Friday, July 26, 2013

10 Things Of Thankful by Guest Blogger Kristi Campbell

So, here I am again.  Keyboard in front of me, blank screen staring bright white at my face, and a Diet Coke at my side as the cigarette between my lips drops ashes on my chest.  The only thing missing from a 1940's movie is the crumpled suit and loosely tied necktie, a cup of coffee, and a beautiful blonde sitting across from me telling me a story that will draw my attention from the gap her skirt offers my gaze.

But, wait a minute!  There is a beautiful blonde there.  (Or, at least she once was before gravity happened!)  Long, lean, limber, lounging lusciously on the lounger, living loquaciously on the ledge of life.  The type of woman that you'd drive ten miles in the driving rain just to see her clean laundry get rain soaked on a swinging clothesline creaking between apartment buildings in the dangerous section of town.   Well, would you believe you'd look out your window to see her kissing the mailman after a real "Special Delivery"?  How about glancing up to see the dog she was walking down the street?  So, maybe if she screamed real loud you'd ask the wife to see what was going on?  Okay!  At least that's settled!  
So much for the Humphrey Bogart stuff!
(Where's those damn strawberries, anyway???)
Join us, dear Kristi!  Gravity got to us, too!!!!  Got your cap?


The fabulously, fantastic and freakin' funny filly 
(boy, does that sound like an old time chauvinist)
Kristi Campbell of 


is going to return the favor I did her last week (when she was playing her "Give me sympathy, I'm a wasted wino" act) and guest posted on her blog.  What this actually means is that there's going to be a little class on this blog for a change.  I'm not saying what type of class as I believe you can decide for yourself.

Seriously, I think you're going to enjoy her take on 10 Things Of Thankful. 


 So, without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you an individual 
that believes knee pads are for more than just kissing toenails,
 I bring you Kristi Campbell!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

I should probably begin by clearing something up.  While this is technically
considered a guest post, it is really more of a I-crashed-the-cool-dude’s-blog post.
You may be familiar with the fact that your host Rich here was dumb nice enough to
allow me the luxury of sleeping while my blog was written for me last weekend.
Either he is kinder than Gabriela has let on, or he was drunk. It doesn’t actually
matter which, because I got what I wanted.  I got an  on my site without having to do
anything but draw a stupid-looking picture, and now am able to consider myself
part of the cool comedy crowd, if only by association.  This weekend, I felt like I
should defile his blog with my words. Think of it like a return favor, without the
favor part.  


This is my Ten Things of Thankful this weekend. 

1. I’m thankful that I have no clue what the royal baby’s name is and do not
know whether they have even named it yet. This missing bit of useless
information means that I:
     a. Have more room in my head for important trivia such as the fact that
         pigs have orgasms for 30 minutes and…
     b. That I haven’t wasted any time this week catching up on celebrity
         gossip, freeing myself to instead spend my time productively, fucking
         off on Facebook, playing quality learning-games with my son. 
2. I’m thankful that I’m not at BlogHer, where I’d be forced to pretend to enjoy
sitting through boring seminars for eight hours in order to get to the real
reason for attending: liquor-infused parties, laughing with blog friends and
the free food.  Crap. Maybe I should have gone. 
3. I’m thankful that Rich does not love sheep in the disturbing (but
understandable because women can be a pain in the ass) “Love Ewe” way
and instead was only referencing counting them last week. 



4. I’m thankful that Gabriela is holding it against Rich, and not me, that my words
appear among these pages today, in spite of it being her turn to blog.  I’m
guessing that Rich is going to wake up tomorrow with cat turd on his pillow.
Not only does it appear that he likes me more, she also mentioned that they
had a heated argument involving ownership of a stale bag of Cheetos and a
warm beer. 


5. I’m thankful that the weather’s cooled off a little bit so that I can go to work
looking like I have body odor, but not actually smelling like it. 
6. I’m thankful that my brother’s wife is such a bitch. It keeps my family from
noticing that I drink all of the wine at each family gathering. 
7. I’m thankful that there is bird shit all over my car because that means it is not
in my hair. 
8. I’m thankful that no matter how lazy I become, my toes will never look like
the ones pictured  earlier this week. I’m serious. People, those freaking
toenails go beyond lazy and fungus problems. Dude would have to actually
tend to them to obtain that special level of nasty.  Even cavemen didn’t have
toenails that offensive. 



9. I’m thankful that women who weigh 350 pounds feel perfectly comfortable
sporting bathing suits at the pool. They remind me that beauty is on the
inside while simultaneously making me look better in comparison and feel
like less of a gluttonous cow. 
10. I’m thankful that I am able to call the amazingly talented, awesomely
hilarious Rich Rumple my friend.  Thank you, Rich for allowing me to share
this list with the worldwide interwebs via your kickass pages. Err…wait.
Should I be apologizing to you instead?  Huh. Probably.  If so, sorry. 

That’s a wrap. Those are the things that I’m thankful for this week.  Oh and please
don’t tell me what the royal baby’s name is or even whether he has been named.  I
think it’ll be a cool experiment to see how long I can avoid not knowing.  Plus, I’m
worried about what piece of information it may replace. I wouldn’t want to forget
about 1986, after all. 

This is a Ten Things of Thankful post Einsteined by the lovely Lizzi over at . Want to
come play? It’s easy! Come  and tell us what you’re thankful for this week. 
     _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

So, have you had enough?  Probably not.  Why not catch up with her at her site Finding Ninee that I supplied the link to above?  (Oh c'mon, I know it's not that hard to find!  Just play like you're a little above Bubba intelligence, okay?")  You'll not only see her comedic side, but her daily struggles, love, and efforts to provide her family a normal life under not so normal circumstances.  I guarantee you'll go back for more time and time again!  She has the Rumpleoneon Seal Of Approval!  (I've got to design that thing one day!)

Now, the bad news is that my Picture Links very seldom ever work.  I don't know why as I copy and paste the code exactly as it is, but they just don't work.  So, if you'd like to read more great bloggers tell you their 10 Things of Thankful, visit the page link at Finding Ninee . com, or at Lizzi Rogers fantastic blog at Considerings.  

Again, my sincerest thanks to Kristi for guest blogging today.  (Sure saved me a lot of work!)  Hope you enjoyed!  If you didn't ... well ... we need to talk.  Please leave her your comments below!



100 comments:

  1. Dude, most importantly, knee pads are for so much more than kissing toenails, and nobody's ever gonna kiss yours until you pony up for a professional pedicure. And no, the happy ending is not the one you imagine, it's the kind where you're actually able to once again wear shoes.
    Also, if one of your readers spoils the streak of me not knowing if that baby has been named, or what the name is, I'm gonna be upset.
    Thanks again, friend, for hosting my nonsense here. You're awesome and I'm honored to be here permanently (and no you can NOT delete this. Gabriele and I have an agreement. Trust me. Not a good idea.).
    Also, I will never wear a bathing cap. I will be the shameless bald woman in the pool first. Maybe. Shit, am I going to go bald, too?
    Gravity sucks.
    Mwah.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kristi - I will never question your uses of knee pads. Saying anything more would only bring about a fury and wrath I would prefer to avoid. I see from your blog someone already provided you with the Royal Info. lol Ever hear the old expression, "Ask and ye shall receive?" :) Gabriela and I are no longer talking. Faletame is laughing his butt off about it, and keeps saying things like, "Rich, you wouldn't believe what happens when they all start talking. Can you say Manson clan?" Ah, and a bald Kristi would be a sight to see ... kind of like Sinead O'Connor meets Betty White. lol Have a great day and thanks so much for being my guest blogger!

      Delete
    2. Thanks so much for having me! Sorry to hear that Gabriela isn't speaking to you but frankly I don't blame her. If I were you, I'd stop at the store on the way home from work today and buy a can of tuna just for her. She prefers the white one packaged in water. And it's ALL for her.
      HAHA to Sinead and Betty. I'll take it.

      Delete
  2. Yieks for completely "au naturel" toe nails. I'm definitely not a pedicure fan, but at lest I trim my nails and have no fungus ;-)

    Love the completely randomness, but I totally agree with your list!!

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    Replies
    1. Stephanie - The toes brought more comments than the writing last week. lol Kristi and I may have to do a blog on "Toes of the world, love 'em or munch 'em", or something like that. (I think a person would have to be in shape to chew their toenails, wouldn't they? Perhaps we could make it a Fitness Blog!) Kriti's list is indeed a trip. So is her brain, but that's another story. Many Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Stephanie,
      ha to the toes. Maybe all of the comments will get Rich here to get off his cheapass and go get a pedicure (I'm not a fan either but realize the importance of being able to occasionally wear shoes).

      Delete
  3. *snorting with laughter* I'm simultaneously trying to figure out how far the kneepads link up with the information about the pig, and trying REALLY HARD NOT TO PICTURE IT!

    This was *awesome*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lizzi - There's something strange when a person talks about snorting, pigs, and orgasms all in the same paragraph. Have we discovered a fetish? lol No, I'm not going to picture that either! :) I have to agree, Kristi did a great job with this one. It's about time! lol Many Thanks!

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    2. Um hello! I can HEAR YOU. "It's about time?" I'm calling Gabriela.

      Delete
    3. And Lizzi, they're actually not related, thank God!

      Delete
    4. I'm so relieved...!

      Rich...what can I say - the material was there! I just added a little of the white stuff *wipes nose* and it was *hilarious*. Hope it was good for you both, too.

      Delete
    5. Lizzi,
      Rest assured, it was good! So funny :)

      Delete
    6. Lizzi - I was a little concerned about your comments earlier, but to try to introduce the evils of ...shhhhhh ....drugs into this blog is ... well ... it's way overdue! lol And, I guess since Kristi is here today, somewhat expected. (By the way DEA agent, I had nothing to do with it as I was at work all day and just got back home. Psssst, I hear it's an international smuggling ring in the making!)

      Delete
    7. At least it explains the comments, right? Let's keep it to that and not make a big deal of it. If anyone asks, I was driven to it by peer pressure and the latest marketing campaign for coke with friends...

      Delete
    8. LALALALA (hear no evil, speak no evil, sniff no evil) - I don't know how this entered the equation but I am not a proponent nor laugher at the serious problem that drugs cause our youth.

      Delete
    9. *dances* YAY!!! I'm 'youth'!

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. HP - Thanks so much for stopping by again! Kristi did indeed do a great job with the list. I had to scrap the number 11 she provided, "I'm thankful for kneepads because...", as this is a family blog (cough, cough). I'm sure she'll be more graphic about that topic at a later time! Many Thanks!

      Delete
    2. A family blog?? *SNORT*
      Thank you Hexagonal Patchwork!

      Delete
    3. Rich, be careful what you wish for - graphic doesn't *begin* to cover it!

      Delete
  5. (...hmm, royal baby names, good.... giant-bathing-suit-wearning-women, got it,... bird-shit on cars... better take one just in case)

    "oh! hi, Just stopped by. No, I totally have my Post ready, just thought I would, er.... see what was new here at ...'Sometimes!'
    Well, no, really? this is this week's Ten Things?? oh...I didn't notice Hey!!! isn't that Monica Lewinsky??"

    (!!....)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clark - So good to see you back! Kristi and I were just talking about you. (You don't wanna know, believe me! lol) I think Kristi's already had the royal baby name exposed to her on her blog. I had to laugh my butt off when I saw it! lol Kristi always does a great list. She'll have to comment about Monica and kneepads. I know nothing ... nothing ... nothing at all! Many Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Clark, HAHAHA - awesome comment (and don't listen to Rich). And huh? Monica? Where? Oh...riiiiiiiight...poor Monica. I wonder what she's doing now? I'm happy to remind you both that THERE ARE NO KNEEEPADS in this list!

      Delete
    3. hey did you know, if you stick a link into a comment, they sometimes stick? it's true

      (Rich will get the following cultural reference without having to google it):

      "No, I do not think there is the slightest resemblance between me and Ernest T. Bass!"

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    4. Is Ernest that drunk guy on the Andy Griffith show? I used to watch that show after school sometimes when I was a kid :)
      And I don't get the link reference. Was I supposed to link to something?

      Delete
    5. Clark - Just got off of work, my friend. Kristi obviously is showing her roots by not knowing that Otis was the drunk on the Andy Griffith Show. Ernest T. was the little crazy hillbilly that raised havoc whenever he showed up in town. Kristi sometimes reminds me of a child at heart. What was the epilogue to a movie...hmmm... "Bless the little children as they are innocent and do not know". lol So, Kristi ... how were the hot links tonight?

      Delete
    6. Hey at least I knew what the Andy Griffith show WAS. Ask some of your other groupies. MM hmm.
      Also yes. I am an innocent little babe. In fact, you are corrupting me asking me about hot links which I also do not know what you mean. I am "do not know" personified. I'm just whistling along with Opie right now. Fishing. And going to visit Barnie soon for some fun antics.

      Delete
  6. Loved this and you too never fail to give me a good laugh. Thank you both for that on my early Saturday morning blog reading!! I am thankful for friends like you!! :)

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    Replies
    1. Janine - Glad you enjoyed this. I know Kristi's as pleased as I that we could provide a smile to take away your troubles for a while. It seems to be a common goal we both share. We do our best (well, Kristi is a blonde so there are limitations, lol) She's gonna get me for that one! Many Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Janine,
      While Rich seems to think that I am limited in my mental capacity due to the color of my hair, I can assure you that it brings me no greater pleasure than to provide you with your Saturday morning chuckle. In fact, I will say that it is a common goal between Rich and I but that he obviously doesn't know who he's messin' with when it comes to these derogatory blonde comments.

      Delete
    3. Tis better to blame it on the color of the hair than to admit a deficiency. lol At least I supplied an excuse for it! :)

      Delete
    4. (back of class...hand waving wildly in the air) "I have a Comment!! I have a Comment!!!"

      ...damn forgot what it was... something about a visual for the launching of the X1 or X15 (one of those cool jets in the 50s*) and the brave test pilot just before being released from the larger plane (all imagery *so* not wasted on adolescent males)... but invariably someone would slap the pilot on the helmet, and the voice-over would be "they wish him luck and he prepares to push the boundaries...." Of course, 'they' stay safely in the very large jet and get home in time for lunch.

      Hey Rich (pat, pat) good luck there!


      well, to a certain demographic it was cool

      Delete
  7. Gabriella, next year you, me and Kristi are going to BlogHer. I would love to invite Rich as well. It won't be the same without him. But, alas, he has one thing that precludes him from the festivities. (I've said too much!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rachel - When Gabriela saw your comment her tail fluffed and she started talking about needing a new set of luggage. You really don't know what you're getting into, but if you enjoy cleaning the litter box after every event (as she won't step foot in the litter box unless it's clean) more power to you! lol Egotistically, I'd say the one thing that stops me from attending is a brain, but that would leave myself wide open for Kristi's debate banter, as well as physical questions I'm not prepared to answer! :) Many Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Rachel,
      I'm totally up for taking Gabriela to BlogHer next year as long as you're the one who cleans the litter box and stuff okay? Plus, I'm allergic to her and I don't want her to know that because she probably won't like me any longer.
      And Rich. People with boy parts are allowed to go to BlogHer too. I'm actually considering going next year - I don't like seminars but hey Queen Latifa spoke last night - and that's just cool.

      Delete
  8. Pigs have orgasms for 30 minutes? Is that to make up for the fact that they smell absolutely shittty? Weird sense of humor God.. Weird.. Dose toes are fricking grosss.. You should cut them occasionally and make a shake with them and pretend to be nice to someone that you detest and give it to them. Oh theres and idea. i have a couple of bananas and toenails that I haven't cut in a while.

    Bye Rich/Kristi.. I'm off to make a shake..

    ** pops back in ** EPIC LIST DUDE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Le Willow Wimp - she of the cool blog name! Yes I have heard that pigs orgasm for 30 minutes and I've often wondered how they manage to survive it. That's a LONG time for the O-face, ya know?
      And yeah. Blame Rich for the toes. The fact that they've been featured in many of my night and daymares is what led me to draw them - hoping to permanently exorcise them from my brain (that's the twisty head exOrcise, not the running on a treadmill exercise because nobody with those toes would be able to actually run). Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Shanique - So good to see you at my blog again, even if it is at a bad time. Sorry you had to endure the drudgery today. Oh, that's right, Kristi was here. Sorry you REALLY had to endure the drudgery today! :) OMG, a toenail shake! Why didn't Kristi think of that? She's into weird things like that. I bet that if she's glue the toenails on her kneepads, she wouldn't slip around the way she says she does. I found that picture and had to use it. It's been a major topic of discussion all week. lol I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time concentrating. I'm picturing Kristi trying to be coordinated enough to get on a treadmill. (While it's running, Kristi, while it's running!) Don't be a stranger Shanique. I love having you comment here! Many Thanks!

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    3. Treadmill? Gravity? They're making sports bras from Kevlar now?

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    4. Burlap. It takes the stress without a mess! :)

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    5. Evolve, people. Haven't you heard of duct tape? hello.

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    6. You're so 'Trailer park'.

      Where's that 'class' you promised me?

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    7. As I said, I don't promise what type of class .... lol

      Delete
    8. Probably banned from import, anyways!

      Someone give her a packet of M&Ms and get her to put them in alphabetical order - that'll belay the griping for a bit.

      Delete
  9. You guys are quite the comedy team. I would love to hang out with both of you at BlogHer, but I'm afraid I would just be whipping my head back and forth trying to follow your witty banter, and I'd spill my drink. And we can't have that. Oh - and Kristi - your toe drawing was only slightly less gross than the actual photo. Just when I had erased that image from my mind...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry Dana, drawing it was in fact my way of trying to remove it from MY brain. So far, it's not working but perhaps that once this post fades to living back in history, we'll fondly remember the ugliest toes on earth...

      ...

      or not.

      And I'd love to hang out with you at BlogHer or anywhere else! And if you spill your drink, we're fine with that, especially if it's because you're laughing at us. I mean with us. And by spill your drink, I mean spilling it on Rich is okay.

      Delete
    2. Dana - I'd love to hang out with you at BlogHer, too! Especially now that I've found out a sex change operation isn't a prerequisite for the male gender! Oh yeah, Kristi can be there too. We can always let her use her kneepads to clean up your drink from off the floor. lol I can hear her now, "I think I got it all, Missy Dana!" I'm thinking about bringing the picture back in the future as a menu item. Hungry? lol Many Thanks!

      Delete
    3. There was NO MENTION OF KNEEPADS in this post.

      Delete
    4. Was too. They're spreading as well - there's a pair just cropped up around you at Considerings...

      Delete
  10. What can I say but, "I needed this today." You two sound like my brother and me. Ahhhh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy to be the relief you needed today, Diane! HAHA to us sounding like your brother and you. Perhaps you should consider trading blog posts - I know doing this one for Rich's site here allowed me to be able to let loose!

      Delete
    2. Diane - Thank you so much for stopping in. I'm curious, what does your brother and you sound like? Does he have the deep voice or the high voice? Just curious. See, Kristi has this Donald Duck voice that sounds like she's eating a Killer Zombie Twinkie, and I sound like an old radio announcer without a host. Oh, that's not what you meant? Sorry. I've been hanging around Kristi so long I'm starting to not think like her. lol Many Thanks!

      Delete
    3. I have the deep voice, actually. Gah. Oh! Hey Rich! I was a co-host on a radio show for a while....I should dig up a clip and send it.

      Killer. Zombie. Twinkie. Must. Have.

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    4. Was it so bad you had to bury it?

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    5. No. It was so good we got cancelled.

      Delete
  11. Kristi I love your list...you are the bomb diggity. I love that you call it as you see...no messing around.

    Thank you Rich for allowing Kristi to take over your blog...she nailed it.

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    Replies
    1. MJM!!! Me miss you! Thank you so much and I'm glad you like it. A big compliment coming from you!

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    2. Michael - Really good to see you here, my friend! Kristi did a surprisingly good job today. (I wonder who wrote it for her?) lol Seriously, she did nail it ... to a pigeon that flew in pain all the way to my house with the script and refuses to ever go back to her. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Now, as I promised you last night, I'm going to your blog and read it ... cigarette hanging between my lips dropping ashes on my chest. lol Many Thanks!

      Delete
    3. Tell that damn pigeon to get her lazy ass back here and to bring me your cigarettes (unless they are menthol in which case you are truly a beotch).

      Delete
  12. Kristi and Rich...thanks for the comedy...you both are quite funny but I gotta say ya skeeved me out big with the toe thing...and is that true about pigs?! Holy shit! I don't know if I should be happy for them or feel bad for them. They must be exhausted!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Zoe - Thank YOU for visiting today! Your words are only too kind (but Kristi does need the ego boost, so greatly appreciated. lol) Kristi is the expert on pig orgasms, though. I cannot, nor will not comment in her obvious area of expertise. Kind of give new meaning to the expression, "You learn best by doing", doesn't it? lol Many Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Zoe,
      I cannot say for certain that the thing about pigs is true, but I have read it and saw some farm show at some point that yes, it's true. I guess it's the female pig's way of ...ok going to stop now. I just googled it to give the right way of answering and got weird stuff. So while I am not a pig in real DNA, and therefore cannot say for sure, yes, I believe this is true. The toe thing? Richard needs to get a damn pedicure already.

      Delete
  13. Totally off the wall and delightful to the max! A very creative use of the Then Things of Thankful concept. If your list is like this every week, I'll definitely be watching for more. Thanks for the laughter, life can always use a little more! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Josie,
      I'm so relieved! I saw some lists this week (and many of mine have been quite similar) and worried that OMG these nice people will never come back to either one of our places again. Glad that instead, you found the laugh.

      Delete
    2. Josie - Thanks for stopping here on your way to next week! I only discovered this blog hop a week ago when I did Kristi's blog for her drunk ass, oops, sick and suffering body. This was her way of repaying me for my kindness (since she couldn't come up with the cash she promised). Really good of you to stop in! Keep smiling (as we all have to either laugh or cry at Kristi's mental state). Many Thanks!

      Delete
  14. I swear, if I read ONE MORE TWEET about how wonderful BlogHer is, and how delicious the food is, and how much swag has been given away, and all the Blogger Queens that were met, I am going to throw myself out the window (except my windows don't open, so make that THROUGH the window). Maybe we should go next year...?

    Loving the whole list. LOVING IT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dyanne,
      No shit. Those BlogHer bitches need to shuddup already. I mean, I did think about going but I actually hate seminars. But then I hear about laughter and tears and famous people and that they do let boys come...and I'm like "WTF am I not there?!?!?!" Ugh. Thanks for loving the list and for not throwing yourself out the window that doesn't open anyway...

      Delete
    2. Dyanne - I'm also considering going next year as $700 seems a small price to pay to catch up on sleep. As long as they don't serve spaghetti (of which I'd prefer not to pass out in), and if I can get my snoring under control (a trait I learned from my wife) it could be quite the time for me to enjoy. It would definitely be better than working these eleven hour days that cause me to pass out in my computer chair while writing a blog (Yes, Kristi, it happened again tonight). Of course, passing out may be better than flying through a window unless, of course, you're supergirl and can fly! Many Thanks!

      Delete
  15. Hi, great guest post that kept me laughing. :)

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    Replies
    1. Mary - Glad you enjoyed this! Kristi's a trip (similar to the acid given out at concerts in the 60's) that has flashback tendencies (unlike any acid I took in the late 60's/early 70's). In fact, this whole guest blog post thing has been a trip (like already described). lol Glad it kept you laughing! Many Thanks!

      Delete
  16. I agree with you about cooler weather. Looking forward to autumn!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kristi - A lady after my heart! I hate summer heat. I live for a time of sweaters and breezes that awaken instead of bog you down. I understand that my guest blogger (of whom you share a name down to the spelling, making me very careful how I write this) loves to sear her flesh on the beaches. Me, give me air conditioning or give me death! Glad you liked this and very happy you visited my humble abode. Many Thanks!

      Delete
    2. This one you can call K2 (for ease of Ten Things Co-Host Designation) - she's graciously agreed (post-decision, bless her boots) to bear the moniker in lieu of 'Newer than old Kristi but not younger than old Kristi Kristi'

      Delete
  17. I haven't forgotten the original toenail picture. YUCK!! I just scrolled up and scanned the comments. Just in case you hadn't heard or no one responded the Royal baby's name is George. I admit, I was disappointed. I said, "GEORGE? That's what you're going with? Ok, whatever floats your royal boat."

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    Replies
    1. Kenya - So good of you to stop in! I know Kristi will be happy to see you, too! What, you didn't like the toenail pic? OMG, not another one! lol I'm so happy I found that photo! It's been a topic of major conversation ever since it was posted! lol Unfortunately, someone already passed on the name to Kristi on her own site. As she had an intimate crush on George Burns for years, she may not be as disappointed as she pretends to be. lol Many Thanks!

      Delete
  18. I am really hoping your sister in law is illiterate. Also I had managed to scrub the image of those toes from my brain, so thanks for adding it back into the some of things I don't want to think about category, like Rich and sheep. Ewe.

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    Replies
    1. Kerri - Deja Vu! I just commented to one of your comments on my Sunday blog. If I can ever stop working these 11 hour days, I'm going to get back to reading yours. I miss it, seriously! If the photo were mine, I'd send you an autographed 8X10 glossy so that you could always appreciate the "other" side, but alas, tis not my own. And, about those sheep, I count them to go to sleep (as the old expression goes), and that's all I do besides wear their wool in sweaters in the Winter. You should know me better than that! lol Now, let me tell you about Kristi and pigs and 30 minute ....

      Delete
    2. The truth comes out, it was HER toes in last weeks post!!!

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    3. As the late, great Paul Harvey used to say, "And now you know the rest of the story." lol

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    4. Kerri,
      My sister in law is much too busy and involved with her own shit to deem anything I am doing as important or worth reading. And you're very welcome for re-adding those nasty toes to your daymares. I figure, if I am suffering, that misery loves company so let's make it a party.

      Delete
  19. Awesome list, awesome blogger!

    The speaking toe nails? Hilarious! And much better than the original picture... :-/

    I feel the urgent need to reveal the royal baby's name... :-)

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    Replies
    1. Joy - I have to agree, Kristi did a great job with the list this week. Of course, since I did her blog list last week, she actually had two weeks to put this one together! Now we really know how long it takes her to publish something worthwhile! lol What? You didn't like the picture? I may just send you the JPEG so you can rethink that decision! :) Oh, several have already let the name out of the royal womb. Kristi was livid about it. First emotion she's ever shown. lol Many Thanks!

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    2. To be clear, I did this at the final hour because I do not work on anything for two weeks, although I really should. Procrastination is truly something I embrace in every aspect of my life, to the fullest extent possible.
      Thank you Joy.
      Oh and somebody blew it (Courtney in fact and she was the first comment on my blog).
      Rich,
      How will I ever survive all of the compliments you throw my way? 'Tis a mystery.

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    3. I am the master of procrastination, Kristi! :-)

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  20. I am stuck at pigs have orgasms for 30 minutes...

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    Replies
    1. Deb - Good to see you here! Kristi is full of fun facts. I'm not sure how she knows about the pig's one, but I'm not going to question her about it any further. There are some answers one doesn't want to know! lol Appreciate you stopping by! Many Thanks!

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    2. Hi Deb!
      It'll say with you forever. You're welcome.

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  21. OK, 87 comments. Wow.

    I am thankful for this collaboration and I hope you work out some sort of an arrangement whereby you regularly post offensively hilarious or hilariously offensive posts on each other's blogs. It makes everyone else's life so much more entertaining. Really!

    I am also grateful for your illustrations, Kristi. Gabriela, OMG and I love the sheep just as much as I loved them last week!

    I am grateful for reading this post and I loved your 9 and 10. :-)

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  22. Oh, and also, I wish I was stuck with the pigs. I am stuck with the photo of the toes. Gee, thanks so much for that, guys!

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    Replies
    1. Katia, my love. Not sure we want to be stuck with the pigs. It may kill us. I mean seriously, for real, kill us. We are actually talking about a collaboration of sorts so thank you for encouraging us (although others may say something other than thank you which rhymes with thank you but begins with an f).

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    2. Katia - I enjoyed what took place this time (and last). There's a lot of questions to answer and a lot of decisions to be made. Gabriela seems to have it in her mind to go overseas and blog. The pigs seem to feel as though they need to hit the porn industry of the West Coast and see if they can get lucky (as if anyone wanted to watch a pig have a 30 minute orgasm). Kristi's toenails set off the metal detector the last time she flew, so TSA has her picture posted by every bathroom urinal. And me, well, my wife has made room for the sheep, so, who knows what's happening next? Really do appreciate the support! Many Thanks!

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  23. Hmm looks like I missed another party! Did that pig info come from Christine? I can't imagine a pig wrangler not knowing that little fascinating tidbit lol

    That picture of the toes look like an exact replica of mine! I use them as weapons. Biological warfare!

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

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    Replies
    1. Jak - Yes, I find it shocking (not really but I'm trying to keep up appearances) that such a vital tidbit of info would indeed ocme from Kristi. I can only imagine the movie she was watching to find it out. I think I saw those feet years ago in South Africa, but you'd know better, unless you were in South Africa and we met by chance. Many Thanks!

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  24. Jak, I AM actually capable of learning things on my own, although Rich seems to doubt that ability. AND EW. Gross. Go fix your toes.

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    Replies
    1. Kristi - A week later and the comments continue! Either that or you're just really far behind in your emails! lol I have no doubt you can learn things on your own. There are just some things you've learned that I have to question, "How did she ever develop and interest in that?" :) Good to see you again!

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  25. Dude. My husband's toes look like that. It makes me want to vomit. Really. Vomit. Also, completely agree with the fat ladies in the bathing suits. It makes me feel so better!

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    Replies
    1. Jen - So good of you to visit this zoo of a blog! Wow! I wondered where the actual picture came from of the toes. Now I know!! Shhh ... I won't tell. You can enjoy your vomiting all by yourself in the privacy of your own home without the world thinking it's a case of continual morning sickness! :) I would personally rather not see fat ladies (or fat guys) in bathing suits. So, I stay away from the pool and beach, and pretend not to visualize Kristi's words. lol Many Thanks!

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    ReplyDelete