Sunday, July 21, 2013

The New Calendar ... minus Mondays!

**Recently, I was approached to participate in this hop by one so innocent.

"Forgive them Father, 
they know not what they do!"

 I will not mention  publicly, for fear of vicious retaliation to her by those who have read my stuff and know better.

So, being one to always demonstrate my ability to ignore Political Correctness and shall we say, "Shake the tree" a little, I'm going to add my two cents to this hop today.

"I'll try to be gentle!" 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 Whoopee ... 
Golly Gee ... 
I'm So Excited, I Just Can't Hide It ...

It's MONDAY again!


Attempting not to be too 
extraneous with vocabulary, let 
me simply say,


No, I'm not being facetious.  I 
really could care less if I ever 
experienced another Monday.

(That is, as long as the some of the other days of the week were still around!  Damn sure don't want to be totally absent!  I'd probably be put in the ground if that would happen.  You know ... passed on ... traveling to that big comedy club in the sky ... playing the hot club circuit in Hell ... a "previous" friend to all, lover of some, and foe of the Politically Correct ... 
Dead, Damn It, Dead!)

So, if you're like me, and despise the first day of the week, here's my plan.  Mind you, it may not be perfect in the eyes of the upper crust income slurpers that depend on syphoning funds from  the "little people" to allow them to afford their $3,000 a night hotel stays in Vegas, but I think most will be fairly satisfied with it. 

For sake of bloated ego, I call it the "Rumpleoneon Calendar!"

(That's pronounced, "Rumple-O-Knee-Un", just in case you were struggling with it.)
Wasted Monday!
Who even wants to work on that day?
First off, we eliminate Monday from the calendar.  Very few normal people can actually say they love that day so let's have the majority rule and simple get rid of it!

It's gone!

Now, Tuesdays really aren't much better than Mondays.  The only good things about them is that they're not Mondays and are one day closer to the weekend.  Since Mondays are no longer on the calendar, there's really not much reason to keep Tuesdays around.  So, away they go!

Tuesdays are gone!  (Just like Lynyrd Skynrd sang).

But I gotta have a day to hump!!!

Now, Wednesdays are known as "Hump Day" and supposed to be the top of the heap that starts the slide into the weekends.  However, since Mondays and Tuesdays no longer exist, there is no need for a hump day!  (Sorry all you horny assed camels, you'll have to find another day to hump!)  

Oops, there go the Wednesdays!

Gotta make it to Friday!
Gotta make it to Friday!

I've never understood Thursdays.  It's the day that government employees work the hardest (which means they actually answer the phone once an hour), so they can take off half a day on Friday.  Besides that, everyone else is tired from working all week and can't wait until the weekend start.  All you hear all day is, "God, only one more day after today until the weekend.  I can't wait!"   So, again, since popularity demands and majority rules, away with Thursdays!

No more Thursdays!

So, we are now at Fridays.  Fridays are cool!  No one hates Fridays, besides bosses that are looking for fools to work the weekend for slave wages.  Since Friday seems to be the most popular work day of the week, and since we all have to work to earn an income, let's earn a week's worth of income by working Fridays!  

So, this is how the new Rumpleoneon calendar will line up.  Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays have been eliminated.  We are left with Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  This will leave us with approximately ten paydays per month, or ten weeks worth of income every 30 days.  That means, for a person currently earning $40,000 per year, their household income would increase to $93,307 per year.  

Wall Street is freaking out about now!

In addition, you would have two thirds of the year to either enjoy the family, work on hobbies, masturbate, watch an escalated schedule of professional ball games (so the high paid athletes would finally earn some of the money they squander), or just screw off at your favorite porn site.  It would also provide bloggers with much more free time to write, instead of having to balance work, blogging and personal obligations and responsibilities!  And, perhaps the best thing about this would be that the scummy, stinking, sweaty, grody, lice infested Bubba standing in the Wal-Mart line in front of you (that you've volunteered three times to buy deodorant for, would have a much shorter time between Saturday night baths!!!

So, if you're in agreement with the Rumpleoneon calendar, let's get a petition up and start getting signatures.  It should be easy, especially now that you have all that free time!

But somewhere, there's a forgotten voice crying out, 

"I like Mondays!"

There's always an assh*** in every crowd!


  1. Can I subscribe to this *after* my birthday tomorrow, or does it start right now? I'd still like my presents, but I guess I'd trade them for the ten paydays per month.

    1. Lizzi - How about this ... I really tried to play it safe today! lol I was a good boy for a change. I'm still waiting to get the petition signing going. Feel like volunteering? :) Happy Birthday!! (Now that it's a new day where you are!) Many Thanks!

    2. Thanks.

      I'm now ready to get this shit together and take the world by storm with the all-new THREE DAY WEEK! Let's go!

    3. The petition draft is almost complete. I'll be depending on you to handle the European signings so that the entire world is on schedule! :)

  2. lol!! This is grand.. Id be happy for it... however being a nurse I still think my boss would manage to wrangle that I had to work every other weekend... or even more often than that.... oh dear.. no no no...

    1. HP - So good to meet you and thank you for the follow! Nurses have a tough gig, that's no doubt. Most people don't realize how much a good nurse means until they spend time in the hospital. I still call the CCU every Christmas and wish them a Merry Christmas (told you I wasn't PC, LOL) as they made my stay 6 years ago more than tolerable. Still, since your boss would probably be taking the day off when the schedule was made, you could bribe the asst for a small amount, since you'd be making so much more! Many Thanks!

  3. Now if only everyday could be a weekend!! Good call on the Rumpleneon calendar!

    1. Michelle - Really good to see you, my friend! Alas, we must toil at least one day a week. Too much of a good thing would get boring if we didn't have a day to break it up! :) Glad you liked this! Many Thanks!

  4. I'm on board. HOWEVER I would appreciate it if you could find something for my husband to do on weekends that doesn't involve leaving crap all over the countertops, dirty socks on the kitchen chairs, and empty cans by the bedside table. Because if not, I don't really give a cr*p because my weekend will suck too.

    1. Jen - Really good to see you here! How's this, every other Saturday is a training day for him. Until he starts doing as asked, he is required to follow you around like a slave doing everything you normally do. Only when he starts to change his habits can you start giving him a little time off. If he refuses, well, you're a woman, you know what to do .... CUT HIM OFF!!!! I guarantee, a week or two in the future, the hubby will be a begging puppy dog! lol Many Thanks!

  5. I want a Rumpleoneon calendar!! I say good riddance to Monday-- Thursday because I don't drink on those who needs them? Every week should start with a TGIF.

    1. Marcia - Really good to see you here! Loved your family vacation blog! We've got to get a petition together to run by Congress first. We could probably get it slipped through in some immigration bill that no one will read and have things our way for a change! lol Many Thanks!

  6. I hope your Monday went well, Richard.

    Needless to say, I love your calendar and wanna borrow

    1. Ruchira - My friend it is so good to see you! My Monday was filled with ups and downs, as most are. (Stop thinking that ... I was at work ... working! lol) The calendar is yours for the asking. If we can get world support on this, we just may get it passed! :) Many Thanks!

  7. I'm not sure I understand how the math works, but hey, if I can more than double my income by working one day a week, I'm in!