Sunday, October 14, 2012

What Would You Do If You Were Invisible?

Even In My Earliest Years, I Could Make Myself Invisible,
But I Had A Real Problem Making My Shoes That Way!

"Have you ever wondered, if you had the ability to become invisible, what could you do to really have fun?"

Let's make this even more simple.  

Let's say that not only your body could become invisible, but so could the clothes and jewelry you wore.  In other words, you could be shopping in Walmart and see someone you really didn't want to see you there.  At the flick of an internal switch, "Flick", you're now invisible.

Does that make it simple enough to understand.  I'm really not using big words here, folks.

What would the top twenty things be that you'd do?  

Here's some suggestions.

1.  Visit the Health Spa and play with the speed controls of the treadmills being used.

2.  Enter the kitchen of your favorite restaurant and take a bite out of all the dishes awaiting the waitress to take them to customers.

Steal This While They're Watching
And See What They'll Use Next!!
3.  Go into a public restroom, reach over the stalls, and watch the people freak out as you steal their rolls of toilet tissue.

4.  Go into a church you didn't agree with and whisper demon dialogue from The Exorcist into the ears of the minister as he gave a sermon.

5.  Go to the Post Office and keep saying, "Next" before the slow counter clerk was done with his customers.

6.  Stand behind the cashier at the grocery store that always gives you a hard time and close her cash drawer as soon as it opens.

7.  Run in and out of a TSA metal detector at an airport with change in your pockets!

8.  Drive down the highway at outrageous speeds and look at the expression on the State Trooper that pulls you over and finds no one there.  As he walks away scratching his head, yell, "Why'd you pull me over, dumbass!"

You're Not As Innocent As You Look And You Know It!
Your Time Is Coming Soon!
9.  Wait until your neighbor opens the door to let out their endlessly barking dog and rush at them barking, growling and snarling madly!

10.  Take a shopping cart down the aisles of your favorite grocery stores and bump the 400 lb. ladies, shuffling along in flip flops at .000234 mph.  When they turned around, bump their tails with the cart again and start laughing wildly!   

11.  Go to McDonalds, and every time they flips the burgers, flip them back over. 

12.  Attend a Bingo Parlor game and scream "BINGO" every time a number is read.

Put It Back Now!  You Don't Need To Buy Anything Else!
13.  Attend the funeral of someone you never liked and close the lid of the casket over and over each time they open it.  Then, when they finally give up and decide to keep it closed, open it and growl, "I took all of you out of my will!"

14.  Follow your friends to a department store, and every time they put something in their cart, put it back on the shelf saying, "You know you don't need that.  What's wrong with you!"

15.  Board a jetliner, and every time the attendants try to push the drink cart, push it the other way, saying, "No, I swear they're not thirsty!  Leave Me Alone!"

16.  Drive your car to the convenience store, fill up with gas, grab a Slurpie, and go by the clerk saying, "If you won't take my money, I'll just have to leave."  

Mr. President!  I've Got Your Viagra!
17.  Enter the office of every Congressperson and tell them if they don't do right by the people, you'll be back to painfully castrate them.

18.  Go into Lady GaGa's dressing room and every time she reaches for her costume, jerk it away saying, "No, not until you lose weight!"

19.  Stand by your mailbox and every time the postman tries to put a bill in it, push it back out at him.

20.  Stand outside the President's bedchambers one night, and just as they turn off the light shout, "Mr. President, I've got the Viagra Michelle ordered!"

These are only some random thoughts.  I recognize that some may sound mean to you, but what the hell, you only go around once.  I'm sure you have your own thoughts on this topic.  Feel free to leave them in the comments below.  The area's not invisible yet.  

Boy, I could have fun with that!


  1. That's a good start, RC! :)

    1. Go to Lotto headquarters and change the winning ping pong balls to my numbers.

    2. Go to the nearest DMV and when they are giving driving tests, sit in the back seat and yell things like "GUN IT, It's turning red!"

    3. Hang out at a bowling tournament and push the bowling balls into the gutter - no winners today!

    4. Find a carnival and throw all the stuffed animals into the crowd - EVERYONE is a winner today!

    5. Go to traffic court and when the judge gets ready to pass judgement, scream "GUILTY! Hang 'em!"

    6. Steal everyone's underwear at the laundry mat and put them in the truck of the sheriff's car.

    7. Tickle a sleeping person's ear. Giggle like a possessed fiend when they wake up and try to figure out who's doing it.

    8. Go to the gas station and turn off the pumps while people try to fill up their cars.

    9. Lock the doors at a 24/7 store. When someone unlocks them, continue to re-lock them.

    10. Take candy from a baby. muhahahaha!

    1. Terrye -
      For some reason, I can see you taking candy from a baby. lol I had thought of the lotto, but couldn't figure out how to screw with the machine. If we kept going, I'm sure you and I could hit 50 on this list without a whole lot of trouble! : ) Many Thanks!

  2. Richard, again you have outdone yourself here and truly just can't get enough of your humor. I think if I were invisible I would drive my husband crazy by telling him to do things that he hates to do and see if he actually would do them (kind of like gas-lighting him). Sorry may be sick and cruel, but would probably get a charge of it and could honestly see him doing that if the tables were turned. It is early here and sure I could up with more, but still not 100% awake yet, lol!! Great blog and keep them coming :)

    1. Janine - Sick and cruel is okay. Keep hanging out with us comedy people and we'll change you before you know it! lol Then, I'll turn invisible, and come to your house and watch the fun! Thanks for commenting!

  3. Thanks for the laugh this morning! My kids pretend to be invisible on a regular basis, sneaking past me in the kitchen to get snacks...
    My favorite on your list was messing with the people at the health spa and turning the treadmill up and down. Why do I feel like they deserve it?

    1. Amy - I like your kids. They have much potential! lol Health spa people do deserve it. Most act like getting in shape is all that matters and can't figure out that real people with real families don't have the time to go, or the money to flaunt out $200 exercise outfits. Let's make 'em pay! lol Thanks so for coming by!

  4. You just crack me up. I shared it on Google plus!

    1. Julie - Glad you enjoyed! Thanks for the share! : )

  5. I like your suggestions for the most part. I would add find the people who got on my nerves the most in high school and mess with them. Also, I would go to a bad restaurant and make it so they would close even faster. And rude and lazy people working in stores I would make them work even harder or just fire them.

  6. Alecia - Good to see you! I detect revenge in the heart. lol Good ideas, for sure! It would definitely be much easier to sabotage a restaurant, no doubt! I'd just like to find one eating lunch behind the counter and only leave the bottom bun. Many thanks!

  7. Hahaha! I've often had that fantasy...there's A LOT I'd do! This one had me in stiches..

    5. Go to the Post Office and keep saying, "Next" before the slow counter clerk was done with his customers.

    And here I thought only in South Africa were clerks at the post office slow. Thank goodness for email inventions!!

    1. Melanie - Good of you to visit! The Post Office is one of the most frustrating places to do business, especially during the Christmas season coming up. I think it's a prerequisite to be slow and unconcerned to get a job there. lol Glad you enjoyed this! Many Thanks!