Tagged ... Bah, Humbug!

I awoke this morning to a "tagging".  

Yesterday, I blogged an article about having been nominated for an award.  The reward for being nominated was to nominate others.

Have I ever told you I'm somewhat lazy?  This is the post from Michelle L. I awoke to:

"Yes, the true gift of Christmas is sacrifice, forgiveness, and above all these, love. I would like to thank Melanie Chisnall of Scribbles and Smiles, who passed on the truest Christmas message of friendship I know to the rest of us.

Melanie is a dedicated blogger and most definitely, talented writer. If you have not already gotten to know this talented lady well, check out her blog, Scribbles and Smiles for little reminders of the positive things in life. She tagged us with some questions which I find great fun to answer."

1. What’s the coolest stocking gift you’ve ever received?

2. Do you prefer to wrap gifts or use gift bags? (short and easy one)?

3. What’s the weirdest ornament on your tree?

4. What are your thoughts on re-gifting?

5. Describe the best Christmas morning you’ve ever had.

Anyway, Good ol' Melanie (did I tell you she's the one who did it to me with the nomination?) did it to me again, inadvertently, that is!  Michelle is the real culprit!  (But, I still love both of them to death!) 

I must now answer questions about Christmas past. I could avoid doing this, but will participate in the tone of "Christmas Cheer" and the spirit of the season.  

Damn you, Bob Cratchett!

1. What’s the coolest stocking gift you’ve ever received?

My mother-in-law used to give me a pair of Dollar Store socks every year for Christmas.  These stockings were not particularly long lasting, nor well made.  One year, I had just come in from an unseasonal rainy Christmas entrance, so my clothes were drenched.  Not wanting me to "catch cold", she handed me my flimsy wrapped gift and said, "Go put these on."  An hour later, my feet started itching.  I pulled the black socks down, and my ankles and feet were black from the cheap dye from the socks.  The price of the socks, 99 cents.  The look on her face, Priceless!   Cool, indeed!

2. Do you prefer to wrap gifts or use gift bags? (short and easy one)?

Since most retailers now give purchases in plastic bags, I find them impossible to roll down the opening and tape it up.  So, I've started wrapping.  I'm terrible at it, and really don't want to get better.  A complete roll of wrapping paper around a bottle of perfume makes for much frustration in opening it.  I guess I'm a sadist at heart.

3. What’s the weirdest ornament on your tree?

We out grew our house about a decade ago, so we don't really have much of a tree.  A two foot high artificial contraption my wife picked up at the pharmacy she works suffices.  Gabriela was nosing around it the other night and sneezed.  So, somewhere, attached is the remnants of that.  It is definitely the weirdest ornament on the tree.

4. What are your thoughts on re-gifting?

I've never done it.  Passing on Dollar Store socks seems somewhat ridiculous.  Plus, they wear out by the second time you use them.  My oldest daughter has a habit of buying me polo shirts.  I never wear polo shirts.  I actually hate polo shirts.  So, I have at least 15 years of these hanging in the closet.  I could package them up and give them back to her husband, but I'm sure she'd recognize some of them.  Hey, that may be a thought!

5. Describe the best Christmas morning you’ve ever had.

As a parent, all of them were great, but stressful.  I always wondered, "Did I buy enough?  Are the kids happy or disappointed?"  I always wanted to get them everything, but money was a problem most of the time.  They never complained, and seemed happy.  At least, I never noticed.  (Of course, I was inhaling strange items at that time in my life, too, so that may have been a factor.)

As a husband, I was able to buy my wife a new diamond wedding ring set (in the multiple thousands) a few years back.  My wife had worn her grandmother's ring for years, as I was a cheaply paid radio DJ when we married.  The look on her face when she opened up the ring set was heartwarming.  (Plus, it got her off of my case about it from that point on.)

Personally, my parents used to spoil me silly with Christmas gifts when I was a kid.  Then, we'd get dressed and go to my grandmother's to eat Christmas dinner with the rest of the family.  There, they'd all give gifts to everyone.  There's not one that stands out in particular, just the group of all of them merging with gifts, love and family interaction.  (Yeah, I'm a sentimental fool at heart.  Damn, I've got to stop this crap or my reputation will be completely ruined!)

So, that's it!  It's over!  I've done as asked, or tagged to do.

Since my mother died at my age 13, Christmas has never really been the same.  Instead of being thrilled with the gifts I receive, I simply want to give everything I can to all I can and see the joy on their faces.  This year sucks, as my financial state has ceased that ability entirely.  My wife is going to work Christmas, to get double time at the pharmacy, and I'm going to stay home..  Hopefully, since the apocalypse didn't occur, next year will be better.

But, I'm not going to let it get me down.  I've got some jobs brewing in the fire that pay extremely well. I'm thankful that I still have my wife of 32 years (who still isn't smart enough to leave me and find someone worth having), my two cats (pains in the butts they are), and my family (living elsewhere, thank goodness).  

I'm going to go ahead (since I'm lazy and probably won't write another blog before the holiday) and wish each and every one of you a very Happy and Merry Christmas!  

Enjoy your families.  Find internal warmth in the smiles you provide!  Hold your loved ones close and share all the love you can!  It is a day to rejoice with each other and provide memories that will be cherished for decades to come.  Most important, take a moment of silence and give thanks to the birthday boy himself.  

Merry Christmas!

Check out the original post at:
Muses from the Deep: short stories, poems and reflections: The gift of the Yule

Oh, now it's time for me to tag someone.  Instead, I think I'll simply ask all of you that haven't yet been tagged to share with the rest of us.  It's your opportunity to voluntarily share.  This way, no one is left out, as no one should be.  Spread Christmas cheer in your blog, and let us know when you do.

And, if you really want to gather in readers, 

share the hot parts!

(I wish I could remember those days!)

Nominees, Humor, & The Lord & I Talk

Hello, Lord!

Well, Well, Well … how about that!  I got nominated for an award!

Yes Lord, I know people make mistakes, but this is a big one!  Why?  Because I’m similar to the “Grinch  That Stole Christmas” … that’s why!  Everyone knows I complain about every little thing, make mountains out of molehills, and take sarcasm so close to the extreme that some even misunderstand it’s intent and find it mean at times.  Why, I’ve even had my wife look at me and say, “I can’t believe you wrote that!  You are a bastard!”

Okay, he's typing again.  Time for me to take a nap.
Yes, I sleep on my side like he does ... it's contagious!

Oh, you know that there’s always a little humor in a disaster area, too.  Well, I shouldn’t be surprised.  You’ve witnessed many of those over the centuries, haven’t you?  But, since we live in a blame shifting society, you do understand that you’re the blame for my sarcasm, don’t you?

Wait a minute, that’s one thing you can’t throw back at me and say it’s my fault.  I remember doing some really weird things in my life, well before I ever thought about doing stand-up.  In fact, since part of this is supposed to be about seven things people don’t know about me, let’s talk about a few of them.

1.  My first time to perform was way before I started into kindergarten.  I remember my grandparents sitting on our couch laughing their tails off as I pretended I was various characters that Red Skelton used to portray on his comedy hour.  You had to have something to do with that!

2.   I remember my mother taking me to the movies one Saturday.  They were showing a western, where the bad guy was Tex Terry.  He made a special appearance that day at the theater.  He pulled up in front of the place in his Cadillac convertible with the big Texas Longhorn horns sticking out of the hood.  After the flick, he went onstage and demonstrated his accuracy with the bullwhip.  When he asked for volunteers from the audience, I was the first one up there with him.  Holding that folded paper as he flipped the whip at it was scary, but when he missed and hit my finger instead, I will admit, I exaggerated a little as I played the injury out to the audience.  I loved being the center of attention even then.  Tell me you didn’t have anything to do with that, too!

3.  Yes, Show & Tell was my favorite part of early Elementary School.  It gave me a few minutes to get up in front of the class and try to get a few laughs by describing whatever I had brought a little differently than most did.  See, you’d started something and the ball just kept rolling!

4.   I know … I was hooked.  For years, I’d watched the Student Body President get up in front of the whole school to introduce guest performers and artists for special school events.  That’s the only reason I ran for the office to begin with.  When I won, it provided me with a year of emcee experience that most don’t ever get.  I loved being out there in front of a thousand other kids and getting them to laugh before the main introduction.  I know, it really pissed off the principal, but he was a turkey anyway.  Right?  Yeah, I know, respect your elders.

5.  You even gave me the chance to get my future wife laughing the first time we met.  She was so down and depressed about the situation she was in that a smile did her good.  Of course, that was 32 years ago.  You’ve stuck me in a lifetime contract to perform for free to her.  Couldn’t you have made it worth my while in a financial aspect … just a little?   No, I’m not greedy, just broke, as you know, and needing some quick cash.  You sure didn’t help me last night on the two scratch off’s I purchased, or even in the Powerball ticket selection.  Three lines of numbers and not one that matched those drawn!  I thought you knew everything?

6.   I know, I’ve fallen in love again.  It’s a matter of softness and tenderness.  It’s a freedom to expand and move without restriction.  My heart is experiencing a relationship like never before.  Please, whatever you do, don’t stop the manufacturing of sweat pants, T-shirts, and hoodies!

7.  No, this isn’t the first situation you’ve put me in to test my faith.  I’ve been shot at in the Middle East before it was the common thing, bitten by a Cape Cobra in South Africa and awoke three days later on life support, survived multiple drug experimentations in the early 70’s, and even proved a heart attack can’t keep me down.  What’s that you say?  Only the good die young!  I guess that’s why you’re still around, too!   C'mon, smile just a little.  I know you can take a joke.  Why, look at me!  I just received this nomination!  You ought to be laughing your beard clean of last night’s supper over that one!

You didn’t have anything to do with that one?  C’mon Lord, you’re not going to float there and tell me that Melanie Chisnall did it on her own, are you?  I mean, let’s be real.  Here’s a person that is professional in every way.  She writes a fantastic blog called “Scribbles and Smiles” and does all types of professional stuff.  You know, like drink wine for days on end at festivals, eats pastries until the sugar jitters sends her into a state of energy shock, and does her best to help all those homeless animals find some love down in South Africa. 

No, she’s younger than that.  I was in South Africa about 34 years ago and she just partied herself silly at her 30^th birthday party.  Yes, I’m sure.  I didn’t do anything there anyway except spend too much time in the hospital after getting bit by that cobra.  You know that!  Oh, you’re teasing me a little.  No sense of humor, huh?  Remember, you’re supposed to set the example!

This is the tag you add.  The one on the
side of the blog has the link included!

Anyway, she got all mixed up one day and somehow nominated me.  As if that’s not bad enough, now I have to nominate several others in the same manner.  I know, I’d nominate everyone if I could.  Hell, they’re all tremendous bloggers and friends.  And you know what else, I’ve got to give each and every one of them credit for reading the weird stuff I come up with from time to time.  Maybe if you didn’t give me such a boring life, I could come up with something worthwhile to read … but nooooooo … you simply want me to go to extremes to bring a smile.  

 I know, a smile helps a person to get through their times of stress.  So, why didn’t you give me a smile and let me win some cash last night?  Huh?  C’mon, let’s practice what we preach!

So who am I going to nominate?  You don’t know?  I thought you knew everything.  Oh, you’re just making conversation.  Like you have no one else to talk to, right?

1)  Even though she’s been nominated before, I’ve got to go with Janine Huldie, and her blog “Confessions of a Mommyaholic.”  Yeah, I know, I’m hooked on mommy blogs.  I just get a kick out of the way Janine can be so damn honest in everything she writes.  From no bathroom privacy to sending her husband to sleep on the couch, Janine doesn’t hold back.  And, not only is she one of the most loyal readers I have, she’s fast.  It’s almost like she’s sitting there, waiting on me to publish something … and boom … there’s a comment awaiting me.  With speed like that, I don’t know how in the dickens she ever conceived two kids!

2)  You’re sitting there shaking your head like you know who’s next.  So who is it?  Okay, so you did know.  Yep, Terrye Toombs and her “The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan” is right!  Terrye is one of the funniest writers I know.  Why, she’s even given me a couple of ideas for hubs, and I’ve tried to return the favor.  In fact, she’s one of the few comedians that you don’t have to worry about stealing your ideas and using them for her own benefit.  She’s a loving mother, the owner of a boy toy husband, and a great friend to have, even if she is somewhat misplaced.  I know, that was a bad pun.  So, Lord, why didn’t you stop me from typing it?  Oh, so now you’re going to throw up the hands like you don’t know.  Geesh!

3)  Yes, I’m going to include a guy in this one.  Clark Farley and his “Wakefield Doctrine” writing is so advanced in concept that it took me a time or two or reading it to understand the idea.  But, once I grasped it, I found it to be extremely interesting.  Kind of “mind exercise” and “enjoyment” all merged into one.  And, he’s smart.  He keeps it going, like an old movie house serial, so you have to keep coming back over and over to keep up with it.  What do you mean it’s not that hard to keep up with?  Well, you’re all knowing, right?  Of course it’s easy for you!  Remember, I only have the brain you gave me.  What do you mean you were stingy that day?

4)  My last nominee is Emily Cappo with her blog “Oh Boy Mom.”  Why, let me tell you, some of the things her boys get into remind me of when I was young.  No, I didn’t have an I-Phone back then.  You know as well as I do that they weren’t even being thought of.  Anyway, Emily has a real natural way of letting you know what’s going on in her house and in her mind, and sometimes, you just gotta let loose with more than a chuckle. 

And now, you’ve done it to me.  There’s so many more I’d like to nominate, but just don’t have the space.  Plus, I’m not really sure as to if they’ve been nominated already.  Some have put the badge on their blogs and others haven’t.  So, I’m kind of guessing.  Yes, I’ve been guessing about things most of my life.  Just had to get that in, didn’t you? 

But, I seriously feel as though everyone’s blog should qualify in this nomination process.  People put their hearts and souls … okay, I won’t say souls, they’re yours … they put their hearts into their blogs and deserve to have the badge, too. 

So, that’s it!  It’s been nice talking with you this morning, even if you are hard to get along with sometimes.  And, Lord, if you don’t mind, Saturday night, if you’re not busy, how about helping me out a little with the next Powerball drawing.

Oh, almost forgot … 

Amen!

Do We Laugh Or Cry?

The children are no longer here.  They've been taken from us by a madman that doesn't deserve to have his name mentioned.  His act is one that shame can't validate.  It was despicable and without cause.  Personally, I don’t care if he was mentally ill or not.  He was wrong in doing what he did, and anyone that tries to validate it with psychological reasoning is a fool.   

Don’t like that?  Sorry, that’s how I feel.  We’ve validated these crimes so long that we have provided them a proper pasture in which to thrive.  In the world, without lawyers, politicians, and big business widening the gray areas, there is a dividing line that stands clear between right and wrong.  The act last week was to the extreme in the “wrong” category.

After the initial shock, I got mad, and am still that way.  I’m mad because we look at an inanimate object and blame it for the massacre.  I’m mad because the “specialists” have told us for years how to live, and have obviously been completely wrong.  I’m mad because the news on television and web attempts to makes this killer a human being in finding “due cause” for his actions.  (He gave up being human the second he pulled the trigger.)  I’m mad because many people can’t see that the family is important in life, and have left raising children up to television, video games, and computers.  And, I’m mad because people can’t see the truth right in front of them, and continue to blame shift instead of change the behavior that had created the tragedies and violence we are experiencing much too often.

I’m mad because some good families have had their lives changed forever.  I’m mad because children will not know the joy of finding the one they love and having their own children.  I’m mad because life has changed for so many that were not directly involved.  And, I’m mad because I have friends that are looking at their children and being reminded that life is not guaranteed, instead of being able to enjoy life as they once did.

Yep, I’m pissed off!

Could I make jokes about this?  Of course I could!  Will I?  No, not this time.  I need to get over my fury and wrath first.  I need to see people enjoying their families and experiencing life as it was meant to be experienced ... with joy and happiness.  

I don’t blame God for this.  Oh, some say that it’s a warning of things to come.  God destroyed the twin cities of the past because of their sins and beliefs, perhaps he’s giving us a warning.

Sorry, even God has limits in his vengeance.  Killing innocent children is not his way.

No, God is watching from above, with children gathered around him, looking down upon mankind and wondering, “Why can the masses not see they are the cause of their misery?  They have failed to teach the children and have listened to the false prophets in seeking direction in raising the young.  They have become a society of the irresponsible, that seek to blame instead of solve.  Greed and power has destroyed the society of love and caring and equality.  They have allowed material objects to become the center of attention instead of family joy and togetherness.  I see samplings of goodness and care, but I see most forgetting and going about business as normal.  When will they learn?  When will they awaken?”

So, where do we go from here?

Do we go back to making jokes?   

“Congress is being held at gunpoint by gun control advocates to ensure the gun laws are changed.”  
“Top named department stores have changed the name of their children’s photography sessions from “photo shoots” to “picture taking opportunities.”   
“School officials all over the nation are experimenting with new ways to keep children safe while getting an education.  It’s called, “home schooling.”

No, it’s too soon.  Nothing is funny, only crude and without class.

It’s like saying, “What did the 33rd floor executive say when he say a jet coming at the World Trade Center?  “Damn, I knew I was going to miss my flight!”

Sometimes, it’s always too soon.

In 1955's "The Night Of The Hunter", Lillian Gish stars as the saving grace for two children as their mother was killed and they are being stalked by a vicious killer.  As the ending credits grow near, she looks at the camera and says, "You know, when you're little, you have more endurance than God is ever to grant you again.  Children are man at his strongest.  They abide and they endure."

Our kids will survive this.  And, in due time, so will we.  Life will go back to normal.  Blogs will be about little daily activities and the trials and tribulations of every day life.  We will laugh, we will shake our heads in disbelief, and we will finish with cute comments to the authors.

The sun will once again shine brightly.

And angels will smile.

©Copyright RCRUMPLE2012. All Rights Reserved

In respect for those we just lost ...

WARNING! DON'T BE A SHOPPING SUCKER!

1/2 off!   Save like never before!   

Take  50% off our already low prices!    

No one beats our prices!

Sound familiar?

Every store in the mall is vying for your dollars!  "We want, We want, We want your money!"

Okay, this time of year many of you are willing to part with it.  You're out there shopping like crazy!  

"Buy this, buy that, don't worry, someone will like it"

I can almost hear the bells chiming along:

"Spend Christmastime, merrily spend, 
                  buy everything, credit cards bend!"

But ... THERE IS EVIL PRESENT!!!!

Lurking on your receipts, you will find the nemesis of fair play.  It is there in plain sight, but most do not even think of looking for it.  Who would ever fool around during the most joyous season of the year?  No, not your friendly retail store that has all the sales going on ... they wouldn't dare!   

Or, would they?

Most states have laws on the books that make it illegal for a store to charge more for an item than it is priced on the shelf.  However, who will know if this act has taken place if they don't check their receipts?

Look at it this way.  You're at the mall.  You've spent hours shopping.  You're checking out at the register, but instead of watching or adding up the prices in your head, you're thinking about:

Why should I pay attention to what's on the receipt?
I've got so much to do!  It's only money!!!

1. How the hell you're going to get your car out of the cluster ____ of a parking lot outside
2. Who you still have to buy a pair of socks or some jockey underwear for as a gift  (*see Julie for suggestions)
3. What still needs to be wrapped at home before that joyous morning
4. The ass behind you with the crying kids that still want the package of Honey Boo Boo hair ribbons the mother has put back on the shelf three times
5. What your spouse is going to say when you tell them how much you've over spent on gifts
6. Or, quite possibly, what's taking the damn cashier so long because you've had to take a leak for the last 30 minutes and your bladder is about to explode!

The cashier tells you the amount due, you swipe your debit or credit card, get your receipt and grab your bags, and rush to escape the madness, or make it to the bathroom before you leave wet tracks on the floor.  (Fairly obvious when there's no rain or snow on the ground outside.)

Stores love these sort of emotional purchases and buying stress.  Why?  Because you don't check how much you were charged and find all the mistakes that just happened to be in the profit pocket of the retailer!

How dare you suggest we intentionally
mess with the prices around
Christmas Time!  That's only to pay
for the Christmas party we have.
We mess with it all year 'round!!

Now, many of you realize I embellish upon occasion, or use even nasty sarcasm to make a story funny.  It's what I do.  (If you enjoy it ... Great!  If you don't ... Sorry 'bout that!)  It's what I normally do.  

However, the following is an actual event and conversation that took place Tuesday.

I needed one item, some recordable DVD's.  (Yes, I still record DVD's of movies and documentaries on the non-commercial pay channels like HBO, MAX, STZ, SHO, TMC, etc.)   I drove to Big Lots, store #05125.  (I list the store # because I've already written to their home office about the incident.)  

Anyway, I walked to the DVD's, found a package of 50 with a shelf tagged price of $13.00, and took them to the register.  Like most stores, one register was open for over ten customers waiting.  Finally, another register opened as four more joined the line.  After a couple of checkouts, it was my turn.  Completing the ringing up of my item, the cashier saw the twenty in my hand (yes, I still use cash) and said, "Do you want me to take this out of the twenty?"

Now, normally, the price is given.  This time, it wasn't.  Automatically, I handed her the twenty.  She returned my change, a five and sixteen cents without counting, and said, "Merry Christmas!"  

I looked at the change and said, "How much did you charge me for these?"
Cashier:  "$14.00 plus tax is what they came up at."
Me:  "They're only $13.00 on the shelf."
Cashier:  "So."
Me:  "So, it's illegal to charge more for an item than what it's marked at on the shelf!"
Cashier:  "Don't worry about it.  It's only a dollar."
Me:  "That's right, it is ... MY dollar, not the store's."
Cashier:  "It's Christmas.  It's no big deal."
Me:  "I'm sure your corporate headquarters doesn't advertise to bring people in and then plan to steal from them.  I need to see a manager if you're not going to do what's right."
Cashier:  "Step over there and I'll get you one."

What does it take to stop the insanity of this cashier?
It's not that it's only a dollar, it's the principle of a store
stealing without any form of guilt involved!

So, I stepped to the area at the end of the register.  Immediately, the cashier took the next customer, and the next, and the next.  Finally, she turned around, saw me still there, turned back around shaking her head, and took the next customer.  

Ten minutes passed and she had not made the first move to get a manager.  Perhaps, she envisioned I would grow tired of the game and walk away.  I guess she's never dealt with one that has much more experience in life being an ass than she has!  (Not literally, of course, she had me beat there.  I don't think her tail had ever seen the light of day until she got the job she seemed to be totally enjoying!  Not trying to be crude, but she not only beeped when backing up, floodlights came on and a radar tower started turning!)

However, shall we say, "I'm beginning to get pissed!"  

When she finished with the customer, I stepped up to the counter and issued a strong, "Whoa!"

I continued, "You've ignored me for over ten minutes.  Now, you either get a damn manager up here, or I'm calling the police department and pressing charges against you for theft!  The gambit you've played is disgraceful and completely unacceptable to anyone with a hint of principle.  If you cherish your position, you'll listen to a person that is a District Manager for a national retail corporation and get your tail in gear ... now!"

I bought all this stuff and never once checked a
receipt.  I trust cashiers as they never make mistakes.
And, you know computers don't either!

Now, I'm no longer a DM, but she didn't know that.  Besides, it sounded like an intelligent statement to me!

She got on the phone, called to the back, and five minutes later a manager showed up.  Completely ignoring my presence, punched her code in the register, turned and walked away without a word.  No apology, no explanation, no nothing!  The cashier gave me my dollar and tax, and said, "I hope you're happy."

Needless to say, I returned the kindness of the store manager and cashier with an email to their corporate headquarters immediately.  Since I have yet to have a response received from them, all I can do is to envision the cashier getting an award for her tenacity to help out the company's profit margin.  ("And here's to the young lady that helped us to afford this year's Christmas and 4th of July get togethers!  Yay!!!!)

How dare you mess with my lunch
at Arbys!!!  Why, if I didn't give you
what you asked for, you'd keep the
stuff I wanted.  Why should I pay you
more than the marked price?

But, that's not all.

Wednesday, I went to Office Depot for some cd cases, as I'm making my son-in-law some mix cd's of some classic rock artists.  I went to the shelf, saw the price tag of $7.49, grabbed a package, and took them to the counter.  

Guess how much they stated I owed them?    
No, not $7.49 plus tax.  

$11.77!!!!   

This time, the cashier followed me to the rack, saw the tag and recognized that there was no way the cases should be priced that high, and corrected the pricing at the register.  This was done in less than two minutes.  However, if I had been thinking of something else, I would have given the store an extra couple of dollars.

Am I a cheapskate?  Damn straight!  Profit margins are already in the marked prices.  Anything over that is just additional money out of our pockets!  A dollar here, two dollars there, another one down the way, and you've given away lunch at Arbys!   (And the Lord knows I love my Bacon, Turkey, Ranch sandwiches from Arbys!)

Retailers, adding dollars to price lists in their computer
systems?  Why, they wouldn't do that ... would they?

Are retailers purposely marking items up in the computer?  Good question!  I have no proof, so to say so would be slander.  But, just think about this.  They know you're in a rush and not thinking about prices like you normally would as you're caught up in the season.  What better time for corporate to tell the price programmers for the registers to jack up the prices a dollar or two and certain items?  If they get caught, they'll simply say, "Oops" and change them back.  If they don't, it's profit!

So, beware of price changes that shouldn't change.  Look at your receipts, and give them hell when they try to say, "It's Christmas, don't worry about it!"

Or, if you wear your "Shopping Sucker" tag with pride, simply send all your extra, frivolous cash my direction and I'll say, "Thank You!"  

I'll even smile when I say it!  And, if you're not offended, I'll add, 

Merry Christmas!!

©Copyright RCRUMPLE2012. All Rights Reserved

The Wait Is Over!

My gosh, has two weeks passed since I last wrote a blog?

(Well, Rich, if you'd look at the date, you'd see how long it’s been, you dummy!)

So, today's question is ... "Does getting older automatically mean you start talking to yourself, and even answering at times?"

No, that's not today's question.  It's just a way to keep from talking about all the medical problems that have hopefully been taken care of.  Hubpages.com has the medical stuff, so if you're interested (see link below), that's the place to visit after you read what is going to be discussed here ... whatever that may be.

One of the greatest inventions ever developed by the Sadists Of America Club Is The Hospital Gown!  
It has provided doctors and nurses laughs for decades!

* I do want to thank all of you for being patient and understanding why I haven’t been visiting a lot of blogs as of late.  When dealing with double and triple vision, reading is close to impossible.  Even now, I have to take it easy for a while.  I overdid it the other day and started getting blurry eyed again.  Give me time and I’ll be back to making my stupid comments again!

Since this isn't a "Mommy" blog, I have to come up with something that will keep everyone interested.   Please, don't take me wrong!  There is nothing wrong with "Mommy" blogs!  In fact, I get a kick out of them.  It's sometimes extremely funny to see others struggling through some of the things they did to their parents years ago.  

These are my oldest daughter's angels (lol).  I have a
feeling the young man may make his grandfather
proud and be a pain in the neck to his teachers
just like his grandfather was!

The truth is that I am of the wrong gender to write a "Mommy" hub.  I guess I could write a "Grandfather" blog, but that almost sounds like something advertised on a porn site (or so I’ve been told).  Besides, Grandfathers are only known for farting, complaining, and falling asleep after eating.  Writing anything else would seem like only embellishments.  (Excuse me, I forgot belching, "Errrrrrp.")

My oldest daughter should probably start writing a "Mommy" hub.  She constantly moans and groans about the various things the kids are doing, and has started filling in as a substitute teacher in the elementary school grades.  So far, she's discussed three of them getting sick and visually reviewing their cafeteria offerings during the afternoon session, one that didn't want to raise her hand in time to make it to the bathroom for normal bowel movement, and one that brought his father's pocket knife to class.  (I guess he wanted to clear the way to the bathroom if he needed to get there quickly.)

Gabriela has just settled down for a long winter's nap,
or at least one until breakfast is served.  

Another topic I could talk about would be my cats.  Gabriela (better known as the “Demon Cat”) has made a 180 degree turnaround.  No longer is she a vicious creature of Satan. She's become a feline garbage disposal.  Gabriela’s getting fatter by the day, as she’ll eat her bowl full of food, and then squeeze Faletame away from his bowl and finish what he's not yet eaten! 

And, she’s requiring more and more love and attention.  She’s recently discovered she can jump to the top of my computer chair and lie against the back of my neck.  It does provide a nice, soft head rest for me, and it’s fairly comfortable.  

Like most men, Faletame (Fa-let-a-me) has changed somewhat since a woman came into his life.  He is still a growler when strangers approach the house, but he's not quite so brave when dealing with his mate.  Actually, he's puzzled how Gabriela has sharper claws and teeth than he, and even though he won't say it, I suspect a little jealous!

Foul Mouthed Faletame is a little upset
over being woke up for a photo session,
but he never will shy from the camera.
Still, I'm sure he'll be vocal about the
interruption when I get done publishing.

Oh, he’ll chase her until she turns, faces him, and hisses!  It's then when he goes into his Woody Allen routine.  “I don’t understand why you’re upset.  My mother used to get upset like that and my father would question her about it.  Never did any good though.  He'd say, "That’s what happens when you’re Jewish and you marry outside the church!"  He always told me never to marry in an alley!  Oh, there's plenty of room for your friends and you don't have to worry about cleaning up the mess, but there's a lot of garbage that comes with it!  There's enough garbage in a marriage that you don't need to bring more into it!“

In addition, Faletame feels somewhat slighted by all of the attention Gabriela demands, and is constantly searching for ways to receive more of it for himself.  His latest trick is to climb up on the table, put his front paws on the chair closest the counter, and reach out to paw you in the back as you’re trying to prepare a meal.  If you don’t turn and give him a pet or two immediately, he starts screaming some of the phrases he’s learned from my wife.  (Modesty forbids repeating them here, but if you've ever heard Al Pacino in the movie Scarface ... )

Anyway, that’s enough for now.  Much more, and you’ll never come back again for fear of being bored to death.  I’ll be back to normal soon (if there is such a thing for me), and exciting topics like German Chocolate cake and earthquakes will make their return.  


Or, maybe I’ll go back and have another operation so I can qualify to write a “Mommy” blog!


“What’s that, Faletame?  You’ve been there and don’t recommend it!  Nuff said!”


PS:  Here's the link to the Hubpages.com article discussed above
http://rcrumple.hubpages.com/hub/Hospital-Treatment-or-Torture

©Copyright RCRUMPLE2012. All Rights Reserved

Thanksgiving 2012 ... What's Wrong With Me!

I fixed Thanksgiving dinner!

Okay, as much as you'd love 
to believe this is me, it isn't.  
Stock Free Images

No, I didn't put a TV dinner in the oven or microwave like you'd expect.  I actually fixed dinner for my wife and I.  And, she didn't even know it was going to happen.

See, believe it or not, I can be a decent guy every now and then.  (Please, don't let the word get out.  It would spoil my reputation!)

It all started this last Sunday.  My wife loves to have our daughter's family over for Thanksgiving dinner.  However, after finding out she was going to have to work most of Turkey Day, she decided to jump the gun and have the meal on Sunday.

Now, I love my wife, and have for 32 years, but let me be honest, there are many others better versed in the kitchen than she.  It's not all her fault, though.  She was raised by a mother who only fried and fried, being from the Deep South, and if it's not fried, she's still in the learning stage ... even after 32 years.

For example, my wife can take the most beautiful one inch thick pork chop and broil down to 1/4 inch without even trying.  If she'd have been around a couple of centuries ago, I'd have swore she invented beef jerky by accident!  Timing seems to be her primary problem, as she can never get everything ready at the same time.  Thus, meat is constantly overcooked.  Thank goodness I still have most of my teeth!

Anyway, Sunday came around and she tried.  She did overcook the turkey some, and the dumplings were a little hard, and the stuffing somewhat dry, and the corn casserole somewhat hard, but my daughter brought some type of yam concoction that went right along with the rest. Oh, did I mention the crescent rolls were almost black on the bottom?

Anyway, I'm used to it, so I never said anything.  I just sat back, acted as if all was normal (of which it really was, lol) and did my best to swallow.  My son-in-law couldn't show because of one of the grandchildren having bronchitis, and when it came to fix plates for them, my daughter graciously said one of his relatives had already brought them lunch, and bowed out.  

Wednesday, a revelation hit me!  

"Why couldn't I fix my wife another dinner that she could enjoy 

on the day it should be enjoyed?"

 I can cook fairly well.  In fact, the girl's used to love it when I would cook for them every now and then.  My wife has never complained either.  So, a plan was enacted.

I decided on a ten pound turkey roast instead of a whole turkey.  I thawed it out overnight in my truck (outside temperature was 37 degrees, so it was okay) and it was still wrapped.  I bought some frozen buttered corn and a  broccoli /green pea /water chestnut /carrot mix and hid them in the back of the freezer.  Next, the can of yams and the stuffing were kept in my stereo room, and the Parker House yeast rolls were kept in the fruit crisper in the bottom of the refrigerator.  

My wife had to be at work at 7 a.m., so right after she left, I transferred everything to the kitchen.  I then slept until about noon, and awoke, did the necessary personal hygiene shower and stuff, and then began to cook the surprise lunch.

The turkey roast had to cook for two hours at 375 degrees.  Upon opening it, I found it held together with a string netting, similar to the hair nets my grandmother used to wear on her hair decades ago.  (I can barely remember what she looked like without it on.)   After reading the directions, I found it was supposed to stay on during cooking.  Later, I’d find out it was to hold the breast meat together as it cooked, as it was real turkey, and not some man made processed food.  

I wouldn't mind cooking all the time if this was 
my wife ...No, I can't say that. 
(But I can fantasize!)
Stock Free Images

Then, about a half hour before she was due home, I got the rest going.  Microwave going full blast for the corn and veggies, water and butter boiling for the cornbread stuffing mixture, and a pan simmering the gravy mixture I’d purchased and made.   I even opened up the yams, stuck them in a casserole dish, added 1/4 cup of brown sugar, 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg, and a tablespoon of cinnamon, mixed it all up with half a stick of butter, and stuck it in the oven with the turkey.  

When the wife walked in, everything was ready but the rolls.  The shock on her face was worthy of my efforts.  It’s one of those times you feel good inside.  You know, the type of good that gives you future points when you want a German Chocolate cake baked, or something like that!  lol

Anyway, I cut the netting around the turkey, and was amazed at how tender and juicy it was as the electric knife cut easily through it.  I even fixed her plate and carried it all to her in the living room so that she could watch a football game in progress (I think our lifestyle has somehow switched gender expectations.)  About that time, I smelled the rolls and managed to get them out of the oven in the perfect state you'd want.  

Tomorrow I'm Back To Normal!!!!
Stock Free Images

The dishes were few and quickly cleaned up afterwards.  I later heard her on the phone to our daughter telling her how much better it was than what she’d prepared on Sunday.  I almost felt bad about it, but was happy at the same time that it had come out so good.


Now, as the day is over, I sit here typing, and reminiscing about the occasion.  I had done something special for her that was completely unexpected and it had worked out exceptionally well.  Completely out of character for me!

I wondered, 

“How long before I get well?”   

And, then I shuddered, 

“What if it’s a permanent change?”

Naaaaawwwwwwwww!!!!