Friday, April 5, 2013

Finish The Sentence Friday ... Cats, Red Beans and Rice, and a Lamborghini


Faletame
My cats have been acting up.

You can tell my life is interesting, huh?

I was chatting with my cousin a few minutes ago, and she stated that she doesn't care for cats.  Her words were that she was never at home and was allergic to them.

You should have seen my cats shaking as they read her words.

Faletame said, "So, she runs around all the time and has the audacity to say she's allergic!  How does she know if she's always running around somewhere?"

Of course, Gabriela had to add, "Sounds like she's out running the streets like I used to ... before I settled down and became a wonderful example to cathood families everywhere!"

"Now, both of you hush!  That's my cousin you're talking about!"

"But we live with you!  That should mean something!  Or, are we just furry friends when you want us around?  Oh yeah, "Here kitty" when you want some loving and "Shut the hell up" when we simply state the truth!  And you know she runs around ... she told you so!" added Gabriela.

They had a point!

Thus, I'm in a fix.  I really do care a lot for my cousin.  She's had a tough life, and needs a friend (as we all do) every now and then.  But, on the other side, my cats are like my kids.

"Like you had anything to do with me being born!"

"Hush, Faletame!  
Quit reading over my shoulder.  You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, you're just scared now!  You remember sending me to the vet's planned parenthood program.  You know one night, you might wake up to find me down around your crotch ... claws sharpened and ready for action!  You think it's fun being a eunuch, do you?"

He had another point.

Still, I find myself slightly in a fix.  I’m not going to cast away my cousin.  She’s really a very respected person and a great friend to boot.  And my cats, well, my cats are my cats!  They’ll always be a part of my life.

Gabriela
“You’re saying that so you can sleep at night, aren’t you?”

“No, Gabriela, I’m saying it because it’s true.  Even though you’re both pains in the butts at times, get your stray fur all around the keyboard as you practice your typing, and leave giant mounds of crap in the litter box for Millie to clean up, 
I love you both."

"So, you love us both?"

"Yes, I love you both."

"So, do you love Faletame 
more than me, or me 
more than Faletame?"


God, I think I feel an allergy coming on!

Anyway, it's time for:

"Finish The Sentence Friday!!!!"

Whoopee!  Whoopee!  Whoopee!

This is the time of the week that I now place an image that shows the rules and gracious hostesses of this spectacular weekly event.


So, great image, isn't it?

Anyway, this week's prompt to finish is:

"A typical day in my life looks like ... "

The real question is, "Should I divulge the secret lifestyle I cherish?"

Actually, it's pretty boring.  See if you don't agree.

I arise to a beautiful blue sky each and every morning.  (I painted a beautiful blue sky on my bedroom ceiling just so I could arise that way.  I was going to paint a beautiful night sky, which I really prefer, but I figured I'd think it still night time and go back to sleep until it actually was night time, when I could really get up to the sky I preferred.)   (If you followed that you're better than most.)

I do the typical bathroom stuff and come out feeling completely awake and refreshed.  Smelling of Royal Copenhagen cologne (no longer being produced), I enter into my breakfast nook to a light meal of pancakes with strawberry syrup, three eggs, six pieces of bacon, wheat toast with real butter, orange juice, and black coffee.   (Okay, so I imagined everything but the coffee, let a guy live his dream for a while.)

I then enter my Lamborghini and race down the two mile driveway to the main road.  Passing police officers at speeds in excess of 180 mph, I wave as I know I’ve still plenty of money lying in wait of the tickets they’ll write while laughing at how funny it was for them to be left behind in a cloud of dust.  (Yeah, Yeah, so I bounce out of the driveway onto the street in my Honda Ridgeline, and creep by the cop cars in hopes that they don’t notice my seat belt no longer works properly.)

Arriving at work, the valet takes my car and gently parks it by the front door.  I enter the building and am greeted with complete respect by my underlings that believe brown nosing the boss means an employment future.  I ride my private elevator to the 737th floor, walk into my office in the clouds, and peruse my computer for items requiring my expertise.  (Yep, you guessed it.  I park six blocks from work in a free parking zone, am ignored by all except the receptionist who immediately reminds me I’m late, walk down three flights of stairs to my office next to the cardboard incinerator and sewer hook-ups, and check my email for any spam that looks like it means I’ve won money from a past dictator from Africa.)

Diligently I work on matters of world importance until time for lunch.  I then enjoy a Continental Offering of Italian, Swiss, and American delicacies.   (So I search the web to act like I’m busy, until it’s time to eat my Dollar Tree salami and cheese on wheat bread sandwich for lunch.)

The afternoon passes quickly as my technical skills are called into use many times.  Finally, as the work day ends, I don my exercise gear, get my body in shape to it’s six pack image, jump in my Lamborghini and head back home to my mansion on the hill.  (You guessed it.  After making 117 field goals while playing with rubber bands and paperclips, I walk the six blocks back to my truck, beer gut heaving as I try to catch my wind, crawl up into my truck, and drive home to the shack behind the radio tower.)

After indulging in another evening delicacy from New Orleans, I head back to my computer and answer the millions of fan letters I have waiting from all of those that love my writing and can’t wait until the next installment.  (Okay, so it’s Zatarain’s Red Beans & Rice frozen TV dinner, emails from Direct TV and Bluegrass Energy telling me my credit card was rejected and that the bills were due two days ago, and a few drunken acquaintances that wonder if I’m ever going to go back to Hubpages and start writing for real again.)

After an evening of expressive entertainment, I snack on Idaho’s finest treats, brush my teeth, and head off into a dreamland in my King Size bed.  (Or, after suffering through my wife’s watching of The Voice, Dancing With The Stars, or Duck Dynasty, I grab a bag of potato chips, inhale them all within seconds, and hit the waterbed for four hours of sleep before having to get up and do it all over again the next day!)

Now, aren’t you glad you asked?

“So, do you love Faletame more than me, or me more than Faletame?  You still haven’t answered me!”

Oh, God ... why me?


34 comments:

  1. Hahaha! Very creative. People really got creative with this prompt this week, so fun! Your dream life sounds awesome. Your real life sounds like mine minus the job. Ha!

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    1. Kate - Really good to see you! I haven't had a chance to read any of the other offerings yet (just getting off of work, ugh!). Looking forward to it! Yes, life is boring at times ... but at least it's life! The alternative could really be boring! lol Many Thanks!

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  2. I love the idea of painting the morning sky! If my ceiling was painted like the evening sky, I would totally fall back asleep until nighttime! Thanks for linking up with #FTSF this week.

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    1. Dawn - Thanks so much for stopping in! I've often thought about painting the ceiling, usually when I'm in bed looking up. By the time I make up my mind, I'm asleep. So many projects ... so little time. lol Many Thanks!

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  3. Hahaha! I love the way you've done this. Aaaah...to dream, hey? I dream all the time - nothing wrong with it, otherwise I think we'd be pretty boring. Thanks for the laugh this morning...happy Friday Rich! :)

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    1. Melanie - Really good to see you here today! Glad you liked this one. It was the only way to tackle this one. If a janitor can be called a maintenance engineer, then I can envision a few changes too! lol Have a great weekend, my friend! Many Thanks!

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  4. I love the dream idea and seriously could come up with a ton if it was a dream. And you still never answered the question, "who do you love more?" Sorry, I couldn't resist!! Have a great weekend and thank you as always for linking up!! :)

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    1. Janine - Just can't leave well enough alone, can you? Now, the cats are all worked up again! lol Good to see you! Wait till I tell the kids you're thinking of hiding the Donald doll again! hehehehehe! Enjoy the weekend with the family and take some time off! Many Thanks!

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  5. Well that was one finished sentence! Can I come live in your day?

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    1. Cheryl - See, I told you I ramble somewhat! lol You're more than welcome to come spend some time with me during my day. I'll even have them bring an extra chair down to my desk. I think we can just squeeze it in by the incinerator. I'll even share my salami, swiss and wheat bread sandwich! : ) Many Thanks!

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  6. Can you come paint my ceilings? Different in every room, so on days that I want to sleep in I can sleep in the dark and stormy room but days that I think it is supposed to be spring I can wake up in garden of flowers.

    Have your cats forgiven your cousin yet?

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    1. Kerri - I'll get to your ceilings just as soon as I finish mine. As my wife loves to say, "Don't hold your breath." (Sometimes she knows me too damn well!) Like I tell her back, "You can have anything you want on the ceilings. Just lie back, close your eyes, and use your imagination!" That's usually when I get her evil stare. Kind of like the one you're giving me now! lol No, they haven't. I'm afraid as wonderful as I think she is, the cats aren't quick to forget. I'm going to have to go out and get some expensive cat food and tell them she sent it as a make up gift! :) Many Thanks!

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  7. I love this dream life thing! (Oh, and I loved the cat eunuch part, too, haha!) So, tell a gullible lady the truth- you didn't really paint your ceiling, huh? You had me going, until you got to the breakfast part and the rest of your day. Now I want some eggs, bacon, and pancakes.

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    1. Stephanie - Good to see you again! That was actually an old joke I wrote and performed on stage years ago. It seemed to fit here, lol! And, "no", I really didn't paint my ceiling. I've managed to paint the kitchen once in the 20 years we've lived in this house. I figure I might get to the living room in the next ten, and if I'm still alive, the hallway in the next ten. The next resident will have to get to the bedrooms. :) I love breakfast food ... for dinner. I hate eating first thing in the morning. Puts me back in a sleep mode. So, one cup of coffee and I'm done until around 2 p.m. However, fix it for dinner and I'm all for it! My wife thinks I'm weird. Actually, I think she knows it for a fact. Many Thanks!

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  8. I flirted with the idea of making my life sound that fabulous, but you did it much better than I would have! ;-)

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    1. Sarah - Really good of you to visit! I thank you for the compliment, but don't doubt your talents in the least. I'd love to read your version of your life (as seen through "fabulous" eyes). All you have to do is let your mind go and your fingers type what you visualize. I plan on visiting your blog again very soon. Remember, I only read those I feel have stories to tell, and tell them well! : ) Many Thanks!

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  9. You totally crack me up! My dad wore Royal Copenhagen, I always loved it. We all know you are actually an international spy masquerading as a regular guy masquerading as an international spy.

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    1. Jen - Good to see you here! Glad you enjoy this stuff! I still have a couple of bottles left of Royal Copenhagen. I stocked up when it began hard to find (and the price came down to $15 a bottle, lol). You've seen through my cover. You must have been looking back to see if I was looking back to see if you were looking back to see if I was looking back at you! Just remember, Diet Coke on the rocks, 47 degrees, and don't you dare shake it! lol Many Thanks!

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  10. you know! have you ever tried to back up a Lambo? ...never mind parallel park it!* and the 737th Floor...too high (hey! you're old!! what was the Rolling Stones song that had some kind of reference to the floor of the building that they were living in? or working or something... speaking of old, lol no! that was a case of topic enhancement!! it was definitely not losing my train of thought...

    fun



    * neither have I, but don't tell anyone....

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    1. Clark - Really good to see you, my friend! Actually, when I was managing a radio station decades ago, we were loaned a Lambo for a week's promotion. And yes, I drove it that whole week. This one though, didn't have a reverse gear. After having to push it out of a parking space the first night, I called the store the next day and had a stuck up salesperson tell me, "Lamborghini's are meant to go forward, very fast. If you want to back up, drive a Ford." lol And, Clark, about this rambling thing ... I see you're catching it, too! Remember, first the Geritol, and then the Bromo Fizzies, not the other way around! :) Many Thanks!

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  11. This was great. I knew you'd be a smart ass. :)

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    1. Julie - Me!??!?! A smart ass?!??!? My dear, how could you ever make that assumption? I simply relate my life's tales in a less than formal format, in the stylings of .... well, who the hell knows? Okay, okay, I'll accept smart ass! lol Glad you enjoyed! Many Thanks!

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  12. Adunno - why is the water bed not better than the King size? Surely on that point at least, real life trumps?

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    1. Considerer - Really good to see you here! Actually, I still enjoy my motionless waterbed. It's lasted over 20 years, but there's nothing like the warmth it provides on a cold Winter night. I do miss my King size one (mine is now a Queen) as my wife has the King in her room. Yes, there does come a time in life when my wife's snoring created a need for separate bedrooms. Btw, never get a nose job. They might help the looks when one is young, but as the years go by, they create hell with sinuses and snoring problems. She learned the hard way. I'm glad to see someone still understands the benefit of sleeping on water. You're very astute, and graciously open minded! Many Thanks!

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  13. Your cats are very intelligent. Not that I'm ever surprised to meet an intelligent cat. I love the vet's planned parenthood program. That is awesome. And I totally get that your cats are like your kids. Only better behaved. And cleaner. I love cats.

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    1. Katia - You just made two more bestest friends. Both Faletame and Gabriela are saying, "Hey, this lady's got it together!" :) I became a cat person years ago. I'll argue with a dog owner all day about which has the greater intelligence. The things my cats have done at times exhibit they are indeed superior. Gabriela even guest wrote on my blog for a month in February! lol You've proven yourself to indeed be a person of great taste! Glad you enjoyed this post. Many Thanks!

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  14. Did you apply the cologne as directed or drink it? :) Hubpages...what the heck is that?

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    1. Terrye - Good to see you again! Actually, Royal Copenhagen is so rare anymore that I would only apply as directed. It's been my favorite for about 15 years or more and is no longer being produced. Weird though, Faletame will sometimes perch his head under my chin, and before you know it, start licking where its been sprayed. Gotta get him to liking gin! lol Oh, and HP's? I think it's that place where people store articles they've written that they don't mind having stolen and posted by others. At least, as of recently. :) Many Thanks!

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  15. "God I think I feel an allergy coming on!" Do you really love them both equally? Come on, you can tell us. I know you have a favorite. I totally followed the sky mind-thread. Do I get a prize? And how freaking cool is it that you painted a sky on your ceiling! Can you come paint my son's new room? He'd like a sky on the ceiling and airplanes flying all around. And a firetruck. And maybe a helicopter.
    Oh and 117 field goals is SO IMPRESSIVE.

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    1. Kristi - Good of you to visit! I'll be reading yours (and everyone else's) tomorrow, for sure. I'm just working crazy hours right now. As far as a favorite, No, I really can't say I do. Faletame is really close to my heart, as I've had him from his kitten stage, but Gabriela has changed so much from the wild cat she once was to a love craving tubbie, that they both mean the world to me. Sorry, the painted ceiling was part of the fantasy world portion. Do what I do, use the imagination to fantasize whatever you wish on the ceiling. It's cheaper and requires so little work to maintain! Always appreciate the comments! Many Thanks!

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  16. Hi such fun to read about you AND the cats! I'd love to have just ONE cat of my own, but it's not allowed around here, so I will have to continue with my lonely life! As usual I loved your post, your writing skills are fantastic and your imagination is worthy of a first class novelist. Thanks for the enjoyable read! See you soon!

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    1. Joan - Good to see you! That's terrible ... not being allowed to have a cat, that is. Sounds worse than a prison! Faletame thinks he knows a way to smuggle one in, if you'd like. He's pretty smart, so it just might work! Again, your words are only too kind. I'm glad you enjoy these pieces. Many Thanks!

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  17. Fun stuff, Rich. I love your black kitty, Gabriella. I still say my Pepe would fall head-over-heels, especially if she had a white stripe down her back. haha.
    As for a "day in your life" well...when you sell the lamborghini, I get first dibs on the 10% you want to donate to charity. HAHAHA. And I'll put in a good word for the cops, too. I'll be especially sure not to mention "glazed" and "dazed" LOL
    Fun post and I love your kitties!!

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    1. Cyndi - Really good of you to stop in! Gabriela is interested in meeting Pepe, but the white spots are on her stomach ... not her back. Her comments were, "Damn, ass backwards again! The story of my life!" lol If I ever get a Lamborghini, and decide to sell it, you can have 10%. (Don't hold your breath though, by telephone bill has to be paid first!) :) Glad you enjoyed this! Many Thanks!

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