Thursday, July 25, 2013

Memory Problems, Chain Letter Awards & Memory Problems!! Oh, and Memory Problems!

This has been a really strange week.

What week isn't in my life?

Still, it has been stranger than most in that it's already Friday, and I have no idea to where Sunday thru Thursday disappeared.  It seems as though my Rumpleoneon Calendar (in case you missed it click here) has started ruling my life before I've even drafted the petition.  

The previous five days are a blur.  (No, I'm not doing drugs ... have you got any?)  Between working eleven hour days, writing my personal blogs and a guest blog, and trying to find a night when I can go to bed without having previously passed out in my computer chair for 2-3 hours, I have little recollection of what's transpired.

My wife says, "You're just getting old!"

I say, "I love you, bitch, especially when you bitch!"

My wife replies, "You ass!"

I retort, "Spoken by the Queen of Asses, herself!  Once minor in size, her ass's prolific stature has grown over the years and seeks desperately to stretch down and kiss the freshness of Mother Earth  upon which her bare feet trod upon!"

After a moment of silence, she whispers, "You ass!"

I smile as she leaves the room so I can get back to writing this drivel.  At least now I have some written record of today in case it is forgotten like the rest.  I don't think she'll let me forget this conversation, though.  Her heat flashes seem to help her memory.

I wish I got heat flashes.  
My memory obviously needs help.  
So does this blog posting!

I have over 200 emails awaiting my attention.  I wonder how I ever became so popular with spammers?  I'm desperate to open Debbie's that states, "I've missed you and want you so badly" in the subject line.  (I'm guessing Little Debbie snack cakes are watching their stock fall as I've sworn off of sweets.)  

Actually, most are notifications of blogs that have been written by many of the great writers that I follow because I enjoy reading their work, and because they do comment on my ramblings from time to time.  It would be nice to be able to return the favor, but there is only so much time for me to do so.  Quitting my job would provide the time, but I fear it would be only temporary as my bills went unpaid.   Thus, I have re-entered the Twilight Zone of blogging etiquette.  You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  

I think I need an assistant!  Want to Apply?
Wanted: Someone that has a similar style of humor as my own, (Yes, I've already checked out the local mental institutions!) You will be expected to go to the blogs of others and make sarcastic comments on my behalf, answer all my blogging emails (as well as those to Little Debbie snack cakes), and find all my my pictures and ensure they are legal to use.  This is a voluntary, unpaid position for someone that has no desire to blog themselves, but wants to be known as a part of something below average.  Any with high aspirations need not apply.
 Speaking of those without high aspirations, it's once again time for



It is Friday, right?

This is when our wonderful hostesses (listed in the JPEG below) provide us with a prompt and expect us to bare our souls while we finish it in 753,472 words or less.  Oh, here's the JPEG I told you about:
Today's prompt is another one that took weeks to think up.  It's almost as good as last week's, which we'll ignore for now for sake of word count.  This week's prompt is:

"The best and worst parts of blogging are...."

... winning chain letter awards."

When you receive one of these awards, you have to wonder about the ulterior motives of the provider of that away.
1) Do they truly honor your work?
2)  Are the simply trying to find someone else to stick it to as
their sadistic nature takes control of their conscious state of being?

I was recently bestowed the tremendous honor of being awarded the Leibster/ Versatile Blogger Award for like the third or fourth time, by the illustrious JOY, guaranteed to bring you joy as she is always a joy to read at her joyful blog  I Can Say Mama.

I'm going to guess that JOY does truly honor my work and in good faith say, "Thank You For The Award" over and over until I believe it.  (Naw, she's really a good person, folks!  Not sadistic at all!  Put your whip away, Joy!  I said it already!)

So, now, comes what I hate most about blogging.  When a person wins an award in normal life, it is for efforts already made.  In the Blogmosphere, it entails additional efforts.  (As most of you know, my lazy streak surpasses most other personal traits.)  Some of these are supposedly to help those that are unfamiliar with you a little insight into what you're really like.  This award requires the recipient tell Seven Deep And Dark Secrets about themselves as the first requirement to be able to display the beautiful and artsy button you see above.  So, here are my seven secrets:

1)  I hate anchovies on a pizza.  These are wasted creatures of the sea that have no business swimming amid pepperoni, sausage, onions, green peppers, Canadian Bacon, and pineapple chunks.  You wouldn't take your goldfish out of their bowl and stick them on your ham sandwich would you?  Same principle!  

2)  I hate commercials.  My patience with the moronic value they present is gone the second they start.  Having experience in writing and being the voice talent on many radio and television spots, my insight as to what the business owner is actually trying to achieve.  90% of the time, their attitude is, "Make it as bad as possible so it will get attention!"  Knowing this, and seeing it presented over and over in the broadcast industry today, my opinion isn't likely to change any time soon.  However, there are exceptions to the rule.  Being a hetero male, I do have to say this one does grab my fancy.
(I know, it's sexist and it's Paris Hilton.  Even with those facts being known, 
it does make one curious about the other sandwich configurations they have there.)

3)  I despise the politically correct crowd.  These people have no balls.  They take offense at anything and everything, and try to have it banned for everyone else.  I don't care if you don't believe in God, feel as though you know what happened the night Trayvon Martin died, or feel as though a program you dislike should be taken off the air.  GET OVER IT!!!

No gun ever pulled its own trigger, no movie ever caused a person to go crazy (except, maybe, My Fair Lady), and no chain's attitude towards gays ever pushed a bill through Congress.  It is our responsibility as human beings to raise and support our youth, not the government's.  Their attempts in "No Child Left Behind" has only created a "No Child Gets Ahead."  It's so much easier to stay in power when the people that follow are stupid!

Life is a constant avenue of making choices.  Being a human being, you should relish in your individuality instead of trying to make everyone like yourself.  Take responsibility to teach your children right from wrong so video games and television programming won't be a factor in them committing an act of mass violence.  If you don't like something, tough!  That doesn't make it wrong.  It only makes it offensive to you.  Turn your head, go down a different street, or turn the f**king channel!  Stop concentrating on the bullsh*t and look through it to see what's really being said.  It just may keep you from being herded like cattle in the future.  You have choices.  Stop trying to limit mine!

4)  I am an extremely aggressive driver.  When I get behind the wheel, I do so for a purpose.  "I want to get to where I am going!"  I'm not there to watch you use your I-Phone to text your friend, see you eat your lunch, or browse the shops on the side of the road as I follow you at 25 mph under the speed limit.  Listening to the bass rattle your cheap ass car while you pimp to the chicks on the road side (blocking my efforts to travel the road normally) brings about a rage that has so far been controlled.  Still, remember, today's stress can make a person slip over the edge very easily.  Don't push me!

5)  My colors are backwards.  What?  As I was growing up, blue was always my favorite color.  However, attending Indiana University, red became the color to wear for loyalty.  Now, living in Kentucky, blue is the color found.  Yet, I'm still an Indiana University fan, which means I cannot ever be a Kentucky Wildcat fan.  So, I'm held prisoner in wearing the red of my team while living in a blue world.  The things we do for our Alma mater!

6)  Potato Chips, white enriched flour, and Payday candy bars put me into an immediate sleep.  Since becoming a borderline diabetic, I've found that there are some foods that I cannot eat and continue a normal life.  Any of the above listed food items or ingredients cause my system to drop out of consciousness within 45 minutes of ingestion.  I wake up, usually at the computer, hours later wondering, "What the f**k time is it?"  That means if I wish to stay awake at work, I can only eat a wheat bread sandwich or a salad.  Otherwise, when Pringles put me down, I might find myself unemployed.  Try explaining that at the Employment Office!

7)  I love wearing sweat pants around the house!  There is nothing like a pair of sweats.  They stretch when you need them to stretch, allow you the movement you need to operate without feeling your crotch is being scrunched by brother Levi, and they come off without effort when you're getting ready for bed ... to sleep. (At my age, what else is there?)  I had two pairs (one gray, one black) that I switched out loyally until last night, when a steak slid out of my plate as the plate slid off the keyboard.  (Yes, my eating habits are atrocious.)  Now, the gray ones look as if I had a night time accident of my teenage years in the crotch area, even after washing.  Time to go shopping again!

And that's it!  My usually witty and sarcastic blog has been filled with bullsh*t knowledge about me that no one really cares about.  That is the sin of a chain letter award.  

Now, I'm supposed to put on my evil hat and choose seven others to endure the trials and tribulations I have just suffered.

"Oh, The Humanities!!!!"

So, who do I choose?  Many that I know are just like me and have already been through this a few times.  Some just ignore it, and I even had one decide that she could change the rules and still wear the badge of distinction earlier in the year.  

It is with these thoughts I nominate the following bloggers.  Please forgive me.  Your blogs are worthy.  Let's hope you are still my friends after this.

And here are the official rules for the award to be displayed.

1) Thank and link to the person who gave you the award.
2) Tell seven facts about yourself.
3) Pass it on to seven other bloggers.
4) Link to specific posts on their blogs so they’ll be notified by pingback 

And so my evil deed is done.  I can wear the badge with honor as I run to escape the fury and wrath of those I've hexed.  May the blog force be with you all.

Oh, and unless someone decides to procrastinate, 
I'm going to have a very special guest blogger tomorrow.  
You just might want to stop by.  If nothing else, 
it will be a real change from my B.S. for you!  


  1. I freaking love your "seven secrets" list...just pure awesomeness. I'm applying for the job of your bitc...oh I mean assistant...that way I can learn from the best. Thanks for award're the best.

    1. Michael - My friend, you are either extremely naive or a champion suck-up that wants a job! lol Seriously, I truly do enjoy reading your blog as it gets better with each and every posting. You, too, visit the realm of the extreme and enjoy the shock factor's affect on the reader. You're in the running for the position (as you're the only one to apply as of this writing). Let's hope no one else sends in a resume! :) Many Thanks!

    2. I don't suck-up, I'm just extremely rock my good sir.

    3. Michael, you are only too kind, my friend! Please recognize my comments were only in jest. Let us take this written work and end the misunderstandings of lack of human interpretation. I hope you recognize I think you're one of the best up and coming, if not leading the way there. Many Thanks!

  2. Oh good grief! You well and truly DID nominate me there, dincha!

    I shall take your dastardly action in the spirit with which I think it was meant, and thank you.

    Keep your eyes peeled for a post over the weekend!

    (intriguing hook you've left us with there. I see what you who is it?)

    1. Lizzi - Hello, dear! How was lunch today? Manage to keep you food down after figuring out all the work you've now been assigned in the Blogging World? lol Of course it was meant as an honor. You well deserve it. Life was going so well for you that I just had to toss a wrench into it! :) I've got to work all weekend, but I'll sneak a peek whenever able, for sure. Best wishes and Many Thanks!

    2. Yes - helping the diet no end to be wracked with anxiety at being able to write such a volume of stuff (I assume you went to Joy's website, where she's nominated me for the OTHER award she was handing out - now I have two to deal with! (not at all PLEASED AS PUNCH for being so highly esteemed by two wonderful bloggers...not me!))

      I shall add this (these) into the ten things of thankful tomorrow. Only problem is, I just don't know if I know enough bloggers to nominate 12 more people for the awards! Certainly not 12 who'd be able to churn out a post! I might have to bend a few rules :)

    3. Lizzi - I went there and read it, but I have to say I completely overlooked the fact you'd been nominated for the other, also. My apologies! Don't bother with mine until you have the time. There's absolutely no hurry. Oh, here's a hint to help you out. There's a certain blogger list that you filled out not so long ago, that should help you find a few unsuspecting nominees. (hint hint) Hope that helps! :)

    4. Lol. It's ok - I was struggling for Ten Things, and these'll be fun to include.

      I filled out a blogger list recently? Am I under surveillance? Are you my Jiminy Cricket? Which list (ya gotta help me out here)

    5. Remember, on Facebook, BB's, so it wasn't in the last week or two, but it wasn't years ago. lol

    6. Your surely have as much to write now as I did, Lizzy! Congrats! :-)

    7. Indeed so! Thank you both for that ;)

      I got there in the end with nominees. I'm now trying to take turns with people for these - I got sent one on the other week and so half the people I know were already tagged there :)

  3. Haha! I'm sure you can find someone to fill that job application, Rich! Would be interesting to see some replies if you anonymously posted it on Craigslist, lol. I have sweat pants - they're black and double as yoga pants or pajamas. Love 'em. They just make me lazy, so I can't wear them when I work which is a bummer because it's winter now and jeans just isn't the same! Have a super weekend!

    1. Melanie - You were going to be selected, but after seeing your post about getting the new job (again, congratulations) I quickly removed you from it to save you the work entailed. I know where your concentrations need to be right now, and it's not incurring more stuff like this. I'm almost afraid of Craigslistings. I always expect that guy that's looking for a household full of kids in which to install his cameras! Too many weirdoes there (as if there wasn't in other areas of the web). OMG, another sweat pants pal! Mine have never had the pleasure of doubling as yoga pants, as yoga has never found its way into my world, yet. But, I have fallen asleep in the computer chair wearing them many times, so I guess pj's would apply. :) Many Thanks, my friend!

  4. OMG...that sounds like my hubby and I only the curses are worse sometimes, LOL.

    My hubby will stare at those types of commercials a dog staring at a steak.

    1. Karen - Oh, you were so close to getting this award. Had I known you just a bit longer, and had visited your blog just a few more times, I'm afraid the wicked whammy of who's gonna gitcha would have been yours! lol My wife and I generally just bicker, as the energy to really argue left us both many years ago. After 33 years together, you tend to "put up" with each other more than scream. I had to had the commercial into this post. I was looking too normal and needed something to spice up the atmosphere! I would've put in a guy one for the ladies, but that would have made me look like I was really strange, of sorts! :) Many Thanks!

  5. Is is wrong to say I was happy you didn't nominate!! Seriously, I still haven't finished for the week and so do not have the time to write another post. So I thank you for not naming me here, lol!! But in all honesty, I know what you mean about just not having enough time in the day and still have not found balance as of yet my friend. Thanks as always for linking up with us!!

    1. Janine - Not a bit! lol When I saw mine there were definitely mixed feelings. Kind of like, "Wow, I just met this person and they think enough of my writing to nominate me" vs. "Ah, they don't know me well enough so they're just trying to lay the work of the award on an unsuspecting victim!" lol I knew you were swamped, so mercy did curtail your misery until someone else nominates you ... in the near future, I'm sure! Btw, the elephant on your blog "balancing" was a perfect picture of me trying to do exactly that! lol Oh, the filters on your blog will not let me paste any of the links into the blog hop entering area. I'm sure others may have the same prob. Just letting you know. :) Many thanks!

  6. I think the last time I received and passed along one of those awards, only one person even responded to it. I sorta kinda like getting them - a little pat on the head and verification that someone is actually paying some attention to what you do - even if just long enough to target you as a recipient. Sounds like you get much more interesting SPAM than I do. ;)

    1. Chris - I had a time like that, too. I had chosen a group of beginning bloggers, notified them a couple of different ways, and was ignored by all but one. Funny, only one of them is still blogging today. Some folks don't know that you've got to do a minimal amouth of marketing to get people to know that you're even there. My Spam is all over the board. Of course, with some of the topics I write about, it's no wonder they trace it back to me. lol Many Thanks!

  7. Wow, congrats on the badge! Thanks so much for your amazing blogs, Rich!

    1. Keith - My friend it's so good to see you here. You write many that put mine to shame, sir. I just ramble and see where it takes me. I really do appreciate you stopping by. Many Thanks!

  8. Rich, what a wonderful and funny way to respond to my nomination! And please let me point out that I nominated you because I already enjoy your blog very much although I am a new reader and not because I wanted to get rid of the award! I am enough of a rebel to bend the rules and give an award to fewer people (which is what I did in the past already). So congrats again and I am your new follower. This is your own fault! *lol*

    1. Joy - Ah, the guilty one appears! lol I'm glad you were pleased by this. I tried to live up to your standards while living up to mine. It was a narrow tightrope at times, to say the least. I hope you didn't think I was insinuating you were one to just find victims. lol Your kindness shown in your writing eliminates that thought from existence. Ah, but as to the follower ... you are a glutton for punishment, aren't you? lol Many Thanks!

    2. Thank you for your kind words re: my kindness! I really appreciate that!

      You did an awesome job with this post and still did it in the Rich Rumple way. I applaud you! Well done! :-)

      And yes, I am always in for punishment! lol

  9. Rich, thank you for not giving me the award. I almost added this to my 10 things of thankful list but didn't want to offend the lovely people who think I'm worthy in spite of the fact that I have received several since March and been the asshole who has neither acknowledged them nor passed them along. I keep meaning to but ugh. So I win lazier than you this week.
    Haha to your crotch stains. I'd wear them anyways because sweat pants are sacred. I wear some with a hole in them - in the crotch - because I'm that repulsive.
    Re: no child left behind - UGH. Standardized testing is ruining the school system. All these people talk about whether we're spoiling our kids (yes), whether too much self esteem is bad (no, not at age 4), and really, it's the f@cking testing. My husband's daughter graduated last year. She does not know (for real) what 1/2 plus 1/4 is. She passed the tests. The administration is more worried about looking like we're able to compete with other countries in education than actually teaching kids - and testing them in a way that makes sense - the way they need to learn. Ok that's my rant.
    Congratulations on the award. I hate anchovies.

    1. Kristi - Oh, the thought did indeed cross my mind. Then I remembered that you were guest blogging my site this weekend. I am well aware tht Hell knoweth no fury like the wrath of an angered female. So, you were saved this time by circumstances! lol You and I definitely agree on the education of children in this country. It is a sad state of affairs when instead of supplying extra assistance to those that need it, those that don't are held back. We live in a country of contradictions. Of course, that's what politicians are all about. Let us never order a pizza with anchovies in our lives. Yes, I can live with that. Many Thanks!

    2. Damn girl, I was gifted and was so going to torture you. And now I find out I cannot gift Rich. What is a girl to do?

  10. I think I should say congrats....and am pleased to say that I am with you on the whole PC thing I just don't get it. I mean really, when do you we just have a conversation without worry we are going to get picked on by the PC police?

    1. Kerri - Thanks for the congrats. The PC stuff ... arrrgh ... I'm fed up with it. The only reason it's there is because manners were never taught, so laws had to come about. It's only giving the government more and more control over us. To me, PC stands for Perfect Cloning, of which I want no part of. In the 60's, we lived to find ourselves. Now, we're being told that doesn't matter and we must conform to the masses. It's definitely total B.S. Many Thanks!

  11. I am totally still your friend. Sorry I haven't acknowledged until now. I am back and I'm all over this versatility thing!

    1. Katia - Whew! I thought I'd lost another friend! lol Glad you're on the bandwagon with this. You'r blog is always a great one. My time is so limited I don't always get around the block, but when I do I enjoy it immensely. You deserve it! Many Thanks!

  12. Wow, talk about showing up late to the party and STILL not bringing a gift for the host! My apologies, good sir. I am so very honored and thankful for this award. I'm not sure I am really very versatile, unless we're discussing the many foods I can prepare in the microwave. Ice cream. Fer real.
    Anyways, thanks so much and I will get to work on writing something almost immediately. After my ice cream is done.

    1. Melissa - No fears, my friend, no one has written a post yet concerning this award to my knowledge, although all have acknowledged it. I am curious about microwave ice cream. Is that anything like freezer burn steak? :) You deserve the award. Enjoy it!