Saturday, December 29, 2012

Let It Snow ... Let It Snow ... Let It Snow (You Sadist!)

Okay, I know it's not like blizzard condition snow,
but still, it's more than we usually get in KY.
My Ridgeline needed washing anyway.

I awoke in my recliner this morning as my wife hit my foot on purpose with her knee.

No, she doesn't think I know she's a vindictive bi...., er, wonderful woman.  Yet, I know she was upset seeing me sleeping there as she was preparing to go to work.   So, purposely, under the guise of inadvertently, she hit my foot extending beyond the foot rest of the recliner with her knee.  Of course, you already knew that since I mentioned it in the first sentence.  That is, unless you didn't read the first sentence.  Of course, if you didn't read the first, why would you be reading this one?

Anyway, after she woke me up, I arose, went to the window, and saw exactly what I expected.  I had an inkling what might be there, having only gone to sleep in the recliner a few hours before.  In fact, I purposely went to sleep in the recliner (as discussed in sentence one and paragraph one, too) so that my wife's vindictiveness would again show itself, and would wake me for a purpose.  

I almost feel like I'm double talking myself.

Only a few hours before, I had looked out the window to see our first snow of the year falling.  (Did you ever wonder why they say it's "falling?"   Have you ever seen it come out of the ground and rise up into the sky?)   Anyway, I'd glanced over to her car to see it was beginning to get covered in the frozen white droppings of angel spit.   (I used to have an aunt call it that.  It had a much greater affect to keeping us youngsters from eating snow than simply calling it "yellow" snow did.)

I figured if I slept in the recliner, my wife, as dependable as she is, would be aggravated that it had snowed and that she would have to get her feet wet walking to the car, and then having to scrap the snow off of it, and then wake me up so that she could share her anger and start my day off wonderfully.

That's just my wife!  Not knocking her ... just being honest.  She can be a true bi ....  er, wonderful woman at times.   She just likes others to "share her pain."    I know it's better to give than receive, but she carries it one step too far.

"So, she's at it again, huh?  
I'm glad she's your wife and not mine!"
Well, I knew that I was going to surprise her and go out, shovel the walk, and scrape the snow off of her car for her, but she didn't.   She continued to huff and puff around the house, shutting draws with the force of a jet thruster and doors with all the stealth of a wild bucking bull in heat!

As I was getting out of the recliner, Faletame stopped his snoring and said, "She's at it again, huh?"

"Yeah, she is.  You know how she likes to hide her feelings."

Gabriela barely opened her eyes and asked, "Are you two talking about me again?  You know you don't want to get me all demonized at you!"

"Look, it's not even light yet!  It's still dark!
A girl needs her beauty sleep!
Keep her QUIET!"
"Go back to sleep, girl.  We're discussing the true Bi...., er, wonderful woman of the house."

"Oh, her.  Yeah, she woke me up with all that drawer and door banging, too.  You'd think you humans could control your feelings a little better than that."  she yawned.

Faletame joined in, "Damn straight!  She's about a calm as a hurricane meeting a tornado and having a litter of earthquakes!"

"Hey, that 's my wife you two are talking about.  How'd you like me to give you no name brand cat food tonight instead of Little Friskies?"

Faletame's eyes opened up wide, his ears popped up and back, and he started backtracking, "C'mon Rich!  You know I was only kidding!  You guys are the best!  I couldn't ask for better owners!"

You had to be there.  

"Please, Rich ... I'll be good!  Anything to keep from
getting no name brand cat food.  You know ... it's
like, my kingdom for Little Friskies!"
I shook my head and chuckled as I went to the closet and grabbed my coat and gloves.  Oh yeah, gotta get off these slippers and put on some shoes.  What the hell was I thinking anyway?

Finally, the task was done.  Her car was cleaned off of snow, all doors checked and found not to be frozen shut, and the walk cleared to keep her feet dry.   Sometimes, I surprise myself.

When I walked back in the house, things were somewhat different in tone.  Both cats were snoring, coffee was brewing, and my wife actually had a smile on her face.  

But, being her, she never apologized.  

See, my wife lives by the "Love Story" philosophy that "being in love means never having to say you're sorry."   At least that's what she says.

I think her philosophy is actually, "Be a big enough Bi..., er, wonderful woman and you'll always get your way!"

It seems to be working.

"So sorry you had to go to work so early today!
Be safe ... and come home in a better mood!"


  1. You are one good hubby Rich! And I KNOW your wife knows that because her smile said it all...even so, I'm going to try that "be a big enough, wonderful woman" strategy on my husband the next time it snows.:)

    1. Emily - Good to see you! I knew that if I went to bed, there'd be no way I'd get up, so the recliner was the answer. We are pretty close, and seem to be getting closer as time goes on. Strange, you'd think it would be the opposite. I'm sure your hubby will appreciate it as much as the cats and I do. Just be careful not to wake up the kids! Many thanks!

  2. I like your wife more and more. :) I can only imagine her side of the story. (chuckle)

    1. Terrye - There's times I believe you and my wife have been conversing! lol I really think she was originally ticked off because I was sitting in my recliner, that she claims first thing in the morning to eat breakfast and watch her soaps from the day before on the DVR. She'd rather me go to bed too, instead of staying up all night. C'est le Vie! : ) Keep on smiling!

  3. Oh Richard, I can relate to your wife and probably would have done the same thing. I truly was reading this and thinking wow that sounds like me. Can understand her frustrations, but you are so much like Kevin, because he would have done the same as you and probably been thinking the same about me, too!! Awesome post and very much relate!!

    1. Janine - You? A bi..., er, wonderful woman? Naw ... not you! lol I'd really do anything I could for her, whether she realizes it or not. : ) I just worry about how the environmental conditioning will affect Faletame and Gabriela when they get older! lol Thanks so for commenting!

  4. I guess very few of us are above being passive aggressive from time to time, eh?

    1. Stephanie - Good of you to stop in! That's what makes life interesting. lol How boring it would be if everyone was always the same. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. : ) Many thanks!

  5. Hahahah...oh my word. That really sounds like something I'd do depending on the day of month and how little sleep I'd had the night before. Thanks for the morning laugh with my coffee...I could relate!! Love how you brought the cats into it, and especially the last picture and caption. LOL!

    1. Melanie - So good to see you today! Now, I can't believe you'd ever get huffy! : ) The cats seem to be more and more a part of our life as they actually do react to different moods in their ways. I was actually aiming the camera at Faletame when my wife slammed a kitchen cabinet door, and the reaction was too good to pass up! lol And last night, I pulled out the old Playstation 2, and just as I was asking my wife if she was ready to play, Gabriela meowed, came running and jumped up on the sofa arm, settle into her prone position, and meowed again as if to say, "Okay, I'm situated. You two can play your little game now!" It gave us a good laugh for sure. Many thanks!

  6. hey, I totally *love* the snowy morning scenario!!
    It's the 21st Century's homage to the 'Hunter braves the elements to provide for hearth and home'. ("Honey!! where's my gloves? no! no way I'm gonna wear those...even if it is just to shovel the driveway!")
    Of course, for some of us, snow is god's way of saying... "look at how fluffy and white it is! you remember as a go ahead and shovel as fast as you can while the new neighbor watches...maybe she'll offer you a hot toddy. ...I'll see you in about twenty minutes. btw? loose the pink mittens, we have standards in heaven you know"

    1. Clark - Good to see you again! The trials and tribulations one puts himself through to be classified as an acceptable husband! I actually love the snow. It's the freezing cold that accompanies it that usually gets to me. What's sad about your scenario is that our new neighbors are two guys. I'm not going any further with that topic, other to say "hot toddy" may not be at the top of the list in this case. : ) Many thanks!

  7. Haha, I like Terrye's comment - wonder what her perspective is. LOL. But, you are too kind - it takes a good person to go out in the cold and clean off the car and get it all warmed up and unfrozen. Next time the cats do any, tell them they might have to use their warm bodies to de-ice the windshield. HAHA. Just kidding...I just love cuddling with my kitties. :)

    1. Cyndi - When I had my wife read this (as I always do) She looked at me and said, "So, you know my secret now. Big deal!" lol Of course, she then wanted to know if I was going to get up every morning and clean off her car. Some people just don't know when to stay quiet while they're ahead! : ) Oh, Faletame had a few choice words about your suggestion, that I'll restrain myself from typing. Let's just say Gabriela turned red after hearing them! Many thanks!

  8. sweet. You sound like my hubby. Although I would never act like your wife! AHAHAHAHAHA!

    1. Julie - I have no doubt that you are always the sweetest and kindest wife there could be. (cough cough) We all have our moments ... my wife just has more of them than most. lol After 32 years, I've grown accustomed to them. Thanks for stopping it!