Friday, January 11, 2013

Finish the Sentence Friday Blog Hop #2


  

So, I've been away for a while.

I've been wallowing in self pity, depression, and a wasteland of ridiculous time wasting activities.


"God, why did you ever let Hostess go out of business!  
I miss Twinkies so much!"

Anyway, time to move on.  Life must continue.  

I've found sourdough pretzel bites to replace Twinkies!  I'm good!

Speaking of a wasteland of ridiculous time wasting activities, I'm participating in one developed to help one spread guilt and shame for past activities.

It's called, "Finish the Sentence Friday Blog Hop." (Hence the title of this post, just in case you skimmed over it too quickly to notice.)   In this activity, we are supposed to finish a sentence with real life activities we have experienced.  (Can you say it was developed by the cult of Sadists Supreme, children?)

Today's sentence to finish is, 


“One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…”
So, in the air of good sportsmanship and group cohesion, I will parade my insanity that has aspired to be held within the hidden portals of my demented mind and release this unto all of ye at this time.  I could simply re-release yesterday's example of what not to post in a blog (which has been deleted after several comments proved the intended humor was not there), and go back into my hole.  Yet, I'm basking in the rays of an afternoon sun after drowning in the torrential morning rains we sustained, so I'll not go there.  Instead, let this be my offering:
One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was to drink Jagermeister for the first time while onstage performing stand-up comedy.
Now, let us first remember this took place over twenty years ago.  I'm much wiser now.  (Like I'm really proving it by telling this story!)
Now, we all know that comedians drink onstage ... right?  Well, most don't.  It's a myth.
I used to take one drink onstage, and then the bartender was under direction to send up club soda and lime for the rest of the show.  Any professional recognizes quickly that alcohol will dull your senses.  When you're doing your best to be witty, and handle drunks that love to heckle, you need to be on your toes.  So, drinking is a taboo to a professional.
However, one night, during a particularly good show and tremendous audience, a customer sent me up a couple of shots of Jagermeister.  Now, if you don't know, this is a 70 Proof German drink that tastes slightly like cough syrup, but will give you an almost immediate buzz.  (I found this out after guzzling both shots in record time.)
Within five minutes, another waitress arrived onstage with four more shot glasses of the liquid refreshment.  They, too, found immediate refuge within my spotlight drenched body.  This was followed by four more, and I believe, four more after that!
I really don't remember the rest of the evening.  However, upon arriving at the club the following night, the owner pat me on the back and congratulated me on getting the audience laughing so loudly.  He'd never heard them roar as they had the preceding evening, or so he said.  In fact, he'd never seen a comedian lying on his back, onstage, laughing so hard right along with them! (No, I don't remember that either!)
Apologies would have normally been given, but since he only presented praise, I simply said, "I just hope I can do the same tonight."
When introduced, I ran to the stage, did my standard opening bit, and appreciated the benefits of having another great audience on hand.  
Then, from the back, a voice rang out,
"Hey, you gonna get drunk like you did last night and piss your pants again?"
As Paul Harvey would have once said,  "And now you know the rest of the story."

29 comments:

  1. Oh God! Oh man! You had like 14 of those things! I would have keeled over at 2! HAHAH.
    Dang! What a night that was and thanks for letting me giggle and your expense. ;)

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    1. Cyndi - There are things in life it is better not to remember. I'm just glad I don't remember the first evening's events taking place. lol I was never much of a drinker, so the Jager definitely did its job, quickly. I have yet to ever taste it again. Perhaps, I need to buy a bottle! : ) Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  2. Wow, Richard. I am with Cyndi and two would have been my downfall and limit. Thanks seriously for sharing this one and am linking it to the linky on my page for you :) :)

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    1. Janine - You have to remember, I inhaled these as quick as they were arriving. I think the audience probably was able to see what affect it was having on me more than I was. Four of them took me probably a minute and a half to down at the most. Stupid, but, you only go around once! lol Thanks for commenting and assisting me with the linking!

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  3. Oh my gosh! Hilarious! Kinda reminds of a drunk Sheldon moment!!! (If you're a Big Bang Theory fan you'll get that. If not, you should become a Big Bang Theory fan!!!)

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    1. Kat - So good of you to visit! I've watched the BBT once or twice, but really have a hard time with network television. What I've seen I've enjoyed. I might have to pick up the DVD collection so I don't have to watch commercials. lol Glad you enjoyed this! Many thanks!

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  4. Oh no! That was a fantastic story, and I loved the Paul Harvey ending!

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    1. Stephanie - Really good to see you here! My apologies for being absent as of late. I'll do my best to visit your blog much more often. I'll probably do a better job of remembering that than the evening of Jagermeister, for sure! : ) Thanks for stopping in!

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  5. LOLOLOLOL! I was NOT expecting the ending! OMG! Too funny!!! Definitely embarrassing! And I can't believe you drank that much and didn't DIE! Thanks for linking up! That was awesome!

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    1. Kate - Considering the size of the audience in the club was only about 250 people, I'm surprised the original story didn't make the National Enquirer at the time. lol I guess if I'd have had some jokes about little green men and anal probing it probably would've hit the front page. I never thought I'd live it down, and still don't believe I will. Yet, tis the task of a comedian to make his audience laugh! The lengths we go just to perfect our trade sometimes are beyond idiocy. Glad you enjoyed and thanks for tweeting!

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  6. Oh my... and I really wish I would have been there to see that one. Is this really a true story? But I have to say... I would have totally been captivated! :)

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    1. Stacy - I would have gladly changed places with you, believe me! I always enjoyed having fun with the audience, and have many tales that could be related, almost as embarrassing ... or stupid. Like backing up and slamming myself into the fake brick wall behind the stage, only to find a nail sticking into the back of my head where they used to hang pictures on it. (That required six stitches.) Or, the time I was picked up by an "older" gentleman and his bodyguards after previously making jokes about how much a young man in the audience looked like a hit man (turned out to be the older gentleman's nephew) and the events that took place. We won't even go into others. : ) It was a fun life, but required much time away from my family. Glad you enjoyed!

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  7. Oh boy...now THAT's a good one!! I haven't had jagermeister in many years...I think I'll stay away from it for good after reading that story.:)

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    1. Emily - Moderation is the key, or at least that's what they say. I was never one to listen, obviously. It was kind of one of those moments you wish you had back, but then you say, "So what, I'm still around to talk about it!" Although it is really not a story I tell often. Glad you enjoyed!

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    1. Julie - A good comedian can always get themselves out of the situation. I think I responded with, "Not tonight, but now that you know what Jager can do, you're welcome try it for yourself! And while you're at it, don't forget about the bucket of warm water to put your hand in when you go to bed tonight!" That led to a discussion of camp tricks one pulled on others, and the topic never came up again. I wonder how Jager would be in a German Chocolate Cake? lol

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  9. Rich, I don't know if you've seen Sadder But Wiser's post for the blog hop today, but she has the PERFECT meme for your post at the very top of her page. Hilarious!

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    1. Kate - I just read her Walmart episode and agree about the meme. Maybe I need to seek those out from time to time! lol

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  10. Well as long as you made them laugh I guess it was all worth it, huh? What a great story! I am loving this link up... will definitely have to participate next week! Just found your blog and I'm excited to get to know you better. Hope you don't mind if I follow along...

    newest follower :)
    bonnie
    thelifeofbon.com

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    1. Bonnie - Really good to meet you! Glad you enjoyed this tale of woe and embarrassment! You have a demented sense of humor ... which I admire greatly! : ) I'll definitely have to check out your blog in the near future. Thanks much for the visit, and for the follow!

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  11. I believe Satan invented Jagermeister. UGH! When Mike was working as a trail guide in Anchorage, he became friends with all the DJs from the local country station. One night, we were all out partying at one of our favorite bars. Someone bought a bottle of Jagermeister for the ladies. I can honestly only remember the first 3 shots. The rest of the night is a blank. But Mike said he really enjoyed the hourly trip out to the truck for a little 15 minute rendezvous.

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    1. Terrye - You may very well be right! Satanmeister might be a much better name! lol I'm just waiting for some murderer to say, "I can't remember anything I did. I'd drank half a bottle of Jager, and the rest of the evening's a blank!" If any members of the jury had ever indulged, they'd have to understand he wasn't responsible for anything he'd done. lol Thanks for stopping by!

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  12. Hmmm, that completely blows my embarrassing story out of the water (which I didn't get to do this week again for the FTS...aarrg!). LOL. Loved your comment to the question...quick thinking! :)

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    1. Melanie - Sorry to blow your mind, as it is such a terrible thing to waste! lol I'd planned on reading many of the stories yesterday, but have had many internet problems since. Will do my best to catch up and comment! Many Thanks!

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  13. great Post...
    Love the 'view from' the stage! The idea of performing and responding to an audience that is 'having a great time', knowing that you are the cause/the focal point of all that attention... very cool. There is such a critical balance point to them having fun as *your* audience and the crowd suddenly donning togas and raising their thumbs up or down...lol

    (had a couple of similar experiences ...I agree, sometimes much more fun to remember that to actually be in the middle of at the time!)

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    1. Clark - Good to see you! It was always my wish for them to have a great time. One never owns an audience, as that type of attitude will quickly prove itself dangerous when they turn against you (I learned that early on in my career, embarrassingly to say the least). lol Thanks for stopping in!

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  14. ha ha ha.... lol now that's funny! I love Jagermeister!! Although, I can't drink more than 2 shots or I'll pass out lol. Great story!!! I'm still laughing!

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    1. Melissa - Glad you enjoyed my misery. lol Twas in a past life, for sure. Now, I'm calm, cool, and collected (whatever that means). I'm using my brain for things much more important, like writing embarrassing blogs for free. Sometimes, we never learn. : ) Many thanks!

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  15. Finally, I've found your blog and congrats for being nominated as Most Versatile Blogger and dubbed this site as Humorous Blog.(You always exudes happiness even in a very unruly situation.)
    You can also include my blog on your list.
    It cannot equal your expertise but I'm trying to make it visible at Search Level..:)

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