Friday, August 16, 2013

FTSF ... aka The Day From Hell

Welcome to my world!
You're gonna love it here!
Thursday turned out to be 
another day from Hell.  

I don't know why I expected anything different.  Working 11-12 hours a day has kept that streak going for quite some time.  It has taken away much of my writing time, and most of my blog visiting time.  I know you might be one of those that are pissed at me for not visiting as of late.  All I can say is, "Sorry!  Life is a bitch right now."  

But today (Thursday) was going to be a good day.  I was going to get up early, even though I finally got a day off, do a quick change of transmission fluid in my Ridgeline, and head up to Indiana to see my father.  I figured to leave town about 11 a.m., get to Spencer around 2 p.m., spend a couple of hours amusing my stepmother and and annoying my father, leave around 5 p.m., and get back into my home sweet home setting around 8:30.

I had forgotten one factor that could vary the results in every way.

My wife was off work, too!

Now, I do love my wife.  Let's just say that I'm a firm believer of the old expression, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  The more she's absent, the more I love her.

It works in reverse, also!

First thing that happened was she shut off my alarm this morning before it woke me.  So, I awake at 10 a.m.   So much for getting up early.  In addition, she's in the shower, which means it will be at least 2 hours before I'll ever see the place.  With only one bathroom in the house, I grab an empty Coke can and take a leak, hoping that it won't be more than a 12 oz. one.
If ya gotta go, ya gotta go!

11.5 oz. later, I finished, washed my hands in the kitchen sink (knowing I'd create a change in temperature in the shower for my devoted one) and waited ... and waited ... and waited.  One hour and ten minutes later, she emerged.  

Finally, my turn had arrived.  
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!
I've entered saunas that didn't
have as much damn steam!

Entering the 759 degree bathroom filled with hairspray mist and perfume stench (too much of a good thing, you know), I glanced at the fogged up mirror with the streaming waterfall of condensation rolling down to the two inches of water already covering the floor.  

Damn, doesn't she know how to close a shower curtain???

Finishing my cold shower (as she'd used 800 gallons of hot water taking hers, I quickly dried off, dressed, and waded back into the bathroom.  There, I nearly electrocuted myself blow drying my hair while standing in water.  At least it straightened my hair.  No gel needed today.

Could I still get everything done?  

Rushing to the Honda dealership to get some transmission fluid, a little old lady on a cell phone cut across the road in front of me.  It's amazing when you can make ABS brakes lock up!

Have you ever seen 400 cd's leave the car seats, fly through the air 
and scatter on the floorboard of a car?  

After spending an additional 15 minutes picking them up and positioning them in some semblance of order in the boxes, I was able to procure the fluid and return home without additional delay.

That's when the wife struck again!

Not thinking, as usual, an extraordinary blond moment took place within her tainted brain.  As I walked into the house, I find that she had prepared a frozen pizza for lunch.  My little homemaker had struck again!
I must remember, take it to the shop,
you're no good at doing it yourself,
take it to the ship,
you dumbass!

Now, as you may recall, I've made statements in the past about my physical reaction to enriched flour.  In case you don't remember, it causes me to pass out in 30 minutes or less.  I drop off to sleep without even recognizing the slumber coming on.  

To keep from ticking her off and knowing I was pressed for time, I grabbed a quick slice and headed outside.  I got the Ridgeline up on stands, finished the slice, and headed under the truck.  There I situated the drip pan, loosened the bolt, and waited for the fluid to drain.

Have you ever awakened looking up at the bottom of a truck?

I look at my watch.  It's 3:35 p.m. and much too late to make the trip to Indiana.  So, I resign myself to the fact that I can finish with the truck quickly, get another shower, and spend the evening relaxing on the web and catching up on visiting the blogs of others I've neglected.  
Did I mention this was a day from Hell?

There is a bolt that must be removed atop the transmission to put fluid in.  Without this fluid, the transmission will burn up.  

Did I mention I had drained all of the fluid?  

This bolt would not move, regardless of everything I tried.  I'm not going to go into all the efforts made in an attempt to loosen this one damn bolt.  Let me simply say that 7:30 was on the wristwatch, and the bolt was holding steadfast.  

I drove my wife's car to a national auto parts store to ask for assistance.  They had no suggestions.  Finally, I went to Harbor Freight Tools, looked over options, bought a break pipe tool, returned home, and watched magic transpire.

It was about F**kin' Time!!!

By the time all tools were picked up and a shower taken, it was 8:30.  My day from Hell was coming to a close.  Still, I had to remember, Friday is almost here and my obligations to FTSF.   
Damn, what a person will do for attention!

Anyway, here's the JPEG giving you all of the wonderful names of our wonderful hostesses on this wonderful day after my day from Hell.
In case you're not familiar with FTSF, the theme states that we will finish the sentence with wondrous thoughts and experiences from deep within.  

Almost make you think about belching them out, doesn't it?

Anyway, this week's theme is 

"I Used To Love ... "

There's actually many things I used to love.  Here's a short list since the forward was so dreadfully long this time:
  1. Riding around in my car, listening to rock music, while stoned out of my gourd. (And too stoned to realize the cops might be following me.)
  2. Being a radio DJ for an underground station that played music most other stations stayed away from.  (Neville Brothers, Pete Townshend, John Hiatt, Little Feat, Melissa Etheridge, and the Indigo Girls for a few.)
  3. Teasing my daughters to no end.  (I am a mean SOB at times, lol)
  4. Performing stand-up comedy onstage professionally and experiencing the smiles and laughter my jokes brought to others. (And, "No", I never wet my pants.)
  5. Hunting venomous snakes in the wild outdoors where a bite could easily bring death. (That's why guides always lead the way!)
  6. Free falling after jumping out of the plane as long as possible before pulling the ripcord to open the chute. (After some bastard had duct taped the grab handle!)
  7. Sitting back, as a child, listening to my mother read stories of fantasy to me.  (Ah, I remember the tales of Peyton Place and The Valley Of The Dolls so vividly!)
  8. Sitting atop a lifeguard stand looking down the bikini tops of the girls gathered below for my attention (and wondering what I'd do if I had to get off the stand with a woody).
  9. Racing a car around a sports car track at breakneck speed without losing control.  (I may not have loved it as much if I'd have lost control.)
  10. Sitting on the phone for hours, as a teenager, listening to my girlfriend breathe when we'd run out of things to talk about. (No, it wasn't heavy breathing ... I saved that for a certain teacher I had a crush on.)
  11. Watching my oldest daughter lead cheers, her senior year, having failed to make the cheerleader squad previously.  (Kid just wouldn't give up, gotta give her credit, she takes after me ... okay, okay, she takes after her mom!)
  12. Enjoying a dish of vanilla ice cream with pineapple preserves with my grandparents, as a young child, while laughing at the Carol Burnette Show.  (Who wouldn't laugh at that show ... even my wife understood the humor!  Of course, that was before she became a blonde, but still, you gotta love the show!)
  13. Watching the original Star Wars stoned with friends and remembering all of R2D2's lines.  (Deep Beep Doot Bop Beep = You're a dumb ass C3PO!)
  14. Being frightened silly, as a child, by a full TV screen skull accompanied by a piercing scream on Saturday night's Nightmare Theater.
  15. Original McDonald's french fries, Original Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a great barbecued steak before all the changes and steroids were added.  (How come food didn't make us fat until the government made is safer?)
  16. Seeing how far up a girl's leg, as a teenager, I could get my hand before having it pushed away. (Again and again and...)
  17. Feeling the power of God when I was baptized.  (Another teenager moment.)
  18. Visiting museums and historical sites all over Europe (and the hash market in Amsterdam).
  19. Traveling Italy for days with a hooker that was thankful when I'd come to her assistance in Naples in an awkward moment she was experiencing.
  20. Standing at the edge of Mt. Etna and looking over and down at the active lava below (wondering how close I'd have to get to light a cigarette).
So much for the short list!

I think the real statement that needs to be made here is that:

The things we used to love are only that, memories of the past. 
The most important thing that we can love is the next moment.  
Who will join us in the enjoyment it brings!

Will you?
(and if not, do you have a sister?)


  1. Holy shit. Hope tomorrow is better. Its gotta be, right?

    1. Susannah - Thanks so much for dropping by. You caught me right after I'd published, re-read, and was still finishing my editing and rewriting. (You should've known better, Rich, you're supposed to do that before you publish!) Actually, tomorrow I start another 10 day straight stretch at work, so my Hell will probably continue. I'm beginning to wonder if the man downstairs isn't preparing me for what's coming later in the afterlife. lol I'm going to keep my hopes up that things will change ... until they don't! Many Thanks!

  2. Blimey, dude, you musta pissed someone off royally to get that much of a workload. At least you pwned the truck (eventually).

    The list was very cool...I hope your daughters enjoyed the teasing as much as you did. All I'm sayin'.

    1. Lizzi - I say, young chapette, tis good of you to stop in for a spot of tea! Yeah, the man upstairs is getting back at me for writing about him taking a dump, I think. :) The truck was indeed a bear, but finally it did come about. I'd still be out there if it hadn't, for sure. And the girls ... well, they knew it was going to happen. I did tease without mercy most of the time, but the still love it when I go back to doing it when I see them. I think they expect it now, and would be disappointed if I didn't. lol Many thanks!

  3. all of R2D2's lines? LOL! mISS YOUR BLOG Richard! Sorry about your day from hell :( Today will be a better day for sure! Even when things suck, I see passion in your this! Keep a chin up and keep remembering everything that is good even when it's not. Good morning :)

    1. Audra - Really good to see you again! Don't miss my blog, visit my blog! lol There's times I think I'm writing to myself ... which I probably am. :) I usually start each day with a great attitude. Then, I get out of bed and recognize the crap going on. But, that's life ... sometimes!!! (OMG, another shameless promo!) Many Thanks!

  4. OMG. you crack me up dude. Sounds like my hubby complaining about me in the shower. I truly hope today is a better day.

    I agree, while the past holds beautiful memories today is just as joyous.

    1. Karen - Do you realize you've got the same name as my youngest daughter ... no, not the good one ... well, she's doing better these days ... but then again she's 600 miles away! lol I think all guys have a story to tell. Most are just too scared to do it. Since my wife never visits my blog or even goes on the web, I'm fairly safe. :) Besides, she knows it comes with the package after all these years together. The part about the next moment came to me one night while writing a story about pets of my past, and which moment meant the most to me. About that time, Faletame came over, jumped on the arm of the chair, and started pushing his forehead against my arm. That moment, which was the "next' one, proved that there's always something more to look forward to. Many Thanks!

  5. Seriously could here Kevin write something like you did above about me!! But seriously sounds like you have a lot of great memories and thank you for sharing them here with us and for linking up with us as always!! And also for the laugh or two you gave me this morning. You never fail on that and bless your heart for that for sure!! :)

    1. Janine - Where do you think I got the ideas?? Yes, Kevin and I have been talking. Watch out now as he's found a mouthpiece! lol The nice thing about memories is that you're always making them. Good or bad, whatever you're doing, you'll remember it one day in the future. That is, unless you indulged in illegal activities too much when you were young (as I did). Many Thanks!

  6. I hope today is a much better day for you!

    I've never thought about the things we used to love being memories of the past. That is so true.

    1. Tracie - Really nice of you to visit! I'd love to tell you it was a great day, but I just got home about fifteen minutes ago after having been at work since 8:30 this morning. Thirteen hours is too much for any sane man. I guess that's why I'm doing it! :) Memories are what's happening now, but being looked at in the future when they've become part of the past. We used to have a saying in the late 60's, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life, live it that way!" If you follow those instructions, you'll look back one day and say, "Damn, did I do all that?" That's when your grandchildren will look at you with awe, which will be another great memory! :) Many Thanks!

  7. Gawd that really was the day from hell. And your list--holy crap you took me back some!! Carol Burnett, Nightmare theatre, the first Star Wars and oh yes! Amsterdam (early 80's for me)! Made me nostalgic here and I loved it all. about a game of tag? Yup! I tagged you today on my blog. Wanna play? Check it out...don't be scared...promise it won't hurt....

    1. Marcia - Good to see you here again! It was a day only surpassed by today, of which I'll write some other time. lol The list was the easiest thing to write in this post. I just thought of all the things I can no longer do for one reason or another and let the words go. The tough part was trying to make a day from Hell somewhat humorous ... somewhat! Yep, a lotta memories for sure. Tag? OMG, you didn't! Yep, you did! I just read it (I'll have to comment later). Thanks for the praise but damn, more work! :) I'll get to it as soon as possible. Many Thanks!

  8. Oh, I love the ending sentiment. So true. And I relate to your day. The best laid plans of mice and men. The bathroom picture is priceless.

    I liked reading your list, because, with each post you write, I feel like I get to know you better. It's fun getting to know you! :)

    And go play with MM above. She's my gal and always has good games.

    1. Rachel - How are you my friend? I've got to visit your blog soon. I've been so busy, time just hasn't allowed much visiting as of late. My truest apologies. I honestly believe too many people live in the past. We've got to look forward and never stop making memories. I look forward to the next one, don't you? :) I'm a strange one to get to know. Just when you think you've got a bead on me, I'm pulling something unusual to throw you another direction. Just the part of me that hates predictability. lol I'm going to "play" with MM soon. I've just got to find the time (and the stamina)! Many Thanks!

  9. Hysterical as always ... your Mom reading Valley of the Dolls to you LOL. Pinged my heart when you got to Carol Burnette. I too ate bowls of vanilla ice cream with my grandparents watching that show, but no pineapple preserves - apricot on occasion, but no pineapple. ;)

    1. Chris - How are you doing?? So good to see you again! Glad you enjoyed this piece. Yeah, my mom always read to me until she knew I could handle it on my own. I remember seeing the movie The Valley Of The Dolls years later and thinking, "Wow, Patty Duke really is a bitch!" Sad thing was I saw it just as Sharon Tate was being killed by the Manson clan, so it was somewhat bittersweet. Ohhhhh, you've got to try the pineapple preserves! I remember they were fab! She'd also do it with strawberry and raspberry, but the pineapple will always be my favorite. That reminds me, I need to visit the grocery store tomorrow! :) Many Thanks!

  10. Rich, I LOVE your post this week. Well I always love your posts but the fact that you were able to end the day from hell (and it truly does sound like the day from hell and really? Your wife showers for that long? I'm obviously doing it wrong b/c I am in and out of there in like 7 minutes) with a touching and funny list and then your final statement that we should love the next moment. Perfect.

    PS Venomous snakes? Yikes. Ew. Shudder.
    PPS One of these days, you're going to have to tell us more about number 19.
    PPPS I love number 10. I remember doing that.

    1. Kristi - My sister from another mother, good to see you! You're really only too kind with your words. My wife? Well, I give her 8 minutes per roll, so an hour or two is about right! lol I guess I did visit many different flavors of human feelings this time. But, I am human ... I think. At least Uncle Sam treats me that way around tax time! Yes, I did play with snakes for 30 years or so. And, before you ask, yes, I have been bitten and yes, I did die ... technically. Believe me, waking up on life support is not a good way to start the day, but it's better than not waking up in the end. Number 19 almost didn't get mentioned, but I figured, what the hell, it was a great time. And you did Number 10, too!!! I had a party line back then and just knew someone else was listening to my girlfriend breath!! I never would've guessed it was you!!!! lol Many Thanks!

  11. But.. that was a SPLENDID day.. You got two showers, got the transmission fluid changed, learned something new about how to loosen screws, got to sleep in, didn'T get stuck in traffic on the way to Indiana...

    Reading through your "loved to do"s, I wonder: why did "I" never get stoned? Seriously, as the first and so far only college graduate of my family, wouldn't it have been my sacred obligation to get stoned?? Well, luckily for us, Amsterdam isn't far, so once the offspring can be safely deposited at the grandparents for a weekend, hubby and I will get stoned ;-)

    1. Stephanie - You truly are one that can make lemonade out of lemons, aren't you? :) I bet that drives your hubby crazy at times! lol Seriously, if it's legal, why not? Find a nice club that has some live music playing, indulge yourself, and relax. But beware, the munchies will arrive and you'll need sustenance in the form of junk food galore! Experience it, enjoy it, and keep your memories of it so when your kids talk about it in the future, you won't be an old fuddy duddy and wrinkle your nose up at them. With experience comes wisdom. Enjoy! Many Thanks!

  12. ...your day had everything, dude!

    (no, no metaphysics....this time) (Voice over Jim McKay..."the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat.")

    But serially, your day and your list, who does not identify with them? Not just the events and activities but the feelings and frustrations*
    I love your list... and I come back here (and have 'Life Sometimes on the Doctrine blogroll) because not only do you remember but you are not afraid to write it.
    Very cool.

    *sorry, this may be effectively X-Chrome-ville most of the time, but I will not use the word emotion, mostly because that's not what I am trying to imply.

    1. Clark, my wise friend, so good of you to return! I do have to correct you, though. My day was lacking in the passions of two individuals seeking pleasure with nothing more than the skin on their back to fill each other's needs. Yep, my neighbors had their curtains shut again so I couldn't see a damn thing! :) If I had but one thing to leave the world, it would be, "Never let fear stop you from doing anything." Too many of life's pleasures and experiences are never a part of a person's life that allows fear to control their actions. There's much I relate about experiencing, failure, success, happiness and sadness that come from my history. What I can't share is what it's like to be afraid to try. What I can share is what it's like to be afraid and do. If you "try" you start with fear and failure in mind and might as well quit immediately. If you "do" you'll control your fear and reach some level of success greater than from where you started. OMG, I'm preaching again! Stop me, Lord, Stop me!!! lol Many Thanks!

  13. Your next day off will be awesome. I mote it so. And when I mote that's the end of the story. I'm super powerful like that.

    1. Tracy - Wow, am I ever glad you stopped by! How about moting that I win the Powerball jackpot this week? :) Tell you what ... if I win it, I'll split it 50/50 with you so we can both have great days off ... forever! Love you dropped in! Many Thanks!

  14. Damn you used to do some pretty fun things!!! Being a DJ, stand-up comic.. sheesh! I am jealous now. I just wrote about how I used to love going to concerts lol. #ftsf

    1. Christina - Really nice of you to visit! I had attended college with thoughts of becoming a lawyer. With six hours left to go, and having been accepted to the school of law, I said, "The Hell with it! I'm going to enjoy my life!" So, I did the DJ and comedy thing. They were both a great time, but sooner or later family obligations come to light and ruin the party! lol Last concert I attended was about 5 years ago. My wife and I were situated about 12 feet from the speakers until a horrible pain shot from my left ear through my head. My left ear has never been the same. Sad thing was, it was a Queensryche concert at the Palace in Louisville ... not even a major attendance draw. I'll try to get over to your blog soon! Many Thanks!