Friday, March 29, 2013

God, Basketball, and Finish The Sentence Friday

I'm supposed to be writing a Finish the Sentence Friday offering. 

Instead, I'm watching a basketball game.

March Madness affects many people throughout the United States.  It is especially severe in those that have alma maters still in the contest. 

I attended Indiana University.  Throughout the season, they've been ranked as high as #1 for several weeks at a time.  Now, they're playing in the Sweet Sixteen against Syracuse.  My attention is seriously diverted.

I am experiencing emotional anger, glee, frustration, and hope … 
in a three to four second rotation.  It is Hell.

At the time of this writing, Indiana is not doing well.  They seem to have a difficult time putting the ball in the hoop, which is the primary goal of the game.  My anger continues.

Many wives, who are not into sporting contests, tend to believe that men watching sports is a complete waste of time.  Not so.  In fact, if you, as a wife, are in need of some quiet time to accomplish some of the things you've always wanted to do, there is no time like the present. We promise not to disturb you in the least.

My wife is working at this time.  
I hope she doesn't come home before the game is over.

It isn't that I don't love my wife.  After 33 years together, we have grown somewhat close.  She tends to tick me off at times, as I'm sure I do her, but we've learned to keep things in perspective.  That is, as long as she doesn't bother me during a college basketball game.

Not if she wishes to live to see another day.

I have killed chairs, hassocks, a lamp, and even an end table in the past during these events.  My cats, Faletame and Gabriela, have learned to seek solitude in the kitchen during games.  My wife, who should be easier to train, still doesn't get it.  She's a little slow, or perhaps, she just doesn't care.  She doesn't realize how close to death she may be.

When the referees are as bad as they are tonight in this game, especially when it comes to not calling fouls (easily seen) against Syracuse, my anger boils.  Not only is your team playing against their opponent, they're playing against the refs.  It's a hopeless situation for your team.  And one gets angrier and angrier.

It is not a time to hear about how some co-worker's kid at work had a bad day with the teacher, how all day was spent resetting the cosmetics, or how she almost bought something at the grocery store and had a really tough time deciding before putting it back.

Suddenly, the wife starts to look like one of the referees.  Her purple polo becomes black and white striped, and her voice as shrill as a whistle. 

Where's my gun?

Anyway, it's Finish the Sentence Friday blog hop time.  No, not finish the prison sentence, but the sentence, or prompt, that our hostesses provide us.   Hostesses?  Yes, hostesses!  These fine folks!

Today's prompt is ….

”If I could hang out with any celebrity, it would be…”

First, before I answer that, let's look at the definition of a celebrity:"one who is famous" according to The New International Webster's Standard Dictionary.   That's it.  No bylines.  No more descriptions.  Just "one who is famous."

If that's the case, let me say that the celebrity that I'd most like to hang with would be


I would say that God is famous, wouldn't you?

So, let's say God and I could get together one afternoon.  The first thing that would need to be decided is what I could call him.

"Hey (Big Guy, Main Man, Kind and Gentle Omnipotency,  Your Holiness,  Super Wiz, Dad, Impregnator Divine, Burning Bush Talker, Sir), what's happening?"

Of course, with him knowing all, that could be a question that could take a millennium to answer.

"So, since we got some time together, what do you want to do?"

Something tells me, God is a basketball fan and probably wants to watch the rest of the game like I do.  Still, he knows the outcome already, so he may decide on something else.

"Want to go create another world somewhere?"

I have a feeling that would probably take more than the week's vacation time I'd have available, so we might pass on that one.

"How about we just sit and talk a while and you can tell me how you make some decisions?  Yes, I know I'm not supposed to question you or your wisdom.  But, you've got to lighten up the rules a little today … just for me … okay?"

So, what would I ask God?
  1. What really came first, the chicken or the egg?
  2. If man has been given common sense, why does he pay others tell him how to run his life?
  3. What really happened to the guy from Nantucket?
  4. Why do some people drive 45 mph in the fast lane on the interstate?
  5. Why do women always say, "I don't care" when you ask them a question?
  6. Why are I.R.S. auditors and proctologists so much alike?  (The deeper they search the more they find and the more it hurts.)
  7. Why is Sunday the first day of the week on all calendars, but the last day of the weekend?
  8. How do you know if you've found the end of the rainbow or the beginning?
  9. Why do Subway's "meal deals" total the same as if you bought everything at full price separately?
  10. If the people of religion demand world peace, why do the politicians continually start religious wars?
  11. Why do people think their car's glass windows keep people from seeing them pick their noses?
  12. How come men pick the new pope instead of him?
  13. Who ever came up with the concept of a bunny hiding eggs at Easter?
  14. How many vacancies are left in Heaven?

and, after tonight, the main one on my mind ….

Why are basketball referees blind on one end of the court 
and have 20/20 vision on the other? 

Is it because the network pays them to set up match ups 
that will bring in big time ratings?

Maybe we should be more like the Chinese and the way they treat their refs...

I'm sure God would get a chuckle out of that one.  I'm also sure he's not letting any referees into Heaven … and it serves them right!  

Anyway,  it would be kind of cool to hang out with the Big Guy for a week or so, although I don't imagine he'd have many smoking sections up there.  (I understand most of the smoke comes from the fires in another place.)  Although he'd have to admit, smoking definitely helped him populate the upper level quicker.

We could talk about important things, like:
  • Should the cast of Duck Dynasty really get $200,000 an episode?
  • How many laughs does he get from Politically Correct supporters?
  • Why doesn't he get pissed off when minority complaints keep the Christ out of Christmas?
  • Where's our 40 virgins at after we die?
  • Why are there ten hot dogs in a package and only eight buns in the other?
  • Why are there boy groups in Pop Music?
  • Why doesn't the Geico lizard ever shed his skin?
  • Was the Earth his first world created, or did he try elsewhere and messed it up?
  • If all men are equal, where do Cajuns and NYC Sportswriters fit in?


"Why can dogs lick themselves and we..." 
(…. okay, maybe not that one!)

I'm sure we'd each be a little happier when the visit was over.  I could go back to doing what I do and God could go back to doing his miracle stuff.  

And maybe … just maybe … if we're all real good, next year he might even create a batch of college basketball referees that could call a damn game halfway right!!!!!!!



  1. Sports. Don't watch 'em. Neither does my hubby. But we DO them: mountain biking, skiing, hiking, road riding, walking...even some running. We're into the...individual sports. LOL But may your best team win. ;)
    I couldn't help but notice the number 33 in this post. You've been married 33 years? Congrats. That must mean you got married in 1979 because I'm 33.
    And you have 33 followers.
    This must be a sign.
    Of an epic year or something.
    Or that I'll have twins or triplets someday. Haha. (I would go crazy at that!)

    1. Cyndi - I can think of one team sport you and your husband do, but won't mention it since this is a religious weekend. lol As far as 33 is concerned, I jumped the gun ... by just a little. My wife and I will celebrate 33 years of wedlocklocklocklock in June. I go by fiscal years, instead of calendar. :) So, if you're not pregnant with only one child by then, be wary ... and practice safe sex! lol I can't imagine you with three munchkins running around the house. Instead of photography, children, can we say finger painting? :) Many Thanks!

  2. Seriously, Richard I knew you would pick god. I don't know how or why, but I knew you would!! As for the sports, I have learned to leave Kevin alone when he is watching and I do agree I get so much accomplished in the process. So it is a win-win!! Great post and sorry about those damn referees. Maybe next year! Thanks as always for linking up!! :)

    1. Janine - Perhaps you noticed the resemblance between he and I. lol God and I have had many conversations ... I just wonder if he's listening at times. I'm still awaiting winning the Powerball jackpot! :) I know Kevin appreciates you leaving him alone during sports. He taught you well! lol Many Thanks!

  3. Well played, sir. Your questions to God were fantastic, I think the Subway one got the biggest snort from me. And as an avid non-sports fan, I simply cannot grasp it when my friends, husband, and father seem to go a little insane in March...

    1. Stephanie - I'm glad you enjoyed the questions. I figured I could joke about them, or simply go with priorities. Obviously, I chose the later. : ) I can understand how you feel about not grasping March Madness. I feel the same about successfully cooking cookies. However, be patient and it will soon be over. Then, be careful as we men do go through about four weeks of basketball dt's. lol Many Thanks!

  4. I feel like I hang out with God all the time. Sometimes I just might like to have more definitive answers to my questions though.

    The game was horrible!! The refs really stunk! It was the most miserable game to watch. My husband went to bed after half-time. Just couldn't watch the rest. My son and I stuck it out until the end. A sad end to a great season. I don't know how many of the guys will be back next year. My grandson calls Oladipo Home Depot. I hope he has the tools to play in the NBA.

    1. Betty - So nice of you to visit my humble abode! I grew up only 17 miles from Bloomington in a little town called Spencer. I have to be an Indiana fan! It's definitely in my blood. I was aggravated over IU's playing, but more so at the refs. You didn't have to be an Indiana fan to observe the ridiculous officiating, as I found out at work today. Folks that hate IU were coming up to me telling me how badly they got messed over (in a little stronger words, mostly). IU's got a great recruiting class coming in next year, even though I imagine the entire starting five from this year will be gone. Hopefully, they'll still be a strong contender. I agree with you and the feeling that God is there most of the time. I just wish he'd get a little busier at times. Thanks for stopping by!

  5. You and God could totally create that whole extra world thing in a week's vacation. I've always wondered about Sunday being the beginning of the week, but the end of the weekend. That has confused and frustrated me to no end!

    1. Kate - I don't know what we'd come up with, but it would be fun trying! lol I think I'd create a race of people that were blue on one side of their body and red on the other. That way, if someone's color bothered a person, they could simply stand on the other side of them and learn how to get along. All would have a happy little hobbit house with rounded edges, so that getting the point would never be necessary. And, all would work for the survival of their neighbor. That way, it would be people taking care of people, instead of being taken advantage of. At least, that would be a starting point. :) The Sunday thing was messed up by the calendar makers and advertisers, I'm sure. Somewhere along the way, Monday became the start of the week. I guess people just love the misery of starting the week back at work! lol Many Thanks!

  6. I'm not much of a sports fan, but I'm sure if there is a God, he's pulling for the Orange. Sorry! ;)

    1. Chris - No need to be sorry. I have no qualms with people supporting their schools. Only with crooked officiating that takes the honest efforts of kids and flushes them down the drain for the possible reason of advertising dollars and ratings. There's been way too many "bad calls" that have changed games this year, mostly to the school that will bring in the greater advertising dollar. I noticed the trend last year, and was especially watchful this year. It's almost as though the network and NCAA has decided who will bring in the greatest amount of profit, and sway the games that direction. It's like when Syracuse had several calls go against them in the Big East Tourney when playing against Louisville. The calls were questioned by all, but set up Louisville as the overall number one seed. Start watching the games with that viewpoint and you'll see what I mean. Whenever money's involved there's bound to be someone scheming about how to make the most of it. Good luck to Syracuse! I wish them well. Many Thanks!

  7. Oh My gosh this is a hysterical answer! I love it, good pick!

    1. Alice - Let me thank you for stopping by today! Good to meet you! I'm happy you enjoyed this little tidbit. Feel free to stop in anytime. Many Thanks!

  8. Sports are weird. I used play them, then I watched them, but only the nap-friendly sports, i.e. golf ("ok lets take a quick look at the Leader Board and then back to Curt at the 18th"), lie on the couch and wake up at random intervals.
    I have never had the slightest interest in the major sports: football, basketball and baseball until last year and then for reasons that escape I decided that listening to college baseball on the radio was fun!
    (Don't ask me! It just seems to be a good way to pass time instead of counting the number times I can hear the same ancient rock song on different stations.
    Good Post

    ... 'hey' to Whats His Name (lol) when he comes by dinner and tell him no, he can't come to my house when I have Salma Hayek over for dinner.*

    * my 'who I would hang with' choice in one of my Comments lol

    1. Clark - Hello my good friend! You reminded me of how badly we used to hate the TV announcing during IU games, and would turn off the TV sound and listen to the game broadcast on the radio as we watched it on the TV. I liked playing baseball when I was young, but grew bored with it as I aged. Simply too slow for me. I need the fast pace (to keep me awake) when I'm watching something on TV. I'll be over to read about Salma. Her dance in "From Dusk To Dawn" was the hottest thing since the George Foreman Grill! lol Many Thanks!

  9. Haha to the line that you'd think your wife would be easier to train than the cats! I entered a March Madness pool at work. I hope I win but I have no idea about any of it. I'm not really a sports watcher. Of course you know that I love your questions for God. The first one reminded me of a cartoon I once saw. A chicken and egg were in bed together, smoking cigarettes. One of them glared at the other and said "Well! I guess we answered that question!" I still chuckle about it today and I saw it years ago.

    1. Kristi - I thought she WOULD be easier to train! lol Just shows you how much I know. I wish you luck on the office pool. It usually is someone like you that wins the thing. I remember two years ago ... it was a girl who chose the teams because of the colors in their uniforms. : ) Love the joke!!! lol I hadn't heard it before ... seriously! Many Thanks!

  10. I find hockey much more entertaining..ok, more like the hockey game that breaks out in the middle of a fight. As for questions for God:
    1. Why can't men and women take turns having monthly periods?
    2. When you lead a horse to water, why can't you make it drink?
    3. Is it tomato (toe-may-toe) or tomato (tah-mah-toe)?
    4. Do rain dances really bring the rain?
    5. Why the hell did Noah decide to save the damn cockroaches?

    1. Terrye - I'm honored! Good to see you again! Coming from the land of the ice and snow, I can see how boxing would be the item of your enjoyment! :) Let's see if I can help with answering your questions: 1) Because women need someone to beat up during them and men can't legally hit women, 2) Would you drink from a polluted stream? Horses aren't stupid! 3) Depends when the wedgie is pulled tightly, 4) Only if the dance is long enough (sometimes they could last months before being done correctly), and 5) So we'd have a clear image of what politicians resemble! Many Thanks!

  11. Fantastic post as usual, how do you keep this up? You must have an excess supply of imagination cells in your brain! I wish you could lend me some, just for little while! There are days when my brain feels like a block of cement! Have a good day, give my regards to Gabriela and I'll see you on the next Hop.

    1. Joan - Your words are always so kind ... how can I be funny with them? lol I guess having a demented mind helps somewhat. Most of my serious brain cells were destroyed in decades of inhaling illegal substances. : ) I have days like that, too. Then, I simply remember all the glue I sniffed and validate the feeling! lol Gabriela said "Hi" back and added that she's ready for a vacation when you put up the airfare. I warn you, "Don't do it!" Many Thanks!

  12. I'm sorry I read, blah blah blah basketball blah blah blah Indiana University Blah blah blah....Oh! God, good one! I kind of wish I had thought of that one, but I think you did a better job than I would have. I agree with every single one of your questions, except the 40 virgins. Not necessary.

    1. Jen - Really good to see you drop by! I knew the basketball bit might turn some people off, but damn it, I'm a guy ... and even though my blog is sarcastic humor, the guy has to come out sometimes. lol Usually with my blogs, if you don't like the top half, go to the bottom half and things will change. Sometimes they relate and breed callbacks, and sometimes they don't. Probably it's due to me never planning what to write in advance and just going to it. My wife just thinks I'm sick. :) Glad you like the God bit! Again, the 40 virgins was a guy thing done for shock affect. Hey, it worked! lol I really do thank you for stopping by and commenting. Many Thanks!

  13. Hi Rich!
    2. I believe if someone is driving 45mph in the left lane they might be from Wisconsin. ;)
    Nice pick.

    1. Jean - Okay ... you made me work a little. lol Went to your link, and then went to the "Easter Bunny" search. Turns out it's a German tradition from 1682, that really doesn't make a lot of sense. Of course, neither did World War II. We're kind of lucky in Kentucky, as we don't see many Wisconsin license plates. I guess it takes them a while to get here at 45 mph. lol Appreciate the comments! Many Thanks!

  14. Hi Rich,

    How funny! My hubby is watching a Spurs game as I am here typing. I LOVE sports. It's my quiet time of no interruptions :). Can't wait for football to come back on. That's about 4 days of quiet time. LOL! Rich, I love your choice! Who would not choose God? That would make an excellent conversation. I may not even want to leave if they say that heaven is an awesome place to be in. Great choice!!

    The Wondering Brain

    1. Jessica - Really good to see you here! Glad you liked this one. I, too, am back in front of the TV watching more NCAA basketball while typing. lol I've got the fever bad! I think God and I would have to meet down on Earth somewhere. Heaven might be too much of a temptation, as you say. Then again, I'm kind of curious to see if my wife and I stay together for a few more years, or if she finally has enough of my madness! lol Many Thanks!

  15. Ah, God is famous or infamous (depending on how you see him). But I'd like to ask him a few questions too! My favorite would be:

    Why did you have to create neighbors?

    Because I have a couple around the block I live who are a tad irritating! Thanks for sharing, Richard!

    1. Michelle - Good to see you again! I think God created neighbors to test man's endurance. To live closely to one that has no respect for others creates both frustration and anger. Perhaps a lesson is to be learned here. How good is your aim with a pistol? Maybe some practice is in order! lol Many thanks!

  16. You hook me in right from the get-go with your titles! I love that you have your profound questions for God and then just the things that make you go "hmmm"....So you are taking from Bobby Knight's playbook with the chairs, huh? Got a red sweater too? I'm from Kansas. You know the Jayhawks?

    1. Rachel - So nice of you to stop in! The title is usually the last thing I do prior to publishing. (I've even been known to forget them once or twice, lol) I tried to mix up the questions today. I wouldn't want to waste my time with Him, but then again, he knows I couldn't be completely serious if I tried. lol Bobby Knight was gentle compared to my old high school coach. He looked more like a boxer than a coach, and used it well to intimidate you in every way he could. Kansas? Kansas? Isn't that where Dorothy went up for a lay-up and found herself surrounded by little green men from Gonzaga? : ) Many thanks!

  17. Let me start of off by saying that in our house we have rules. I do not interrupt during football, he does not interrupt during hockey. It is weird I am sure, but it works for us.

    I think it is awesome you chose God! Your wife might have issues with the 40 expected virgins, though.

    Oh and I can totally translate the "I don't care" confusion for you. It means while she might not care about a subject, you better get upset on her behalf as quickly as possible. Otherwise you might find out the answers to some of those other questions. Like if He has any vacancies left.....

    1. Kerri - So good of you to visit! I like your rules. I try to stay quiet during her "Reality TV" viewing, as I'm generally at the computer. Lately though, I think my snoring might be irritating her. At my age, I might have issues with 40 virgins! lol I usually get the "I don't care" when I ask her what she wants "to do/ to eat/ to go/ etc." It's like making a decision is against her laws of nature. I got a feeling the No Vacancy sign might be out for me after this one. Oh well, it's not the first time in my life I've been rejected. Many Thanks!

  18. Oh my word. I think Geoff would klap me one if I had to talk about stuff like that - or anything actually - while he was watching Man United play! LOL!! Your wife is brave. Maybe I'll get brave like that in a few years...we'll have to wait and see. Good questions for God, although I'd have to say my first one would be about the dinosaurs, cavemen, beginning of earth and aliens/other planets and life. Too many questions. I hope we get the answers when we get up there one day... Happy Tuesday! :)

    1. Melanie - Really good to see you back! You might want to try a satellite isp provider instead of relying on a cable under the ocean. lol Please, don't get brave. Let him enjoy his sports. Just take the time to write or catch up on something else. He'll love you for it forever! I try to keep my questions simple. I know he's got a lot on his mind, and no one would believe his answers if they came from me anyway! lol Many Thanks!