Monday, February 18, 2013

Gabriela Speaks: Girls Night Out

I'm red faced embarrassed
over last week's blog!

"I'm Embarrassed!"

Last week, not a lot of you commented on my post, and some of the comments were really almost words of sympathy.  My face is red as I feel like I blew it big time.

So Does Rich!

In fact, Rich was totally ticked off at me.  I have to admit, it is his blog, and he has a reputation to protect (as bad as it may be, lol).  He was so mad, he told me I couldn't guest post anymore.  

I was crushed and will admit, I shed some tears in expressing my feelings towards his incommunicado attitude.  Heartbroken, I felt as though I'd let down all my fans!  

Yes, I broke down and cried and cried!  When the big softy saw my matted fur around my eyes, he finally relented and decided to give me one more chance.

"Oh, great God of pussycats, please don't let me mess this one up!"

So now, the pressure's on me.  I've got to stay PG rated (which dahrlings, is a real task for me) and still pull in the readers.  He must think I'm Garfield!  I'm actually finding a few white hairs in my beautiful black fur from all the stress.  (Janine, I think it's time for that hair color we talked about a couple of weeks ago!)

So, let's get started.  It may be my final walk down the pirate's plank, but at least I'll go down with my paws patting the keyboard!

First thing I want to bring up is this advertisement I just saw.  Look at this one here to the right!

OMG, when did Obama go bald?????

He looks like Whoppee without 
the dreadlocks and glasses!!!

MIchelle, girl, 
why didn't you buy some Rogaine for your man! 

You can afford it, girl!  Sell one of those dyed, burlap bag dresses you been wearin' to hide your big tail and get your man a prescription to bring back his hair!  

And, iffin' he shaved his head tryin' to look all cool, you tell him he ain't no ugly man tryin' anything to look good, like Steve Harvey (Since he shaved his hair off, all he needs is a derby hat and he'd look like that old, big headed Mr. Potatohead, lol). 

Obama needs to make himself look good again by growin' it back out!  I didn't vote for no bald headed, chrome domed President!  Put your hair back on, boy!  This mama's needin' to fantasize about those hot nights with the Prez in the Oval Office, again!

Okay, enough of that.  Any more, and I'm gonna get myself in trouble with Rich ... again!

Last week, Ruchira asked me ta talk this week about GNO.  Now, I searched all week long to study the topic, but honey, there ain't a lot on the web about Gross Nose Obesity.  I guess we could pull up a picture a picture of Steve Harvey and stare at his nozola for a while, but y'all would start feelin' nauseated quick.
I added it anyway! lol
Steve Harvey

Licensed under the 
Creative Commons 
Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic

Then, Rich tells me that GNO means "Girls Night Out", not "Gross Nose Obesity."  (Like I'm supposed to know that on my own.)  

So, Ruchira, let's talk about it!


I'm waitin' girl!  Start talkin'!


Girls, let me get all your
money so Geraldo and I
can enjoy our evening!
Oh well, Ruchira, iffin' you ain't gonna say anything, Rich's wife, Millie (And you think Gabriela is a weird name!  Can't you hear her mom when she was young, "Mildred, where are you Mildred?"  lololol), has told me about all the good times she had when Rich was out on the road doing comedy.  (And he thought she stayed home with the kids!)  So, I guess I'll discuss some of the things she's told me.

First off, she says her and her girlfriends used to go watch these Chippendale guys dance and strip on stage.  I say, "Girl, what's the big deal about goin' and watchin' men dance, when you know they're going home with men when they're done?"

Give me a real hetero man!  I like me a Tom cat that's lookin' at me and sayin', "Hey girl, you got the bootie I'm after", instead of, "Yeah, yours is okay, but Geraldo's booty is much tighter!"

Ooops!  Sorry!  Gotta be careful.  
Almost went PG-13 there!

Girls, I want a Tom that looks good, and likes knowin' I'm lookin' at him as much as he's lookin' at me.  But you humans, well, y'all are different.  Where cats don't mind "cattin' around" and checkin' out the different dudes, you humans stick with only one mate ... most of the time!  How stale that must get!
Who the Hell Are You!
I asked for Max!

With that being the case, I guess you feel safe in knowin' the dancers aren't lookin' for anything when they get done doing their dancing.  You can sit there, stuff their jock straps full of dollar bills, get drunk, make jokes about the hubby and kids, cry a little, and finally decide who can afford a lawyer before figuring out who the designated driver is going to be.  

Boring!  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

You might as well stay at home and watch 
Dancing With the Stars!  

"Go Max ... Go Max!!!"

I remember how it used to be before the "Mommy" phase of life happened!

I'd go out, strolling the block.  I'd be whippin' my tail from side to side, makin' sure all the Tom's had a good view.  Then, I'd check out all the different Tom's on the block, and go to the next to do the same.  

I'd be drivin' them crazy!
This mama had the motion to move the notion of the ocean!

Then, when I found a Tom worthy of my attention (not one of those damn alley cats that didn't care about you)I'd fluff up my tail real big ... real big!   

Honey, that Tom's eyes would bulge out and he'd be sniffing the air to find out if I was just lookin', or ready to get to cookin'!   That's when the chase would begin!

After that ... well, after that a girl's gotta keep some secrets to keep her reputation in tact.  

We all had those wild days once.  Now, we sit around let ourselves be tamed, taking life easy and eating Little Friskies ... or whatever.  (I can't believe y'all don't like Little Friskies!  You really ought to give them a try sometime.)
So, who's driving home?

And "Girls Night Out", well, it's something we do just to get away and remind us that we're not dead inside.  We look at safe men because we know we don't trust ourselves to look at normal ones.  There's still some feelings inside that we have to watch and control.  The need to be free.  The need to experience more of life.  The need to show that we're not just tame house cats with no yearnings or desires.  

In other words, the need to "cat around" 
... just a little!

Yet, we look to our friends to keep us from going that extra mile that will get us in trouble.  The act that would jeopardize losing all we have, including those we love the most.  Those friends with whom we share our hearts and trust to help us keep from doing something stupid.  

With these friends we share our "Girls Night Out."  We can keep each other safe, have our fun, and then go home where we hug our families, and feel the warmth of the security and love they offer.

Unless you're a cat.  Then, you just gotta party!!! 


Take care, y'all!


  1. Gabriela, I actually just got my hair dyed Friday. How is that for irony!! As for Girls Night Out, I haven't had one of those in so long that I was beginning to forget what they were, lol!! Great post as always and Rich give a girl a break!! There I tried to help you out one mother to another, lol!! :)

    1. Janine, dear, so good to see you here! I'll bet you look wonderful without the gray! lol If Rich keeps up pushing me the way he is, I'll look like Faletame before long. (God Forbid!!!) I'm glad you like these, girl. I'm trying hard. It's really hard not having fingers and having to type. I don't know about Rich giving me a break. He's pretty much an ass most of the time. He's sooooo picky about things. I added a picture of Steve Harvey this morning, and he called me from work and told me it looked terrible! I hadn't fixed the caption right and it was all over the page. I told him to give me his new password and I'd fix it ... but nooooooo, he said he'd do it when he got home. Sometimes a girl just can't win. Thanks for your support! It's stronger than one of Millie's bras! Take care!

  2. Well Gabriela, maybe you should come and visit with me here in San Pedro, Chile, my house has a really big yard that was empty for over 40 years, and there's a big colony of Tom-cats who still visit constantly, I think we humans are considered intruders on their plot, or something! I watch the courting and the love affairs through the window, as occasionally an attractive girl-cat comes visiting too. There's a big variety, big, small, medium, and assorted colors and types of hair. Interested? I warn you, though, it's really far away! See you next Monday, I hope! It wouldn't be the same without your post!

    1. Joan, my South American hottie! How are you girl? If I could come up with the money for travel, I'd be there in a second. But, I'm afraid Rich doesn't even give me an allowance. He said if my blog makes any money, he'll give me all of it ... but, I really don't believe him. He'll probably give it to me and then charge me for my Little Friskies! All those Tom's and I've been through the vet's planned parenthood program. Sad, but I just don't have the urge anymore. Guess Millie and I do have something in common! lol Take care!

  3. I think Gabriela needs to meet my Pepe. He has the same eyes, same color fur and it sounds like the same "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" personality. HAHA.
    As for girls' night out...hmm....I think I did one of those like 10 years ago...and even then I was like, um, when can we go hiking? LOL.
    Fun post...and definitely made me grin. ;)

    1. Cyndi, dahrling, how are you doing my little forest imp! I'd love to meet Pepe! I bet he's one hot tamale ... or at least, got one! lol Shhhh! Don't tell Rich I said that! As for your GNO, well, I never would have guessed you to be one to enjoy things like that. You seem to be the type that would like to sit home with a good book and a glass of wine. Just not one for having fun, are you? lol Just joking, girl! Take care!

  4. Gabriela gabriela, you are quite the handful aren't you? I think I should introduce you to Rusty - the fatest ass cat you ever met. I think he'd be the ying to your yang.


    1. Julie, Julie, the girl with two names! How are you dear? I understand you're a big TV star now! Congratulations! At least someone Rich knows is a success! : ) Rusty, Rusty, I'll be my butt is bigger than yours! Honey, my butt's so wide now, when I go to the litter box, I squat in it sideways! Ying? Yang? So, that's what they're calling .... okay Rich, I won't say it .... Anyway, good to be brought up to speed on the new lingo. (Rich probably thinks "Groovy" is still cool to say!) Take care!

  5. Gabriela, I think I need to go find Jinx and let her read your blog today because she's in dire need of some laughter. The cat next door has been giving her hell...poor thing. She loved your comment on her blog post from the other day...will make sure she replies soon. She's so damn lazy! Great post kitty cat!

    1. Melanie, my friend from the South .... way South! lol Girl, you're looking so good! Especially for someone that hangs out with dogs most of the time. Do you know that the more you hang out with them, the more you start to resemble them? Yep! It's not a rumor. I heard it from Dr. Phil's dog, Philbert. So girl, you need to spend more time with Jinx! I'll bet she's so lonely. That's why she's lazy ... she's depressed! You won't play with her, she's gained a few pounds, and then she finds she has to compete with a cat as perfect as me! No wonder she's down! lol Tell her I said "hi!" Take care!

  6. Gabriela, after reading your blog, my monday's are no more mundane and I am happy you did not go talking over the Gross Nose

    Yup, you got it all right over the Girls night out. They sure have their share of fun and go back to their old dull

    Looking fwd to another hilarious start of Monday next week...Yeehaw!

    1. Ruchira! Girl, how you doing? See, you asked and I answered. GNO was all for you! But dahrling, next time, let's come up with a more exciting topic! I tried, but damn, this was a boring topic to cover. Probably what I needed after last week's fiasco, but still, not one of my more exciting writes. I'll bet there's a lot more to do where you're at than here in the states. Everyone is still acting like the Puritans are running things. Well, maybe they are! lol Take care!