School Murders, Pool Noodles, And The Real Twisted Story Of Christmas ... Ten Things Of Thankful Is Back!

This is the first week of my promise to keep my openings much shorter. This is being done to assist those of you with short attention spans.

God, I bet you never have read 

a full book, have you?

I'm going to be quick and short today.  I'm going to tell you a mythical story.  One, in which, an entire group of people have based a morality and life pattern upon.

So, without further ado, here goes my version of

"The Real Story Of Christmas!"

"Before the days of erection drugs, there was a man and a woman.  The man worked hard at his carpenter job and brought home a sufficient income to support his wife.  But, the man had a problem.  He couldn't get it up!

What Do I Have To Do To Get
You To Harden Up, Anyway?

No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get an erection for his wife.  It wasn't that she was bad looking (In fact, all the construction workers in the village used to whistle at her as she walked by!), but she was very demanding and intimidating.  These factors did anything but turn him on. Having been forced into marriage with her, the man quickly decided that she wasn't his type, but since divorce and alimony were yet to be invented, he was stuck.

More and more frustrated the woman became.  She used to pray to the Gods that a man would arrive in her life and take her to her wildest sexual fantasy.  Plus, all of her friends had kids. She envied them as she watched the older children clean house and do dishes.  Since a maid was out of the question, it looked like she'd never get any relief from doing all the housework herself.

Well, God, having seen the luck that Zeus had experienced with Hercules, decided that he needed a little nookie.  He dropped down to Earth and searched around a village for a while.  Seeing that most of the women were happily married and already with child, he sat down on a log and contemplated his next move.  That was when he heard a female voice praying.

"Oh, God, I need a man.  A man to drive me crazy with passion.  One that will make me feel like the woman I know I am.  One that will use my head to dent the headboard of the bed I now only use for sleeping!  God, where is he?!?!?"

Well, let's just say that God got pretty horny listening to this old time version of phone sex.  He went over to the well, soaped up his manhood so he would be clean if she was in to oral sex, and went to smooth talk the owner of the voice that had got his mojo rising!

Whatdaya Mean I Gotta Refinish The Bed?
And, How The Hell Did Those Dents
Get In The Headboard?

I could go into detail, but let's just say when the woman looked at the man with the rising robe in front of her, it was the answer to her prayers.  (And, yes, the headboard was dented that day!)

A few months later, things began to get difficult in the household.  The woman was obviously pregnant as she was showing most visibly.  Her husband, knowing that he hadn't tapped it, was upset over her being unfaithful.  And, all her friends, that knew about her husband's failing to rise  problem, laughed their butts off when she told them that God had been the one, and had even washed himself before going at it!

"Immaculately Clean Conception" they teased, over and over.

Well, one Winter's evening, the woman had enough of the crap from her friends and the attitude of her husband.  Packing her things, she was going to leave.  She had no idea where to go, but she was going to go regardless.

Her husband, tired of all of his friends ragging him about someone tapping his wife, was also pissed off.  He'd had enough, too.  So, since he couldn't divorce her (Remember, I told you above divorce hadn't been invented, yet.) he decided to leave the village, also!

Take The Piano, She Says!!!
Carry It Yourself, I Say!!!

Deciding it would be safer to travel together, they loaded up the donkey and headed off down the road.  After a few hours, they realized they'd made a bad decision.  It was damn cold outside!  Both wondered, "Why hadn't they awaited a nice, Summer evening to move?"

Finally, they reached a hole in the wall "burg" (Or, "lem" if you will.) and decided to stop for the night.  The woman was dilating, and the man didn't want to have to clean off his donkey if her water burst, so they stopped at every hotel there.  However, some rock band had thrown a free concert and all the rooms were taken.

At the last stop, the man grew frustrated and said, "Look, I gotta pissed off wife that's about to give birth to a kid out there.  If you don't provide me somewhere to stay for the night I'm gonna sue your ass off tomorrow!  Do you want that type of publicity?"

 Well, since a part time clerk was on duty at the front desk, he got scared that the man would follow through with his threat.  Fearing for his job, he told them there was a stable out back that they could stay in just as long as they were gone before the owner came in the next morning.

So, muttering, "This is El Toro Defecation", the man took his wife to the stable, where she gave birth, and later partied with the members of the rock band.  Good news was that the band members turned the man on to the drug induced glories of poppies, and he never had a problem with erectile dysfunction again!"

The rest is history.

(*I know, I'm damned for all eternity for that one.)

This Week I'm Thankful For:

(*First, the violent.)

1)  Taliban Cowards.  The Taliban entered into a school in Peshawar, Pakistan this week and started shooting randomly at anything that moved.  This included children between the grades of 1-10.  When it was over,141 lie dead, including 132 children.  

The World's Most Valuable Asset, Our Children,
Being Murdered By Cowards Afraid To Face
Adult Enemies With Equal Weapons.

I'm thankful for these Taliban Cowards that feel the need to display their bravery by shooting children.  (I was going to add "unarmed" before children, but c'mon, how many first graders are going to be carrying Uzis to school?)  I'm thankful because they display the sickness of the mind that the Taliban tries to spread.  I'm thankful because they do this throughout the world, unafraid to attack innocent and unarmed victims wherever they may be found.  I'm thankful because they constantly remind me that there are cowards in this world that use religion as only an excuse, and demonstrate that they serve no religious purpose whatsoever.  And, I'm thankful because they consistently remind me that there is no question that being on their opposition's side is the right thing to do.  

Terrorism is the most demented and cowardly act. To include children as victims is despicable and unforgivable.  (My only wish for Taliban operatives practicing terror tactics is that when you die, may all your 40 virgins be 40 year old men waiting to lose their virginity by entering a dead terrorist's tail end!  Merry Christmas!)

2)  Protest Jackals.  Forty-five were arrested in Los Angeles last weekend for destruction of property and malicious mischief.  There is nothing wrong with protesting when you feel something isn't right and protesting will help.  However, to use protesting as an excuse to rob, destroy private property and ruin the lives of those that have worked hard to succeed honestly should be dealt with in the harshest of manners.  Police, victims, and peaceful protesters need look at these individuals as thieves and treat them as such.  

Perhaps the quickest way to rehabilitate this type of scum would be the "eye for an eye" concept.  Steal once, lose one hand.  Steal twice, lose the other.  It may not change the attitude, but it would limit their abilities to do it again tremendously.  ("Hey, Anthony, grab that TV over there.  Oh, that's right, you can't grab anything, can you?  Oops!")

The Face Of A Coward And Common Murderer.
A Typical Criminal Mentality Blaming
Everything and Everyone Else But Himself.

3)  Sidney Terrorist / Jackal.  A gunman entered a cafe in Sidney, Australia this week, and immediately took those there hostage.  He did it in retaliation for the Australian Army's participation in the war in Afghanistan.  Of course, here was a man that had also written letters to the families of soldiers killed in battle naming their sons as "Hitler's Soldiers", and had been accused with helping a woman kill his ex wife.  (Oh yeah, this was a man that had it all together!)

Before all was said and done, three innocents were killed.  Luckily, so was the gunman.  I won't honor him by listing his name.  He's not good enough for that. However, if he searches hard in the afterlife, he may find the 40 virgins I discussed above in #1.   ("Hey, booooyysss!   Fresh meat!")

(*Then, the ridiculous)

4)  The Movie "The Interview".  What a way to get the public all stirred up wanting to see a movie!  You gotta give it to Sony.  Distribute a movie for Christmas release about the assassination of a North Korean dictator, get the North Koreans to hack into your network, and then tell everyone that you can't release the movie because the North Koreans will do something terrible to every movie theater the film is being shown at!  Sorry, Mr. President, but Sony is smart.  It wasn't a mistake.  There hasn't been a build up to a movie like this in years!!!  

First, have you heard of the North Korean terrorist network in the United States?  

That's what I thought.  Me either!

What Hype This Is ... Betcha It's
Released Next Year An Kills
At The Box Office.  Any Takers?

I'm not saying there's not a spy or two or three in the U.S. working for North Korea, but to consider every theater in the U.S. being bombed or attacked, simply because of showing a movie, would require a major tactical assault.  Unless Korean restaurant delivery boys are all members of this secret terrorist organization, I don't think there's much to worry about.  Unless the Korean Barbecue Pork explodes, of course. (Somewhere besides my stomach, that is.)

However, when Sony does release this film, what do you bet everyone will rush to the theaters to see what all the furor was about?  Okay, almost everyone ... I'm really not interested in another Seth "Whatever my name is" movie, as most have been aimed at those who want to see grown men get drunk and puke on the big screen.  (What I want to see on the big screen is a film about two young North Koreans that go to training for the terror network in the United States that shuts down movie theaters for showing movies about drunks puking!)

5)  Fat Cops.  Don't blame donut shops for all the fat policemen.  Nope, the country's

most obese professions are police officer, firefighter, and then security guard.  Riding all shift in a patrol car can be stifling for the exercise our bodies need.  Plus, you gotta know that the stress levels are way over the top, so there's a lot of nervous nibbling ... and drinking going on.

So, remember, if you're told to halt by a police officer, do exactly that.  Chances are, since many are obese, they won't be able to run after you and will use their pistols to halt your progress.  Or, if by some wild chance they do catch you, tell me you really don't want two or three of them flopping down atop you while they put on the handcuffs.  (And people wonder why there's so much "deadly force" used these days.)  

6)  Stevie Wonder.  At age 64, Stevie Wonder just had his 9th child.  He and his girlfriend named the daughter Nia.  Mother and child are doing well.

Now, nothing against Stevie, but there comes a time in life when having children is not the wisest thing.  What's the best that he can look for, 15-20 years with the child before he passes on?  If he's lucky, he might still be around when she graduates from college.  But, how will he relate to her and what's going on in her life along the way?  Things are much different than they were back then, and it's tough enough for younger parents these days to relate.  Oh, she'll get her share of his estate when he dies, so that's something, I guess. (There are times one just has to stop proving he still has it.  Time to wear a condom, Stevie!  I just wonder if she was a Viagra baby?)

7)   Walmart Heart Attack Robbery.  In Lake Wales, Florida, two men entered a Walmart.  They loaded up a shopping cart with a motorized Barbie car, Barbie glam vacation house and a Leap Frog tablet and made for the exit.  Suddenly, one of the men grabbed his chest, fell to the floor, and started proclaiming he was having a heart attack.  With all the attention towards helping him, the store staff failed to notice his friend rolling the shopping cart out the front door.

They might have gotten away with it all, but the friend drove to the front door to pick up his friend.  I guess someone wondered how he knew his friend was having a heart attack if he'd been in the car waiting for him, so they went back and looked at security videos.  Yep, that's when the whole crime unfolded in front of their eyes.

Words to the wise.  Confucius says, "If you fake heart attack in Walmart, don't give real personal information to store staff and don't have friend pick you up in car via ESP invitation.  Oh, and make sure your friend puts the items stolen in the trunk instead of the back seat of car where everyone can see them.  Otherwise, your new cellmate may give you a Christmas present you'd rather not have!"    Sounds like an 80's Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor movie, doesn't it?  Duh!!!

8)  Divorce Pays.  Bruce and Kris Jenner have signed all divorce papers.  When it becomes final in March, Bruce "I'm an old Olympic winner and Cheerios box picture person" Jenner will receive over $2.5 million from Kris in March, when the whole thing becomes final.  

While Bruce will probably use his to have more bad plastic surgery done (*See Before / After Picture), there's been a new development in my household.  My wife has agreed to me replacing Bruce as Kris's next.  We could use the $2.5 million, plus, it would put me in a good position to tell Kanye West how lousy his rapping is.  Look for me in the future on "Keeping Up With The Kardashians!"   NOT!


9)  May I Have A Pool Noodle, Please?   In Kansas City, Missouri, a blind child was accused of raising his cane at other children.  Concerned that the child might injure another child, school officials replaced the cane with a pool noodle.  (See Picture if you're as dumb as I am and have no idea what a Pool Noodle is.)  

Of course, the child's parents could care less about the other kids, and are all upset over the matter.  As every parent wants to believe these day, the school officials are picking on their child who is innocent in every way, especially since he's blind.
 

Guess What She Does Next With The Noodle!!!

"El Toro Defecation!"  
When in the Hell will parents wise up?  A child with a disability is just as likely as any other child to "act up" and do something inappropriate.  Kids are kids!  In fact, any child that feels somewhat special, be it physical disability or other, might be just a little bit more prone to using that disability to get away with these type of things, especially if they get away with them at home.  

When I grew up, there were still youngsters that had contracted Polio.  One, in particular, was a wild kid that believed the wilder he behaved, the more he would be accepted.  I can't tell you the number of boys and girls that had their tail ends "goosed" by a crutch while waiting in lunch and recess lines by this kid.  (Made one never want to go to jail, for sure!)

Now, taking a blind kid's cane might seem excessive, but if he did the same things with it my memory brings back was done to us, it may save 20 sexual harassment lawsuits!   Besides, no one likes a "Christmas Goose." Or, do they?

(* ...and the real thing of the moment.)

10)  Christmas Spirit.  This coming week, Christmas will be taking place.  You don't have to be a Christian to appreciate the time of the year when people may just seem to be a little nicer to each other.  As I was walking in a store yesterday, a roll of wrapping paper I was lugging around under my arm (Yeah, I don't always get a cart when I need one.) knocked a box of crackers off of a corner display.  A man, of whom I have no knowledge of ever knowing, saw my hands full and immediately, without a second's hesitation, and without any request for pay, said, "Here, let me get that for you" and picked it up for me.  I thanked him and moved on.

I really don't give a damn about retail Christmas profits or movies being cancelled that were

scheduled for release on the most sacred day of the year.  In fact, I'm in total agreement with those that want stores closed on both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Profits only lead to more greed and less true meaning of the day.

This year, remember that Christmas isn't how much you get or give, but the feeling you have in your heart for others.  Christmas is a time when we need to step back and remember what we have and be thankful, instead of wanting more and more.  And, again, whether you're a Christian or not, remember there wouldn't be a holiday if it wasn't for the belief that Christ needed a special day to remind everyone to be good to each other.  It may or may not be his or her birthday for those that debate the topic, but it is the day that was chosen to be special in remembrance of such.  

Respect the day and keep it special.  As much as a pain in the ass your mother-in-law may be, grit your teeth and show her how good of a person you are by bringing her child back to her home.  If someone needs help, give it without desire of personal gain.  Smile at neighbor kids, and leave the feelings of shooting them with a BB gun out of it.  

Say, "Merry Christmas" to those you meet.  If they don't like it, so what?  At least you've let them know that it is special and important to you.  Maybe someday, when they finally get over how special they think they are and start to see that life isn't eternal, will come around and say "Merry Christmas" to someone they know.  

.     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .     .

To all my Christian, Jewish, Muslim, atheist and friends of other denominations, 

I do wish you a Merry Christmas.  I do so because I don't want to exclude you from the feelings of warmth those two words bring to millions in our world.  I consider a friend a friend and neither race or religion will ever change that.  If, just for one day, everyone in the world could feel the kindness those two words really bring, 

and remember that feeling year after year, 

we might just replace all the hatred that is normally present.

And, wouldn't that be nice?

Merry Christmas, my friends!

Can I Write A Shorter Blog? Hell no I can't! Here's Ten Things Of Thankful ... again!

See ALL TTOT Posts Here!!!!

Lighting up a cigarette, I sit back and contemplate about the kind and generous readers of this blog.

See, someone really does value you as a human being!

Lately, views have been way up, but comments have dropped drastically.  I know I'm strange, but I'd rather have it the other way around!

 So, what's my conclusion?  

I'm either tackling topics that are way too controversial for the average reader and I'm pissing a lot of people off, people are afraid to comment amid controversy, or people have just got better things to do than comment.

Perhaps it's a combination of the things.

I've tried to make my posts interesting, but in doing so, have somewhat narrowed the comedy and sarcasm down to afterthoughts.  Possibly, I've been so concerned about getting a message across that I've lost my sense of sarcastic humor!

The message is the medium is the massage ... 

unless you're in a Sweet Cherry's massage parlor.

(Then, you have Trixie's magic fingers!)

Once she gets out of jail!

No, I'm still the ass I've always been, but I've gotten more real as of late.  Instead of looking at controversy and stupidity and making fun of it, I have been putting on the boxing gloves and attempting to battle it ... and validate my actions while doing so.  My posts have become active instead of passive.  

Put 'em up ... Put 'em up!

For one to comment on an active posting, they generally either agree or disagree strongly.  On a passive posting, they don't have to be worried that their words may be taken out of context and may alienate their friends.  Thus, a silent "Goodbye" is the safest and easiest route to travel.

In addition, my blogs have become novels of sorts, at least for blogs.  The average Internet reader has an interest span of about 5 minutes.  Unless you're a speed reader (as I am) there's no way you've been able to read what I've written in that time allotment.  So, interest flies away, as does your reading, just about the time you get to the good stuff.

I really wanted that good stuff pie, 
but I've already had a piece of cake with strawberries!

So, in addition to shortening my writing, I must step away from the madness of the battle and become an observer once again.  That is, if I hope to ever see people commenting again.  There is reality all around, and many of us grow tired of the same old things being re-hashed day after day.  We see the circles that take place, the ignorance that rules, and desire to turn our backs away as we get to the point of having more than we can swallow.

We can only eat so much at the all you can eat buffet!

(Anyone remember Bromo-Fizzies?  Eurrrp!)

So, in the future, I vow to shortening up the beginning dialogue, keeping it more humorous / sarcastic in nature, and allowing you to finish in hopefully 5 minutes or less.

Do me a favor and take a speed reading course, please!

After all that, it is now time for TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL!!!!!  As we are getting close to Christmas, I may do a TTOT of true gratitude, and break the style I've presented for quite sometime.  I may look at the little things life has to offer and express my inner feelings about them.  Or, I might just surprise everyone and show that being an ass isn't necessarily a 24/7 job.

Nawwwwwwwwww!   

No one comes to my blog for that stuff.  

Lets get down to the dirt!

This week I'm thankful for:

While you're there, be sure to take a lot of pictures of
the great scenic tour you can take.  You'll spend
hours andhours showing these to your friends
 over and over again!

1)  Queens, New York.  Queens has become the number one vacation destination in the United States.  Queens offers a restored beach, plenty of shopping stops, and all the Greek food you can eat, as well as other types when you tire of Greek.  

I have lived in New York, but never have traveled to Queens.  It just didn't seem to be on the agenda, especially when I discovered Christopher Walken, Nancy Reagan and Howard Stern were from there.  I personally see no way that any major city could be the number one tourist destination, as most of the city dwellers do their best to get out of the city for their vacations!  But, who am I to argue with the Queens Chamber of Commerce?  (Raise too much commotion and we'll all be arrested and sentenced to view endless re-runs of Christopher Walken in Peter Pan!)

Now, tell me you didn't see a bunch of these
fighting the Empire's walkers in the beginning of
Star War's Empire Strikes Back!

2)  Real Life Laser Cannons.  The U.S. Navy, fresh over its negative publicity last week when female officers were filmed taking showers aboard a submarine, decided to blow that report out of the water this week by demonstrating its first laser cannon aboard a U.S. combat vessel.  Concentrated energy bursts cost less than pennies to the dollar in comparison of regular shells and ammunition.  

My God, people!  Instead of Star Wars, we have SEA WARS!!! 

R2D2 is a giant sized can of Starkist Tuna!!!!   

I can see next week's headlines:

WAVES AS SEX SLAVES?  ELECTRIC POWER IN THE SHOWER?

CHICKS IN FLICKS GET TICKED, FLICKS SWITCH, CLIPS SAILORS DICKS!

(Find a moral in that Mr. Peabody!)

I'll answer all questions as soon as I wake up and
tell you a story about a man name
Rip Van Winkle!

3)  Senator Carl Levin.  A revelation is heard in Washington!  Senator Levin, a Democrat from Michigan, let it be known this week that the nation may have been misled into attacking Iraq by the Bush Administration!  In this statement of delayed intelligence, the senator states that the head of the hijackers may not have met with an Iraqi Intelligence Officer in Europe, as this officer was in the United States at the time.  Of course, this was the incident that the Bush clan based their "let's go to war with Iraq" campaign.

Let's see, none of the hijackers were Iraqi,  Oops!   None had any allegiance with any Iraqi liaison.  Oops!  And, as we all know by now, the chemical weapons were all a hoax presented by the one "inside" man the Bush tribe based everything else on.  Still, it was essential we go to war there.

Nice to see you're finally catching up with everyone else, senator.  

You're only about 11 or 12 years behind!  

See what happens when you fall asleep during a session of Congress 

and no one wakes you up!  

Duh!!!!!!!

4)  Ebola.  What ever happened to this disease/ virus/ world ending plague?  Wasn't everyone running scared and forecasting thousands of deaths in every country in the world a month or so ago?  Then, Ferguson protests/ riots gained all the attention and Ebola was forgotten about!  

(Damn, the next time the news agencies start broadcasting doom and gloom stories, maybe we should remember every news story has shelf life.  After the expiration date, it will no longer be of any importance!  By the way, isn't it funny how Ferguson has been omitted for newscasts this week?  Guess that one's expired, too!)

If military personnel went to prison because of
this, why aren't politicians and CIA personnel
going to jail for what they've done?

5)  CIA Torture.  Please, don't try to feed us tales that the United States isn't guilty of torture tactics when your own report state otherwise.  Bush knew it was happening, Obama got information about where to find Osama Bin Laden from these tactics, and Congress knew they were paying outside agencies to perform these torture techniques.  We, the American public, are no so dumb as to believe otherwise.  (Well, not all of us anyway.)

Still, Obama tells us that we're not like this.  "Hey, Mr. President, we are exactly like this, as we've proven time and time again."  The only reason we're not being brought to trial by an international tribune is that we've proclaimed terrorists not to be official soldiers of war, so the rules of war don't apply!  Leave it to the land of lawyers to find a loophole.

True, our folks and citizens of our allies are getting their heads chopped off, literally.  But, haven't we always proclaimed that we'd never resort to those tactics as we will not sink to their level?  (Please, boys and girls, don't believe what the government tells you.  They've gotten damn good at lying.  They've had lots and lots of practice, and make enough money they don't have to worry about Santa's list!  BTW, Santa is reported missing as during his last visit to Congress he asked several politicians if they were good or bad this year.  There are some things we can only assume.)

6)  Bobbie Barnett Hancock.  Bobbie will take the award for the greatest procrastinator this week.  (Ah, a woman after my own heart!)  After her mother died in 1994, Bobbie stored the body in a casket in a storage locker facility.  It was her wish to send the body back to be buried in Alabama, but never got around to it.  Of course, this was only discovered when Bobbie put off paying rent at the storage facility and the casket and body were found by it's new owners.  (Can you imagine their faces when they opened the casket and found her?  "Holy shit!  Honey, could this be King Tut's wife Queen Butt?")

How could anyone put this off for as long as Bobbie did?  Damn, someone needs to help her remember "The Hearse Song" and get her to bury her mother.

7)  U.S. Government Budget.  The politicians are at it again!  Cut funding for anything good for the people and allow anything good for big business and Washington politics.  In the $1.1T Bill to be considered are the following idiocies, and a whole lot more.

1. Under the bill, campaign donors could contribute up to $1.6 million dollars each into political parties.  Currently, the limit is $194,400.  Whoever said politicians weren't in it for the money?  Of course, over a million dollar increase per donor would help the common man's power to get more and more things they needed ... not!   Whatever the donors want, the donors will get and the hell with the common man.  Not really much of a change, is it?
2. Let's give $21 million dollars to fix the leaky dome of the capitol. Now, my roof didn't cost anywhere that close to fix, did yours?  Since we are allowing all the illegal immigrants a home in our country, why not hire a few of their roofing crews to fix the dome for a small fragment of that and put the rest into school lunch programs.  (Oops, sorry, that would make too much damn sense!  I forgot the roofing crews they hire get the same $324 hammers that the military purchases.)
3. Did I mention school lunches?  Yeppers, I did.  This bill would ease whole grain requirements and suspend the lower sodium rules.  There's nothing like taking care of our youth in a crappy manner when money is to be made by the manufacturers that supply the lunches, is there?
4. Allows some pension plans to cut back on the amounts retirees were promised.  Sounds like the government and big business, doesn't it?  Work your ass off for them for a lifetime and then get screwed by them in the end.  Makes one recognize the true meaning of their threat, "We own your ass so you will do what we say!"

Nothing like liars, cheats and thieves to control your future income, is there?  This is your government at work ... to make money and an American Dream for themselves and Big Business.  For you ... well, how well do you take people giving you the bird?

8)  Christmas Scam.  (I actually have gotten these emails a couple of times so be wary.  They are out there!)  If you receive an email inviting you to have your child receive a letter from Santa DON'T DO IT!!!   Turns out not only will you be charged $19.99 for the letter, your credit card info will then be used to tap out your limit!.  Millions of dollars have already been lost, so don't find yourself wondering why you did something so stupid.  

If you want your child to receive a letter from Santa, write a letter, take them to a mall where Santa's at, and when they get off his lap, give them the envelope and tell them that Santa's elves brought it to you while the kids were on his lap!  (However, if you're just dying to have your credit cards drained of all monetary resources, simply send you credit card information to the address of this blog, and I'll be happy to take it.  I've really been wanting the complete Batman Blu-ray television series of the 60's, so I'll be awaiting that info!)

9)  Flu Shots.  Forget 'em this year!  There's a new strain of flu virus that is not at all put off by any of the drugs in the flu shots you'd be getting.  Unless you wish to make the CVS Liquor Stores ... oops, pharmacies, and other drug stores rich, spend your money on orange juice and chicken soup.  They'll do you just as much good.  Or, just get drunk like the rest of us.  You'll never even know you're sick!

I Am Iron Man!!!
Anybody seen a big snake?

10)  Eaten Alive By An Anaconda ... Not!   About a month ago, I wrote a piece on how a man was preparing himself to be eaten alive by an anaconda. I stated that it couldn't be done as the constriction would be too great for him to survive, and how his shoulders would be too wide for the snake to stretch his mouth around.

Well, this was the week that television land presented us with the program.  As predicted, the snake could barely get its mouth around his head, and the constriction strength proved too great for the publicity seeker to withstand.  

For those of you that thought I didn't know (even though I've had 30 years of working with snakes experience) what I was talking about, I forgive you.  Besides, I've probably already given you enough crap about it, so I'll be kind.

(Don't worry, this condition is only temporary.  After Santa decides if I'm a good or bad boy, I'll get back to my sarcastic ass personality.  I'm just waiting to see if he'll really bring me a Lexus or Infinity for Christmas.  That is, if he makes an appearance at all after questioning members of Congress!)

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *

Well, here we are again.  After stating I was going to attempt to write a shorter post, I have to admit I once again failed.  I appreciate your staying power.  Please comment below if you're not too worn out.

Many Thanks!

Ciao!

**One last note.  I know some of you that read these pieces on your phones can't see the videos I put in.  For some reason, that happens on Blogger, or so I've been told.  If I could do something about it I would.  All I can say is, "Sorry!"

Peter Pan, Cosby, Crocodiles, and Racism ... Ten Things of Thankful Returns

See ALL TTofT Post Here!!!!!

Okay, so I've been away for a couple of weeks.

I know, you never missed me.

Work obligations, physical malady, and mental conflict were the reasons, just in case you were wondering.

Yeah, I'm going for the multiple reasons here.  No need to be selfish.

End of month work obligations are always a pressure nightmare.  Last month, there seemed to be no answers, regardless of how much effort was made.  

I've developed bone spurs in my shoulder.  These created an inflammation of muscles between the shoulder and neck, which would have made a masochistic individual filled with glee.

The mental conflict?  This one's going to get you.

After all my writings to end racism and put the blame for the Ferguson incident where it belonged, I was called a word that really bothered me.  A person that proclaims himself to be a liberal called me a "racist".  

See, I wasn't aware that today's society looks at the word "thugs" as strictly being black.

(Talk about racism!  Claiming a word to be only for one race is so indicative 

of that in itself!  Some people, who need to check out world history,

have been listening to too much rap music for their educational needs.

It's time to look at life with an open mind instead of a closed one!)  

I grew up with stories of the thugs of the thirties (Bonnie & Clyde, Machine Gun Kelly, Pretty Boy Floyd, etc.).  The movies of the fifties, as well as television programming, called anyone that didn't respect the rights of others and used violence to get what they wanted a "thug".  Most of the time, they were members of a major gang that worked for a notorious leader.

Thugs ("thugees") in action.

I surmise (whether right or wrong), that "thug" is a derivative of "Thugee".  The "Thugees" were a group that traveled throughout India for six centuries.  They would gain the trust of other travelers and then use their own special technique of strangling them while they slept.  Finally, when that deed was done, they would rob them and move on.

One might see the correlation if they would open their eyes, instead of wearing blinders and looking for someone to label.

The old expression "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" had to be recalled many times in the last week.  Memories of arguing with my father about the rights all men deserved, marching for civil rights in Klan filled Indianapolis in the early 70's, and all the relationships and "best friends" I've acquired over the years, and to this day, that just happened to be black, Hispanic, and other, didn't give credence to the proclamation of racism made.  The accusation just didn't stand up.

So, I had to sit back and analyze the situation after eliminating the anger emotions brought.

• Are there people in the world that are so blind with hatred that they're simply looking for someone to label?  
• Are they so consumed by their emotions that they refuse to see facts and only look for excuses?  
• Have they completely foregone the concept of common sense and look to put themselves on a pedestal to sate their self righteous ego of being right?

Unfortunately, I came up with "Yes" as an answer.

FBI Report / Press Release
(May 12, 2014)

The FBI released a report on May 12th of this year.  It stated that in 2013, only 27 police officers were felonious killed in the line of duty.

Only 27.

Seven were killed in ambushes, five answering disturbance calls, and five in tactical situations.  Three more were killed investigating suspicious circumstances, three during routine traffic stops, and three more responding to robberies in progress.  And the leftover officer was killed as a result of investigative activity.

How many people that perform your career choice were killed doing their jobs last year?

We are seeing protests of police killing citizens.  Shootings, strangulation's, and other violent forms of enforcement are becoming more and more the norm.  The violence demonstrated against society is becoming the norm of those that enforce the laws against such said violence.

Only 27.

Oh, and last year's "officers dead" report was positive in that it showed a drop from the 44 killed in 2012.  Perhaps the violence and lack of tolerance the police are exhibiting is having a result.  Sad, but true.

Maybe running from the police and fighting with the police isn't a good idea.  

Thugs: (clockwise) Bonnie & Clyde, John Dillinger,
Machine Gun Kelly, & Pretty Boy Floyd.

Now, I don't personally care for the police.  I will admit to calling them "pigs" many times in my youth.  Long hair immediately brought their attention to you in the early 70's.  We were profiled as drug users, activists, and trouble makers.  Looking back, that description was fairly accurate even though we didn't care for it at the time.

Late in my military time, I became a member of the ship's Master At Arms force and wore a badge.  I considered it a good way to play the game and get to do things others (with reputations) couldn't get away with.  It worked!  Still, there was a time or two I was put into situations that forced me to perform in a manner my obligations required, instead of how I truly believed inside.  The badge just wasn't for me!

In the 80's, I had another shock.  It took a long time for me to get over the fact that a friend had joined the police force in a small Alabama town.  To see him in his uniform, gun dangling at his side, seemed somewhat hypocritical as he was one of the most devout Christians I'd ever known.  Butch looked at it as a way to help people in need ... not to bully.  Still, I saw the strain of the pressures an officer goes  through have a negative affect on his attitude and mannerisms.

Are there police officers that go too far?  Of course there are.  These should be prosecuted as they've forgotten the laws they are sworn to enforce.  There are also those that simply freak out when a situation gets out of hand.  They should seek other employment.

Have the police ever got it right?
This cartoon from 1898 doesn't seem like it.

There are good cops and bad cops.  Generally, they're are late to the scene of crimes, accept some crimes as "Oh, they happen this time of the year" and come on strong because they feel that's the only way people will listen to them.  Some even use the badge to get back at others as they themselves were picked on by bullies in school. That's why one should be smart enough not to do anything rash when dealing with them.  That's common sense.

Sad thing is, we live in a society where people are beginning to think illegal activity is acceptable, and law enforcement isn't.  We have people going back in time looking at many of the Old West lawmakers as being criminals, instead of law enforcers.  Hard times require hard individuals.  They got the job done regardless.  Standards have to be recognized as this is not a perfect world, but one filled with violence and disrespect for the law and those whose job it is to enforce it..

"Thugs" are as I described above.  They can be any color ... it doesn't matter.  If you can't live by the rules society lays down, then you are going to die sooner or later, either by someone on the street that is meaner and smarter than you, or by a police officer attempting to enforce the laws society dictates.  

Yeah, we're coming to the days of Judge Dredd, as police officers are beginning to realize that even though it may be honorable to die in the line of duty, it's still dying.  That is something they're planning on avoiding at any cost.  Be wary.

Only 27.

Now the question that's being asked so frequently, "Did he deserve to die?"  My answer is , "Possibly not, but I don't know.  I wasn't there to witness it.  Were you?"  


Unless one is present at the actual event, one cannot say if the suspect warranted fatal reprimand. (And, it's amazing how many false witnesses show up to an event that has drawn publicity attempting to throw the weight to their side of the issue.) 

It's Survival Of The Fittest In The Streets.
We are not animals, but acting from emotions, 
instead of fact, makes us no better than them.
When did the ability to reason leave society?

I, personally, don't feel as though anyone deserves to die without first being tried in a court of law.  However, events take place that require immediate decision making.  To the thugs and to the police, the streets are under the "survival of the fittest" law.  It's simply a matter of who walks away afterwards.

So, when I say I hold no sorrow for a thug of any color that dies while breaking the law, I'm not being cruel or racist, I'm simply saying that you brought your death upon yourself.  If your parents didn't teach you how to be an honest, working member of society and you feel theft, intimidation, and violence are the answer, then violence may indeed be your fate.  Not in the way you intended, but in the way society has mandated.

Ending the evil starts at home with proper teaching or right and wrong concepts.

That is not a liberal or conservative opinion that is narrowed by the blinders some wear.  It is not a racist opinion to be labeled as some feel the need to tag.  It is simply a fact of life.  It has been for centuries, and will be for centuries yet to come as long as we have those that break the law and those that enforce the law.  The only differences now are that since so few know and respect the difference between right and wrong, the masses will protest, and you're sure to have every act broadcasted as the television news agencies love sensationalizing any story that will draw ratings.  Yes, we are living in a dismal time where society continues to blame others instead of looking at themselves for the answers!

If Charles Manson and group were tried today, there would be protests 

because Manson came from a drug using, single parent home.  

We're becoming a society of excuse makers and blame shifters.

Remember, justice would never be questioned if someone didn't break the law.  And, if you live in a high crime area, be aware the police are more apt to be paranoid, as they are doing everything they can to lower their chance of becoming one of those labeled "killed in the line of duty".  Wouldn't you?

Racist?  Me?

Take Off Your Blinders And See All Around!

No, I hate to disappoint my accuser, but that label just doesn't fit.  I'm just one that doesn't wear blinders and looks at all people as members of only one race, the human race.  One that sees the world for what it is instead of what one's fantasies envision it to be.  A person that sees through the name calling and label tagging that is done by the ignorant, or fantasy envisioned.  Not perfect, but not blind to reality.  Able to look at all sides of an argument without preconceived judgments and allow facts to shine and emotions to stay where they belong.  

Grow up, children.  As long as division is the goal and labels are tossed around, working together as one force can never occur.  Communication, compromise, and understanding will work wonders if you will give it a try.  

Isn't that why we, 
as members of the HUMAN RACE, 
have a brain?

Now that my "rant" (I prefer to think of them as "clearing the air of El Toro defecation".) is done, let's take a look at the things I am thankful of this week.

(*I know, I get more and more long winded.  I'm just testing your stamina.  

Careful, I'll warn you in advance, there may be a test at the end of class!)

This week, I'm thankful for:

1)  O-Bam-Bam-A-Care.  Look out children, there's a 5% increase in premiums coming next year!  Nothing like "affordable" health care becoming even less affordable, is there?  What the hell, his term is on the downhill.  So what if you can't afford a doctor.  He doesn't need your vote next time anyway!

Bill Cosby.  (Since it seems to be
the thing to show pictures of
the accused in a younger,
more innocent setting, here's one
of Bill from 1969.  Now, is that
the jacket of a rapist, or
is that the jacket of a rapist?)

2)  Bill Cosby.  Remember the first Cosby show in the late 60's or the cartoons of the Cosby Kids?  How about episodes of I Spy?  If you're not that old do you remember the Cosby Show of the 80's?  Now, are you ready for the Cosby Porn series?

Bill is now being accused of bringing women home, giving them a mickey, and then raping them.  Seems he did it to about a million or so women, or so they claim.

I'm so tired of today's vigilante justice mentality of "Guilty Until Proven Innocent" that I could regurgitate Jello.  Suddenly, all these women are proclaiming they were drugged and raped.  Did he?  Who knows?  (I wasn't there, were you?)   If so, let the courts bring him to justice.  (I bet you won't see Cosby being shot if the police arrest him.  Any takers?)

3)  Charles Barkley.  I wonder if Charles has been reading my blog.  He said, almost word for word, what I've been saying since the Ferguson rioting started.  I've never liked his basketball analysis, but perhaps he's not as dumb as previously thought.  Then again, he did go to Auburn University.  (I had to say that as my wife is a die hard Alabama fan.)

4)  Crocodile Kills Ball Retriever.  In Johannesburg, South Africa, a man was killed while retrieving golf balls.  Wading in waist high water, a crocodile grabbed him and decided to take him bye bye.  (Another example of not thinking by being in croc infested waters t begin with! Aren't human beings wonderful!)  The body was later found with only teeth marks on it and no mutilation.  (Guess he tasted as bad as he putted.)

Sailors are known for this stuff.  Aboard a ship,
there is no girlfriend to visit at the end of the day.
Doesn't the Navy realize you get what
you advertise you want.  It's that simple!

5)  Unfit Sailor Behavior.  Three female officers aboard a U.S. Navy submarine found themselves on film.  Problem was, the films displayed them as they were taking showers.  The Navy is filing the incident under "violations of privacy" policies, while the women want it to be filed under the more serious "sexual" policies.  (Makes one wonder what they were actually doing in the shower, doesn't it.)  

Let's be real. At one time in history, it was said the Navy cooks added saltpeter to keep sailors from getting erections while at sea.  Put a group of men on a sub for six months and you're going to have something like this happen, if not worse.  It was bad enough being at sea and not having a female around. But, to increase temptation by putting women aboard a ship filled with horny sailors that haven't seen their girlfriends or wives for months is going beyond the human ability to tolerate and restrain!  Being in the battlefield is one thing, but being confined inside a sub for six months is another.  (Come on, Navy, stop the torture!  If the Department of Defense and Pentagon wasn't led by those that required Viagra to get it up, they'd have seen this coming long in advance!)

6)  Kia Rio, Jeep Compass & Nissan Versa.  Americans bought these cars by the thousands hoping to save money on gas and have a dependable ride.  They've now listed these three at the top of the "Least Liked" cars sold.  Make up your mind, America!  You get what you pay for, and with those selections, you don't get much.  Then again, Americans tend to live in a fantasy world in many areas.  (Cars purchased is just another area of stupidity they'd rather blame on the manufacturers than their own common sense, or lack thereof.  Duhhhhhh!)

Hell yes I was a party girl!  Where's the
party?  Why, up on the roof, of course!
And, "Yes", they are real!

7)  Jenna Bush Hager admits to playing around.  The daughter of George W. Bush admits to playing around (kissing) with her boyfriend atop the White House roof while her father was in office.  (Guess she figured since dad was screwing around at trying to be a President, she could screw around, too!)  With all the security cameras around, I'm sure the Secret Service got an eyeful.  (I'm betting her videos will come out about the same time as Cosby releases his X-Rated series.)

8)  Peter Pan LIve.  Hate viewers filled the Internet Thursday evening after viewing this show.  Many admit to being bored, hating the off key singing, and poor acting as their reasons to speak.  Others wondered why it wasn't on earlier for the kids to watch.  

Folks, this was "PETER PAN", not "CATS!"  You have a girl playing the main role of Peter (That just seems wrong.  You don't mention a girl and peter in the same sentence unless you're reviewing a porn film.), a man with a heavy Queens accent playing Captain Hook (Like all pirates were from New York City!  Pittsburgh is pissed!), and stoned stage crew members operating the wires.  What the hell did you expect for free?  By the way, there's a little thing on your remote that will change the channel, or haven't you learned that, yet?  (You should've watched the basketball game on ESPN.  TCU played their hearts out!)

9)  Jake Owen.  Country star Jake Owen cut off his long locks the other day.  (God, this is news?  That and $4.50 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.  Hurry, the prices may be going up!)

What do you mean we don't get a check?
You promised!

10)  Nazis On Social Security. 
 Yes, our government has been paying Nazis Social Security benefits.  It seems as though they offered them to bribe the Nazis to leave the country, and have been paying them for years.  They have finally voted in Congress to take away these benefits.

So, let me get this straight.  War criminals were paid Social Security benefits by our government to leave the country.  Why the hell didn't we just prosecute them?  Is it that it costs more to keep a person in jail than they'd receive in SS benefits?  Or, are we just a weak ass country that is afraid to open old wounds and bring them to justice?  

I know, let's use them as live dummies at the police academies throughout the United States.  That way, improper techniques used in detaining suspects can be fully explained by live (or dead) examples!  (There are things in our world that just don't make any sense.  Remember, these are the people representing you in government office!  Kind of makes you all warm inside, doesn't it?)

.     .     .     .    .   .   .   .

Well, if you stuck with me all the way through this one, I congratulate you.  I recognize it was way too long for many, but your patience will pay off.  How?  Well, you've done so well I decided that you didn't need to take a test, as I warned about above!

See, aren't you the lucky one?

Ciao!

Ferguson, Missouri ... A riot a day keeps intelligence away!

There was rioting in Ferguson, Missouri last night.  

Of course, many of those rioting were not from Ferguson, but they decided not to wait on the Black Friday specials and get their Christmas presents for free.

What timing!  

Some thought that it was a fire sale.  Trouble was, they grabbed all the merchandise out of the stores first and then started the fires.

Someone should teach them the difference.

Protesting has been a way of the world for centuries.  I hope it never comes to an end.  It is a way for voices to be heard, opinions given the opportunity to be formed, and forces governments to enact changes.

However, the advance threats of, "You either indict this police officer or we're gonna riot" are not protests.  They're demands.  Demands that were based upon so many falsehoods and fantasies that Walter Mitty would have a difficult time understanding them.

Still, there are some who desire violence.  Usually, they are those that have something to gain by the rioting.  Theft of merchandise, public notoriety, and even wealth gained from rebuilding could all be reasons to incite the crowds.  It cannot be vengeance, for they rioted in the neighborhood the shooting took place, instead of the area of the wealthy.  It has to be financial gain.

But, also, it has to be a total disrespect of one's brother.  If you're mad at City Hall, you simply don't attack the homes and businesses of those that stand with you.  That's foolish, disrespectful, and just simply downright ignorant!

And, yet, the rioting will continue.  No, last night's will not be the last.  Those that have no other obligations will find the time to stir things up and continue probably tonight, tomorrow night, and well into the future.  

Extremists love these activities.  White extremists feel as though they are indicative of the blacks inability to rationally think and blend into society as violence is common to all of their race.  Black extremists use them as the "Race Card" and continue to play the "White Society Is Evil To All Blacks" game, accuse every white police officer in the world of abuse, and think anyone that looks at both sides of the issue is a racist.

Both White and Black Extremists are ignorant, racist, and so emotional in their beliefs that they cannot listen or understand the other side.  We should put them all in a cage and let them fight it out to the death.  Then, whichever group survives that battle, gun them all down mercilessly.

Maybe then, the rest of us can live our lives in peace and harmony.

See, most people don't steal from convenience stores or attack police officers.  Personally, I don't care for the police as they get to the scene of the crime way too late and become defensive when questioned.  There are officers who were bullied in school and now use their badge to bully others.  

The Gestapo?  The KGB?  The TSA?  Anyone in authority is going to be pushed time and time again.  You have to leave "who you are" at home and become "what will control the masses" when the badge goes on.  If it were fun, all of us would want to do it.  

But, we don't.  We underpay them, avoid them, and tell them to do their jobs.  We call them names, hold them in contempt, and expand upon stories when discussing them.  We do our best to make them the bad guys for picking up our kids who are breaking the law and take them to jail for discipline.  Discipline they never got at home.

And, whose fault is that?

Ferguson, you have two options.  The first would be to continue upon your path and ruin your sons and daughters.  You are providing the role models for your children.  True, you may have come home last night with a new LED Television, but remember, your home may be the next one broken into and personal goods stolen.  And, it may be either your neighbor's kids or your own doing it if they follow your queue.  

Option Two would be to surprise everyone and stop the violence.  Work for harmony in a peaceful manner, making efforts to blend society instead of segregating it.  Work for a world where color doesn't matter.  After all, colors are only different shades of mankind.  

Key word: Mankind.

All of society needs to stop looking for excuses and blaming others for their woes.  The military has provided many a means to escape the ghettos of the world and mind.  Continuing education assists one in seeing that blame is only an excuse for failure, and not a reason for success.

Take the night off, Ferguson.  Tonight and every night spend at home with your family, teaching right from wrong, common sense techniques, and the basics of loving your brothers.  It may be the start of something new.  Something that can make your city a better place to live.  A place to be safe, raise kids, and prosper.

Take tonight and every night off, Ferguson.

Take the night off!