Thursday, January 31, 2013

FTSF - Reality TV and Me


Well, here we are again!   

Finish the sentence Friday is here.  I'd thought about skipping this one and really taking a day off.  But, since the only blog posted on my site this week came from my cat, Gabriela, I have to remember my obligations.  So, let me get to it!   

Let it be kept in mind that I'm watching the final "Resident Evil" movie "Retribution" while I'm attempting to accomplish this.  So, if I seem somewhat spaced out at times, you'll know it's because I'm staring at and dreaming of a magnificent fantasy that includes myself and Milla Jovovich!    

You see, Milla and I have had a long relationship.  She represents everything I'd want in a woman.  Not only can she kick anyone's ass that decided to make fun of my writing, but she'd look great doing it!   And yes, I recognize that I have nothing to offer her, and really can't even tell you a thing about her personal life.  Still, we must enjoy fantasies wherever we can find them.   

Even my cat Faletame is stroking his whiskers and giving me a high five on this one!

Gabriela's saying, "Hey Faletame, thanks to the vet, you couldn't do anything with her if you wanted!"

What a bitch!

Oh, yes, it's finish the sentence Friday!   I had been slightly detracted, thinking about Milla.   Sweet Milla!   Such a lean, mean, fighting machine that looks so good in spandex and latex.  I mean, there's really not that many ladies that look good holding a gun!  But with Milla, it looks so natural.

Finish the Sentence Friday, Rich ... Finish the Sentence Friday ....

This week, the zookeepers are again:





They have put their heads together to come up with another stirring question guaranteed to reach new depths of septic tank sludge in requiring answers from all of those daring enough to participate.  

So, without further ado, let us see the sentence we are supposed to finish .....

If Milla Jovovich were to ask you or your husband out on a ..........

Sorry, wrong sentence.    Here's the real one:

“When it comes to reality TV shows, I…”

So, here I go...

When it comes to reality TV shows, I could make the journeys through them with Milla Jovovich by my side.

Together, we could use the method of body warming body as we traveled the frozen North in the land of Ice Road Truckers!  I'm sure we'd be in constant danger of melting the ice over which we drove our eighteen wheeler, yet, the crackling of the ice would only heighten the intensity of the drama shown on the screen.

Milla and I could show up the Gator Boys and catch a 20 foot gator by simply mesmerizing it with her beauty as I slipped up behind it and taped its jaws shut.  Then, together, we'd laugh and laugh as it wore itself out thrashing its tail around in anger at not being able to taste her flesh.

We'd travel to Texas and show the Rattlesnake Republic how to draw out the snakes by simply having Milla sing lightly as she trod through snake country.  Like the Pied Piper, she'd lead them to the boxes I'd prepared, into which they'd crawl to simply cool off from the heat she projected.

To the Amazon Jungle we'd go next.  The boys from Alabama, looking for gold, would find a new meaning to the title "Bamazon" upon seeing her in the tiny jungle garb she chose to wear.  So enthralled they'd be that they would never see me slipping all the gold they'd collected into my own backpack.  By the time they stopped thinking of the image of Milla, we'd be far away and safely enjoying the profits of the trip along the beaches of Rio!

Together, her and I could travel to Vegas and visit the Pawn Stars shop.  There, I'd wager with Chumley as to his ability to get Milla to go on a date with him.  After he lost, I'd take the Picasso and the two man helicopter and Milla and I would fly to the land of Anthony Boudain's five star restaurant selections in New York City!  Among the lights, we'd dine on the finest of delicacies, ending of course, with the one strand of spaghetti that drew our lips together.   (Remember the Lady And The Tramp?)

However, as with all reality TV shows, seasons end and shows are cancelled.  I'd finally remember that I was married and have to give up my dreams of Milla being forever in my life.  She, of course, would be completely heartbroken, and sue me for a nominal sum on the People's Court.  As a penalty for my discretion's, I'd be sent, along with eight high school kids, to a session of Scared Straight, where prison occupants would threaten to maim, injure, and even kill me if they ever saw me again.  

When it was over, my wife would come and pick me up, and tell me she'd scheduled appearances on both the Dr. Phil show and Jerry Springer to see if help was available for what I'd done.  Before I could appear, the stress would get to me, I'd have a fatal heart attack, and Ghost Hunters would come to Kentucky to spend the night in my house talking to my spirit.  They'd record an unknown voice, that when presented to my wife the next day, would draw screams of anger, as she listened to it say,

"Milla ... Milla ... Milla ...   You're one hot lady!"

Now, I'm getting back to watching the movie!   

Thank God for Blue Rays!!!



20 comments:

  1. Richard, your imagination and mind is truly an interesting place to visit. That said I loved how you finished this sentence. This was truly one of the most creative ways and never would have thought to do this (but then again Milla does nothing for me, lol!!) Awesome post and thanks as always for linking up. Happy Friday!!

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    1. Janine - Good morning! I've always heard, "The mind is a terrible thing to waste", yet, I've always done my best to do exactly that! lol Just a little something different out of this weird guy that seems to look at things a little different. Glad you enjoyed! Many thanks!

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  2. Hahahahaha this was great Richard! Hopefully Milla sees this!

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    1. Rachel - I'd be completely embarrassed if she did! lol Oh well, one can dream, can't they? : ) Many thanks!

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    2. As "the perfect being," I'm sure she knows all. ;) [#FTSF]

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    3. Chris - I don't know about the perfect being, especially if she's drawn my attention. I usually pick the ones with all the flaws. lol Actually, I sat down and said, "Can I watch this movie and write a blog at the same time", and this is what I came up with. I think I'll stick with what I've been with for 33 years in real life. I'm sure she's much less maintenance, and definitely more accepting of my ways. : ) Many thanks!

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  3. Ha -- great fantasy write-up on this Rich! As for Milla, I'm sure you and her would have a ton of fun on all those shows. I forgot all about People's Court by the way...good one! Loved the creativity and fun you had with this post.

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    1. Emily - There are times I ask my brain to come up with something and just start typing. This was one of those time! lol It was a lot of fun to come up with, and I was amazed that my wife even liked it after reading. Maybe I'm not walking on as thin a ground as I sometimes believe! lol Many thanks!

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  4. Ha ha! Love "Bamazon!" Too funny :)
    Great and creative way to finish FTSF.

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    1. Kristi - Good to see you here! Bamazon is different, to say the least. I can just see those boys staring at Milla with their tongues on the ground licking ant's butts! lol Glad you enjoyed this journey! Many Thanks!

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    2. Ya know, I'll humor my hubby and let him watch Ice Road Truckers (I'll even occasionally watch, too) and Pawn Stars...but I have to set, it never dawned on me til I read that that those are reality TV. I was always like, oh god, there he goes with the History channel again. ahhahah. Awesome post! As for Dr. Phil appearances...well, I can't help ya there. ;)

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    3. Cyndi - Good of you to visit! I know you're hooked on the trucker with the blue mohawk, aren't you? lol Yes, your hubby is hooked on reality TV! Be careful. Next thing you know he'll be asking you to put on a crown and say, "Hi y'all, I'm Honey Boo Boo." lol (What you do in private is your own business) :) Many thanks!

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  5. Ha, Rich, I'm not familiar with your shows either. But I do recognize Milla Jovovich from The Fifth Element. The one and only thing I've ever seen her in. So you really REALLY like her huh? The reference to Lady and Tramp was Hilarious - that one I've seen.

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    1. Kenya - Good of you to visit! I'm not sure if the 5th Element was her first movie, but I, too, remember it well. lol She's actually done well in a couple of movies outside the "action" category, but it definitely is her niche. Glad you enjoyed! Many thanks!

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  6. That was brilliant! Was wondering where you were going with it all, and then when you hit Dr. Phil and Ghost Hunters...well, that's when I packed out laughing. Lol, job well done...very original. And loved how you included Mila Jokovich. Must admit, she's probably the main reason why I watch all those resident evil movies.

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    1. Melanie - So good to see you this snowy morning! Glad you enjoyed this one. I'm not a Zombie / Horror fan myself, so I'm with you on Milla being the main draw of the movie! Plus, I keep wondering where it will, and when the series will finally end. I need to watch this one again, just because I was paying more attention to writing than watching, and am completely lost as to the ending it presented. Oh well, I don't think Milla will mind! lol Many thanks!

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  7. lol. i'm going to have to read the posts from your cats! we have two cats but they haven't gotten into blogging yet!

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    1. Misty - Good of you to visit! I'm feeling slighted here. You wish to read my cat's posts. My ego dwindles. You'd rather read my cat's work than mine! Oh, the humanities! lol A lot of their work is on hubpages.com (link above) However, since their new policies went into action, some of them are now hidden. I'm moving them slowly over here under the tabs above. Btw, Faletame says to let the cats have your computer now and then and he'll be happy to teach them how to do it. Of course, Gabriela is scoffing at that, as she has recently found new fame as a mommy blog writer. I think I'm gonna have to get a couple of more computers. lol Many thanks!

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  8. I think I am officially speechless. I have already had several "Didn't see that coming!" moments when reading blog posts today, but that one takes the cake! In a good way! Thanks for putting your own unique and unpredictable spin on our topic today! You are one of a kind, Rich!

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    1. Stephanie - Good to see you here! I'm a little different, but then again, why not? lol I usually don't know which way something's going to head until I start writing it. For some reason, they just seem to come to me at times. It's usually when my medication needs to be taken. : ) Glad you enjoyed! Many thanks!

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