Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Days of Wine and Roses, or Beer and Peanuts?

I am sitting here listening to the new Diana Krall cd.  I glance at the cover.  Diana is dressed in an outfit reminiscent of Christina Aguilera's stage costume in Burlesque.  Deep in concentration, a question from left field destroys my focus.  Why would Diana Krall ever marry Elvis Costello?  What could this beautiful and talented woman desire that Elvis could offer?  (I know I stated one question, but number two occurred while typing the first.)

That was not the way I had intended on starting my first blog.  In fact, grandiose dreams of something witty, comedic and memorable were the intent.  Yet, Diana Krall has drawn my attention away from writing.  Damn her!!

I have all of her cd's in my stereo room, along with over 6,000 others.  Why?  I'm obsessive.  I admit to the fact.  I'd like to own Diana Krall.  Just joking, she's  much too high of maintenance for me to deal with.  Elvis can go out on tour and get away from her periodically.  I'd be stuck answering her fan mail in my best Diana Krall impersonation handwriting.  I'd probably end up having to wear lipstick and kiss the glossy 8 X 10's that would be sent out to her fans.  I don't wear lipstick.  I have never tried wearing it.  I'm not afraid of what I'd look like with it on, but quickly tire of hospital care after having been beaten by a group of individuals that don't appreciate the way men look in lipstick.

Music and movies are the primary targets of this obsessiveness, but anything else can quickly be added.  I say anything, but must draw the line at number of wives.  One is sufficient, and has been for 32 years.  She's a bitch, but I'm tolerant.  I'm an ass, but she's tolerant.  It works out well. 

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Excuse me, Diana's drawing my attention again.  Her latest cd, "Glad Rag Doll", seems to be a collection of 1920's tunes.  Perhaps it is the 1930's.  I wasn't around at that time so either could be right or wrong.  If it bothers you, please feel free to investigate.  Sweating the small stuff is really not my thing.  But hey, whatever pleases you, go for it!

My first blog, how can I make it interesting?  I'm sitting here, thinking of all the great blogs I've never read.  Blogs about things that really matter... life, career, politics (scratch politics) ... making money by blogging... writing how to articles on Hubpages (scratch that, also)... Diana Krall.

Yes, Diana, so beautiful, so talented, so sultry of a voice.  Diana, my dream girl... or, dream woman as she has aged accordingly.  The feelings she installs into her voice when singing her emotional offerings feed the soul with fire.  Or, could is simply be a mojo?  Who cares?

My wife just had me to read to her what I have written.  The classic question, "Well, if you like Diana Krall so much, why don't you just go get her" was made.  I love my wife.  She's so naive.  Such a sense of false security.

For if I had my way, I would travel the world for the opportunity to meet Diana Krall.  I would seek out a chance meeting in which we could brush by each other and feel the warmth of the other's body.  I would inhale the enrichment of the air she parts and float amongst the clouds, avoiding jetliners and pigeons at every opportunity.  I would melt at her smile, swoon at her voice, and endear any time we could share.

Then, I would achingly leave her and return home.  My life fulfilled with fond memories of a chance meeting with Diana Krall.  I would look at my wife, the woman I love, and remember that Elvis can deal with the high maintenance.  I have the love of the bitch, and she has that of the ass.

What could be more romantic?


  1. lmao! ok, that was good, you ass! :)

    1. Okay, so it took me an hour. What can I say? 20 minutes was taken trying to figure out the settings and such. Glad you liked it! Especially after you stuck me with as little time as you did. lol Many Thanks!

  2. Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed this. I tried replying earlier but for some reason it didn't take. Hope my first blog didn't disappoint. TT stuck me by putting me in the award blog, so I had to come up with something. This was an hour's work. Thanks for the compliment!

  3. OMG! A side of you I have never seen before. I am laughing and looking at you with my eyebrows raised. your new blog :)

    1. I have always been somewhat restricted by rules and regulations on HP. However, a couple of my articles there do more than push the limit. The freedom now enjoyed without censorship can make for a more exciting writing arena. We'll just have to see what happens next. lol