Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Rambling Tuesday: 50 Shades Of Grey, Homosexuals, and Gun Registration



Today is Tuesday, 
so it must be time to ramble!


(As if I don't any other day.)

As I was driving home last night, I started thinking about what I might ramble about today.  All sorts of topics ran through my mind.  


(Decisions, decisions)

First, I could talk about my wife.  I figured that must be an acceptable topic, since many of the wonderful ladies in blogging talk about their husbands ... day after day after day.

Not that I mind it.  In fact, I find it somewhat funny at times.  What makes it difficult is commenting on their blogs without sounding like a male chauvinist.

How does one comment about a sexual evening when dealing with the opposite sex in blogging?  Oh, I guess there's the humorous remarks, but when and where does one draw the line?  

Lets be real for a minute.  If a female makes somewhat racy comments, it's funny.  Yet, by the same token, if a male makes those type of comments, all of a sudden he's a sexual pervert that only has visions of nudity and the physical act taking place.  


Watch out, here comes the blog police!!!!

It's kind of like the book 50 Shades of Grey.  If a man were to discuss this book, he would be viewed as only seeing the sex.  OMG, guys only see porn in books like this ... not the beauty of love and relationships and togetherness!  Draw your curtains, grow the hedges, and lock the doors ... a man is present!

Yet, Ellen, Oprah, and many other females openly discuss this with humor, sexual innuendoes, and extreme raciness.  

I've nothing against this book.  No, I haven't read it.  My wife doesn't shop much (Thank God!), and I've yet to build up the courage to face the old ladies at the cash register with this publication, whom judge as if the Golden Throne was a piece sitting in their living room.  Nor do I feel like lying about it and asking them, "Is this any good?  My wife has wanted to read this for the longest time."


Should I even let her read this?


To a man, it might get her in a mood that one would rather avoid. 

 (How do you know when a man is lazy?  When sex becomes work!)

Or, am I speculating about something that wouldn't happen?  


(How many years has it been?)

No worry.  There's a couple of cd's coming out today that I'd rather spend my money on.  Maybe next week ... doubtful ... but maybe next week.  I'll have to check and see what blue-rays and cd's come out then.


(I mean, after so many years, what's another week ... or month ... or year ... or decade?)

But see, now I've gone too far.  All of a sudden, there are some who are starting to feel uncomfortable.  All of a sudden, this unknown entity is becoming a ... should I say it ... a man!


Oh, The Humanities!!!   

Pack your bags, lock the doors, and run to the hills ... gender bias has come home!  

Don't worry ... my walker with wheels will only go so fast.  However, next week, the electric scooter cart arrives!  I can't wait.  Wal-Mart females, beware!   I'll be traveling at seven miles per hour ... up and down the aisles ... reaching out ... pinching and grabbing ... and laughing as the store manager chases me out the door!


Okay, so I'm not that old.  
Scared you for a minute though, didn't I?

(Or, are you disappointed?)

Yep, another typical male comment provided for your benefit.  I had to give you what you expected.  Right?



Anyway, let's take a look at the news and see what's happening around the world.

  1. A crazed maniac drove his car into two other cars and then crashed through the front of a Wal-Mart in San Jose, California yesterday.  Once inside, he jumped out and started attacking shoppers and workers with a blunt instrument.  (In retaliation, the Politically Correct California State Legislature is drawing up a bill that will make all motor vehicles and blunt instruments dangerous weapons, and to be outlawed as illegal.)
  2. Aurora theater shooter, James Holmes, proved he was sane by having his defense request a plea bargain for his life.  However, the prosecution has turned down this request and will pursue the death penalty.  (Looks like the dumbass finally outsmarted himself.  Only a sane man would plead for his life, so the defense just blew the insanity plea!)
  3. Thirty-five teachers and administrators in Atlanta have been charged with cheating to increase their students test scores.  (This is truly showing the students that education does it’s best to see that no child gets left behind.  Students were informed about the case verbally, since most had not yet learned to read by the time they graduated high school.)
  4. An Italian scientist has proclaimed that vaccines make people gay.  He claims that the chemicals prevent a child from discovering who he or she is by creating a chemical shield that blocks proper brain and personality development.  He also warns about increasing numbers of homosexuals in the future because of this.  (Bruno Tonioli, judge on Dancing With The Stars, calls this “the worst proclamation he’s ever seen as the form is wrong, the toes not pointed, and the effort inferior and extremely butch.”)
  5. President Obama and family attended Easter Sunday services and were entertained by the Reverend Luis Leon making political remarks about conservatives holding on to outdated views on race, gender roles, and immigration.  (The collection plate was then passed, after Luis commented that food stamps, unopened condoms, and fake green cards would be greatly appreciated.)
  6. Connecticut has become the first state to require mandatory gun registration of all guns and magazines.  (Next on the agenda, mandatory outlawing of motor vehicles and blunt instruments.)
  7. Norway has been chosen as the best place for a person to retire, followed closely by Switzerland, Luxembourg, Sweden and Austria.  The United States came in 19th.  (Walkers with ski runners are much cheaper than walker with wheels and mobile scooters.  In addition, lawsuits involving elderly gentlemen grabbing customers as they drive up and down the aisles of smaller Norwegian department stores are minimal.)

And that’s going to do it for this week’s Rambling Tuesday!

Keep your chin(s) up, the smile huge, and donations coming!

Anyone got an extra copy of 50 Shades Of Grey?



31 comments:

  1. LOL! I loved this post. BTW I'm a female that has never read 50 Shades of Grey and don't want to, but I hear the writing in it is TERRIBLE anyway, unlike your post which is brilliantly written. :-D

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    1. Sarah - Really good of you to visit! Glad you enjoyed this post. I tend to ramble on and never really know where it's going until it's done. Your compliments are only too kind. Many Thanks!

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  2. Rich you are so right...females can get away with so much that guys would take a spanking for (haha)! I never thought about that in that way...wow. Like that last post I made for example...if a guy had done it? Hahaha

    Oh and the Atlanta scam...CRAZY!

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    1. Kelly - Good to see you here! When I did comedy, it was stated that no one had it tougher than a WASP (White Anglo Saxon Person) because everyone would be upset if you made fun of them. So, I made fun of myself first to set the tone. A guy is misunderstood so often it's crazy. Everyone wants to think the worst, so you end up spending 50% of your time apologizing. There's times I read a blog and bypass commenting, simply to avoid conflicts in what could be misconstrued. lol The Atlanta thing is crazy. It's obviously what happens when government teaching guidelines are effective as the government that installs them. : ) Many Thanks!

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  3. Hilarious news round up and I totally agree with the observations you make. I also really enjoyed your approach to the subject. Very funny and tactful without sugar coating things. Great post!

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    1. Katia - Glad you enjoyed this piece! You know what they say about "Great Minds"! lol I tend to be a "matter of fact" type of guy. I try to cut through all the crap the news agencies toss our direction and see what's really being said. As far as the "biased" thing, well, it's tough at times when you read many of the blogs that deal with topics a guy almost feels as if he's intruding on. Innocent remarks taken the wrong way can make one feel as if they're a dirty old man. So, I simply have to keep from commenting at times. Just thought I'd discuss it to bring it to the forefront. Many Thanks!

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  4. I had an extra copy of 50 Shades, but I gave it to a friend to read. OMG...from an intellectual standpoint, the book is trash, and I read the first one (out of the series of 3) but could not read beyond that, LOL.
    You're right though..there are so many double standards that it's crazy to think about. You're right: women can talk about this and not even get labelled a "sinner" but man, if guys got together to discuss this book, whoa...LOL

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    1. Cyndi - Really good to see you, my friend! I do hope your friend enjoyed it more than you. I really have no idea as to the storyline ... only what I've heard in passing. It does get to me at times that all guys are looked at as having the reputation / mentality of NYC Construction Crews. Some of us are perfectly happy where we're at and who we're with, and can appreciate a woman as a person, instead of just an object. Still, it's a part of life, so what can one do? Many Thanks!

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  5. Man you like to live on the edge...I must give you props for this piece very nicely done. As far as 50 Shades of Grey is concerned...I didn't read it...not because I thought it wouldn't be a good book...but it has way too many big words in it.

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    1. Michael - Really good of you to visit! I wouldn't live any other way, sir. There are double standards in life for almost everything. It's a shame that the politically correct influences in America tend to make life difficult for many of the innocent by bringing out the extremes and getting laws passed concerning them. It's only an excuse for improper upbringing and the lack of teaching of manners at an early age. Still, I believe that communication is the first step of greater understanding, thus, I write on! lol The 50 Shades was more to find a common point to discuss the topic and add a little sarcasm / humor, but I know what you mean. Give me a Marvel comic anyday! lol Many Thanks!

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  6. I read all three 50 Shades of Grey (the trilogy) and will tell you the writing wasn't the best, but the sex yes was truly worth it. There I said, sue me, lol!! Sorry, but that is exactly what that book was intended for and truly worth all its merit for that one!!

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    1. Janine - My honest friend ... so good to have you announce it the way it is! No suits, only praise for the truth. Not having read it, I believed it was a much greater romance novel than one would usually find on their grandmother's bedside table. lol Glad you and Kevin enjoyed it! Perhaps I'll see the movie one day, but only if I can prove I'm over 18. :) Many Thanks!

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  7. Richard, totally agree with you on the male bashing. And I find myself doing it, too. But I don't do it to keep the man down, more like an evening of the playing field cuz most of the guys/men I know like to throw out girl bashing.

    As for 50 Shades - the only use I'd have for that book is toilet paper or fire starter. After all the reviews, I decided it's on my "Not even for a thousand dollars" list. ;)

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    1. Terrye - I appreciate you stopping by! I've never thought of you "male bashing." You bash everything and everyone in the humor you turn out, and everyone loves it! I, too, like to have fun when conversing, as you know, but unless the parties know the other fairly well, often things can be misconstrued. That's why commenting can really be tough at times. Like you, I'm actually pretty tired of hearing about the book. I imagine it will find its way onto the dollar store shelves before too long. I might buy a copy then, just to see, as curiosity is still there a little. Besides, I can always use it to level out a table I have with one short leg. Many Thanks!

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  8. I like the Rambling Tuesday format... follow the mental trail where ever it might lead.

    I read some of 50 Shades of Grey ( hey, I'm a guy...we all learned the trick to immediately open a book to the good parts when we were 13 years old, and didn't have a lot of time to wade through the useless parts...character development, plot exposition you know the boring parts. In any events, the writing was surprisingly bad but there's an old joke about... 'there's no such thing as a bad...'*
    In any event your Post got me remembering a Rodney Dangerfield joke:

    "My wife cut me back on sex to once a month - that's not so bad - she cut off some of my friends completely!"

    (ba rump bump!)

    *every guy reading this will be able to finish that joke, just as every guy knows the joke that hinges on the expression 'roo roo'

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    1. Clark, So good of you to stop in. I've been reading your blog, but have been remiss in commenting. My apologies. Good of you to have taken the plunge and read some of the book. I used to follow that procedure when I was very young and found that the Ted Mark paperback series found on grocery store book racks provided the same. lol Your Rodney joke got me thinking about one I wrote years ago, and used to perform onstage.

      "I may be getting older, but I still enjoy evenings of hot, passionate lovemaking. You know, the really hot, sweaty, go for the gusto stuff! I just wish my neighbors would leave their curtains open a little wider!"

      Many Thanks!

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  9. LOL! This was such an entertaining post! I love your points at the end!! Sums the week's highlights in the most effective way!

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    1. Roshni - So good of you to stop in! I'm really glad you enjoyed this one. I try to cut through the junk the news agencies put out and get to the heart of the matter. A little humor helps the idiocy of the reality at times. Appreciate the comments. Many Thanks!

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  10. You are AWESOME. I have to start typing and then go back up to remember which was my next point because you have so many awesome points! First remembered is that you're so right that us chicks can say crazy sex stuff that no man would ever get away with. Oh and for the record, I very rarely talk about my husband. In case you needed another reason to love Finding Ninee. Anyway...scrolling...oh right. 50 Shades is sexy as hell but VERY poorly written, in my humble opinion. Seriously. I read them all and if I never see the phrase "gray eyes gazing upon blue" (or whatever it was but that's close) again, I will be happy. Sexy, racy, and tiring.
    Still scrolling but it's 11:37pm here and the news is just f*ing depressing. Not that I'm one of THOSE who never watches, but I just don't have the energy to comment on how messed up we are as a people tonight. Once again, AWESOME post. Love it.

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  11. Oh look! I wrote awesome in caps not only once but twice. Good thing I spaced them apart. Humph.

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    1. Kristi - I'm going to answer both comments here ... lol! First, I don't need another reason to love "Finding Ninee"! The humor, material, drawings, and heart of the post is enough to keep me coming back for more and more. (I've even added it to my Blogs to Follow links list" here.) You are one of the better about bashing your hubby. You do a good enough job of bashing yourself! lol I had to laugh when you said you'd read them all! It's like McDonald's, we know it's not good for us, but we like it so we finish it down to the last shred of fries. lol Tiring? As a guy, I'm going to remain silent on that one. : ) Really glad you enjoy this blog, and very happy to have your comments. You're only too kind. Many Thanks!

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  12. I don't need to read the news anymore! It's all here on your post...and a lot more entertaining, lol. Hmmm...50 Shades of Grey. When I hear about that book I see red. Not because I'm embarrassed or anything. Because it's a piece of absolute trash. One or two entertaining scenes...BUT, the writing is shit. The characters are pathetic, unrelatable and unimaginable. Really. The main character is 26, a billionaire, a pilot, drop dead gorgeous, and a whole bunch of other things. Oh and let's not even get started on Anna. Good grief. I'm sorry, but the author to this book cannot write for shit. Good idea, BADLY written. I didn't even finish the first book I was too irritated. Anyway - after that rant, just wanted to give you my 2 cents. But that's just me. I know a few of my girlfriends who aren't writers enjoyed it. Great post and entertaining reading to start this Wednesday off! Have a good one! :)

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    1. Melanie - You caught me just before I retired for my four hours of nightly sleep! lol How could I refuse to answer a friend so good as you? Glad you enjoy the news analysis. A little editorialized, naturally, but I do try to cut through the icing and get straight to the cake. The 50 Shades bit was more to make a point, but I do appreciate the review. My wife would probably like it as it wouldn't tax her much to read it. (Too much bleach in the hair over the years, lol) I think I'll quickly forget about it ... as I do about most of the best sellers these days. Maybe if it makes its way to a dollar store shelf ... maybe. I also wish you the best of days! May it bring you smiles and great memories! Now, it's off to bed. Many Thanks!

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    2. Lol, thanks Rich for delaying your trip to dreamland hehehe. I can't believe you only get 4 hours of sleep a night. I wish I could do that. Would have so much more time to do other stuff like paint. Have a great day!

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  13. Oh my gosh, you crack me up! I love the ramblings keep them happening. You can be our token male :)
    By the way, I won't read 50 shades of anything because the series made my mother, and I quote, HOT and BOTHERED....

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    1. Kerri - So good of you to stop in! Glad you like the rambling. It's about the only thing I do well, it seems. lol I'll accept the "token" position as it's one I'm familiar with (usually it's the token idiot, so this is a nice change). I can understand your hesitation if it had that type of an affect on your mother. Last thing we need is for you to start looking at your father in a different light. :) Many Thanks!

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  14. I don't know which of your 7 points made me laugh louder? OK- #5 (and #3 made me sigh). And to confirm your hunch that men commenting on lady stuff makes one point a finger- what's with the "Should I even let her read this?". Can you stop her? Hahaha

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    1. Cheryl - Really good to see you again! The news, as broadcast, is too stiff and ridiculous. Much is made out of nothing, and nothing is made of the meaning. We've given too much respect to those that don't deserve it. I'd like to see a newscast say something like, "And the President really screwed things up today by signing a bill aimed at taking care of the rich and shafting the poor again. But, what else is new?" Leave the sensationalism at home and report the facts ... gee, what a concept! lol Actually, it's my fault for not being clear in that statement about her reading this. I actually meant the blog, not the book. My wife is not a web surfer at all. In fact, she never gets on the web by herself. If she reads my blog it's only because I ask her if she wants to. She's my harshest critic, besides myself, and not always interested in what I've written. Remember, she's from a small town in Alabama. They just got calculators there about three years ago, so it will be a while before computers even seem real. lol Glad you enjoyed! Many thanks!

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    2. Well it's my pleasure Rich. I've got you on my daily blog roll- so you'll be seeing a lot more of me. Be careful what you wish for!

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  15. You are completely right. The fairer sex gets away with far more smut than you ever would, and far more trash talk about our spouses too. Although, come to think of it, I don't think I've done any trash talk about my husband on the blog. I better hop to it!

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    1. Rachel - So good to see you again! I think you're completely right about getting away with more when in mixed company. I will admit trash talking some about my wife, but it's all in jest, as I hope most recognize. After 33 years together, it better be in jest, or I'm in for a short retirement in a few years! lol Many thanks!

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