :p

      The beach was awesome and we well and truly WALKED it (and had a surprisingly in-depth conversation about why Neff can't walk on water).

      They're spirin pills...you want I can send you some...

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  4. I knew Hardee's was going to be on this list somehow. don't ask me how, but just knew it! Seriously, though you list was just what I needed on this quiet Saturday morning that is bound to turn into craziness once Kevin and the girls wake up. But unitl then, OI will keep on reading and hope to god it stay quiet for a bit more, lol!! Happy Weekend Rich :)

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    1. Janine - Good Morning! There are certain institutions that seem to allow themselves the spotlight more than others. Obviously, Hardees and Wal-Mart head the list. lol Another tends to be Geico, but I'm not a fan of talking auto insurance on my blogs without being reimbursed (cheap skates, lol) Hop y'all have a great weekend, too! Many Thanks!

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  5. Hardees please let me say, in all sincerity, 'Thank you'

    with so many warnings and tracking cookies and all the rest of the things that have taken the risk-freeness out of adult website... now sort of a thing of the past... you bring this 'commercial'.

    Thank you Mr Rich... living in New England (motto: 'you can't spell Book Banning without the 'B' in Boston) I have not ever seen this... show.

    lol (now...where the hell is the Victoria Secret channel on the cable tv?*)

    *seriously I would swear that I saw a 'show' that was something to do with (or about) Victoria's little clothing store chain

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    1. Clark - So good to see you again, my friend. I'm happy I could get the old mojo stirring for you on this weekend morning! Perhaps, a little extra curricular activity we present itself to you as the day progresses. Victoria Secrets Fashion shows grace the screen from time to time, but I'm not aware of any such weekly programming. One might think that Youtube would present some repeats of the events as I'm sure you're not the only red blooded hetero male in need of the visual stimulation they provide. (I'll go check too, now that I'm thinking about it! lol) Many Thanks!

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    2. Easy, Lizzi, I don't think Victoria Secrets has a program that features the guy in the video above. I know that's heartbreaking news, but I thought you'd rather hear the truth from me. :)

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    3. Clark, Are you talking about Veronica's Closet with Kirstie Alley?
      http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=veronica's+closet&mid=0689B29356C669C2E7720689B29356C669C2E772&view=detail&FORM=VIRE5

      I can't remember the name of my best friend's kid, but I can remember crap like this. Why the hell is that?

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    4. Oh damn...and there I was hoping.

      That show looks terrible! From the guys who brought us FRIENDS, no less. Any good? Verdict?

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  6. ...to be serious for a minute.

    you know what makes the word 'pornography' pop in my head?
    Food eating contests.
    I've seen as we all have, listings on TV for a show, a contest, something where people try to eat as much as possible. Tp see who can eat the most.

    And the size of the sandwiches, the portions of food in commercials. You know, like the one in the Hardee's commercial above. That is obscenity.

    sorry to sound like a grumpy humorless life form but... given the state of the world, the idea of expecting that the only enjoyment of food and eating is in having 'more than you can eat' I don't I really hate it.

    (Hey, Rich! the Hardee commercial? I ran it with the sound off... was there a dialogue too? lol)

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    1. Clark - I know where you're coming from. Still, if you saw how much Hardee's charges for one of these delightful delicacies of demonic proportions, you might understand their need to show the extended size version. Huge price must reap huge benefits ... or so the ad agencies push forward with. Or, perhaps, the size could be to make every man visualize, say, himself being the hamburger. One would believe no man wants to be considered a tiny little burger. lol I think I should stop before the graphic artists of the world start volunteering to make pictures for my comments and I do have to proclaim this an "over 18" site. lol Many Thanks!

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    2. lol

      ...you know your Hardee's commercial should be part of a Sibley's Guide to subliminal (and not so subliminal) messages to .... put into a commercial, lol

      It's amazing how far we've come in this culture (ok...as James Tiberius once said...'time to exercise the better part of valor')

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    3. The question arises, "Who do we know named Valor and what is his better part?" :)

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  7. LOL...but did you have to talk about food so much? Now I need a pizza, or a veggie sub or maybe some tater tots. HAHA
    Well...maybe I should go out for a run after all that fast food. On the street. Ha!
    Or...maybe I'll blast my Kumbia Kings music some more. I had such a handsome, toothless, greasy-haired redneck ogling at me while I was stopped at a red-light yesterday. *shudder*
    Good to see ya. :) Hope your weekend is filled with gratitude. HAHA LMAO

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    1. Cyndi - I knew I could drive you mad with hunger if I kept it up! lol From what I saw of the high water pictures, your's is a road I probably wouldn't be driving on. That is, unless I was on a snake hunting trip! :) Sounds like you caught a guy with money in his pocket on his way to Wal-Mart! Just another quiet afternoon with friends. Actually, the smile on your face is gratitude enough for me. I've served my purpose for the day. Really good to see you back! Many Thanks!

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    2. I'm waiting for a new post, ya know. Need more "Rich" humor. ;)

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    3. Cyndi - Am taking a week off of blogging to catch up on a few things. I'll be back next week. What's the old phrase in show business ... "always leave them wanting more!" :) Many Thanks.

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  8. Well, see now....here's a new take on being thankful! I often struggle to come up with TEN things to be thankful for without throwing in all the not-so-good things in there too (see my #6 ---how I threw in how UNthankful I was on the hot day my AC was out? --tucked it right in there w/ being thankful for other stuff) Anyhoo--thanks for the laugh!

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    1. Kari - Thanks for coming by! I struggle as well, mostly with the conflict between the type of blog this is and some of the hops I join. I stayed out of this Thankful Hop for several weeks as I didn't feel it would fit the mold. However, after several asked me to participate, I figured, "Well, they know my style so they must know what they're doing!" lol Glad it provided the laugh it was meant to do. Many Thanks!

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  9. After that comment conversation, I got nuthin ...well, okay...I wanna puke when I see eating contests and supersized fast food but otherwise...nuthin....

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    1. Zoe - Good to see you again. I do have to say your comment has lost me. I do hope you enjoyed the post, and hope the comments didn't cast you away. The conversations held in these sections sometimes even befuddle me. Still, one must answer and move forward to the next. :) I do appreciate you stopping in! Many Thanks!

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  10. Holy fuckme I miss MISS MISS having nested comments on my own damn blog. First, and most important as it has to do with ME, Sorry we couldn't get our shit together (as in, I wrote my crap this afternoon while bribing my hubs to take Tucker out of the house for an hour while YOU were done yesterday - overachieving ass). I mean I'm proud of you.
    Also, what is up with ANY buffet (much less the all-you-can-eat ones) with charging too much more for food that's been sitting out forever? I remember once going to Pizza Hut at lunch, and they had the stupid buffet. I asked if I could just buy 2 slices. NO. I had to pay for the fucking buffet. I clearly explained that if I sat down to eat the all you can eat, I'd easily eat five. Didn't matter. Asses.

    Oh. Speaking of Walmart. My hubs is from Elizabethton, TN. The Walmart there is the best. One. Ever. Can't wait to take pics for you.

    PS men ARE assholes. But yeah. Women are bitches, too...

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    1. Kristi - Wow! You are still around! lol Actually, I have to get them done early or they don't get published. With my work schedule, I'm tied up for 11-12 hours at least 6 days a week. Doesn't leave a lot of time for quiet writing. So, when I get a chance, I gotta go for it! Pizza Hut buffets are some that I don't visit. Actually, I haven't been to one in at least six months, and that was an oriental one. (I love all types of oriental food, so I can get a little of many and make me happy.) Yet, to get it to go is an outrageous price! Thus, my slam. And you do see what I mean about the genders. I think both sides have to admit "Can't live with them, and, without batteries, can't live without them!" Many Thanks!

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    2. (Now that I have that out of my system....)

      You too huh? I would like get a comment system that does this 'nested' thing..
      hey Rich, so whats this deal with it, is is OEM with the blog platform or did you add it?

      ( you guys know what would be fun?*

      *fun in the sense that we don't leave a trail that anyone can follow... is to go out some 'night' and find blogs to Commentize... lol (I've been doing a little of it on the Facebook, you know with those awful pretend Posts that are ads... (Like this page) anyway, when I'm in the mood, I'll comment on them...words to the effect: "I don't believe the rumors that the (fill in the car brand) was built using slave labor to any significant extent"

      lol yeah, Kristi I doubt if I will grow up either

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    3. Clark, this is all thanks to Blogger.com. I sure don't have the know how to figure it out. lol I'd join you commenting around some night, but damn, I've made it a habit of falling asleep at the keyboard and not waking up until late (3-4 a.m.) My wife thinks it's funny to just leave me in my computer chair. I'm thinking about putting her in a ski lift chair this Winter and leaving her there to go around and around and around. Vengeance is sweet! lol Many Thanks!

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  11. Re #5: Maybe those quiet souls are just stunned speechless that someone is actually holding the door open for them. Apparently you are a door-holder: Thank you!!

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    1. Kristi - Great to see you here! Yes, I was raised that a man always holds open a door for others. It was part of his responsibility as a man. May sound stupid now, but so do so many other things I was raised with. Things like: 1) always say please and thank you, 2) be respectful of others and watch what you say in public, 3) Always tell the truth, 4) treat people the way you want to be treated, and 5) respect your elders. All of those things may be old fashioned, but we didn't seem to have the trouble with youth that we do today when they were a staple of society. I still try to practice them as a general rule, but there are times I've found that the only way to make a point is to be an ass like everyone else. Sad it has to be that way. Many Thanks!

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  12. As some one who does run on the sidewalks, I think you are doing a good deed for knocking those idiots back where they belong. I just worry about your insurance rates. I mean with Obamacare and all it might not be cost effective :)

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    1. Kerri - I knew you were intelligent! You're one of the few that understand that streets are made for motor vehicles and sidewalks are made for pedestrians! The key is to not get caught. If successful, insurance rates don't change! lol Many Thanks!

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  13. I can't go to Hardee's because they only sell cheeseburgers. Oh, you can have them leave the cheese off, but they still charge you for the effing cheese (can I go ahead and say fucking cheese? Kristi doesn't hold back and would say fucking cheese. THEY STILL CHARGE FOR THE FUCKING CHEESE!).

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    1. Dyanne - You can say anything you want on my blog!!! I do not hold back nor do I accept PC excuses for curbing the enthusiasm. Let it loose, say it LOUD, and be proud you can express yourself here!!! (Damn, is that the Battle Hymn of the Republic playing in the background?) Let you feelings flow and stop the damn cheese!!!!!! Or, at least, stop paying for the damn cheese!!!!!! Btw, supposedly at Burger King, you can have it your way! :) Many Thanks!!!

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    2. I pay for the damn cheese, ask for it on the side, then THROW IT AWAY.

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    3. Way to let it go!!!! You ought to stick it on their front glass window as you leave and say, "I'm damn tired of your cheese policies and not going to take it anymore!!!" Before you know it, your words will ring loud and clear throughout the land as others pick up your cause and shout your battle cry!!! No More Cheese! No More Cheese! No More Cheese! lol No More Cheese At Har-ar-dees!!! Hmmm, I think there's a blog here somewhere. :)

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  14. These are great! I'm thankful to Wal-Mart for the SAME reason! As long as I have the option, I would rather do without some items, pay MORE money for the essentials and not break my own heart with how SAD people can make me at Wal-Mart. It's not so much the spandex and braless, I can relate to THAT, it's the rudeness, bumping into my cart, yelling at each other, cutting off each other in the parking lot type behavior. Yes, that happened to me ON FOOT. A large SUV paused, to let me cross the street pushing a cart with my young children in it, he must have thought I had a close spot b/c when he saw I did not he SQUEALED his tires and gave me a heart attack looking for another parking spot. Then he had the nerve to COME BACK after not finding a closer place and WAIT while I loaded my items and children in the car, so he could take my spot after all. I calmly, slowly buckled everyone in, got them some crackers from the bag, proceeded to give them a snack, then I dramatically pulled down the DVD player, changed the movie, waived to him, sat in my seat and proceeded to post a long-winded story about this on Facebook. I looked up to wave to him again, but alas, he was gone :(

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    1. Joy - So good to see you here! Wal-Mart is definitely not on my list of must see places in the United States. I loved your story! I've done similar things myself just to push the envelope and return the favor to folks like that. You've got intestinal fortitude and I congratulate you for it! Most would wilt under those circumstances. I've even called the police and told them of cars parked in handicapped spaces without window hangers. (I've pissed more that a couple off doing that). All you have to do is pack a picnic lunch, find a good spot to film the event, and wait on some ass to pull into the space. Once you check it out, call the cops and demand they do something. Once the ticket is placed, sit back and wait for the fun to begin when the culprit returns! It's loads of family fun and it's legal! lol Many Thanks!

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  15. That's a great list! Made me laugh as usual (and I'm thankful)!

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    1. Amy - Really good to see you again! I'd lost you for a while and wondered what had happened. Just checked out your blog and tried to get notifications by mail, but it stated the email feed wasn't activated. Am happy you liked this piece. Good to see you smile. Many Thanks!

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  16. This is funny as hell! No#2 yeah, what's up with that, anyway? No#8 Walmart has alway been one of my favorite forms of entertainment. No#6 my teenage son is totally guilty of, except he doesn't own a car. He plays his music loud along with a complete laser show in his room. Free raves nightly at the Doyle house.

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    1. Marcia - Welcome back! Really good to see you visiting! No. 2 is a strange one for sure. I guess too many illegals were coming in and getting a box stuffed full to feed the five families in the Chevy van. lol Get your son a car! You'll be amazed how quiet a home can really be when they're off terrorizing the other side of town. Just make sure his girlfriend is from the other side of the tracks! Consider it a charity cause. :) Glad you enjoyed this! Many Thanks!

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  17. So hysterical Rich! But you forgot to be thankful for the bikers who wear those awful tight shorts and think they own the roads. Come on- exercise is over rated.

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    1. Cheryl - So good of you to stop in. Am taking a week off and almost missed your comment. I agree about the cyclists. I usually have a half filled cup of cold coffee in the car if they get really bad. And with my vision, well, "You know officer, they looked like they were so dried out they were gonna pass out, so I helped them out a little!" And I get wore out sitting down, so I know what you mean about exercise! :) Many Thanks!

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