Friday, February 14, 2014

Ten Things of Thankful: Valentine's Day Edition!

Happy Valentine's Day!

(Yes, I'm writing this on Friday.)

If your husband or boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever didn't wish you Happy Valentine's Day, you have now had it wished to you!

(Now what are you gonna do for me?)

I didn't get my wife anything today.  No, not even a card.  No matter how hard I tried to make myself do it, I just couldn't make myself stop at a department store and face all the heart shaped boxes of candy, the loving stuffed animals with hearts attached to their bodies in some sort of sadistic act by a heart madman, or inspect the empty racks where the cards used to be trying to find one that would fit the way I feel about her.

I really don't care if you call me an ass or not.  Nope, it doesn't hurt my feelings at all.  And, you're probably thinking, "I'm happy as hell he's not my husband.  I'd have to teach him a thing or two!"

Well, guess what? 

You'd have to eat your words.  

See, my wife and I were both off Wednesday of this week.  Knowing that we'd both be working late Friday night, we decided to celebrate the day a couple of days early.

Oh, and here's a picture of my wife ... in her Valentine's Day gift ... a 2014 new car!

Yeah, this is the bitch in her new ride.
Don't look at me, she wanted red!!
(Really eating your words now, 
aren't you?)

In thirty-three years of marriage, my wife has never had a new car.  She's had rust buckets, rattle traps, and for the last 17 years, she's driven a 1996 Camry.  Oh, it still runs ... most of the time ... although it is slowly falling apart.  And, believe me, I will never say she's never complained about it.  In fact, there have been so many times I've heard her bitch I think I may have kept her in it just to get even.   

(Yeah, I can be a real bastard
 if I want to be!)

Now, recently, I've had the worst three months in a row in business that I've ever had in my life.  Bills were getting a little behind, and I was wondering how in the hell I was going to make a payment on my truck.  (Just in case you haven't been with me as long as some others, I've had a long paying affair with my Honda Ridgeline.)  I only had four payments left on it, and the last thing I wanted to do was to have it repossessed right now.  

So, I put on my thinking cap and came up with a plan.  I knew I could get a great price on a new car.  (I have major connections.)  Also, I knew there was a lot of rebate money available at current time.  And, I'm well aware that if your credit is any good at all, the banks will finance up to 120% of the vehicle's MSRP at a low interest rate.  Thus, a plan was born!

Since I'd planned on getting my wife a new car when my truck was paid off, why not finance the bargain price on the car, PLUS enough to pay off my truck and get all my bills caught up?  

  1. I just made an online payment to Honda for $1865 to pay off my truck.
  2. My wife has her new car.  (And, my payments are $20 a month less than they were on my truck and are calculated at only a 1.9% interest rate!)
  3. Tomorrow, I will catch up all bills that are behind or coming up due.
And, my wife is happy!

When the crack hides the underwear,
it's time to eat salads ... for life!!!
(Oh, and I did take her out to lunch on Wednesday, too!)  It was a decent meal, until a couple of hillbillies came in.  The lady, somewhat overweight, was kind enough to let me see what type of thong she had on!

Enticing, isn't it?  

(There are times in life that stifling a gag reflex becomes extremely difficult.  This was one of those times!)

Talk about motivation to get the hell out of there and not over eat!

So, if that hasn't turned your stomach the way it did mine, let me say that it is time ... time to get ten more inches of cloth to cover her up ... time to be thankful there was at least something still covered up ... time to be ten times thankful that we were almost done prior to their arrival.

Oh, yeah ... it's time for Ten Things Of Thankful!!!

For we chose to be thankful, and thankful we shall be.  Shall it be through wonder or delight, loved one or thee?  Who cares as thankful is us and us is we.  We appreciate and don't hesitate as thankful doesn't calculate or even speculate.  Queen Lizzi rules the nest, the nest of thankful for all to see.  So, for Lizzi we list thankful, and thankful for even thee!

I'm thankful for:

1)  ... Toyota recalls!  Isn't it fun watching Toyota recalls?  The fourth rated manufacturer by the 2013 Consumer Reports Buying Issue is once again under the gun.  Seems 1.9 million Prius automobiles could stall out due to a software glitch.  Luckily, there have been no deaths due to the stall outs, yet.  However, if one of these Eco-Egomobiles stalls out in front of me, there may be one forthcoming.  What's weird about this is that Toyota still maintains such a high regard in most people's minds, even though since 2009 they've had more than 14 million vehicles recalled for one reason or another.  (No, my wife's new car isn't a Toyota.  I'd prefer not to spend most of my time in a Service Department waiting on a recall to be completed!  Remember, I've got a Toyota Camry factory less than 15 miles away.  I know what kind of people put those suckers together!)

"Are you going to believe me, or
some idiot newscaster that
wasn't even born then?"
2)  ... Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.  This week, the judge made comments stating that, "My sadness is that we are probably today more race and difference conscious than I was in the 1960's when I went to school."  (Of course, you recognize this as I've described it so many times in the past as part of our Politically Correct attitude in the states in which everything offends someone.)  Immediately, two journalists from the Huffington Post started knocking the judge's comments by telling the audience about how life really was in the 1960's.  Of course, one of these individuals was born in 1978, so he proved himself to know absolutely nothing about the time period and was immediately entered into my Dumbass Hall of Fame, and the other was born in 1960, which meant he wasn't old enough to really know what was happening back then either.  I guess this means one can Huff, and Huff, and Huff away, but they still can't blow the judge's house down!  (Damn dumbasses!)

3)  ... Michelle Obama.  This week, at a state dinner, Michelle wore a dress designed by a Venezuelan designer know for his intricacies and expensive dinner dresses.  It's nice to know while many Americans huddle next to Dollar Store candles trying to keep warm during this extreme Winter, the White House feels that spending an outrageous sum of money on a dress that will be used only once is cost effective and necessary.   (Right!  And please tell me they're only going to eat at White Castle for the next two weeks to cut back on expenses!  "May the porcelain poppers ricochet and leave a welt on your ass!)

4)  ... Winter storms that pummel the East Coast.  “It’s F**king Winter People!!!!!   If you don’t live in the extreme South, you’re gonna have snow and ice!   I give you six months and you’ll be b*tching about the F**king Summer heat!!!!  Don‘t like it?   Move your ass somewhere else!!!!”   (God, I feel better now!)

5)  ... 2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.  This year’s edition features three models on the cover.

I’m speechless.  There are times all you need to be thankful is a picture.  
Words can’t express ...

“Oh hush, damn it!  I bought you a car!”

6)  ... Jay-Z and Beyonce.  It has been reported that Jay-Z spent $2.300 on a bracelet for Beyonce for Valentine’s Day.  (Boy, won’t she be surprised now that it’s been on the national news for a couple of days?)  

7)  ... the Beatles Tribute.  Katy Perry butchered “Yesterday”, Imagine Dragons ruined “Revolution”, Alicia Keys found that she couldn’t do vocal exercises during “Let It Be”, and Ringo still can’t sing.  At least Ringo tried to mention John and George in retrospect as Paul seemed to want to hog the spotlight and take all the credit for the band’s success.  All in all, I’m glad I DVR’d it.  At least I could fast forward through the commercials.  

8)  ... Kansas politicians.  Kansas is trying to get a bill passed that allows individuals to deny services to gay couples if it conflicts with their religious beliefs.  Of course, the gay rights activists are going crazy over this one.  For some reason, I’m beginning to feel the same way about this as I do the cold weather.  “It’s F**king Kansas, people!!!!  It’s the land of cornfields, barbeque, and Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz!!!  It’s not New York or San Francisco!!!!  It’s Kansas!!!!   Rednecks and cowboys and more rednecks!!!!   They don’t care if you’re offended ... in fact, they’re trying to offend you to get you to leave!!!!   Move if you don’t like it!!!!”  

Seriously, I could care less what your preferences are.  I just know that if I’m living in a state that signs a law against my lifestyle, I’m probably not rich enough to get them to change the law just for me.  Either put the steaks on the grill and learn to guzzle a Budweiser while scratching your butt, or you may end up getting roped and branded.

9)  ... Corvette Museum Sinkhole.  A giant sinkhole opened up North of Bowling Green, Kentucky this week directly under the National Corvette Museum.  Car after car found the earth give way underneath as they began their descent into the Neatherworlds below the Earth’s surface.  Corvette owners mourned as many of the vehicles lost were “one of a kind” vehicles.  (In a related note, Ford Mustang collectors and owners celebrated this week, as a giant sinkhole opened up under the National Corvette Museum in Bowling Green, Kentucky.  In fact, most of the S.O.B.’s are still partying!)

10)  ... all the beautiful women of the world.  Whether you be married or single, or any derivative of combination, I simply an thankful that you all are around.  (The last thing I want to be is in a world with nothing but men.)  Seriously, may Valentine’s Day be a great one for each and every one of you.  At ten o’clock tonight, I’m going to have a small glass of wine.  With this wine, I’m going to toast all of you in a small gesture of my thankfulness that there is someone on this planet worth looking at (unless you have an ass crack like the lady in the restaurant I mentioned above, lol) and talking to.  Anyway, I will toast your internal and external beauty, your charm and grace, and your determination to demonstrate how superior you are over men ... especially those that forgot today was Valentine’s Day!  May your night be golden, your dreams be loving, and your life be filled with happiness.  I wish the best for every one of you!

“Oh, honey, hey, how about ironing some pants for me tonight? 
 After all, I did get you a car!”

God, I’m gonna use this one for years!!!



  1. Now that's a Valentine's Day gift - red and all! Well done.

    I saw an article in a magazine recently about supermodels who are now 50 and 60ish. Unbelievable. I mean, I remember thirty years ago when they were 20 and 30ish, so I shouldn't be surprised but wow. Color me impressed.

    I live in the Northeast. I know we have snow and ice. But really...I'm over it. I'd be happy to be hating summer's heat right now. ;)

    Have a great week!

    1. Lisa - How nice of you to visit! Yeah, she seemed to like it. I'm being an ass about it still though. Until we're done with everyone sliding around on the ice and snow, she's still driving her old car. Once the weather changes, it's all hers to enjoy, but right now, it's parked in the driveway. I just don't see any reason to push the envelope right now as she's not that good driving in the Winter elements.

      With all the anti aging creams and such, women in general are looking much better in later years. I hate to go back to my wife, but you can see from the picture she's done okay for now being 57. (Shhhh... don't tell anyone I told her age!) She doesn't have a model's body anymore, but she's not starving herself to death and worrying about it 24/7 either. You wouldn't believe how happy that makes me. There's really more to life than counting every single calorie!

      I'm a little tired of the snow this year, too, but what the hell, it's only snow. I grew up getting big snows every Winter, so this really doesn't bother me as it does some. It has definitely killed business, though, so I am ready for the cabin fever customers to come running at the first hint of good temperatures.

      You have a great week, too! Many Thanks!

  2. Be nice, darling, I'm sure she could've made better underwear choices, but then couldn't we all sometimes.

    That said, it's hysterical that you posted the models picture to redress the balance, and I have to say, I LOVE what you do with this here hop and how you make it your very own and manage to stay absolutely within the spirit of it :D

    I LOVE seeing a picture of your wife - so HAPPY in her car. You done good. +++Husband Points for that. And yeah, you should be able to trade on it for a while yet. You're a sweetheart.

    Aaaaaaaaaand I don't hate corvettes, but I vastly prefer mustangs. So there's that.

    I care not one jot for snow and ice, I just want winter to STOP RIPPING MY COUNTRY APART. Soon would be good!

    1. Hey, Sis! Thanks for stopping by! I only wish whatever she'd have chosen would've covered her up. lol She really was gross (and definitely not stylish) in any respect. I had to show the good to balance the bad. lol Plus, I do have one or two male readers. I can't forget about them now, can I?

      Thanks for your kind words. I know it stretches the boundaries at times, but I do try to keep the theme going strong. It seems to always get good views (except today, geeesh!), so hopefully it pleases others, too.

      My wife ... the bitch ... yeah, you gotta please her every now and then. We've been together too long not to keep the effort going. Besides, she's put up with me all these decades. Not many could achieve that feat! :)

      I'm not a car nut so I really don't care about the Ford / Chevy battle. I've always been an import car person, myself. Seems like the quality is a little better overall. And Winter, well, I hope the rains cease for you immediately. You guys are really going through the flooding. I feel for you. That will hit us next when all the snow starts to melt. Then, there will be newscast after newscast featuring the same people that have lived and rebuilt over and over in flood prone areas. One can only wonder at times. Many Thanks!

  3. Oh lawd, my husband just needed a truck and of course he chose Ford. The damn windows leaked and this is a truck that came fresh off of the line. At least Ford circled their problem...hee hee.
    I'm still driving a 96 escape. I once owned a Neon. Remember those shit buckets?
    Is that guy cracking you a smile.
    And I agree that Michelle Obama's dress is ridiculously expensive. Think of all the money she wasted on something that will never be worn again. Silly silly. Wear WalMart like the rest of us

    1. Kimberly - Thanks for dropping in again! Greatly appreciated! I'm not much for domestic vehicles, although my first car was a Ford. Of course, that was decades ago. OMG, the Dodge Neon!!! We used to joke about the only thing that used to light up the Neon were the idiot lights when something went wrong ... again and again! lol

      The crack was a woman, believe it or not. Scary, wasn't it? My wife kept asking me what was wrong as her back was to the gorge. When I showed her the picture, she couldn't stop laughing. It would have been different if she'd have been facing her, I'm sure. lol

      I'd love to see Michelle in something from Wal-Mart. I'm sure it will never happen, though, as the rich take care of the rich and forget about everyone else. Many Thanks!

  4. "...long paying affair " damn! I wish I had come up with that line.*

    #9: two words: "oh! the humanity!!"

    hey it's must be true what they say about models not being so smart... they forgot to put on half their suits! ha

    *yes, I am maturing as a 'writer', but my first response to a good lick, still has a better than even chance of going south

    1. Clark, my friend, good to see you again! Hey, it's just a line. lol Actually, I debated a bit about using that one, or "my years of raising the costly love of my life, my Honda Ridgeline." lol I think I made the right choice!

      Corvettes ... sorry, I'm not a fan. I had a friend fatally demonstrate how they can shatter into a million pieces when he hit the cement entry post to a bridge while traveling at over 100 mph in 1973. Of course, under those circumstances, he probably wouldn't have survived in any vehicle of the day, but the memories still haunt.

      I was thinking of you, Gary and MJM when I posted that photo. Don't you love dumb models? :)

      I lived along the Gulf Coast for 14 years. In that time, I found myself hating the heat, the humidity and bugs during the summer months, and missing the four seasons during the endless gray Winter. I'm back in snow territory, and believe it or not, I really don't hate it like everyone else seems to be doing. No, I would prefer it being a little warmer, but I live with it. I start the car up 10 minutes before leaving in the morning, wear appropriate clothing, and stay out of the extreme cold whenever possible. But, to this Yankee returned, it's my kind of year when we have the four seasons so distinctly making a statement for their own time. (Yeah, I know, I'm crazy! lol) Many Thanks!

  5. nice gift... you can ride that one for at least another six months... I agree with you on the Clarence Thomas thing but I gotta say I am hard pressed to defend Clarence on anything... and really... I adore snow so I am stayin' but if I lived in Kansas I don't think I should have to move or learn to love redneckin ways...sorry to disagree...I guess we cant agree on everything eh?... number 9 well, meh... and 10... you always manage the sweet save followed by the upper cut... but then again... you did get her a car! How cool was that?

    1. Zoe - Welcome back, my friend! Only six months? I was hoping I could use it to minimize Christmas presents this year! lol

      I'm not a Clarence fan either, but I'm sure not a fan of broadcasters who pretend to be experts and are so obviously full of El Toro defecation. I remember those types when I was in the industry and they make me as sick today as they did then.

      We can always agree to disagree ... that's what friends do! :) I probably should have been more clear in my comments, but it was fun doing it the way I did. I respect everyone for the lifestyle they choose. However, I don't think everyone should have to adjust theirs for someone else. If the lifestyles can co-exist then fantastic. If not, and trouble may be on the horizon, then why stay and entice it? It's the old expression, "Birds of a feather flock together." I'm an Indiana University fan, having gone to college there. Yet, I live in the home of the University of Kentucky. People are aware I don't care for UK, but I don't openly flaunt the differences by wearing IU apparel to taunt them. It would only be asking for trouble. I don't ask the majority to change for me, I make the concessions. I know this is a minor comparison, but if a person truly feels uncomfortable in their settings, perhaps finding a new setting with those that can be more tolerant would be a good move. Just a thought.

      You have found me out. On stage, it was a goal to "always leave them laughing." It had to be out of the blue and unexpected. Thus, my endings are in the same vein. Just really happy you enjoy them! Many Thanks!

  6. hOLY PSHITT <---THAT IS French soda pop. You just blew me away. I don't know you but you crack me up. I'd say Happy V day but that might be more than you can handle

    1. Jean - Oui, Oui!! lol Good to see you back, Love! See, every time you come back we get to know each other a little bit better. That's what builds long lasting relationships. (But, no, I can't afford to purchase you a car, too! lol) Ahhhh, the images and options that Happy "V" day provides! No, I'm going to be a nice boy (I know, that's no fun) and simply wish you a very Happy Valentine's Day, too! Many Thanks!

  7. You should be on national news, Rich, you got your wife a car for Valentine's Day.. Scroochy Jay-Z only got his wife a mean little bracelet. Seriously, having owned a Chevy, aka POS, I couldn't care less if these or all Chevys of this world disappear in a sink hole. The fact that Chevy has started paying me little paychecks recently doesn't make up for the Malibu.. ever!!

    1. Stephanie - How are you this week, my dear? Yeah, I thought about that, too. I guess the romance is wearing off with Jay-Z and Beyonce (either that or their overpriced albums haven't been selling as well as they hoped) and a bracelet is all he could manage! lol

      Chevy ... I've owned two. One was a fully customized van in the 70's (that had carburetor problems the entire time I owned it, to a '73 Vega Woody that was my after the military hippy mobile that used more oil than gas. I've never understood the love some have of automobiles, but then again, if it keeps them on the streets instead of molesting children, then more power to it! lol Many Thanks!

  8. Your fancy finances made my eyes do the pinwheel thing, so I'll just trust that you made a fantastic deal on the car and the truck and the interest and the payments. Good job, you!

    I recently discovered that my only real hobby is taking pictures of butt cracks and posting them on facebook. Last good shot I got was at a restaurant as well.Glad to share an interest with you.

    Is it bad that I laughed when I pictured allll those Corvettes disappearing into the sinkhole?

    1. Dyanne - Hello, my freaky butt crack photo fanatic friend! lol No, I'm sorry to say I don't search for these crevices in public (unless it's a really great looking young thing ... I can't help it, I'm hetero!) This one presented itself at the worst time and was so huge that I had to share it with everyone! lol Seriously, it was cold in the restaurant, so she had to feel the breeze. She just didn't seem to care. I almost feel sorry for people like her ... almost.

      Finances ... well, one just has to think of a solution to a problem and they make themselves available. I was going to get my wife a new car after I paid off my truck anyway, so this way I was able to get mine paid off and her a new one a little ahead of schedule. Interest rates are projected to go up, so the 1.9% rate I got was not going to be around long. I simply took advantage of the interest break, got some inside info from a person I trained how to sell at one time in the past, and lowered my monthly outflow of payment. It all worked out even better than I thought it would! And, believe me, I'm going to milk it for all I can! lol

      Hey, we do have something in common! I laughed at the picture, too! What's even better is if you go to Youtube and watch the security footage of the event. They've speeded it up, so you can see one drop in the hole after another! I loved it!

      Really appreciate you visiting every week! Many Thanks!

  9. Wow a new car for Valentine's Day ..... What a lucky woman!

    1. Susan - Thanks so much for coming by today! Yeah, she deserved it! After all, she has put up with me for 33 years. That should actually qualify her for six or seven if the truth be known. lol Many Thanks!

  10. Sweeeeet ride! Nice. Way to finagle the finances in your favor! (that was a lot of 'f's)

    I saw that sink hole on the news! YIKES. CAHrazy. Freakin' sink holes.

    I like your attitude. You don't take any shit, do you? haha. I can tell. I dig you, Rich.

    1. Beth - Really good to see you visiting my humble abode! Yeah, it's not often you can make things work out not only in your favor, but for your wife's, too! lol It really made sense when it came down to it. The sinkholes are popping up all over the place. (Or, should that be popping down?) First Florida, now Kentucky ... makes one wonder when they'll hit a major city somewhere, doesn't it? Attitude? Me? Awww .... I like to look at it as just telling it the way it is. There's too much El Toro Defecation being spread around these days instead of the truth. Let's get down to the nitty gritty, cut through the crap, and tell it like it is. This Politically Correct crap is trying to make us all brainless cattle. I just believe we can shrug it aside and get back to using common sense more often. Hmmmmm, guess I don't at that! lol Many Thanks!

  11. Holy crap my brother, I was all ready to say "we don't do shit for VD here, either" and then you come up with a car???? DANG. Holy crap to your lunch and seeing that plumbers crack on the fatty ho bag!
    Um. Number Four. I'm guilty. But!! With that said, Judge, it's not ever snowed like this here, I remember walking to school in worse storms than this, and the school BS of being cancelled all the f@cking time is FCKDKEED. And you bet your ass I'll be complaining about the heat and bugs this summer. How I wish I could move.
    Kansas sucksass for a billion reasons.
    For thanking me for being beautiful (SNORT). Well yeah, you can use this thing for years. And sink holes are scary and weird. Awesome post, bro.

    1. Hey, Sis, how the hell are you? You don't do sh*t for VD? Damn, you gotta get that stuff taken care of before it spreads! :) Yeah, she deserved it. Plus, it really did make sense to go ahead and do it now. Kind of killed three birds with one stone, if you will.

      OMG, I thought I was looking at the not so Grand Canyon! It was huge!

      I think we're all a little tired of the amount we've received this year. I just look back at last year, and how little we got here, and say, "Damn, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

      Kansas ... although I don't agree with them, I completely respect them. They're telling the world, "We're not going to be pushed around by the minority anymore!" I only wish more places would do that, instead of caving in and making everyone suffer for the few. Remember the theme of the Revolutionary War? "Don't tread on me!" The people were fed up with the government telling them what was right and what was wrong. They wanted to rule themselves according to their own beliefs and morality. Kansas is simply saying, "Your morality is not the norm in this state. We have nothing against you living the way you wish, but don't expect to get the special treatment other places give you, and don't expect for us to force your beliefs upon those that don't believe your lifestyle isn't for them." I gotta say, it's taking a lot of guts for their government to make such a strong statement, and I commend them for it, even though I don't agree with it!

      Hey, you are beautiful! Don't ever think you're not! Luv Ya and Many Thanks!

  12. Wow. And Wow. My husband once bought me a car. Then we had a kid and got broke and we had to sell it for a MUCH less expensive model. But I like that one too :-)
    But you ARE awesome and you deserve to pat yourself on the back in front of your thousands of followers.
    Also, your ten things are hilarious and too too true. Oh this world of ours.....
    We are getting 7 inches of snow as we speak. Although I know it's winter, I am starting to wonder if somehow the Tundra took a wrong turn somewhere. I mean, I'm cool, I can take the snow and the cold. But it is pretty crazy. I'm 10 things of Thankful for my snowblower.
    And nothing here for VDay either :-) Not even a car. Not even a toy car. Oh wait, the boy found a lollipop in a drawer wrapped it in pink construction paper and gave it to me. That was really nice...

    1. Jen - Sorry for the lateness of this answer. I didn't get any notification you'd visited!

      The car thing really worked out the best all the way around. Now, I've just got to make the payments on it ... forever! lol

      Our snow has finally melted. We've had a couple of days in the 50's here, and only the most stubborn of ice remains. I have to admit, looking at grass, even though it is brown, is a welcome sight.

      Sorry about Valentine's Day. If I'd have known I'd have sent you a Valentine. That might've got your hubby up to go get you something! lol Many Thanks!