Saturday, October 18, 2014

Ebola Returns, Beer Girls Reign Supreme, and other weird El Toro Defecation

See All The Great Blogs In The Hop HERE!!!
If you were one of the lucky ones that read my last post, you got to peruse my ramblings concerning Ebola.

If you are one of the unlucky ones today, you'll soon be reading a little more.

Seems that we have now had over 4,000 people in the world die of Ebola.  A special envoy to the United Nations, David NaBarro, has not only stated that the number of Ebola cases are doubling every 3-4 weeks, but has more than hinted at dire consequences for the world's population unless countries work together to end this virus immediately.  

Seriously, this one seems like it could be the one to finally thin out the world's population and get it back to a manageable level.  And, if we're lucky, the stupid will be the one's to go.

Now, please, don't tell me you never wished that you never had to stand behind a person in the grocery or department store line that couldn't understand their credit card was maxed out and still wanted to run it over and over and over, like it was going to magically change in the next two or three minutes.  Duhhhhhhh!

Iffin' ya don't have enyone comin'
ya don't need enyone ta wait on 'em!
Enyone hear Ol' Sam stirrin' in his grave?
Of course, Wal-Mart will go out of business without stupid people to shop there.  However, since many of the employees also fall into the "stupid" category for working for slave wages, it won't create that much of an employment problem.  McDonald's will be another casualty for the same reason.  If you can't figure out the reason I've just discussed, you may join them soon!

Guess you'll never get that $15 an hour job now, 
will you?

Since crowds will be extremely susceptible to transmitting the Ebola virus, St. Louis protests will soon end as there won't be anyone left for the police to shoot!  The trinity of the "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed" crowd (Sharpton, Jackson, and Don King), their voices droning like foghorns in the night, will also pass into an afterlife of inflated egos and human waste.

Lottery ticket sales will flourish at funeral homes with those wanting 
to guess who will be next!  

"Come and see those that die, before you or me say a final bye bye!
Only $5 a chance!"

Most importantly, governments will falter as political seats find themselves without bodies to fill them.  A two thirds majority will become impossible after the first filibuster by an infected party official.  Oh, the hierarchy of each nation will remain intact for a while, but even they will succumb when baby kissing becomes a dangerous act of criminal intent.

Without the huge population demands, the Earth will once again begin to heal.  Forests will replenish themselves and the air will clear.  Global Warming will become a dreaded nightmare of the past.

 People, learning that there is danger in numbers, will seek out their own territory and become self sufficient, providing crops to nourish their families.  It will be a time of returning to the basics.  Peace will be found in the solitude of no Rap Music, as well as in the necessary efforts for self survival.  

And, what of the Ebola?  Oh, it will still be lurking in the shadows, reminding those who remain of the terrible dangers society can bring forth.  As it was created to destroy, it awaits a time to reappear and do its dirty work ... when the need arises.  

Or, will it?

But, enough on Ebola!  It's time to be thankful ... ten times thankful ... or thankful times ten, if you will.  Time to cast away doubts and fears and worries of Ebola and the death that awaits us all.


This week, I'm thankful for:

1)  Nielson Ratings.  For the last seven months, a technical error has caused the Nielson Ratings to "misattribute" ratings points.  Of course, the folks at Nielson don't really look at this as a major problem.  However, the programs sponsors are totally pissed off that the money they paid to advertise may not have been properly spent for the audiences the shows were supposedly getting.  Networks are also somewhat upset that several new shows that have already been cancelled might not have deserved the cancellations.  

Up for next season is the Nielson Wheel Of Fortune!  Contestants will spin the wheel for the ratings points that each new show will receive, regardless of the quality of the programming.  An anonymous Nielson spokesperson stated, "Hell, we've done that for years on cable.  How else would you explain the audience shares of "Honey Boo Boo" and the Kardashian clan?"  

2)  Landon Donovan.  After more than a decade playing for the United States World Cup Soccer Team, Landon was cut from this year's squad.  Needless to say, he's pissed about it. 

Not knowing anything about soccer, I can say, "I feel his pain", but really don't give a damn about it.  The only thing worse than running back and forth, kicking a white ball for two hours is spending thousands of dollars on an electric cart, specialized clubs, and designer outfits to sweat off one's ass in the sun for four hours hitting a damn white ball with metal clubs.

But, then again, there are beer girls on golf courses!

The hell with fore ... I'd be happy with two!

3)  Kim Jong Un.   North Korean President, Kim John Un, has come out of his seclusion, where he has been since September 3rd.  Upon entering the sunlight, the president saw his shadow, so another six weeks of Winter is anticipated ... in advance.

4)  James Holmes.  This is the Colorado movie shooter that shot and killed 12 individuals, and wounded dozens more during the opening of a "Batman" movie.  No, James still hasn't gone to trial.  He's now taking a second group of tests to determine if he's insane or not.  Some say to kill people you must be crazy.  So, using that philosophy, anyone that murders is insane and should not be given the death penalty.  And, we as a society, would have to be crazy to put him to death for his acts.  At least, that's a common viewpoint these days.

Now, not being one of the politically correct and believing that a person is responsible for their actions, especially those as well thought out as our Mr. Holmes', I say, "Die you bastard, die!"   Of course, if many politically correct individuals have his way, James will be paroled in time for the next Batman movie release.  

Can you say, "Deja Vu", boys and girls?  "Bang, Bang!"

5)  Sharknado.  A real sharknado seemed to take place on the North Carolina coast this week, as over one hundred sharks went into a bluefish feeding frenzy.  Although still in the ocean waves, many seemed to beach themselves chasing the sushi delicacies.  
As you can see, stupid people did go wading with the sharks.  Let's see, feeding frenzy animal known to bite at anything, wading where one cannot move as quickly as normal, and not just one but over 100 of the jaws gnashing about ... sure, that's where I want to go wading!  And that, boys and girls, made the sharks very, very happy.  

On tap for next week, 
"North Carolina resident attempts to sue shark for accidental bite!"
by C.U. Incourt
"Hopping on the beach" by Amp U Tee

6)  Joan Rivers.  "Can we talk?"  Finally, the cause of death to the star has been announced.  They've now figured out that a lack of oxygen to the brain.  One scientist is debating this claim stating, "No oxygen to the brain ever stopped Jay Leno!"

7)  Halloween.  Only a couple of weeks away, the night of spooks, goblins and all types of monsters arrives (unless you live in Washington, D.C. where it's a daily way of life).  Unfortunately, I no longer get scared.  People have jumped out at me and screamed at me for years without any result.  I've wasted time in supposed haunted houses while ghost hunting, where the scariest part was wondering what was out in the woods when I stepped outside to have a cigarette or take a leak.  I think 34 years of being married to the same woman and seeing her without make-up too many times to count has something to do with my numbness.  Still, it's a nice night to go to the movies until all the kids are done with their trick or treating, especially since both activities cost the same these days.  And, one never has to be accused of child abuse while sneaking up behind them with an axe and a hockey mask.  
What?  Me use cocaine?
Why, I've never smoked it in my life!

8)  Hunter Biden.  The son of the Vice President of the United States has been discharged from the U.S. Navy for testing positive for cocaine.  Unlike other military personnel that test positive for illegal drugs, Hunter received an honorable discharge.  Some are calling this "favoritism" and "playing politics", while others are extremely upset.  White House officials are saying that both the President's and Vice President's eyes are extremely red over the matter.  Tears are the suspect, as sniffing behind closed doors seem to have been the norm for several days.  In other news, the Presidential duo just completed a 5 mile run in 2 minutes, setting the fastest time for any president/ vice president team.

9)  Fall Weather.  No longer does one have to sweat and stink like a pig in heat.  Fall weather is upon us, which means jackets and a briskness that revives one's inner instincts to stay in bed longer in the morning.  (And, don't tell me you've never waited until your spouse went to the bathroom first so you didn't have to be the one to warm up the cold as ice toilet seat!)   

10)  Michael Jackson.  Forbes just released their list of top earning dead performers and guess who came in at the top of the list?  Yep, Michael Jackson.  Even dead, the superstar brought in over $140 million last year.  Elvis came in second with $55 million.  Fleetwood Mac was also high on the list until someone finally discovered they weren't actually dead yet ... just suffering from charging too much for ticket prices!

And, that's gonna do it for another week.  See you soon!



  1. I got nuthin but I do enjoy reading your post... I had the same exact thought about #3...I just wish he would go away for another year like Phil has the decency to do.

    1. Zoe - You're always welcome even if you've "nuthin". lol It would be nice to see him go, but I understand things are getting heated up between the North and the South again. I've a feeling he's going to be around for a while. Many Thanks!

  2. Fleetwood mac....ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    And Sharknado......yeah that makes total sense. I want to go where they can get me too.. NOT!

    1. CSMM - So good of you to return! Yeah, I'd love to see them, but I just can't bring myself to fork out that much cash for any band. Concert prices have just gone way too high for me. Besides, the last concert I attended I blew out my left ear, as they'd stationed the speakers on the floor of the auditorium one row in front of us. Hearing hasn't been the same ever since. Many Thanks!

  3. Heehhehe you're bonkers. And also I TOTALLY misread your #1 and wondered how on earth the Nielsen Rating would be able to masturbate ANYTHING.
    I blame the boobies.

    BUT, must feel better to get all the ebola snark out, right? Adunno what the world's coming to.

    1. Hey Sis! Of course I am! lol That's why you love me so. I'm not even going to go into the "masturbation" error on your part. (Some people just have a dirty mind, I guess.) :) The Ebola deal is having so much more made of it than it should. That's why I'm snarking it so much. Just doing my best to rub it in, I guess. Many Thanks!

  4. I saw the picture on the link-up, and without reading the caption below, I knew Rich was back. Welcome, my dear :-) On Ebola.. Well, it's on the news here, and no-one panics. You Americans seem to like panicking. I remember back in 2009/2010, I was pregnant with the fabulous princess-ballerina Violet, and member of a privileged group to receive the piggy flue shot. While the country was panicking, colleauges of mine were bragging with their "golden ticket" and people were skipping lines and starting fist-fights over a dose of the vaccine, I didn't give a damn. Talking to my dad in Germany, who's working for one of the national health insurances, I learned that while there was a critical shortage of the life-dsaving vaccine in the U.S. (terrible, right??), the doses were spoiling by the thousands in Germany because most people didn't consider themselves at any risk contracting the disease. But panicking about Ebola at least keeps the focus off less important things like soaring tuition fees, prison businesses, etc. Have a great rest of the weekend, Rich :-)

    1. Stephanie, my dear, you're telling me my reputation precedes me? Alas, I've so tried to keep that from happening. lol I, too, am so sick of the so called panic here in the states over Ebola. That's why I'm making such a big deal of it ... kind of just rubbing it in somewhat. And, no, I don't even take flu shots as the last one I took (10 years ago) made me sick within hours. The only reason there's a shortage in the states is that no company has figured out how to make a substantial profit by providing it. As soon as they do, it will be in great abundance, I'm sure. Have a great week, Stephanie! Many Thanks!

  5. OMG...This is the best thing I've read all week. good lord where do you come up with this stuff?? oh, wait - reality!! Loved it, loved everything about it - especially the boobies. Boobies make everything better!

    1. Stephanie, so good to see you visiting! Your praise is only too kind (either that or you haven't read anything else this week, lol). I am glad you enjoyed this one. I thought the one I wrote two weeks ago was much better, but this one seems to be doing well in the views area. Many Thanks!

  6. I haven't had a moment to sit and watch the news lately, so it's nice to come here and catch up on it all. Of course the comical twist always makes your version of the news better. :)

    1. Christine, so good to see you! There really wasn't much in the news as of late. After not posting last week, I felt obligated to come up with something, but this one strained at times. Glad you enjoy these though. Many Thanks!

  7. Yours is the only news I will have to read. I've used my boobies like that. They make a perfect place to rest things. Especially on a hot summer's day. The perks of being a girl...

    1. Rebecca, it's really good to see you here! Isn't it amazing how a woman can show her boobies like that and everyone enjoys it, but if a guy shows his ... well, you know ... he goes to jail? lol Besides, any guy that says he can "rest" things on his is definitely a liar. One cold bottle and whoosh ... all gone! Glad you enjoyed the post. Many Thanks!

  8. This is all the news I need to get by in a political conversation. Smiles.

    1. Val, thanks for dropping by! Since political conversations are mostly El Toro Defecation colored to look like Christmas candy, you should have an easy time of it. lol I actually had a candidate drop by the house campaigning last week. He went on and on about what was wrong with things to the point I had to say, "If you can tell me you'll do any better, and what plans you have to do better, and keep a straight face while you're telling me, I'll consider voting for you." He immediately started laughing, and I immediately said, "That's what I thought" and shut the door in his face. So much for that political conversation. lol Really appreciate you commenting. Many Thanks!

  9. There really is no one quite like you, Rich. There was never a doubt with the double D's on the link that it was you coming to call! I'm glad you managed to get that Ebola rant off your chest.
    I haven't watched a lot of news lately...too I missed the story about Hunter Biden. My, my, my. That he even got caught at all or had anything happen to him, honorable or otherwise, is a surprise to me.

    1. Sandy, I just saw you'd been by. So sorry for being late in responding!
      I try to just be myself ... what can I say? lol I just think we're making way too much out of the Ebola scare. It's just something else for the news to sensationalize. The more they preach, the more the medical profession will be able to charge for the prevention shots when they finally get around to offering them. Cha-ching!
      The Biden episode was somewhat of a shock. I, too, would have imagined it being covered up. I guess the officers that allowed the news to flow were from the medical department and were just getting back for Obamacare. lol
      Thanks so much for stopping by!