Friday, May 9, 2014

Ten Things Of Thankful: God, Tell Me This Stuff Isn't Happening !!!

If you're expecting me to say something witty,
forget it.  I'm on vacation!
So, I'm supposed to be taking a hiatus from writing.  You know, doing nothing but lion around the house.

Yeah, I know, bad pun.  But, how the hell else was I going to explain the lion picture?

Yep, just get away from it all, clear the mind, revive the creativity.

Something tells me it's like giving up smoking, every now and then, you've gotta cheat.

There's just so much going on in the world that needs to be talked about.  My brainwaves are salivating.

So, let's start the 
Ten Things Of Thankful 
off without further ado!

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I'm thankful for:

1)  Our wonderful short attention span.  Most of it isn't being mentioned as other articles of interest find the spotlight  (God, how would we ever have survived if we hadn't read all the negative comments about Abby Lee Miller's judging on Dancing With The Stars?)

Have you noticed how the information about the missing airliner has stopped.  Nice to know we can just forget about hundreds of people in the blink of an eye.  

I guess the Korean ferry mishap kind of replaced the airliner news.  Now, there is something we can see.  A ferry, on its side, and hundreds of kids floating around inside, dead and bloated by now, grabs our morbid side a little stronger than having to use our imagination to envision dead, bloated people floating around, inside of an airliner on the ocean's floor.

I'm wondering where the shark stories are at?  
All those dead bodies and no sharks?  
No Way!

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2) The Boston Marathon Bomber suspect is recanting everything he said to federal agents while in the hospital.  
You likie going Boom Boom?
Okay, your turn to goey Boom Boom!

"Nope, I didn't say that ... you can't use it if I did ... no Miranda Rights given!"

But, then again, you're not a citizen of the United States. You might just disappear in a holding cell somewhere never to be seen or heard from again!


I'd like to see him set free.  I'd provide him with a new job as a pressure cooker explosives dummy.  

"Sit in the chair and check out the force of the nails, bolts and marbles as they travel at breakneck speed right towards your head!!   If you're still around afterwards, you can write a three page report on how it felt before we do it all over again ... and again ... and again!"

The funny thing is that the idiot who hoaxed the Boston Police Department last month at the marathon by placing an empty rice cooker at the finish line has been found competent to stand trial, must wear a tracking device, and has almost as many charges against him as the actual bomber.  

What do you want to bet that the lawyers get the bomber off
 and the hoaxer gets life imprisonment?

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3)  A couple that killed a pedophile, and had plans to kill another one the next day, were given life sentences.  Prior to the murder, they'd attended their typical Sunday church service.  For Wednesday night prayer meetings, castration classes are conducted.  They're called, "How to deal with an adult circumcision gone wrong", or "How to sharpen your knife on a stuck kidney stone."
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4) A New Hampshire man was arrested for disorderly conduct because he went over the two minutes his local school board allowed him to speak.  He'd been protesting a mandatory reading assignment his high school freshman daughter had been given, which he felt read like a porno.  The book assigned is Jodi Picoult's novel "Nineteen Minutes", and does offer some very graphic sexual content.  

No, I'm not going to share any content  here.  Go buy the book you cheapskate!  

So, the school board had him taken out in handcuffs, and decided to send out a statement that read parents couldn't opt out of mandatory reading materials.  In other words, if the school says you read it, you have no option but to read it.  If you protest publicly, you can be arrested, just like this gentleman was.

Welcome to Nazi New Hampshire!  
Next reading assignment, 
"Mein Kampf!"  

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5)  Pope Francis calls for the world's nations to redistribute wealth!  The pope wants poverty to end.  So, he backs the idea of redistributing wealth to keep the poor from starving and to provide them with proper housing.  This goes along with his stands against the evils of capitalism and the world's current global economy.  When asked if the Vatican City, an independent country within the city of Rome, will be the first and set the example, it is reported that the words "A Cold Day In Hell" were overheard.

In a related story, Washington, D.C. just endured its coldest day of this Spring season!
Penthouse didn't even offer me
a million dollars like they do
everyone else.
What's wrong with me???

6) Monica "Hot Lips" Lewinsky is feeling regret over her past affair with President Bill Clinton.  

Oh, let's get real.  Admit it, it was exciting screwing around with the president!  You knew he was married, he knew he was married, but what the hell, how many would say "No" to the president when he says, "Here comes my Air Force One ....  zooooooooooommmmmm?" 

 You did it.  He did it.  And, Hilary doesn't look like she ever did it one day of her life!  If we all lived in France, you'd be catered to and awarded the best mouth of the month award!  Get over it!  Most of us did over a decade ago.

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7) Fast Food Workers are organizing a world wide strike.  Not only do they want wages of $15 an hour or more, additional benefits are on the table.  If they don't get what they want, they're willing to go on strike.  

Now, isn't McDonald's, Burger King, KFC and other chains supposed to be where high school kids and retirees make a little extra money to get by on?  Let's face it, the food sucks, they can't get an order right if they tried, and to get one of them to say, "Thank You" is a major chore.  Sorry, but these folks don't deserve $15 an hour.  No how and no way!  Learn how to speak English, go to school, and open your own damn restaurant so you can pay all your relatives $15 an hour to work for you!   

Otherwise, shut up and get me a damn chocolate shake!

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8)  Donald Sterling for being a racist S.O.B.  What would a professional basketball team owner do if he couldn't be a racist?  Who the hell knows, but since the NBA has said "Goodbye Asshole" for life to the Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, he's sure to find out.  Maybe if he kisses enough butt, one of his ex players will hire him as a chauffeur, just as long as he makes sure the car is kept clean and polished.

"Hey Donald, don't forget to wipe up that bird crap 
from the back window!  See it?  Yeah, the white crap there!"

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9)  Scientists have discovered that the Black Death of the 1400's may not have been spread by rats and fleas, but by airborne sneezing and coughing germs.  I'm so glad they've figured that age old question out.  Now, let's get their asses to work figuring out how to cure cancer in today's world, instead of worrying about a bunch of 600 year old skeletons!

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10)  Tax examiner positions are on the decline.  According to the Department of Labor, the position of tax examiner is on the decline due to many local governments downsizing.  Besides, when the rich are protecting themselves with loopholes and purchased politicians, and most other Americans are now holding minimum wage positions at best, the need for tax examiners has declined accordingly.  Where's Robin Hood when you need him?

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11)  Islamic extremists may have already sold kidnapped girls into slavery.  The Islamic extremist group, Boko Harum, after taking credit for kidnapping 276 Nigerian schoolgirls recently, is thought to have already sold the girls into slavery.  Boko Harum originally translated into "Western education is sinful", has now admitted that is actually means "We're as evil as everyone else but won't admit it."  

Sources say that the girls may only be the tip of the iceberg in a huge kidnapping/ slavery plan manufactured by the fast food industry to replace possible striking workers in the near future. McDonald's and Burger King are vehemently denying these rumors.

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So, my thankful rant has ended.  I can exhale the cigarette smoke I've been holding in and attempt to breathe deeply again.  I'm going back on hiatus ... and will return to you one day in the near future.  Until then, I only have one question:

"Where in the Hell is my chocolate shake???"

**One special note.  Most of you will be having a joyous day with your mothers this week.  I hope you take full advantage of it and make it a memory to cherish for decades to come.

When I was only thirteen years old, I lost my mother.  She'd been sick for years, so it was probably the kindest blessing that could have taken place for her.  That knowledge didn't replace the hurt that has never stopped churning inside of me.

My mother is the reason I am I.  She read to me over and over when I was young, sharing the wondrous worlds the books brought forth.  When I was old enough to start reading, she helped me struggle through book after book, usually 5-6 per week, until I had to have her go to the library and talk to the librarian about allowing me in the adult selections when I was nine.  Seems I'd read everything our small town library offered on the kids side by that age, and found them to be much too simple to suffer through again and again.

The last weeks of her life were trying times.  She lay upon my lap in a fetal position night after night as my father worked the night shift.  I helped her through the physical things a young person shouldn't have to experience, but had to as there was no one else to call upon.  

I'm not going to say I was always the most loving child during this time.  I might have been jealous of having to take care of her while others had normal lives.  Her medically induced hallucinations (by prescriptions far too strong for her feeble body) forced me to physically hold her down at times to keep her from hurting herself.  I was weary and tired.  Mostly, I was too damn young to understand what was happening.

Then, one Friday evening, as I walked up the drive from the school bus, my uncle called me to his car and quite bluntly said, "Rich, I don't know any other way to tell you this ... your mom's dead."   

I still feel the emotions rising as if it was yesterday.  God, it was over forty years ago.

How destructive such a loss can be to a youngster.  I don't know if I ever returned to my previous state of being.  Perhaps, I simply got tougher ... colder inside, as I learned that death was a part of life we were forced to deal with.  I think a part of my childhood died, too.  

I know she's always been with me, watching, disapproving of much I did and smiling at times over some of the things she knew I achieved.  Still, she's never left me.

"Happy Mother's Day, mom!"  Yeah, you're the one thing in my life that I'm most thankful for by a long shot.  I thank you so much for the things you did for me while you could.  One day, we'll sit down together and reminisce about them.  

Please, remember your mother this weekend and do something special for her.  As much as a pain in the butt she may be, you'll be much happier that you did.  


Visit all the great posts in this weeks 
Ten Things of Thankful


  1. Bless your heart, Bro, for sharing this.


    Also, I have to wonder, with all the furore, what TWATCICLE goes "Oh yes, I'll buy those 200 Nigerian schoolgirls - thanks..."

    And the New Hampshire thing. Ri. Dick. Ulous.

    1. Hey, Sis! Nice of you to stop in. Surprised you by posting this week, didn't I? lol Yeah, it was a tough time for a 13 year old. Helped me develop a sense of humor though. All great comedians had lousy childhoods, as the story goes. Traffiking in humans is the lowest form of transaction. The terrorists do it to raise money for their causes, which make them lower than those they fight against. They all deserve the worst penalties possible if they're ever caught. New Hampshire ... who knows what's going through the minds of our supposed educators these days. When I was growing up, we pushed the limit by reading "A Catcher In The Rye." Wasn't bad, but some of the parents complained. Rap music describes more than the book, but still, isn't there something a little more fitting to fill the minds of today's youth. So much strange stuff happening lately. Makes one really wonder. Many Thanks!

    2. You did! I'm pleased you did, though. I've missed your particular brand of snarkasm here.

      As for the bad childhood thing - yeah, cos I'm hilarious in real life (though it rarely translates to my writing - that's another kettle of fish, and one I'm less good at)

      I think I read Catcher in the Rye. Or To Kill a Mockingbird. But never in school. We had A Midsummer Night's Dream (loved it) and Lord of the Flies (deeply disturbing)

    3. I had to read Lord of the Flies, also, as well as Animal House. Both were very interesting studies in social structure, for sure. Violent? Yep! But, then again, isn't society violent as a whole? Sometimes there's way too much protection from real life. Still, a novel of sexual descriptiveness tends to make one question the system somewhat. Many Thanks!

  2. Your tribute to your mom really moved me. To be a caregiver and then to lose her at such a young age sounds simply overwhelming.

    1. May - So kind of you to visit. It was a tough time for a child. Still, I knew no other way as she'd been ill so long. At the time of her death she only weighed around 80 lbs. Carrying her to the bathroom and such was made easier by that fact. I think my love for her carried me through. Many Thanks!

  3. Gosh how Ive missed you!
    So many of these things outrage me that I cant even indulge it right now or I wont stop.

    Your mom story is so heart goes out to mmother has a similar story and at times I think it comes back to freeze her into her 14yo self....shes 85....that sort of loss is a permanent imprint. ..I missed you. Have a good glad its just that....happy "what a good son you are" day.

    1. Zoe - Really good to see you here. I've missed you, too! The world seems to just be getting more and more cruel. There have always been atrocities. Yet, in today's supposed "educated" society, one wonders if man will ever change.

      I truly believe that a true mother is the backbone of her child's future life. Yours seems to have been no different to you. Perhaps, without the real motherly care and support of old, an explanation as to the lack of care and concern much of today's youth exhibits can be found. I hope you and her have a great Mother's Day! Many Thanks!

  4. What a f#cked up world we live in. Stupid Monica. And the ship - ugh. Also the fake bomber and real bomber - I hope your prediction is wrong but honestly, I could totally see it playing out like that.
    And hugs to your 13-year old self, because that's got to be one of the hardest things ever - to have cared for your mom and then have your uncle tell you so abruptly that she'd died :(
    Thanks for the reminder to do something nice for my mom this weekend though, Rich.

    1. Hey, Sis! Really good of you to drop by! The world is a mess. I only hope is that by bringing out the idiocy it displays, one person might say to themselves, "Damn, it doesn't have to be like this" and do something to instill change.

      The "uncle" incident was over 40 years ago, but it seems like yesterday in my mind. It was a cold and rainy day ... a perfect setting for a terrible event. He didn't mean it as a cold hearted statement, by any means. He was just a simple man with a limited vocabulary and a horrible task to do. There are some things that just aren't easily accomplished and I admire him for stepping up and doing what he had to do, regardless of how much it hurt.

      Have a great Mother's Day! Many Thanks!

  5. Such a beautiful remembrance of losing your mother. I can't imagine her thoughts lying there knowing that she wouldn't get to see you grow to a man. My mother is elderly -- I feel as if I'm speeding that way myself. Ha. Need to not take tomorrow with her for granted. Thank you.

    1. Hey, Jamie! Thanks for coming by! I honestly don't know if those thoughts entered her mind. It wasn't that she didn't love me, but that she'd been sick so much and always had pulled through that the last illness seemed like just another setback. The last time I saw her was several days before, after spending all night in the waiting room of the hospital. They allowed me into ICU, and as weak as she was she joked about how rubbery the Jello was that she'd been given to eat. I didn't see her again as I was a kid with a kid's priority list and went to basketball practice instead. To me, she'd be home within a week, so why not take advantage of being able to do something I loved and had missed. There are times things like that come back to haunt. Enjoy Mother's Day with your mom! Many Thanks!

  6. Rich! That was a beautiful, moving tribute to your mama. I'm so sorry 13 year old you had to grow up so quickly. She must have been so immensely grateful to have you in her life!

    And poor Oscar Pistorius languishes, awaiting his fate for killing his model girlfriend (my theory is he meant to scare the bejesus out of her by shooting at the bathroom door and accidentally hit her). It's a terrible thing to have your story usurped by the kidnapping of nearly 300 innocent girls.

    1. Dyanne - So good to see you! My life has been filled with handling the "punches", one could say. A little over a month after my mom passed, I watched my best friend pull his bike out in front of a 60 mph speeding car and die on impact. There are times I've wondered if a break will ever occur, and think, "Well, God's making me stronger and stronger for some reason. I just wish I knew what it was!" :)

      I tend to leave Oscar out of my blog. There are too many unknowns involved, just as there are in Amanda's Italian event. Your theory is a possibility, but there are so many paths that could have been traveled that even I'm unsure which one was the real route. The young girls being kidnapped is a story of horror, to say the least. How many futures ended, and how many made a 180 turn with that act? There are times one wishes they were Superman so they could end the madness and bring about truth and justice. Many Thanks!

    2. Oh, Rich, I'm so sorry for all the losses and pain you've had to endure, especially so young.

      And if the President had asked me? Yeah, I would have done it, too :)

    3. Let's test it our ... "Here comes my Air Force One!!!!" lol

      Luv ya, lady!

  7. I've missed your list. I nodded to you in mine, did you know our area air is no longer the worst in the nation? We're only the 3rd worst. Monica Lewinsky always makes me shake my head. ALL OF IT oral sex is NOT sex... tell that to a 14 y/o.

    1. Rebecca - Thank you so much for stopping in and commenting! I read your blog at work today. What a handsome son ... John Travolta in the making in the last pic, for sure! lol I'm curious about the air, though, as it seems a beautiful place to reside. I read where it rushes up the mountains, so is it polluted by man, or is it pollen count, or what that makes it so bad? Just curious.

      Monica ... well, I think she led the way for "what is and isn't sex" in the mind of today's youth. I've been informed that many young ladies now practice anal sex so as to still be virgins when they get married! It's so amazing how the youth have learned to twist the facts to fit the purpose they wish. The older generation taught them well. :) Many Thanks!

  8. I sure have missed you, Rich! I'm glad you're back with a juicy list this week too. I don't advocate killing but I would have had a hard time convicting the couple that killed the pedophile. But that is all I will say about that. The fast food workers want to gone with ya! You are right on all points there and I'm sure there are enough people willing to take their places. Child slavery...and whatever else. Jesus, what the hell?
    The tribute to your mom was incredible. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad mom is still with you. I'm willing to bet she's proud.

    1. Sandy - Really good to see you. I remember one of your comments was about sitting back on Sunday mornings and reading my lists. I've often thought about that during my hiatus. I'm glad you were able to come back and do that again! :)

      There are times, I, too, am on the side of vigilantes. If our justice system would concentrate more on the "eye for and eye" concept, instead of the "let's treat them with kindness so we don't get sued" idea, we might all be much better off. I eat so little fast food that I wouldn't mind a strike at all. Maybe their replacements might even get one or two orders right for a change.

      My mom was an incredible woman. She had her bad points, as we all do, but I could never question her devotion to me. I probably don't think of her as often as I should, but at least I'm sure she knows I still have love for her inside of me. Many Thanks!

  9. Only you could crack me up and make my eyes well with your thoughtfulness to your mom.

    1. Kerri - God, it's so good to see you again. I thought I'd made you mad or something. Again, your words are only too kind. I get a similar feeling when I read your blog and some of the stories you tell about your daughter. Many Thanks!

  10. This is all the way from May 9th? You're taking after me! Haha...I'm trying to post around once a week - but doing it in a no-pressure style for now. I just want to be writing and things are so busy at the moment, dang it. :)
    Oh, btw, your list here? BWAHAHAHA. I'm glad that asinine people help us to see the good in ourselves. THAT does help, doesn't it? lol

    1. Yeah, I know, I've been taking an extended hiatus. Working on some other projects (God, if you only knew what I've gotten myself into!) and trying to get over a broken leg and such. (Warning: Kicking ass can lead to bone problems!) lol

      I'm almost afraid to make fun of others anymore. It seems idiocy is becoming the social norm of the day. I have to keep asking myself, "Have we truly raised generation after generation of idiots? And, if so, does an intelligent person have a chance anymore?" I mean, who would come up with an idea to kidnap schoolgirls? Obviously, all the nations of the world would immediately come to the rescue and ensure the girls were safe and sound within a day or two, right? Oh yeah, I forgot, we have idiots in Washington D.C. that would rather debate whether an inanimate object should be banned because some crazy person decided to use it to further their lack of accountability and common sense, most of which obviously came from a proper upbringing. God, the Huffington Post mentality is so damn moronic. Yet, humans keep moving in that direction. I think Congress passed a bill that requires all to maintain their HUD Club status. HUD? Oh, that's "DUH" spelled backwards! :) OMG, see, you started me ranting! I guess that's what happens when common sense meets common sense and and topical occurrences are discussed. At least it's better than saying, "Yes, Mr. Chairman, I vote for DUH!" Many Thanks, my good friend, many thanks!