Sunday, July 28, 2013

Serious Sunday #2: Users, Losers & Abusers

** This is the second in the Serious Sunday series.  Many of my friends are finding themselves in a position of questioning how they could have been so naive as to have trusted people on the web, or others, in life, that have since taken advantage of their kindness.  

This post attempts to address the subject from the viewpoint of accountability.  Please feel free to comment at the end.


Are you proud of your life's decisions?
Are you doing as you were taught?
Are you doing as you would want others to do to you?
Are you a user, loser & abuser?

Only you can answer this honestly.  

Will you?

Were you taught right from wrong as a child?  Did your parents ever discuss the differences between treating people right and using people to get what you want? 

Are you following those rules today?

Are you the accuser or the accused?
What put you in that position?
In business and politics today, stealing is somewhat acceptable ... as long as you don't get caught. The participants live up to the standard that there is no honor among thieves.  The dirtier your business tactics, the higher you rise upon the corporate ladder.  Stabbing people in the back is a practice most lawyers, businessmen and politicians are aware takes place and lose sleep over as they toss and turn wondering who may be getting ready to do it to them as they have done it to others.  

It's an endless cycle!

But, doesn't everyone use everyone?  Don't husbands and wives use each other?  Don't neighbors borrow tools and never return them?  Don't churches expect you to give them some of your free time for their special activities?

Most do to a small extent.  Some call it helping each other out, doing a favor, or relationship responsibility.  Still, it is using another person for a purpose and finding a viable excuse for doing so.

How could you do this to me?
I thought we were friends?
It is taught, "Winners have reasons for success and losers have excuses for failure."  Does this mean that a winner will pay the price for their successes by the processes of trial and error experimentation, proper educational studies, and apprenticeships?  If so, does the loser category include those who utilize friendship as a guise to steal ideas, learn due processes without payment, and jump into the competitive element after learning their trade under false pretenses?

As humans, whether we be naive and gullible or aware and fearful, we allow many to enter our private circles that have no business there.  We tend to be naive in our thinking that the person we assist will never stab us in the back.  Unfortunately, this is not the case.

However, we still find ourselves wondering how we could be so easily fooled.  Why did we ever trust?  How could that person do that to us?  What did we do to deserve being taken advantage of in this manner?

Does the nice guy always finish last?  Or, do things go around in circles?  Will something come back to nip these users, losers and abusers in the tail in the future?   Or, do we have to wait until death to see the guilty get their just deserts?

We live in a communication age.  The Internet allows for relationships to be formed and seen by all.  It, also, allows for all to see when a wrong takes place.  

Thus, the birth of the Huffington Post crowd that thinks everything is an injustice!

It's not so easy to get away unnoticed these days.  Posts and websites that call out those that don't follow the rules are commonplace.  Groups can easily witness the actions of its members and stand in unity to see they fail in their efforts to take undo advantage.  Schemers, thieves, and sharks can easily be called out and seen for the lowlifes they truly are.

Ask yourself,
"Where do I fit in?"
These individuals have lost the common decency that relationships depend on.  They use their so called friends to gain their trust, rip out souls in their actions, and then validate their acts with excuses.  They have forgotten the Golden Rule, their parents teachings, and the law of Physics ("For every action there is a reaction.")  

Where do you fit in this picture?  How are you changing the world in which you live by the lack of honesty and fairness you exhibit?  Are you the role model you want your children to follow in the footsteps of in their future adult life?  How would you feel if others did to you the same as you do to them?

Do you care about how your actions influence the opinions others have of you?

Or, are you simply one of the many that don't give a damn anymore?

When was the last time 
 used someone?

Isn't it time you stopped?


  1. I don't think I've particularly any of those things (though I'm sure if we dug deep enough, elements of them would be visible).

    The good (and bad) thing about the internet is its transparency - especially on blogs. It's all out there, the lovely and the very ugly, which means folks are (often) more enabled to make a valid decision when forming an opinion about someone.

    It's what they do with it from there - I have been involved in a few 'situations' which I've not been proud of, where a kind of mob mentality has broken out. Guess that makes me a different kind of loser.

    1. Lizzi - I think everyone has a shadow in the closet they wish they'd never worn in public. Some just have many more than others. Learning from mistakes is common. To never learn and to continue using is simply wrong. Public opinion polls are seen on public figures almost daily. Perhaps, if we were judged as critically on our actions, we might think twice before doing them, especially since we don't have the money or power to influence them the way some do. The mostly innocent may look at this and say, "This isn't me." But, hopefully, they may also open their eyes and see whom it may be, possibly even in their inner circles, before they become the victims. Many Thanks!

    2. As you say, I think we all wear shades of them at times.

      The more I think about it, the more I remember things I wish I'd not done, or done differently (this is like coming to confession! (probably)) and I daresay most people are the same.

      You're right though - it's about learning from it and taking the feedback (and hopefully being part of a community where such feedback can be freely given when the line is overstepped) and responding positively, with change.

  2. Man, Rich, you nailed that one. I hope some of the users and abusers read this and a little lightbulb goes off. I've seen too many of my friends stabbed in the back by others that they "thought" were their friends. I don't know what's worse, seeing them used for their knowledge, their position, or just because the user thought they could get away with it.

    And a message to the users: really? You didn't think the rest of us wouldn't notice you taking advantage of our friends? I hope Karma stabs you in the asshole and you spend the rest of your life constipated.

    1. Terrye - Glad you approved of this one. It's disheartening to see your friends taken advantage of, whether it be in life or on the web. Those that prey in this area need to change their ways immediately, or face the wrath of the populace. You and I know it's just wrong to do it, regardless of the excuse one can offer. Funny, though, how most of the excuses find money and greed at their roots. Love your message to the users. Many Thanks!

  3. Hmmm...I wonder if you have spent too much time with Lizzie. ;0

    But you are right, again, when you go serious. We all abuse and use. I just hope it is in moderation.

    1. Kerri - I'm beginning to wonder the same thing! lol An example of what you say would be evident in comedy. Like yesterday's blog, I used Kristi, as she used me, as straight man recipients to our jokes about each other. That style, as long as the other party knows it's all in jest, is acceptable. Many types are. But there are many other areas of gray, and some that are just damn black and white that need to be addressed. These are the folks this blog was truly addressed. Many are obviously thinking about it as the views to this blog are still way up, but the comments few. Many Thanks!

  4. Rich, this was so good. I've experienced exactly what you're talking about. It's so hard, especially in this age of "Everything online". You want to hope that people have the wherewithall to not step all over people to get to the top, but it would be naive to assume I guess.

    Thanks for writing this!! xo

    1. Julie - Thanks for your kind words on this one. You know I love you to death, but let me say one thing that might tick you off. "I hope you've learned from your experience!" You are so open and friendly and see only the good in people. No cynicism at all. You trust that your friendliness and instruction will be appreciated. You are a prime target for the abuser. They will prey upon your innocence and take you to the cleaners if you allow it. I think you have a better idea now as to who your friends really are. Use this knowledge to assist you in your future decisions, without becoming cynical, and keep yourself safe. Many Thanks!

  5. Dammit Rich, way to fog up my rose colored glasses...

    I'm very cautious about who I let into my circles, but I have certainly seen some of my friends get that knife twisted in their backs! We live in a twisted dog eat aardvark world. It's sad what people will do to others to get ahead.

    Now if you'll excuse me this Pollyanna has to get back to her writin'...

    1. Sarah - Sorry I'm late in answering this. Slipped by me with my busy work schedule away from blogging. It does happen way too often, unfortunately. I, as well as my friends, have had it happen. It's tough to see it again and again, inside the blogging world and outside in the business world. An occasional reminder could open eyes and possibly keep it from happening again. Keep the glasses, but keep them cleaned. I really wouldn't want you to be a victim, too. Many Thanks!

  6. Wow, you've been so busy blogging lately! Just had a quick look. If you can keep up with all your blogging full-time, then I sure as hell had better do the same working part-time! I can honestly say that I've NEVER used someone but I've had plenty of people use me. My favourite one is "friends" who call you up when you know for certain that all their other plans fell through. I don't hang around those people anymore - I woke up about two years ago. Great post! Hope you have a fab weekend and lots of relaxing!

    1. Melanie - Really good to see you here. Including this one on Sunday, I wrote one on Tuesday, and two last night (one for the FTSF blog hop already published, and one to be released for Saturday's 10 Things Of Thankful). Since I'm also working 6-7 days a week at 10-11 hours per day, I find I've developed a habit of nodding out in front of the computer with my keys still on the keyboard. My wife thinks I'm getting old. I think she's a bitch. lol I remember a couple of posts you'd made where you were taken advantage of. I know the kindness you have in your heart for animals and humans will provide a target for many. Still, be on your guard and keep smiling! Many Thanks!